She found this question difficult to answer. "It's your problem. It seems inappropriate for you to ask me what to do."
Shouldn't we discuss things together?
Su Yushan looked at him steadily and said very sincerely, "Some things can be discussed, but some things cannot, because there is no right or wrong in this matter. The key is your stance."
Hongli understood this principle, of course, but he just wanted to know what her current state of mind was.
"I just want to hear your thoughts; you don't need to worry too much."
“My thoughts?” Su Yushan chuckled to herself. “My thoughts are at odds with most people’s views. If I were to say them out loud, you would probably think I’m crazy.”
Her views were unique, and it was precisely because of this that he was initially attracted to her. Therefore, no matter what she said, he could accept it. "No problem, I'd like to hear more."
After a moment of contemplation, Su Yushan said, "I want to be your wife, a legitimate wife. No one is forcing you to take a concubine, and you will not take one. We are each other's only one, and there is no distinction between legitimate and illegitimate, Manchu and Han."
Every morning when I wake up, the first thing I see is you. When you have free time, I hope you can take me and the children to explore beautiful mountains and rivers. I don't expect you to have a prestigious status; just a small business that provides for us is enough.
This was Yu Shan's deepest wish, but she was a concubine from the beginning, so she never said such things to him, because she knew that what she prayed for was impossible.
She never asked anything of him, so Hongli overlooked certain details.
When he was a prince, he had to attend court. Now that he is the emperor, he still attends court every day. Throughout the year, he has almost no chance to sleep in with her. Every morning when she wakes up, her pillow is empty.
He thought she had gotten used to it, but today he realized that she actually cared a lot, she just hadn't said it.
As an emperor, one cannot arbitrarily suspend court sessions unless there is a major event, so her little wish is probably impossible to fulfill.
As for the women in his harem, he could choose not to favor them, but he couldn't simply dismiss them. After all, they had already entered the palace and were nominally his women. If he drove them out of the palace, their lives would be over.
He had too many unavoidable circumstances, which destined the two of them to not live a sweet and peaceful life like ordinary couples.
“Your idea isn’t crazy, I understand. It’s just that I can’t fulfill your wish in this life. If there is an afterlife, I will definitely marry you and never have any other woman’s involvement with me again. I will belong to you completely and exclusively.”
She knew it was impossible. Since he pressed her for details, she just gave a casual answer, not intending to take it to heart. She simply didn't expect anything from his promise.
"I don't want an afterlife."
Raising an eyebrow slightly, Hongli looked at her with a puzzled expression. "What? You don't want to continue being with me?"
Shaking her head slightly, Su Yushan explained softly:
"If you pin your hopes on the next life, then you won't give your all in this life. The preciousness of life lies in the fact that it only happens once and cannot be repeated. Therefore, in this life, you should love someone wholeheartedly and not think about the next life."
Yes! Once people have a way out, they tend to harbor a sense of wishful thinking. Hongli deeply agreed.
“I will cherish everything I have now, you and the children, you are all precious to me. But I bear too many responsibilities. I am the emperor, and there are some things I must bear, so…”
Upon hearing the twist in the story, Yu Shan had already guessed a certain possibility. She forced a smile and pretended to be indifferent as she replied, "So... we still need to have a legitimate son. I understand."
After saying those words, Su Yushan felt a pang of pain in her heart, but she quickly regained her composure and secretly told herself that there was nothing to be surprised about; this was something she should accept.
She knew from the beginning that in this era, her son could not become the crown prince.
With Yonglian's death and Yongcheng's mother's betrayal of Hongli, which is a thorn in Hongli's side, he probably wouldn't let Yongcheng be the crown prince. Therefore, Hongli will most likely have children with someone else.
This is an unsolvable problem. She knew many things from the beginning, but when Yonglian was still alive, she thought that perhaps history could be changed, perhaps Yonglian could survive and grow up safely. Now, history continues to develop according to its original trajectory, and there are some things she has no choice but to face.
Hongli, unaware of her complex thoughts, turned to look at her, paused for a moment, and then suddenly smiled. "What I meant was, I can't do what you desire, sleeping in with you every morning, but I'll find a way to help you fulfill your wish of traveling the world. As for the eldest son..."
He paused deliberately at this point. Su Yushan was curious about his attitude but didn't want to ask, so she lay silently to one side.
Instead of the expected questions, Hongli said to himself, "I will not listen to the Empress Dowager's words, and I will not ask the Empress for another child."
This was exactly the answer Su Yushan had been hoping for, but when she heard it with her own ears, it always felt unreal. "But the Empress Dowager certainly won't do as you wish."
Hongli remained indifferent, saying, "My mother and I always disagree. She'll get used to it. Don't expect me to compromise like I used to."
Su Yushan was puzzled. "But you agreed when the Empress Dowager asked you to have a legitimate son before. Why don't you agree this time?"
"Back then, I was just a prince, and my father and mother both suppressed me. I had no way to resist. Now that I have ascended the throne and my father has passed away, he can no longer control me. So these matters should be decided by myself."
I was also born out of wedlock, so I deeply resent the distinction between legitimate and illegitimate children. I believe that with proper upbringing, even illegitimate children can be outstanding.
At this point, Su Yushan understood that the Empress Dowager's desire for him to have a legitimate son was actually an invisible blow to Hongli, which he strongly resisted, hence his unwillingness to obey.
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