Chapter 21 Violet: The Ups and Downs of Love and Desire.
The atmosphere inside the room instantly plummeted to freezing point, just as cold as the outdoor temperature.
Ji Jiazhen saw the man's profile through the fish tank, narrowed her eyes, and looked at Jiang Wanrong with anger.
"Didn't you say that Zhao Yifeng went to another city to raise money?"
The first sentence exposed her husband's sordid thoughts, and the second sentence exposed the lie she told on the phone. Jiang Wanrong was embarrassed. Ji Jiazhen looked at her with scrutiny and questioning. Her eyes darted around, and her palms were almost sweating.
"What I mean is..."
"You tricked me into coming here, didn't you? In your eyes, your own daughter isn't as important as your second husband, is that it?"
"I……"
Zhao Yifeng had already entered the living room by this time. His hair was as black as ever, showing no trace of the worry that Jiang Wanrong had described. He was full of energy and spirit, completely different from the person Jiang Wanrong had described.
"Zhenzhen? It's been so long since we've seen you. You've finally decided to come home today. Your mother and I have missed you so much."
Ji Jiazhen had only one thought at that moment: to leave this place.
Breathing the same air as Zhao Yifeng made her feel nauseous; just hearing his voice made her want to vomit.
She closed her eyes in annoyance, trying to block out the filthy thing from her sight, and ignored his words, which, besides, were not true at all.
Zhao Yifeng ignored her silence and continued, "You've become more and more beautiful these past few years. I often see you on TV, and I've watched your movies several times. You acted really well."
Jiang Wanrong then played the good guy in the middle, chiming in, "Yes, Uncle Zhao and I watch it often."
Zhao Yifeng changed his tone, "Hey, what Uncle Zhao? We've been family for over ten years, haven't you been my dad for a long time?"
"..."
“Zhenzhen, Daddy’s company has been facing some difficulties lately. Thank you for being willing to contribute this money. I know this amount of money is nothing to a big star like you, but thank you anyway.”
Jiang Wanrong suddenly became clever, her eyes darting around as she quickly took Ji Jiazhen's hand, "Yes, yes, Zhenzhen can earn two or three times the amount from just one movie, what's this little bit of money, right?"
Ji Jiazhen dismissed her hand with disdain, his brows furrowed, and he opened his eyes, his gaze a mixture of displeasure and mockery. These two emotions combined and, when they reached the corners of his lips, turned into a sneer.
“Zhao Yifeng, there’s only one reason you’ll ever hear me say the word ‘Dad’ to you—I’m fucking your dad.”
Zhao Yifeng's smile froze instantly, and Jiang Wanrong tightened her grip on her hand. "This child..."
"There's only one way you'll get money from me—it's for your medical expenses."
She looked at the top of Zhao Yifeng's head, and she knew what kind of twisted scars were hidden beneath the black hair at the back of his head—spreading, terrifying.
Do you want me to crack your skull open again?
The scar on his head, which required more than twenty stitches, was her handiwork when he was seventeen.
It's quite a coincidence that if it weren't for him, she wouldn't be where she is today.
...
Ji Jiazhen thought her seventeenth year would be carefree and glamorous. Her beautiful appearance had given her preferential treatment since childhood, and she thought these benefits would stay with her for life.
I was too young at the time, and my ideas were far too naive.
She didn't realize until she was seventeen that the gifts of fate came with a price tag from the very beginning.
Before she turned ten, she believed she had a happy family, a comfortable life, and was pampered by her parents. On her tenth birthday, however, she overheard Jiang Wanrong and Ji Yun arguing because he saw Jiang Wanrong exchanging glances with a man at her birthday party. Jiang Wanrong blamed him for not trusting her, crying and saying that after ten years of marriage, he could have such doubts. Ji Yun was a soft-hearted man and couldn't bear to see his wife cry. Hearing her say this, he began to realize his mistake and immediately apologized.
Separated by a door, ten-year-old Ji Jiazhen remained silent.
She saw the man touch Jiang Wanrong's waist, and Jiang Wanrong just pretended to be angry and gently pushed his hand away, but she couldn't hide the smile on her face.
The consequence of Ji Yun's soft heart was that his beloved wife took advantage of his business trip to bring someone back and sleep with them.
