Chapter 79
The rain intensified, and the leaden-gray clouds hung low.
The bus stop roof was pitifully narrow, and the rain was cut in at an angle by the wind, hitting Yun Zhan's shoulder and leaving dark water stains.
She held her phone protectively in her palm; the dial pad on the screen glowed with a pale blue light, and the waiting tone rang monotonously, one tone after another.
Beep...beep...beep...
Pei Yanxi didn't answer the phone...
Every second felt incredibly long. In the past, Pei Yanxi would always answer instantly, the ringing never lasting more than two seconds.
Every time the call connected, Pei Yanxi's concerned voice would come from the other end: "Hello, Yun Zhan, what's wrong?"
But at this moment, the waiting tone kept hitting my eardrums, eventually turning into a cold busy tone.
Yun Zhan lowered her hand, the screen went dark, reflecting her slightly furrowed brows.
The rain pounded down, sounding like countless tiny accusations. Perhaps Pei Yanxi on the other end didn't miss it, but simply chose not to answer.
Yun Zhan sighed. She had indeed let down too many people... This realization made her chest feel tight, like a waterlogged sponge was stuffed inside, heavy and sour.
Yun Zhan put away his phone, his voice so low it was almost drowned out by the rain: "Since she doesn't want to answer my calls... then I'll go to the school. I'll run into her eventually."
After saying that, she wiped the rain off her face, pulled the hood of her hoodie over her head, slung her backpack over her shoulder, and stepped into the rain.
The air conditioning in the board of directors' office was set too low, and the cold air seeped in through the gaps in the blinds, causing the edges of the stack of documents on the desk to tumble.
Pei Yanxi sat on the black chair with her head down, her fingers flying across the keyboard. The blue light from the screen reflected the dark circles under her eyes, and her lips were so pale they were almost transparent.
Xue Qi pushed open the door and came in, bringing with him a steaming body and an unfinished iced Americano in his hand.
She glanced at the reports on the table, then at Pei Yanxi. Pei Yanxi hadn't even taken off her coat; her collar was all wrinkled, her collarbone was sunken, her wrist bones were protruding, and her hair was a bit messy.
Xue Qi's temper flared up. He took two steps forward, slammed the file shut, and took it away.
"Just for Yun Zhan, you've ruined yourself like this?" Xue Qi's voice rose, trembling with disappointment.
"So she's with Shi Mingyue, is that all? Do you need to lock yourself in here every day? Look at you, you haven't slept for days!"
Pei Yanxi didn't say anything, but reached out to snatch the document, her fingertips turning white from the excessive force.
Xue Qi raised his hand to shove, then hugged the entire stack of documents to his chest and glared at Pei Yanxi: "Speak to me! Who do you think you are now? Who are you trying to torture yourself for?"
The keyboard clicks stopped.
Pei Yanxi raised her eyes, her usually calm and sharp eyes were bloodshot, and there were dark circles under her eyes, as if they had been smeared with ink.
She coughed a few times, her voice so hoarse it was almost inaudible: "It's none of your business, go deal with your own affairs."
After saying that, Pei Yanxi suddenly stood up and forcefully pulled the document back from Xue Qi's arms, the edge of the paper cutting Xue Qi's fingertips.
Xue Qi winced in pain, but was even angrier: "Pei Yanxi! Haven't you gone crazy enough? Yun Zhan won't see the horrible state you're in now. She's living with Shi Mingyue! You're torturing yourself, and she doesn't even know it!"
“I know she doesn’t know.” Pei Yanxi finally shouted, her voice hoarse and unlike her own, but the last syllable suddenly dropped, as if all her strength had been drained.
"But I can't stop."
She likes Yun Zhan and can't stop.
Shi Mingyue's phone call was like a hallucination to her; she...didn't even try to accept it.
Pei Yanxi slumped back in her computer chair, closed her eyes, and clutched the memory stone Yun Zhan had given her tightly in her hand...
If those scenes are just illusions... why not let her stay in those illusions forever?
Why be so cruel... to pull her back into the real world and then tell her: Yun Zhan is with me.
Pei Yanxi turned her back, her shoulders shrugging slightly, as if she were being crushed by an invisible weight.
Xue Qi stood there, his chest heaving violently, looking at the once-famous figure in the school, now just a weary shell, and suddenly couldn't utter any more harsh words.
"That's enough, Pei Yanxi. You weren't like this before."
As Xue Qi was speaking, her phone suddenly vibrated. She glanced at the screen and saw that it was Yan Ji calling.
"Hello?"
Yan Ji's voice came through the receiver: "I just saw Yun Zhan at the school gate. Senior Pei hasn't been in a good mood these past few days. Why don't you let her come and say a few words to Yun Zhan?"
