Chapter 83 ends in a cage, yet it also allows her to grow.
He abandoned the title "朕" (Zhen, meaning "I" or "the Emperor") and started referring to himself as "我" (Wo, meaning "I" or "I").
Mingying felt a chill run down her spine. His hoarse voice was like a venomous snake coiling around her. When she met his dark, jade-like eyes, her fingertips trembled and her almond-shaped eyebrows furrowed.
But soon, she clenched her fists, a fierce glint in her eyes, and met his gaze.
So what? She only drugged him, she didn't kill him. Considering what he had done to her in the past, it wouldn't be wrong to kill him.
"Yes," she said softly.
This single word struck Pei Xiaoyun's heart like a fierce, heavy punch.
He was hunched over, looking restless.
The more he thought of her, the more the drug took effect, and the more pain he felt. His reason and the drug's effects tore at each other, making her face appear distorted and terrifying in his mind.
The more twisted and obsessive he became, the more it was a scar he couldn't erase, and even if it hurt, he wasn't afraid of bleeding profusely.
"Are you doing this to get revenge on me, or to make me forget you?"
If she wanted revenge, if she wanted him to experience the torment she had suffered, he was willing to endure it all.
But if she wanted him to forget her completely and cut all ties with her, he couldn't do it!
His question was laced with persistence and ruthlessness.
Mingying was taken aback.
Whether she wanted revenge or to make him forget her, she sometimes couldn't say for sure.
"Let's leave it at that. Even the most tragic relationship will eventually come to an end."
She just wanted it to end, just wanted to be free, and didn't want to dwell on anything anymore.
Pei Xiaoyun guessed the answer from her reaction: she wasn't seeking revenge; more than that, she wanted him to forget her.
He said "good" several times, constantly sneering, and for some reason, a few warm tears fell from the corners of his sharp eyes.
He used those methods on her to make her forget everyone else and only remember him; however, she wanted him to remember everyone else and only forget her.
"If I truly forget you and stop bothering you, will you still hate me when you occasionally think of me?"
Seeing her silence, he was still unwilling to give up, as if he were talking to himself: "I knew it. I always think back to everything that happened between us in the quiet of the night. I remember how many flowers you picked for me, how many poems I taught you to read, how many knots you made for me, but these past few days, I can't remember much anymore. Can you tell me how many green plum blossoms you picked for me to see that winter in Yangzhou? How many cups of wine did we drink around the stove while we stayed up late on New Year's Eve? What poems did I teach you to read when I took you to Wujiang on business and we were on the boat?"
“I think… I vaguely remember a spring sorrow waiting to be washed away with wine, a boat rocking on the river, curtains beckoning from the tower. Autumn Maiden Ferry and Tai Maiden Bridge, the wind blows and the rain falls…”①
Mingying tilted her head slightly, and all the memories that had been tightly sealed deep within her heart were brought out by him, a person whose memory was gradually fading, with a pleading and coaxing word.
"Enough!" Her eyes were red. She didn't want him to see her crying again because of the past, so she turned away and wiped her tears in a disheveled manner. "I don't know! If you've forgotten, then just let it go."
This is something that should be forgotten.
All her memories from age fourteen to seventeen died when she turned eighteen.
Pei Xiaoyun felt dizzy. With a sweep of his hand, he knocked the brush, ink, paper, and inkstone to the ground. Staring at her, he gritted his teeth and said, "Listen to me. We are destined by fate. Without me, there would be no you today. Without you, I might not even be where I am today. I am willing to accept whatever you want to repay me for, but in this world, no one loves you more or can protect you more than I do."
His love was a cage, yet it also allowed her to grow.
"Are you so convinced that I will forget you?" His long, narrow, and piercing eyes burned with an intense, obsessive fire as he approached her step by step.
Are you so convinced that I will forget you?
Mingying was thrown into disarray by his words and caught off guard. She forced herself to remain calm and said, "We have to try, even if there's only a one in ten thousand chance."
His words were cold and ruthless, as cold as ice.
Pei Xiaoyun's lips curled into a bitter smile. His reason crumbled, his blood surged and he suddenly couldn't see anything. He collapsed onto her.
Mingying was pressed down by his weight and staggered a few steps before regaining her balance.
His chin rested on her shoulder, and what entered her nostrils was no longer the cool and aloof sandalwood scent, but a bitter medicinal smell.
She slightly moved her lips and called someone in.
As the moon rose high in the sky, Pei Xiaoyun took the medicine, and only then did He Lianqing lead his men out.
Mingying waited in the outer room, wondering what he would be like when he woke up this time.
"how's it going?"
“It’s alright, that thing won’t harm him.” He Lianqing gazed at her. “It’s because his obsession is too deep that the effects of the drug will be delayed. Let’s wait until he wakes up and see.”