Ji Jiazhen should have been at school at that time, and Jiang Wanrong thought so too, so she brought her first love home without any scruples and entangled with him on that bed bound by marriage.
Ji Jiazhen went home because the school suddenly lost power and dismissed her early. She went home and went to her room as usual.
However, as she went up the stairs, she saw one piece of clothing after another scattered on the ground.
They were even so bold as to leave the door open, and the moans, panting, and sounds of flesh colliding reached Ji Jiazhen's ears. In her line of sight, there were four legs crossed.
For a moment, she felt so nauseous she wanted to vomit.
She ran out while holding back her nausea and sat alone by the flower bed in the community until dark. When she got home, Jiang Wanrong had already tidied everything up and was thoughtfully asking Ji Yun on the phone how the business deal went and telling him not to drink too much.
Ji Jiazhen felt that her acting talent was probably influenced by Jiang Wanrong, and that Jiang Wanrong was the one who should have won the Best Actress award.
Jiang Wanrong, having had one thrilling experience, would naturally want to have a second and a third. She was far too blatant, so Ji Jiazhen was not at all surprised that Ji Yun would discover her infidelity.
Arguing, divorce, lawsuits, leaving with nothing.
However, Jiang Wanrong managed to win custody of Ji Jiazhen by citing Ji Yun's frequent business trips.
All she received from Ji Yun was the monthly child support payment. She was used to the life of a wealthy wife, and her first love was a good-looking but useless man. Marriage was out of the question, and their stimulating relationship wouldn't last long.
As a result, Jiang Wanrong found a new love in the second month after her divorce.
—Zhao Yifeng.
Zhao Yifeng's filthy intentions first became apparent when Ji Jiazhen was fifteen. He would use all sorts of excuses to touch her inappropriately, pretending to be a caring elder to touch her head and face, and touching her hands and shoulders under the guise of concern. Ji Jiazhen would always dodge, while Jiang Wanrong, who was standing nearby, ignored her resistance.
As her disappointment piled up, she decided to leave this home that hardly felt like home.
Jiang Wanrong pocketed all the child support payments that Ji Yun sent every month, leaving very little for Ji Jiazhen.
She needs money.
In the spring of their seventeenth year, Ji Jiazhen and Xu Yanning skipped class to go to a fashion show. Xu Yanning liked the style of the show and used her connections to get two admission tickets so she could take a series of photos to put in her photography collection. Ji Jiazhen, who was bored, accompanied her to take photos.
The two of them sitting together were quite a sight to behold, and they quickly attracted attention.
They were talking about money when Ji Jiazhen took a liking to a dress on the model, while Xu Yanning took a liking to another one. The two of them guessed the price together when someone suddenly spoke up behind them.
The man was there because of Xu Yanning. He looked to be around twenty years old and dressed like a rich second-generation heir. He pointed at the camera in Xu Yanning's hand and said, "Little sister, it's no fun taking pictures. Don't guess the price. I'll buy it for you. You can take it home and look at it slowly."
She and Xu Yanning turned around at the same time, their frowns quite synchronized. The man was sitting behind Ji Jiazhen. Xu Yanning turned around and cursed, "Get lost!" Because of their seating positions, the first person Ji Jiazhen saw when she turned her head was the man next to her.
That was the first time she and Duan Qiyin made eye contact, and also the first time they met.
The audience seats in the show were dimly lit, but Duan Qiyin's eyes reflected the light from the stage, his gaze deep and unfathomable, like a lifeless green pond.
Ji Jiazhen's eyes... she had no eyes, she rolled her eyes.
When the show ended, the man swarmed around her like a fly, saying a lot of things. Ji Jiazhen deduced from his words that the man came to the show to pick up one of the models, but before the model even appeared, he had fallen for Xu Yanning.
That's funny.
Xu Yanning was quite annoyed by him and almost wanted to smash him with her camera, but she couldn't bring herself to do it, since it was quite expensive. Ji Jiazhen stood by and watched the commotion, feeling it wasn't her turn to intervene yet; she would go and help when a real fight broke out.
Duan Qiyin appeared behind her without her noticing, carrying a paper bag containing a rectangular hard box.
He handed her the paper bag, saying, "That dress you liked would probably suit you better."