Xue Qi looked up and his gaze fell on Pei Yanxi.
The phone was on speakerphone, and the name "Yun Zhan" reached Pei Yanxi's ears. She was looking down at the documents, but her fingertips paused on the pages.
"Yun Zhan has come to school."
Xue Qi covered the phone and lowered her voice: "Don't lock yourself in here, go talk to her for a bit, maybe... it will make things better."
*Snap*, a fingernail scratched a shallow mark on the edge of the document.
Pei Yanxi's knuckles trembled, her shoulders shrugged slightly, and then slowly fell back down.
She took a deep breath, her voice so hoarse it was almost inaudible: "Never mind, I can't see her."
She lowered her eyes, her eyelashes casting a very thin shadow on the side of her face, like a fragile crack.
The moment they meet, the dams built with work, insomnia, and numbness crumble instantly.
She didn't want to show her vulnerable state in front of Yun Zhan, nor did she want him to see the overwhelming, almost unconcealable longing and weakness in her eyes.
Xue Qi pursed her lips, still wanting to persuade her, but saw Pei Yanxi turn her back to the door, her voice so low it was barely a whisper: "For me... say goodbye to her."
Yan Ji waited on the other end of the phone for a long time, only to receive the reply: "I'm not going. Tell Yun Zhan... to take good care of himself."
Xue Qi hung up and let out a long sigh.
The air conditioning continued to blow. Pei Yanxi stood in front of the floor-to-ceiling window. The sunlight stretched her shadow long, but it couldn't illuminate her downcast eyes.
Not seeing each other is the last bit of dignity she leaves for each other, and also the last bit of stubbornness she leaves for herself.
When Yun Zhan pushed open the door, the wind from the corridor rushed in. Only Xue Qi was in the room. She was sitting on the edge of the table, twirling a pen in her hand, her gaze fixed on Yun Zhan's face with a hint of complexity that was hard to detect.
"Pei Yanxi will not see you."
Xue Qi spoke, her voice lower than usual: "She asked me to tell you to say goodbye."
goodbye.
The two words landed lightly on the floor, yet felt like lead weights striking Yun Zhan's heart.
She stood at the door, her fingers still on the doorknob, stunned for several seconds before slowly letting go.
"Thank you, senior... Please also tell her I'm sorry."
She turned to leave, but Xue Qi suddenly slammed his pen shut, his voice rising with barely suppressed anger: "Yun Zhan!"
Yun Zhan stopped and turned around.
Xue Qi took a deep breath, his voice revealing anger for the first time: "Pei Yanxi is a very proud person. There is nothing she can't get. You've made her fail too much."
As soon as he finished speaking, the office became so quiet that the low hum of the air conditioner vents could be heard.
Xue Qi stared at Yun Zhan, her eyes filled with anger at his lack of ambition and resentment: "She locked herself in her office, working non-stop, pushing herself to the brink of collapse, just because she didn't want to show weakness in front of you. You really... tortured her terribly."
Yun Zhan slowly clenched her hands at her sides. She couldn't refute it because that was the truth; she was the one who had wronged Pei Yanxi.
After a long pause, Yun Zhan bowed to Xue Qi, his voice low but firm: "I'm sorry, please... take good care of her, senior."
"This is a letter I wrote to Senior Pei, along with a sapphire ring. Please give it to her as well. I'm so sorry."
...
Afternoon, the old study room on the top floor of the library.
The blinds were half-closed, and the sunlight was cut into golden lines, with dust motes drifting slowly in the beams of light.
Yun Zhan curled up in the single sofa, holding an open book in his arms, his eyelids growing heavy.
Half-asleep, a light citrus scent wafted by, and a thin jacket gently fell onto her shoulders.
She opened her eyes groggily. Pei Yanxi stood backlit, her eyes reddened, her eyelashes still damp, but her voice was as faint as an autumn breeze: "You don't even know to choose a warmer place to read."
Yun Zhan froze, the pages of the book slipping from his fingers: "Senior...didn't you say you wouldn't see me?"
Pei Yanxi lowered her eyes, her fingers unconsciously rubbing the cuff of her coat, where a small sapphire ring and a letter that she had already crumpled slightly were hidden.
She didn't answer, but simply pulled her coat up to cover Yun Zhan's icy fingertips.
After a moment of silence, she spoke in a low voice, her tone thick with nasal congestion: "Fool, you wrote me those letters... how could I bear not to come see you?"
Pei Yanxi paused, as if swallowing the sob in her throat, her gaze falling on Yun Zhan's face, a hint of reluctance flashing in her eyes as she tried her best to hide it.
