Chapter 92
extra
Beep beep beep—
The smell of disinfectant filled her nostrils, and the familiar sounds of medical equipment filled her ears. Meng Yuan kept her eyes tightly shut, but tears unexpectedly streamed down her cheeks.
It was like she was having a dream, a very painful dream.
"Yingying? Yingying? You're awake?" Grandma's voice rang out, and Meng Yuan slowly opened her eyes. Her vision was blurry, but gradually became clear. Grandma was wearing a floral old-fashioned shirt, and her face was aged. In an instant, she realized that Grandma had aged so much since she was a child.
"Grandma...Grandma." She hadn't spoken for a long time, and when she finally did, her mouth was agape, and her throat was dry and hoarse.
Almost silent
Grandma understood, as if she had just taken a nap. Grandma smiled and came over to hug her, stroking her back up and down.
"You've slept for so long, you must be starving."
Meng Yuan rested her chin on her grandmother's shoulder. Her grandmother's body was so soft, like a cotton quilt, and she sank deeply into it.
It felt like a lifetime had passed, and suddenly my nose started to sting.
"Grandma, Grandma, Grandma." Meng Yuan had no other words to say, she could only keep calling out for her grandma, tears welling up in her eyes and streaming down her face.
So empty, so painful.
Meng Yuan thought to herself, "I'm back now, so why does my heart feel so empty and painful?" The pain was so intense she could hardly breathe, and her breath grew increasingly shallow. Her appearance terrified her grandmother. Her grandmother tried to let go of her, but Meng Yuan held her tightly.
"Grandma, I, I, I had a dream. In the dream, I fell in love with someone." She choked out the words she couldn't express in that world.
Grandma just thought she had a terrible dream and comforted her, saying, "Dreams are always the opposite of reality, sweetie."
Meng Yuan released her grandmother, her hands flailing in the air, her face streaked with tears: "No, no, it's real. It's real." All of Meng Yuan's reason crumbled; she grabbed the bedsheet and patted it, anxiously looking around.
"I want to go back, I don't want him to die, I want to go back." She kept crying, but the sorrow inside her could not be stopped.
Tears couldn't wash away her sorrow, but they could drain her energy. She slowly cried herself to exhaustion. Nestled in her grandmother's arms, with her eyes closed, her grandmother wiped away her tears with a damp towel: "What dream did you have that made you cry like this?"
Meng Yuan drifted off to sleep, and suddenly a green field appeared in her dream. She walked towards the deepest part and saw a figure standing there.
She swallowed nervously: "Shang Mang."
As she approached, the man turned around, and Meng Yuan recognized his face—it wasn't Shang Mang. But the face wasn't unfamiliar; he smiled insincerely and said, "Master, congratulations on returning home."
His voice entered her mind, carrying a familiar electronic tone. She slowly spoke, "Are you the system?"
Shou Changxing smiled at her: "Yes and no."
Meng Yuan remained silent, but Shou Changxing looked at her and asked, "You're home now, aren't you happy?"
Meng Yuan looked up at him: "Why should I be happy?" Her clear eyes were bloodshot as she grabbed his collar: "You've been toying with me, making me fall in love with others time and time again. What do you take my feelings for?"
"Why can you talk to me like that with a smile?"
"Why should he die!"
Meng Yuan gritted her teeth, while Shou Changxing tilted his head and laughed out loud: "Master, you and him really complement each other."
"There are many things you don't know. Your rebirth, your return home, your life are all tied to him. If you die, he can live. But if you live, he must die. Everything has to pay a price for itself. I gave him two choices. He could choose to follow the righteous path and become an upright person. He doesn't have to walk the so-called path of the demon."
“He could also choose to save you and let you go home, but he would have to disappear. You two are both very smart. You risked your life for everyone else, and he risked his life for you. Is this love?” Shou Changxing lowered his eyes, a strange confusion in them.
Meng Yuan couldn't understand: "What are you saying?"
Shou Changxing sighed: "I forgot, your memories are long gone. This is the price of reincarnation, but I don't recommend telling you, because I have already found my meaning."
"Perhaps this is my purpose?"
"In your first life, you used your life to awaken two people: Zhou Xiuqi and Shang Mang. You rewrote Zhou Xiuqi's fate, allowing him to have his own ending. Shang Mang also threatened me in order to resurrect you, but I have no way of knowing if you will really be resurrected."
"You thought this was the second life, his tenth reincarnation, and that everyone had finally waited for your resurrection. They put on a show for you. You just asked me if I was the system. I am, but the mission was given by Shang Mang, and he controlled the time. He designed everything."
"And I was just a pawn in his game."
After Shou Changxing finished explaining everything, he observed her expression. She stood there blankly and asked, "Why, why did you have to do so much for me?"
“I didn’t do anything for him.”
Shou Changxing chuckled: "That's what we wanted to ask too. We haven't done anything for you, so why were you willing to end our cycle of reincarnation with your life?"
Meng Yuan suddenly noticed that his hand was gradually becoming transparent. She frowned: "Your hand."
Shou Changxing's eyes curved into a line: "Violating the Time Bureau's regulations will result in elimination, but I don't regret it. I really wanted to tell you all of this."
"Master, thank you."
Thud—
She sat up abruptly in bed and hugged her head tightly.
I can't breathe.
Meng Yuan shifted her body and lay face down on the bed, arching forward with all her might, but there was still very little air. She couldn't help but cry again. Why was she crying again? Why couldn't she breathe?
