Chapter 76 Freedom: "The devout woman wants to become a nun."
Due to excessive blood loss, his palms were sticky and his vision was blurry; he could only see Shen Mingshu's departing figure.
My abdomen was cramping and spasming, and it felt like something was rushing out of the wound.
Those were wounds she had inflicted herself; the endless flow of crimson blood was her regret for losing her.
He even wanted to tear the wound open wider with his own hands, to let everything drain out, so that he wouldn't feel so bad.
He remained silent, and no one noticed anything amiss or paid him any attention. He was just as he had been when he sat alone in Cheng'an Hall, surrounded by complete silence, with only a burning obsession and fervor in his heart.
Finally, a servant came in and found him lying in a pool of blood.
"Your Majesty, Your Majesty!"
Pei Xiaoyun felt someone re-bandaging him, but he was as if he had lost consciousness, and the only thing he could move was his pair of dark, crazed eyes.
"Go to Xuzhou and find him for me. If you can't, I'll take your heads."
He didn't want to let go; he wanted to find her and not let her leave him.
—
Mingying's stab was extremely deep. She thought Pei Xiaoyun would kill her after he realized what was happening, but she was prepared to fight to the death, so there was nothing wrong with that.
But he just let her go.
She didn't look back, but decisively turned and left. Whether he lived or died was none of her business.
She followed the caravan out of the city as promised and got off at Xuzhou, the closest city to Langzhou. She no longer fantasized about settling down in one place for a long time, because wherever she went, he would find her.
Fortunately, the land is vast, with lakes and seas, and all corners of the country. She thought that if she hid in each place for two years, her life would just pass by like that.
After getting off the carriage, she noticed someone following her and quickly realized it must be one of Pei Xiaoyun's men.
He's not dead; letting her go is just a temporary expedient by that treacherous villain.
She pretended not to notice she was being followed, calmly went to a restaurant for a meal, and then slipped out through the back door halfway through the meal. She hid in a garbage truck and drove all the way to the outskirts of the city before shaking off his eyes.
With her brother not around, she needs to take even better care of herself.
She chose to come to Xuzhou for another reason: to pay her respects at Jin Kui's grave.
Those events, though only two years have passed, felt like a lifetime to her. Just like her entanglement with Pei Xiaoyun, it seemed to have lasted even longer than a lifetime. Why couldn't he forget her?
Jin Kui's grave was chosen by her personally. She selected a spot behind a reed marsh on the outskirts of the city, a spacious and quiet place where it would not be easily disturbed by people.
Two years later, the area around the cemetery is now overgrown with grass.
She borrowed a machete from a passing farmer and quickly cleared away the weeds, revealing a clean and lonely tombstone.
He then lit three incense sticks, placed them in the loose soil, and bowed three times.
After the memorial service for the mallow was completed, dusk fell.
She had just shaken off those people, but she didn't dare to easily return to the streets to find an inn or hotel to stay in.
There is a nunnery on the outskirts of the city called Jinghui Temple. Every mile along the road, a lantern is left to help the monks and nuns in the nunnery go up the mountain at night.
Following the faint light, she climbed the mountain and arrived at Jinghui Temple. She explained that she was a passing pilgrim and wanted to stay at the temple for the night.
The female abbess of Jinghui Temple readily agreed and even ordered someone to send her a vegetarian meal.
Mingying ate the vegetarian food, but couldn't taste anything. As she chewed, she tasted the salty taste sliding down her cheek.
The bamboo rustled in the temple, and a gentle breeze rustled through the leaves, creating a soft sound that temporarily soothed her heart.
She just wanted to live out her life peacefully. As long as she had a place of freedom, it didn't matter where she lived. This Jinghui Temple was quite good.
The next morning, she went to find the female abbess, whose Dharma name was Yuanyin.
Mingying went to pay her respects and said devoutly, "Master Yuanyin, I wish to become a nun."
She thought about it all night before making this decision.
She shaved her head to become a nun, while he was an emperor; there could be no possibility of any connection between them.
