Her thoughts? Do they matter? Her true thoughts are too pretentious. If she were to express them, he would probably come up with all sorts of reasons to explain himself. It would all be the same few sentences: he has his reasons, he has no choice in the matter, she can't blame him, she should understand.
Rather than listen to these so-called grand principles, she'd rather say nothing. In any case, she didn't want him to know. "If Fourth Master is willing to come, then I need him. If you're not available, then I don't need him."
This perfunctory attitude caused Hongli Feng's brows to furrow slowly. "I just want to hear your honest opinion, but you're giving me this bureaucratic talk?"
Looking up at him, Su Yushan asked helplessly, "Then how should I answer? If I say I don't need it, you'll say I don't care about you. If I say I need it, you'll definitely say that Princess Gao miscarried, and you have to be there for her, so I won't be jealous, right?"
She had thought everything through, so rationally that he was speechless. On the way here, he had been worried about her condition, and now he realized how ridiculous his worries had been.
"I thought you would be jealous, and I was thinking about how to make you happy. But now it seems that I was just being presumptuous. Your calmness is beyond my expectations. It seems that whether I come or not is not important. You don't care at all."
If she really didn't care at all, she wouldn't have tossed and turned all night. But what was the point of saying those things? He would still go and keep Gao Xiuwen company. Did he expect her to whine to Hongli and beg him not to go to Lanyue Pavilion and to stay with her instead?
No! She simply couldn't bring herself to say such a thing. In her view, whether he stayed or not depended on his mood, and it wasn't something she could change with a few words. She really couldn't bring herself to beg a man with kind words.
After holding back for a while, Su Yushan ultimately offered no explanation and continued walking forward. Hongli, increasingly agitated, grabbed her hand, looked her directly in the eye, and angrily questioned her.
"Didn't you say you liked me? Why are you unmoved when I go to other people? Su Yushan, you're not lying to me again, are you?"
Perhaps because of his burning anger, he gripped her wrist too tightly, digging so hard it hurt her bones. The pain in her wrist mingled with the grievances in her heart, making her nose sting with tears, and she cried out in a sorrowful voice, accusing him.
"Hongli, what exactly do you want? You want me to be magnanimous, but you also want to see me jealous. Is it only when I am jealous and sad that you will be happy and feel that you have conquered another woman?"
Your attitude shows you don't care about me at all; you're just trying to satisfy your vanity. If you truly understood me, you'd know I'm not a magnanimous person, but my position doesn't allow me to hold grudges, so I didn't want to bring it up. Yet you insist on asking again and again, rubbing salt into my wounds. How can you bully me like this, tormenting me like this?
Seeing her eyes red and brimming with grief, Hongli felt a pang of remorse, cursing himself for his momentary lapse in judgment and for uttering such foolish words that had saddened her.
"I'm not vain, I just thought you didn't care about me because you seemed so calm. I'm sorry, I only thought of myself and ignored your feelings."
As they spoke, Hongli couldn't help but pull her into his arms.
His shoulders were as broad as mountains, yet Su Yushan, who was being held tightly by him, felt no sense of security. Her heart was empty, and she didn't even understand why she felt uncomfortable or angry. What right did she have to do that?
She's not his legal wife, nor is she his only one. She's only temporarily favored by him because of her looks. What right does she have to criticize him?
With a wry smile, Su Yushan composed herself, tried to regain her composure, and said calmly, "I'm sorry, I overstepped my bounds. I shouldn't have lost my temper with Fourth Master. Please forgive me."
Her voice became hoarse and slightly choked, and she seemed to be in a bad mood. Hongli wanted to straighten the person in his arms to see what was wrong with her, but she kept her head buried in his shoulder and refused to look at him.
Left with no other choice, Hongli took a step back, then casually lifted her chin with his finger. Looking down, he noticed glistening tears in her eyes.
In his mind, Su Yushan was stubborn and strong, almost never cried, and although she would occasionally argue with him, she would never be sad for him. He had never seen her like this before.
"Yushan, you're crying? Are you sad because of me?"
Sniffing, Su Yushan hurriedly denied, "No, you're overthinking it."
"You're not going to say it's because the sand got in your eyes, are you?"
Is it really okay to interrupt? Su Yushan was at a loss for words and became increasingly embarrassed. She stammered and tried to find an excuse, "It could also be that a small flying insect flew in!"
Just as she tried to pull away, his knuckles brushed across her face, gently wiping away her tears.
When his fingertips touched the warmth, Hongli felt both heartache and relief, and suddenly smiled.
Su Yushan, who was feeling upset, was greatly puzzled when she heard his laughter. She felt even more aggrieved and said, "I'm clearly crying, but you're just laughing at me. Is that polite of you?"
He shouldn't have laughed at this moment, but the scene warmed his heart. "Because this is the first time I've felt your care for me. In the past, when you said you liked me, it was all perfunctory. I couldn't feel your love at all."
Has she really started to care about him? Hongli was happy about this, but Su Yushan was extremely terrified. What she feared most was falling in love with Hongli. Once she fell in love with the future emperor, she would have no last line of defense left!
But why was she so upset? Perhaps it was just because he had always been by her side, and now that he was suddenly not there, she felt uneasy and couldn't sleep because she was overthinking things.
Such situations will not be uncommon in the future. Hongli will not only go to Lanyue Pavilion, but may also go to other maids, or perhaps new maids will be added to the mansion. After she gets used to it, she may no longer have any fluctuations.
This chapter is not finished, please click the next page to continue reading!
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