Ji Jiazhen looked down and realized that this person had bought the dress.
Seeing that Xu Yanning was about to get rid of her, she crossed her arms and replied to Duan Qiyin with two words: "Crazy."
What use is this dress to her? She'd probably accept it if you gave it to her in RMB.
That's how it was when they first met; she never even imagined they'd meet a second time.
Two months later, in early summer, Ji Jiazhen was sleeping in her room when she was woken up by the sound of banging on the door. The moment she opened her eyes, the door lock had just been broken open.
Zhao Yifeng stood at the door, holding a hammer, swaying as if he were drunk.
Panic and fear gripped her, and Ji Jiazhen forgot what to do, only staring at him walking towards her. Belatedly, she moved to the side and shouted loudly to Jiang Wanrong, "Mom!"
The rooms weren't far apart, and she didn't believe Jiang Wanrong hadn't heard her, but she just didn't come, and she didn't respond.
As Zhao Yifeng drew closer, she threw a pillow at him, yelling, "Get out!"
She could smell the alcohol on him, which was just as disgusting as he was.
Zhao Yifeng reached out to grab her foot. "Zhenzhen, Daddy just came to check if you were asleep. Why are you hiding?"
Ji Jiazhen forcefully kicked his hands away and then kicked him hard in the stomach. "Go to hell! Don't touch me! Mom!"
That kick was quite forceful, and Zhao Yifeng was enraged. He intensified his actions and pounced on Zhao Yifeng like a madman.
Ji Jiazhen was more agile than him; she jumped off the bed before he could pounce on her, and Zhao Yifeng didn't touch her.
He started cursing and unbuckling his belt: "Damn you, you little bitch, I've raised you for so many years, what's wrong with touching you!"
Ji Jiazhen found a glass on the table that could barely be used for defense; it was at least the only thing she could get her hands on that had any weight to it.
After getting it, she ran out with all her might. Zhao Yifeng saw through her thoughts. He was closer to the door and blocked it before she could reach it. He also grabbed Ji Jiazhen's arm and pulled her towards the bed.
In a moment of desperation, Ji Jiazhen forcefully smashed the cup against the back of Zhao Yifeng's head. Zhao Yifeng recoiled in pain, clutching his head. His head was spinning, and he lost his balance, collapsing to the ground. The hand that had been clutching his head instinctively braced itself against the ground, leaving his fingers bright red.
Blood was flowing from his head, a horrifying sight. Ji Jiazhen's hands trembled as she threw away the blood-stained glass, ignoring Zhao Yifeng sitting on the ground. With a clear mind, she grabbed her phone and ID card, taking all her important documents and belongings with her.
As she left the room with her bag, she saw Jiang Wanrong standing at the door as well.
She just watched her, from afar, silently, doing nothing.
Despite her desperate cries of "Mom!" again and again.
Ji Jiazhen left her with a look full of disappointment.
It was late at night, and she was walking down the street in her pajamas. When she passed a bus stop, she sat down on a chair and looked at nearby hotels on her phone.
She was still in the mood to be picky about the hotel environment. After looking around for a long time, she finally chose one. Just as she was about to pay, a car horn sounded. She frowned and looked up, and saw a car that had stopped on her left at some point. Through the car's windshield, she met those eyes again.
Duan Qiyin sat in the car watching her. She looked at the car logo, the license plate, and finally looked at him again.
Her finger unconsciously circled on the screen, and she exited the payment interface when Duan Qiyin got out of the car.
He walked to her side, looked down at her, and asked, "Do you need help?"
Ji Jiazhen didn't speak, so he sat down next to her and didn't ask any more questions, just waiting for her to speak.
The night air was sultry. Ji Jiazhen rested her elbows on her knees, and the bag strap on her shoulder suddenly slipped down. Duan Qiyin followed her posture and sat down quietly, watching her profile.
She suddenly turned her head and asked him, "What did you do with that dress in the end?"
"It hasn't been dealt with; it's still hanging in my guest room."
She nodded, rested her chin on her hand, and tilted her head to look at him.
"I want to see."
"good."
At the age of seventeen, she followed Duan Qiyin home and stayed there for several years, essentially being supported by Duan Qiyin.