Master Yuanyin was not surprised by the women who requested to become nuns. Every day, Jinghui Temple would see women coming down from the mountain who wanted to become nuns.
Some of these women have truly seen through the illusions of the world and are willing to spend the rest of their lives in seclusion with a Buddhist lamp and a Buddha statue, while others are just temporarily inspired and still hold onto their obsessions.
Those who have left home to become monks or nuns are expected to be free from worldly attachments and have no worldly concerns. If they still have any attachments, it means they are not being devout to the Buddha.
Seeing Mingying's worried expression and furrowed brows, she seemed to have guessed something and asked her, "May I ask how old you are, where you come from, and where you live?"
Mingying wanted to answer her, but when she thought about where she lived, she fell silent again.
It's been too long.
Over the years, she has traveled to various places, her life beyond her control, experiencing constant displacement and hardship—a situation that cannot be explained in a single sentence.
Mingying's hesitation and silence made Yuanyin Zhenren see the clues more clearly. She realized that the woman opposite her did not really want to become a nun, at least not at the moment. Perhaps she just wanted to escape from worldly affairs and had not truly let go of her distracting thoughts.
If she were to accept this disciple on behalf of Buddha, it would be disrespectful to Buddha, and I fear this woman will regret her decision in the future.
"The young lady's eyes and brows conceal something; she is not without worries."
Master Yuanyin did not directly send her away, but said, “How about this, there was war in Langzhou before, and people were displaced. Xuzhou is adjacent to Langzhou, so some people fled to Xuzhou. The nunnery has also taken in many wounded people, but we are always short of manpower. If you really intend to become a nun, why don’t you stay here first and help take care of the wounded? If you still want to become a nun after a month, I will take you as my disciple.”
Mingying nodded excitedly: "This humble servant thanks the Immortal Yuanyin."
Life on the mountain was relatively leisurely.
Indeed, there were more than a dozen female refugees living in the nunnery. Their homes in Langzhou were destroyed by the war, and some of them had nowhere else to go, so they came to Xuzhou to seek refuge with relatives and friends.
Little did they know that tomorrow, separated by mountains, the world would be a vast and uncertain place.
Unable to find their old friend's home, they wandered around Xuzhou. Because they were covered in wounds and starving, they were treated like beggars and herded from place to place.
When Master Yuanyin went down the mountain to beg for alms, he happened to see these people, took pity on them, and invited them to stay at Jinghui Temple to recuperate and stay temporarily.
Mingying was only responsible for brewing medicine for these people. If they wanted any snacks, she could make them if the kitchen in Ruo'an had the ingredients.
This work wasn't tiring at all; it was just a piece of cake for her. She ate and lived in the nunnery, and she did these small tasks willingly.
A boy, about four or five years old, was injured in the war and still has his arm in a sling.
He liked talking to Mingying, and Mingying would brew medicine for him. In return, he would always go to the back mountain of the temple to pick goosegrass or cattail grass, and weave grasshoppers, frogs and butterflies as a token of his gratitude to give to Mingying.
Mingying was intrigued by the exquisitely crafted straw animals and happily accepted them. She then asked the boy what kind of snacks he wanted, saying she could make them for him.
The little boy opened his round eyes and said, "Sister, I don't know what that kind of pastry is called, but I've seen other people eat it. It's shaped like a plum blossom, shiny, and you can even see the filling inside."
Upon hearing his description, Mingying understood completely: "The kind of pastry you're talking about is called 'Touhua Ci'."
My memories of Touhua Ci (a type of glutinous rice cake) seem very vague and distant.
When she was young, her family was poor and she couldn't afford such delicate pastries. It was after she started dating Pei Xiaoyun that he took her to a restaurant and ordered this pastry. She saw that it was pretty and ate one.
It tasted good, and she really loved it back then, but in recent years, she rarely thinks about this kind of snack, and can't even remember its taste.
"Sister, can you do this?" the boy asked, looking at her hopefully.
Mingying didn't want to disappoint him, so she patted his head and said, "I'll give it a try."