As for whether the medicine would be effective for someone like him, he couldn't say.
Mingying was filled with unease. While he was unconscious, the words, "You are so convinced that I will forget you," kept echoing in her mind.
She has exhausted all her strength, how could she still not break free from her ill-fated relationship with him?
Late at night, Shen Mingshu noticed that she had not yet returned home and, worried about her, came to pick her up himself.
He glanced at Ming Ying and He Lianqing, and seeing that both of them looked grave, he knew that things were not going well.
Pei Xiaoyun is an eccentric madman, so perhaps that method was never going to work on him.
He patted Mingying on the shoulder, "Let's go back first, we'll talk about the future later."
Mingying nodded, about to say something, when a noise came from inside the room. A servant reported that Pei Xiaoyun had woken up.
Mingying's expression shifted slightly, and her breath hitched.
Shen Mingshu said to her, "You go back first, I'll go take a look."
Then, he strode over the screen, and the guards stopped him and went inside to report.
The longevity herb was found, and He Lianqing took Mingying to see the process of making the medicine.
There's nothing we can do right now; we can only leave it to fate.
When Pei Xiaoyun woke up, her memory of the time before she fainted was somewhat hazy.
The emptiness in his heart intensified. He sat up, his eyes scanning the room as if searching for something to fill the void, but he couldn't quite put his finger on what he wanted.
"Your Majesty, General Shen has come to visit you."
He was taken aback when he heard Shen Mingshu's name, but then, remembering the upcoming battle, he realized he did have something to discuss with him, so he said, "Let him in."
A short while later, Shen Mingshu came in and saw him wearing a dark-colored outer robe, sitting on a soft couch, his complexion no different from usual.
"I have come to fetch my sister to return home, and also to visit Your Majesty."
Pei Xiaoyun's forehead twitched. The "my sister" he spoke of was light and fleeting, like the sound of the wind passing by, yet it could stir his thoughts.
Seeing that he remained silent, Shen Mingshu probed again: "Since Your Majesty is alright, I will not disturb Your Majesty's rest any longer. I will take my leave."
"etc."
The deep voice traveled through the plain landscape screen and reached Shen Mingshu's ears, causing his eyes to flicker slightly.
"You stay here and discuss matters with me. As for your family, I will send someone to escort them back."
They will be setting out soon, and they need to make thorough preparations.
Shen Mingshu frowned slightly, sensing something different in his tone. Why would he refer to her as "his family"?
He gradually breathed a sigh of relief: "Your subject obeys the decree."
Pei Xiaoyun kept him there, and it was indeed to discuss the war, without mentioning Mingying at all.
During this time, Shen Mingshu tested him a few more times, but he ignored Mingying's affairs and easily brushed them off.
In the morning, Shen Mingshu returned to his residence and told Mingying the news.
Mingying's eyes were bloodshot from staying up all night, and she sat by the window as usual, feeding the parrots.
Shen Mingshu said to her, "After he woke up, he didn't mention you at all. I'm afraid he was faking it."
“He has no reason to pretend and deceive me.” Mingying scattered all the millet into the cage and placed her hands on her knees.
No one knows him better than her.
He said it was a fight to the death, and that meant it.
She believed in his methods; if she hadn't lost her memory, he would never have let go.
The orange-yellow morning light spilled over the treetops and fell on her face, finally putting her mind at ease.
Using that medicine to give two people a new lease on life would be the best outcome.
What green plum blossoms in the snow, what "Boating Through Wujiang"—no one will remember them anymore.
Now, her only wish is to win this battle and bring peace to the Northwest.
—
With all the troops stationed in Langzhou ready, Pei Xiaoyun planned to launch an attack the next night. He rode to the army camp to inspect the troops and then discussed the final troop deployment with the various commanders and generals before returning to his residence at nightfall.
He stood by the window, gazing at the courtyard covered in white frost, feeling utterly desolate and alone.
Even such urgent and important battles could not fill the void in his heart.
Those around him were surprised to see him busy with political affairs from early morning to late at night. Among them, Kong Qing was the most puzzled, wondering why His Majesty had stopped mentioning Miss Ming lately.
Seeing Pei Xiaoyun standing alone by the window looking out, he dared to guess: "With the expedition imminent, does Your Majesty wish to bid farewell to Miss Ming?"
Upon hearing this, Pei Xiaoyun turned around, her brows furrowed, and a hint of surprise flashed across her face.
"Why have I been hearing you all mention Shen Mingshu's sister so often lately? I knew his sister before?"
Kong Qing was stunned and opened her mouth as if she had seen a ghost. A layer of cold sweat covered her back, and she hurriedly went to find He Lianqing.