She didn't say that this was the second time they had met, but it wasn't the second time she had seen him.
This should be the third time.
My first real experience was in the school auditorium.
To celebrate the 30th anniversary of the school, a group of outstanding graduates were invited back to visit the school on the day of the celebration. The drama club put on a play as a gift for the anniversary, and Ji Jiazhen was one of the leading actors.
She had to be the first to go on stage, so she stood at the very front while waiting. Through the curtain, she saw the school leaders sitting in the audience, and surprisingly, the one in the very center wasn't the principal, but a young man.
She squinted at the place card in front of the man, which read...
Duan Qiyin.
She remembered the name; the school's renovated laboratory building was funded by his donation.
Very rich.
The lights went out, and Ji Jiazhen entered the stage.
Immersed in her performance, she didn't notice that someone's gaze was fixed on her for a long, long time.
*
When Ji Jiazhen left the house, he left Jiang Wanrong a few words, but there was no reconciliation in his words, only an end.
“Ms. Jiang, I know that what you did back then wasn’t foolproof, and my dad knows it too. He didn’t really believe you; he loved you too much, so he turned a blind eye to your lies. I don’t know if you’ve ever regretted it all these years. Have you been happy in your ten years of marriage to Zhao Yifeng?”
She noticed the bruise under her collar; she had seen it when she entered the room. Jiang Wanrong thought she had hidden it well, but she was only fooling herself.
“When I was little, you always said that I only inherited my dad’s genes and didn’t look like you at all. In the past few years, I’ve proven it with my own experience. I did inherit some of your genes. I’m just as fickle as you, and I’ll probably cheat on you too. Thank you for making me afraid to start any serious relationships.”
She chuckled self-deprecatingly, her gaze falling on Jiang Wanrong's face.
"Eight years ago, you didn't stand up for me, and I still blamed you and will continue to blame you. Now you have absolutely no credibility with me. From now on, I will not answer any of your calls."
The biting wind stung her face, just like the cold, icy maternal love she had received over the years.
Jiang Wanrong watched her retreating figure, unable to utter a single word to persuade her to stay.
...
The Royal Court Mansion was too big. This was Ji Jiazhen's second time here, and she was unfamiliar with the way. The similar buildings made her dizzy. She walked along one road for a long time before she realized that this was not the way to the exit.
A mix of emotions welled up inside me: annoyance, frustration, and restlessness.
With a hint of impatience, she took out cigarettes and a lighter from her bag, rummaging through the contents and clenching her teeth, a surge of anger welling up inside her.
She put the cigarette in her mouth, the sparks flickering in the cold wind, unable to light it for a long time. Turning away from the wind didn't help, covering it with her hand didn't help either. She almost bit the mouthpiece flat, and saw the cigarette butt burn a little gray from the sparks. Then a gust of wind blew and the fire went out again.
Ji Jiazhen lost his temper completely, throwing the cigarette and lighter forcefully to the ground, almost smashing them. He used a lot of force, and the lighter flew far. The neighbor's yard gate was not closed, and the lighter smashed into pieces in the yard, with fragments flying onto the lawn.
Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed a person standing in front of the front door. She didn't know when that person had come out, or if that person had been standing there the whole time but she hadn't noticed.
But by sheer coincidence, when she turned her head to look, the person looked incredibly familiar.
Wen Siyu stood there, looking at her, exhaling a puff of white smoke that dissipated in the wind, the cigarette burning between his fingers particularly glaring.
Ji Jiazhen glanced at the house again and remembered that she had come here two months ago to see Duan Qiyin; this was his father's house.
He walked over to her, stood in front of her without saying a word, took her hand, and felt its coolness. He put her hand in his pocket, and Ji Jiazhen felt the warmth on the back of her hand. She clenched her fist in his pocket, and her other hand instinctively reached to the other side.
Wen Siyu casually took a cigarette from her pocket, put one in her mouth, and seeing her downcast and indifferent eyes, said, "Lighter."
His lighter was in his pocket, held in her hand. She took it out and gave it to him, then reached her hand back in.
Wen Siyu's lighter was much better than hers. She lit the cigarette, took a puff, and he obediently took the cigarette away from her. She opened her lips, and the smoke all went into his face, making him squint and smell the bitterness.
