As Hongli pressed her for answers, the atmosphere grew increasingly tense. The answer was obvious, but if she spoke it aloud, she couldn't guarantee it wouldn't hurt him. Su Yushan had been avoiding the issue, unwilling to confront it directly, but if she didn't answer, Hongli wouldn't give up. This situation truly put her in a difficult position.
She was asking about Su Mingfeng, and coincidentally, Hongli took the opportunity to ask about the past. Su Yushan couldn't help but think of a certain possibility, "Do you think that I only stay by your side for the benefit of my family, Jiafeng, Yuchan, and my elder brother?"
In truth, Hongli knew very well that Su Yushan was not that kind of person. If she truly had ulterior motives, she wouldn't have left in the first place.
"You never asked for anything; I arranged all of this willingly. But sometimes, I can't help but imagine that if it weren't for the children and Jiafeng's situation, would you have left me without hesitation, disappeared from my world, and I would never have been able to find you again..."
Every time I think of that situation, my heart aches uncontrollably; I just feel you've been so cruel to me!
As he spoke, his knuckles curled tightly together, his once bright eyes became misty, and his taut jawline clearly showed his inner indignation and resentment.
Honestly, if it were Hongli who had left her without a word, perhaps... perhaps she would never have forgiven him in this lifetime?
Thinking about this, Su Yushan could understand his feelings.
Although more than a year has passed since that incident and their relationship has improved, it remains a thorn in their hearts. Su Yushan didn't want to face or mention it before, but since he insists on asking, she will tell him everything.
Do you know why I insisted on leaving back then?
"Because she was pregnant with my child." To this day, Hongli still believes that the conflict between the two stems from that child. However, Su Yushan gently shook her head, her pearl earring swaying in the breeze.
"It's not because of the child, but because you've been soft-hearted and indulged her time and time again, which has made her even more arrogant and ruthless! She has harmed me so many times, and the evidence is conclusive, yet you didn't drive her away. Instead, you followed Consort Xi's arrangement and planned to send her to another residence."
Your excessive worries and indecisiveness back then made me completely disappointed in you. Since she won't leave the capital, then I will leave. I don't want to stay and give her the opportunity to harm me.
Su Yushan had thought she would never be able to let go of this resentment in her lifetime, but today, she was actually able to sit here calmly and peacefully discussing old grievances with Hongli. She was surprised to find that the hatred in her heart seemed to have completely dissipated.
It turns out that what Yu Shan was most bothered about was that he wasn't decisive enough towards Jin Minjing back then, not because he was drugged by Jin Minjing and inexplicably became pregnant.
He only realized the real reason a year or two later!
“You’re right. My leniency didn’t make Jin Minjing repent. Instead, it emboldened her and she tried to harm you multiple times. That’s why when Granny Cui caused trouble last year, I didn’t let her off easily. Instead, I killed her directly because I didn’t want something like this to happen again.”
Regarding the matter of Granny Cui, Hongli's handling of it was in a way that Yushan approved of.
"So, people's nature can change, and their emotions can change too. If I hadn't been pregnant, I wouldn't have stayed at Yunfang's house. I would have just stayed one night and left. So when Jiafeng had her accident, I wouldn't have known, and I wouldn't have come back."
You said you didn't want me to lie to you, so I don't want to lie to you, and that's the real answer.
However, fate arranged for me to become pregnant, which led to my later return. I admit that I came back then, indeed for Jia Feng's sake, and even for a long time afterward, I stayed for the sake of the child and for survival. When Consort Xi said she wanted to divorce me, guess what I was thinking?
In fact, after leaving Jingren Palace, Hongli had thought about this question, but he was worried that he could not bear Su Yushan's answer, so he did not have the courage to ask. Unexpectedly, Yushan would bring it up today!
Hongli's brow twitched slightly, and after a moment's hesitation, he said, "You're thinking: I can finally get rid of you?"
After speculating, he suddenly felt a pang of regret, regretting his impulsive revisiting of the past. He even hesitated to listen any longer. Just as he was about to find an excuse to end the conversation, Su Yushan suddenly spoke up.
"My only reaction at the time was that I didn't want to leave."
This answer was unexpected by Hongli. The only possibility he could think of was, "You can't bear to part with the child?"
With a slight smile, Su Yushan looked at him with clear and warm eyes, "The child is important, but I can't bear to part with you either."
Meeting her sincere gaze, Hongli was momentarily stunned. "Yushan... are you telling the truth?"
"Isn't her attitude sincere enough?" Su Yushan sighed with a helpless smile, "Didn't I already express my feelings to you in the palace that day?"
She did say that she was willing to start over with him, but the situation was special at the time. "I was injured then, and you only said those words because you were moved. I always felt that it wasn't your true feeling."
With her delicate sensibilities, she was not an impulsive person. "There was indeed a hurdle in my heart, but after that day, I overcame it. So before, I left because I was truly disappointed. Now, I'm staying not because of my family and children, but because... I have you in my heart."
Hearing these words with his own ears, Hongli was overwhelmed with emotion. He reached out and grabbed her. As she drew closer, he pulled her into his arms. Su Yushan was caught off guard and fell onto his lap, letting out a cry of surprise.
Hongli seized her lips and kissed her passionately and erratically, his large hands holding her tightly. Judging from his posture, he seemed to have the intention of taking her right there and then. The frightened Su Yushan kept pushing him away, trying to remind him that it was daytime!
Noticing her panic, Hongli released her, his deep, dark eyes fixed on her.
"You said it yourself, you have me in your heart. Yu Shan, some things, once said, cannot be taken back. The person in your heart can only be me, and that cannot be changed."
Looking back at him, Su Yushan solemnly replied, "Unless you betray me, I will not change my mind."
Hongli, however, believed that such a situation was impossible, saying, "We have already committed to each other, so how can there be any talk of betraying each other?"
The two have now learned to consider each other's feelings, have fewer conflicts, and get along more harmoniously. As for how far this road will go, whether they will grow old together or face unexpected changes and leave with regrets, it is ultimately hard to predict!
Realizing the conversation had gone too far off track, Su Yushan quickly steered it back on track, "I've already answered your question, so shouldn't you tell me the answer now? Is there still any possibility between them?"
After a moment's thought, Hongli pondered and said, "Yes, but the hope is very slim."
She was willing to fight for any hope, no matter how small. Su Yushan pressed him for details about the method, but seeing Hongli's solemn expression...
"Han people actually have the opportunity to be raised to the Manchu banner, but only the emperor can order it, and the emperor will only raise the banner for his own concubines. In other words, if I inherit the throne in the future and make you a concubine, I can raise the banner for your Su family. Only when your elder brother becomes a member of the Eight Banners will he have the possibility of marrying a Manchu woman."
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