"Doctor He, His Majesty seems to have suddenly lost his memory? His Majesty even asked me who Miss Ming is."
He Lianqing had just finished preparing the longevity herb into medicine and instructed someone to send it to Shen Mingshu when Kong Qing arrived.
Kong Qing is extremely loyal to Pei Xiaoyun, and he must not be allowed to find out that he gave Pei Xiaoyun medicine.
He said, "The poison he was poisoned in his youth has become more and more serious in his body as he has grown older. He was also hit by a needle from the sleeve of a Wuhuan person, and was injured, which greatly damaged his vital energy. The remaining toxins controlled his mind, causing his memory to become hazy."
"Then why did you forget about Miss Ming?"
He Lianqing replied, "Obsession is like poison that wounds the heart. The deeper one's obsession with someone, the more completely one will forget that person. Don't worry, it won't harm his own body."
Kong Qing was at a loss for words. Was it a good thing or a bad thing that His Majesty had forgotten Miss Ming?
He Lianqing persuaded him: "A mere woman whose heart is not with him, your Emperor can forget about her. When he returns to the capital, will he lack noble ladies?"
Kong Qing thought about it carefully and realized that what he said made sense.
Miss Ming is ruthless towards His Majesty, even having the heart to hurt him, but His Majesty indulges her, needlessly hurting his own heart, and the reason she was injured several times was because of her and her brother.
It's better to forget about it now.
Therefore, when he was with Pei Xiaoyun, he would not deliberately mention Mingying.
—
Shen Mingshu was the vanguard, and he needed to lead the main army a day ahead to scout out enemy information.
Before Pei Xiaoyun lost his memory, he was thinking of Mingying and did not send Shen Mingshu to lead the troops first. Instead, he planned to lead the troops first himself.
Shen Mingshu insisted on refusing. He was familiar with the terrain of the northwest border, so it would be better for him to go first. Moreover, Pei Xiaoyun, as the emperor, was more suitable to stay behind and rally the army than him.
If he goes ahead for three days and everything is normal, Pei Xiaoyun will send troops from the right wing and directly attack the enemy's country.
The stars twinkled, and the setting sun was like blood.
Mingying came to the border to see Shen Mingshu off, and just like last time, her heart was filled with trepidation and worry.
On the battlefield, swords and spears have no eyes; no matter how brave and skilled her brother is, she cannot be completely at ease.
This is also because this battle was more dangerous than any other battle before.
She stroked the mane of the chestnut warhorse, "Brother, when you return victorious, we will really go back to Yangzhou."
This time, no one bothered her anymore.
The world is vast, and the siblings can go wherever they want.
Shen Mingshu simply nodded, not wanting her to worry, and didn't say anything more to her. "Go back, it's windy outside the pass."
Mingying turned around and walked back, her nose stinging with unbearable soreness.
Three days later, there was no unusual activity from Shen Mingshu's side.
Pei Xiaoyun also led his troops out as promised. When he rode his horse to the outside of Langzhou Pass, he tightened the reins and stopped in the midst of the fierce north wind, looking back at Langzhou City for a long time.
He couldn't help but recall a line: "How many warriors have returned from ancient battles?"
If he were all alone, he would naturally not be afraid of these things, and he would not leave himself a way out.
Within Langzhou City, there seemed to be someone he cared about, someone he couldn't let go of, causing him to frequently look back, as if anticipating something.
The sand was blown by the wind and fell into his eyes, making them drier and drier with each blink.
"Your Majesty, is there something amiss ahead?"
The general beside him didn't know why he was holding back his troops.
Pei Xiaoyun shifted her gaze, moved her lips but didn't answer him. Instead, she turned her horse around and said, "Let's go."
Mingying stood in the highest pavilion, watching the armored man in the distance ride away, his clothes fluttering in the wind.
She couldn't help but recall his words before he collapsed that day:
"If I truly forget you and stop bothering you, will you still hate me when you occasionally think of me?"
Do she hate it? She asked herself repeatedly, but she was exhausted and unable to concentrate, feeling powerless all over.
Whether it was love or hate from the past, it's all gone now, and she doesn't want to remember it.
The wind swept across her eyes, causing them to ripple with a watery sheen.
She blinked, suppressing the stinging pain in her eyes. Once Pei Xiaoyun's figure was completely obscured by the yellow sand, she turned and returned to the city.
-----------------------
Author's Note: [Crying][Crying][Crying] There are probably one or two more major plot points to come.
①A heart full of spring sorrow awaits wine to wash it away; a boat rocks on the river, curtains beckon from the tower. Autumn Maiden's Ferry and Tai Maiden's Bridge, the wind blows again, the rain falls again…” (From Jiang Jie's "A Spray of Plum Blossoms - Passing Wujiang by Boat")
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