He childishly retaliated, the cigarette in his mouth almost burned out, he took one last drag, and then blew two smoke rings at her, tinged with a sweetness.
She found it quite strange that someone like him would smoke sweet cigarettes.
"You're not going to ask me how I got here?"
Wen Siyu looked into her eyes. "Do you want to say something?"
She lowered her head, pulled one hand out of her pocket, took the cigarette from Wen Siyu's hand, took a drag, and then exhaled.
"In no mood."
Wen Siyu's face clearly said, "That's settled then."
After finishing his cigarette, he took her to the car.
He didn't say where he was going, and she didn't ask. She just glanced at the center console while waiting at a red light.
"Did you bring your ID card?"
Wen Siyu glanced sideways, raised an eyebrow, and asked her what she was doing.
She brushed a strand of hair that had fallen down her back and said in a casual tone, "Let's get a room."
"There's no need."
Ji Jiazhen looked at his profile.
That sentence means: There's no need to go through all that trouble.
...
This area is quite close to his villa. He got out of the car halfway and bought a set. When he came back, he didn't say anything. Ji Jiazhen looked out the window without saying a word, feeling that the car seemed to be going faster and faster.
Park the car and go inside.
Ji Jiazhen had originally planned to get straight to the point, but when Wen Siyu took her hand, she changed her mind and asked him, "Do you have any wine?"
Of course.
She chose a bottle of her favorite, and even though it was cold, she added three ice cubes to the glass. She sat cross-legged on the sofa, waiting for Wen Siyu to wash the blueberries for her.
—When he bought the condom, she mentioned that she wanted to eat blueberries.
Not feeling comfortable enough while waiting, she went upstairs to Wen Siyu's wardrobe and picked out one of his clothes to change into.
His clothes were loose on her, more comfortable than her own. Of course, there was also the reason that she was afraid of the hassle; she didn't want the things she had to do later to wrinkle her clothes, but she could wear his without any worries.
When she came downstairs, Wen Siyu sat in the seat she had been sitting in, his elbows on his knees, drinking the half-finished glass of wine she had been drinking. Blueberries were served on a white plate. She walked over, bent down, picked one up, and put it in her mouth. He leaned back a little to make way for her and looked up to see the clothes she was wearing.
She stepped over his legs, but halfway there he grabbed her waist with his hand and she sat down next to him, her legs still crossed, her knees resting on his thighs, and her back shoulder touching his shoulder.
Ji Jiazhen leaned forward, picked up the plate, and placed it on her lap. Wen Siyu poured her another glass of wine, handed it to her, watched her take a sip, and then took two blueberries from her and put them into his own glass. The two blueberries swirled in the wine after they fell in. He tilted his head back and drank half of it in one gulp.
Do you hate your father?
The words came abruptly. Wen Siyu looked at her back and took a strand of her hair, twirling it between his fingers.
What do you think?
Ji Jiazhen took a sip of her drink. "I hate my mother too."
He laughed, "It's not that simple."
She turned to look at him, a blueberry munching on her lips.
“I don’t hate him, I wish he were dead, I wish he were dead every single moment.”
She said it was normal, and she could understand it, after all, a life was in the middle, especially since that person was his mother.
"Then I don't hate as much as you do."
She fed him a blueberry, the smallest one, which she thought would be quite sour.
Wen Siyu ate it without any warning. The astringent taste made him frown, and he had to use alcohol to suppress the sour taste that lingered on his tongue.
He grabbed the back of her neck, choking her to make her turn around. Ji Jiazhen instinctively braced herself against him, turned her head, and shared a bittersweet kiss with him.
"Are you treating me like a toy?"
His voice was low and deep, and it sounded especially good after he had been drinking, with a slightly hoarse tone. Ji Jiazhen knew when he sounded even better.
When we're in bed, whispering dirty words in her ear is incredibly sexy and arousing.
Something in your body changes because of this thought, like a blueberry stuck between your teeth, splattering juice.
"Aren't you?"
He caressed her side through her clothes, saying, "The body is more honest than the mouth. Let's see which one can get you, the toy or me..."
He made half of the "spray" sound with his mouth before Ji Jiazhen stuffed two more blueberries into his mouth.