She went into the kitchen, where another woman living in the nunnery, named Xi Yu, was also busy working.
Xi Yu arrived a few days later than her. From their conversation, Ming Ying learned that this Miss Xi was the daughter of the wealthy Xu family in Xuzhou.
Because her family was pressuring her to marry, she refused and ran away from the mansion in a fit of pique. She made up a false name and came to Jinghui Temple, saying that she wanted to become a nun.
Master Yuanyin could probably tell that she had not severed her ties with the mortal world and had impure thoughts, so he did not shave her head for the time being and let her stay here for a month.
Xi Yu was lively and active by nature, and insisted on coming to the kitchen to help Ming Ying make pastries. She sprinkled wheat flour and wheat starch all over the stove, and her face was covered in snow-white powder.
Mingying couldn't help but laugh and pushed her away, saying, "That's not how it's done. You go and help me grind the filling, I'll do it."
While grinding red bean paste, Xi Yu couldn't stop talking and asked her, "Sister Ming, Master Yuanyin said she wouldn't accept us as disciples. I came here to escape an arranged marriage and really don't want to become a nun. Why did you come here?"
Mingying was kneading dough with her head down. She couldn't explain her situation in a short time, so she replied, "I'm pretty much the same as you. I'm also trying to hide from someone."
Xi Yu was seventeen years old, still young, raised in seclusion, and simple-minded. Hearing her say this, he immediately guessed that she also did not want to get married, and that she had run away from marriage to come here just like him.
"What's so great about men? I don't even like him, so why should I live with him? What kind of logic is that!" She wiped the white powder off her face, her cheeks puffed up in anger.
Mingying glanced at her.
So lively and agile, yet so innocent.
So much so that she didn't want to tell her about her painful past; she just echoed her and wanted to make her happy.
"You're right. If you don't like him, why did you marry him? I don't understand either."
Xi Yu had few friends, and the maids and servants around her always advised her to get married. Ming Ying was the first person to understand her, and she happily clung to her.
Mingying then asked, "What will you do in the future? Do you really want to become a nun?"
After a moment of silence, Xi Yu said, "I don't know either. Let's see. What about you?"
Mingying shook her head; she didn't know either.
It would be good if Master Yuanyin could take her in, but if not, she hasn't decided where to go next.
Nobody loves to wander.
This Jinghui Temple seemed to be a temporary haven of peace for the two of them, a place where they were free from worries.
But they don't know what will happen in the future.
The desserts are ready. This was Mingying's first time making translucent flower-shaped glutinous rice balls. Although they came in various shapes, they were generally recognizable as plum blossoms, and overall she was satisfied.
She made extra pastries, and she and Xi Yu distributed the translucent rice cakes to all the nuns in the temple. The villagers who were staying there to recuperate also each received a piece.
As everyone sat together eating snacks and chatting, Xi Yu noticed that they were all homesick and suddenly said, "A few days ago when I went up the mountain, I heard people in the city saying that His Majesty personally visited Langzhou City and sent people to rebuild the houses damaged in the war and to provide compensation."
Mingying held the plate, picked up the last piece of translucent rice cake, and took a bite without making a sound.
Upon hearing Xi Yu's words, the women's eyes filled with tears, and they clasped their hands together in devout prayer: "It is truly the emperor who is wise and virtuous. If it weren't for the emperor personally leading the expedition, our Langzhou would have been seized by the rebels long ago!"
"Yes, in a few days, we should return to Langzhou. There is no place like home. Your Majesty is wise."
Everyone chimed in, expressing their utmost respect.
Mingying warmed the edge of the porcelain plate by holding it. The Pei Xiaoyun they were talking about sounded both strange and familiar to her.
She could not deny that Pei Xiaoyun was a wise and experienced ruler with a steady and shrewd approach to state affairs.
In the past two years, his practical policies have reached the Northwest, reducing corvée labor and taxes, and opening up people's livelihoods. He has done a better job than the previous few muddle-headed, useless, and pleasure-seeking emperors.
But only she knew what kind of madman lay beneath his skin.