"I... I really can't be cruel to you."
After saying that, she seemed to have all her strength drained away. She slowly sat down in the chair opposite her, her back still straight, but she exuded an unprecedented sense of dejection.
Yun Zhan sat up straight, his voice low and hoarse: "I'm sorry."
Those three simple words were like the last straw, breaking the facade that Pei Yanxi had been desperately trying to maintain.
Her eyes instantly turned red, and tears rolled down, splashing onto the letter paper and spreading a small patch of deep blue.
“Yun Zhan,”
Her voice trembled, but she stubbornly stared at the person opposite her: "From childhood to adulthood, I've always been able to get whatever I wanted. You're the first person I've desperately wanted but couldn't have."
Tears streamed down her face, but she didn't wipe them away. Instead, she bent over helplessly, buried her face in her palms, and her shoulders trembled slightly, as if she wanted to cry out all her resentment and bitterness.
Sunlight fell on her trembling back, casting a lonely and broken shadow.
Pei Yanxi didn't look at Yun Zhan, but lowered her head, letting her tears fall onto the sofa one by one. Her voice was so soft that it sounded like she was talking to herself, but every word carried a lingering warmth.
“At that time, Shi Mingyue called me and said that she was with you… My first reaction was not to believe it.”
She smiled, but the smile was like the surface of a lake ruffled by the wind, the ripples full of self-mockery.
"I don't believe you would choose her. We've been through so much. The first person you met when you entered school was me. We went to sea together, and you saved me from the warlords. We've been through life and death together. That night at the hotel, I was with you... You bought medicine for me and took care of me. Why, in the end... would you not like me?"
She opened her palm, and there lay the Illusion Stone, which had been clenched until it was hot, within its patterns. Its blue light was faint, yet it reflected countless images.
If only it were an illusion...
"You left me with so many wonderful memories."
Pei Yanxi's voice trembled, her fingers tightening: "And in the end, you tell me you like Shi Mingyue... Yun Zhan, you've gone too far..."
Her voice suddenly rose in pitch at the end, tinged with a sob that she could no longer suppress.
She wanted to throw the stone away, but couldn't bear to.
I wanted to continue my accusations, but I couldn't find any more words.
So all she could do was cry. Tears streamed down her face like broken beads, falling onto the ring, onto the sofa, and onto the pride she had so desperately tried to maintain.
She bent over, buried her face in her palms, her shoulders heaving violently, her sobs muffled between her fingers, refusing to let anyone see her wounds, yet she could no longer bear the pain.
She was originally stronger than Wen Sixue, but now she was crying even harder.
Yun Zhan squatted down and placed his palm on the back of Pei Yanxi's hand that was holding the Illusion Stone.
Yun Zhan didn't rush to speak, but simply let his warmth seep in little by little, as if to soothe the surging sourness.
Pei Yanxi's crying gradually subsided, the rise and fall of her shoulders slowed down, and only occasional sobs remained.
She wiped her face, her fingertips glistening with tears, which shimmered faintly in the dim light.
She looked up at the row of old chandeliers on the ceiling, their shades filled with fine dust, like fragments of dusty old times.
"However... I did expect to lose to Shi Mingyue."
Pei Yanxi's voice was hoarse, yet trembled with relief: "She's a very good person, Yun Zhan, she's perfect for you."
Pei Yanxi tried hard to swallow back the remaining tears, forcing a slight smile, as if to put on a final act of dignity: "Before I met you, I thought about it for a long time. Perhaps the best news is that you survived."
"Yun Zhan, regrets always permeate life..."
She paused, took a deep breath, as if exhaling all the resentment and bitterness in her chest.
She turned to look at Yun Zhan, her reddened eyes still glistening with tears, but her gaze gradually cleared. "It's good that you're alright."
That phrase, "As long as you're doing well," was as light as a falling leaf, yet as heavy as the sound of a bell.
Yun Zhan's heart skipped a beat, and his nose suddenly felt sore.
She knew that this was Pei Yanxi's final act of letting her go—not forgiveness, not forgetting, but the most honest relief after knowing that he still liked her.
Yun Zhan reached out and gently placed his hand on Pei Yanxi's hand, his voice low and husky but solemn: "I will. Thank you... for liking me so intensely back then."
Pei Yanxi smiled, her tear stains still wet, yet she exuded a long-lost sense of freedom.
She gripped Yun Zhan's hand back, her fingertips tightening as if grasping at the last warmth, yet also as if letting go completely.
Sunlight streamed through the gaps in the blinds, falling on their clasped hands and casting a long, thin patch of light.
Neither of them spoke again.
At this moment, regret and relief finally landed simultaneously.
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