Wen Siyu's cheeks moved slowly as he reached out and took the plate from her lap, placing it on the table. He then fed her the last drop of wine in her glass, put the glass down, and before she had completely swallowed, pulled her onto his lap, face to face, and kissed her, exchanging the last sip of wine.
Ji Jiazhen covered his ears, but he could hear the sound of fluid exchange clearly.
His hand began to wander, he touched her back, and she also reached half of her arm in from the hem of his clothes to touch the tattoo on his collarbone.
This position requires her to lower her body and tilt her head back to kiss him, while her elbow rests on something that is tilted upwards. She moves her fingers and her elbow moves up and down, as if she is deliberately pressing.
Wen Siyu couldn't resist. He closed his eyes and kissed her, stretching one arm to the side to find a condom he had bought on the way.
...
The first time was on this sofa, in this position.
She wouldn't allow him to leave marks on her body, but she left many on his neck, the entire neck area covered in tattoos.
Afterwards, he carried her upstairs tightly. He refused to take the elevator and insisted on taking the stairs. While going up the stairs, he deliberately asked her if it was good. Ji Jiazhen's voice trembled so badly that she couldn't say a complete sentence.
She enjoys the feeling of being in control in bed, but today she suddenly doesn't want to move and lets him do whatever he wants.
She said she didn't want to leave marks because she was afraid of being photographed on camera, so he left one mark after another on his inner thigh.
She didn't say anything, but he kept changing positions, and every one of them was one she liked.
The location is also changing.
She sat on the sofa at the foot of the bed when she last came here; she even sat on it to answer Zhuang Yan's call then.
This time she knelt on top, with Wen Siyu behind her.
She had used the bathtub in the bathroom the last time she came; she had taken a relaxing bath in it, and he had even helped her unzip her skirt.
This time she sat inside, with him cushioning her.
In the end, I went back to bed.
Wen Siyu gripped her knee, and she pinched his neck, her thumb pressing against the edge of the tattoo, turning that area red. Then she let go, panting as she looked at that patch of skin, at that tattoo.
Are you happier now?
He asked her.
Ji Jiazhen's fingernails dug into his back muscles.
He could tell she was in a bad mood today.
"Not enough... a few more times... and then... I'll be happy."
Wen Siyu answered her with his actions.
During their first two times on the island, he was noticeably quiet, working diligently without saying a word. But after those two times, he changed, liking to whisper all sorts of questions in her ear.
It is still the same now.
Do you like it this way?
...
—Why are you shaking?
Ji Jiazhen covered his mouth, "You weren't so talkative at the beginning."
"You don't like what you're hearing?"
"..."
Wen Siyu kissed her reddened eyes. "I was studying hard back then. Did you talk during class?"
These are clearly two different things.
...
He drifted up and down, his eyes unfocused.
Ji Jiazhen's thoughts were also in disarray. Before her was Wen Siyu's face, and her mind was filled with the feelings he evoked. However, there were too many people she had met and too many things she had recalled during the day, and she couldn't help but think about them again.
She thought of Jiang Wanrong before they parted, of Ji Yun whom she hadn't seen for many years, of Duan Qiyin whom she met on a summer night when she was seventeen, and finally of the scene where Zhao Yifeng stood at her room door with a hammer.
If she hadn't met Jiang Wanrong today, she would probably have forgotten what a happy family she once had, and how much her parents loved her.
It feels like something from a past life.
Wen Siyu's tattoo swayed in her sight, and she traced it with her eyes, writing "J", "J", and "Z" with her mind.
She asked herself, would she ever write someone else's name on her body? The kind that can never be washed away for the rest of her life.
impossible.
She asked herself, to what extent would a person carve another person's name onto themselves?
She didn't know.
She propped herself up and leaned closer to kiss the tattoo, very lightly and gently.
She spoke, her voice trembling and slightly breathy: "Wen Siyu, say you love me."
Wen Siyu gradually stopped moving. He saw her trembling eyelashes and a glistening tear rolling down from the corner of her eye.
He kissed away her tears, his voice hoarse.
"I love you, I will always love you, I will love you forever, I will love you until I die, I will only love you."
-----------------------
Author's Note: Tell me loudly! Isn't this chapter very long?! (Hands on hips, head held high, proud face asking for praise)
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