It is only natural for the people to be grateful to their ruler, but she wouldn't be; she would only hate him, for he was the one who drove her to this point.
In the following days, she taught Xi Yu how to make a few simple incense recipes, and they went to the locust grove on the mountainside to pick locust leaves to make cold noodles. When she had free time, she would also learn from the child how to weave grasshoppers with cattail shoots.
If there are many worshippers during the day, they will also help the worshippers hang up their prayer plaques.
Gradually, Xi Yu stopped mentioning her family troubles, as if life could continue peacefully like this forever.
A sudden drizzle of yellow plum rain.
Looking at the bayberry grove behind Jinghui Temple, you can see nothing but huge bayberries.
The two men each took a basket and went to the back mountain to pick bayberries, planning to make a drink for everyone that evening.
After working from afternoon until evening, we finally returned with two large baskets full of bayberries. The bright red bayberries were covered with fresh raindrops, making our mouths water just looking at them.
They quickened their pace, eager to make the appetizing plum drink before dinner.
As soon as I arrived at the main gate of Jinghui Temple, I saw a group of men and women who looked like servants standing in the courtyard.
In her panic, Xi Yu lost her grip on the basket, scattering bayberries all over the ground.
These were the people from her family who came to arrest her, and she immediately ran down the mountain.
Mingying was still a little dazed.
"Ayu!"
A choked, low female voice came out, and Xi Yu stopped in her tracks and turned around abruptly.
Mingying followed her gaze and saw a woman dressed in plain clothes walk out from behind a group of servants.
The woman's face was sallow and she looked worried. She looked at Xi Yu, her eyes reddening, and she walked over step by step.
"Mother." Xi Yu's lips trembled, and a few tears fell.
The woman before her was her birth mother, Rong, but her birth mother was just one of her father's many concubines.
She was finally found.
"Ayu, you've suffered so much."
The mother and daughter hugged each other and cried their hearts out.
Hearing the crying, Mingying felt a pang of sadness. Regardless of Xi Yu's family background, the bond between mother and daughter should be the purest.
Not wanting to disturb them, she quietly stepped aside.
Rong cried for a long time before letting go of her: "How could you come to a place like this alone? Do you know how worried your family is about you?"
Xi Yu wiped away her tears and stubbornly said, "It's not that I'm worried about you, it's that I'm worried that if no one marries into the Song family, the Song family will cause trouble, right?"
Upon hearing this, Rong felt as if her heart was being fried in oil and roasted by fire, and finally hardened her heart.
"You should go back with your mother quickly and apologize properly. Otherwise, when Madam comes looking for you on the mountain later, she'll likely punish you according to family rules, and she won't show any mercy!"
Xi Yu couldn't hold back her tears, and clenched her fists.
"Mother, I don't want to get married. I don't like him." She shook her head, as if grasping at the last straw.
No one understood her; she only hoped that her own mother would understand her.
“Mother, let’s go. We can’t stay in the Xi family anymore. I can’t stand that hell for another second. If I marry, it will just be another hell.”
As a concubine, Rong was used to being subservient and humble. Over the years, even if she harbored resentment, it had been worn down by various means.
She dared not resist. Even though she felt a pang of heartache for her daughter, she could not show any emotion. "What is there to be unwilling about, Ayu? You don't need to like him. Just live your life. Don't think about anything else. Just live your life, and a lifetime will pass by."
Xi Yu did not respond and cried until she was exhausted.
Mingying's nose also stung, and tears dripped onto the back of her hand that was carrying the basket.
Rong's words, though soft and weak, were a heavy blow, like a mountain pressing down on Xi Yu, sealing her fate.
Don't think about anything, just live your life and a lifetime will pass by.
Perhaps for Xi Yu, who had nowhere else to turn, this was truly the last path she had to take.
Xi Yu eventually went home with Rong Shi.
These days of freedom and happiness also came to an end.
Mingying didn't even have time to say a word to her.
The rosy clouds in the sky had not yet faded when she stood on the mountain watching her go, her figure obscured by the chinaberry tree until she disappeared from sight.
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