The number of people in the world who love her has increased from just her grandmother to a whole new group.
Meng Yuan curled up, biting her arm, wondering what they were doing. Xiao Zheyu, Zhou Xiuqi, Ling Daozi, Kong Fusheng—what were they all doing?
Everything is over, but those who are still clear-headed must move forward.
Those who have fallen asleep remain forever in this moment.
...
Five years later, Meng Yuan joined the company, working a nine-to-five job. When she left the company in the evening, the sky was still as beautiful as ever. She was always in a daze, as if she were living a half-dead existence.
Today is her twenty-third birthday. She joined the company right after graduating from university. Tang Wan walked past her and asked, "Meng Yuan, how are you planning to spend today?"
Tang Wan was her roommate, the only roommate she could get along with. The others thought she had low emotional intelligence and didn't know how to speak properly.
Meng Yuan tugged at her bag and said, "I'll just go home and lie down. Aren't I tired enough from revising the plan? There's nothing to celebrate on my birthday."
Tang Wan pulled her bag and walked forward: "Hey, don't think like that, just come with me for a bit. I recently ate some really delicious barbecue, let's go eat together."
Meng Yuan didn't refuse and followed her.
Tang Wan took her hand and said, "You know, when I'm with you, I always feel like you don't belong to this world. You're always spacing out, just staring blankly."
Meng Yuan smiled helplessly: "Is that so?"
Tang Wan said, "Yes, back in your freshman year, you always hid in your dorm watching movies by yourself. But your expression didn't change because of the movie plot, and I thought you were so sad."
"Meng Yuan, we've known each other for so long, can you tell me your story?"
Tang Wan looked at her intently.
Meng Yuan rubbed her hands together; the night wind chilled her skin. She said, "There's nothing nice to hear."
Tang Wan sighed and pouted, "Fine, it seems our relationship isn't at the point where we can share it yet."
Seeing her expression, Meng Yuan felt a little guilty and poked her arm, saying, "That's not what I meant."
Tang Wan laughed heartily, "Of course I know, otherwise I wouldn't have played with you for so long."
The two exchanged a glance, and Meng Yuan smiled with her eyes lowered.
They soon arrived at the food stall she had mentioned. The environment was just a roadside stall, surrounded by people coming and going. The barbecue stall was crowded, and Tang Wan went up to get a plate: "Order whatever you like, it's on me."
Meng Yuan looked around and hesitated.
"Yingying?" Someone suddenly called her name.
She looked up in confusion, as if frozen in time. The woman in her memory had changed a lot. She was wearing a camel coat, but her appearance hadn't changed at all; in fact, she was even more beautiful. Happiness really does show on your face.
Tang Wan walked over: "Hmm? Who is this?"
The moment Meng Yuan saw her, she realized that she didn't hate her at all. Seeing that she was doing well, she breathed a sigh of relief.
“She is Zhang Cui,” she said. Zhang Cui paused for a second upon hearing her name, her gaze towards her hesitant, but she smiled because of the presence of others.
"I am Meng Yuan's mother," she introduced herself.
Tang Wan didn't know anything about Meng Yuan's family, so she never talked about it. She just smiled and said, "Hello, Auntie." Tang Wan didn't ask many questions; if someone doesn't mention it, it means they don't want others to know.
Tang Wan didn't ask her if she wanted to eat together, and went to pick out barbecue on her own.
Meng Yuan stood face to face with her, awkwardly silent. Zhang Cui spoke first, asking, "Yingying, how have you been?"
Meng Yuan picked up a water spinach and said, "You're doing very well, why don't you come back?"
Zhang Cui didn't expect him to question her: "I, I, am very busy."
Meng Yuan smiled gently: "You didn't come back even after Grandma passed away. You're afraid to see me. Then why did you call out to me just now?"
Zhang Cui's expression froze on her face. She hurriedly explained, "No, I had some problems a few years ago, so I didn't dare to go back."
Meng Yuan's expression was blank except for a smile. "As long as you're happy," she said. She handed the barbecue to the owner and turned to look for Tang Wan. After returning from that world, she understood why Tang Wan hadn't come back. For her, those memories were both beautiful and a double-edged sword.
Only by letting go of the knife can you look forward.
Tang Wan put down her phone the moment she walked over and asked, "What did you order?"
"Water spinach, chives, and chicken cutlet," she answered honestly.
Tang Wan laughed out loud: "Why are you so dense? You just answer whatever I ask you."
"Close your eyes now," she said.
Meng Yuan obediently closed her eyes; she knew Tang Wan was going to give her a gift.
"Okay, open your eyes now!"
As soon as Meng Yuan opened her eyes, a ring dangled from the chain in front of her, and her gaze lingered on the ring.
"How did you know about this ring?" she asked.
Tang Wan took her hand and placed it in her palm: "I saw this in your manuscript. Does this ring have any special meaning for you? I had it made. It's not very expensive."
Meng Yuan tightened her grip, pressed her hand close to her face, her eyelashes trembling: "Thank you."
Tang Wan felt embarrassed: "You like it that much?"
Meng Yuan picked up the wine on the table and put it in her mouth. She rarely drank, and the first sip burned her throat. She could only swallow it down. She continued, "You may not believe what I'm about to say, or you may think I'm crazy."
"Think what you want."
"When I first graduated from high school, I had a heart condition and was on the verge of dying. But one day I transmigrated into a book. After transmigrating, I met a boy who was the main villain in the book. At first, my target wasn't him, but the protagonist, my senior. But I didn't want to pursue him, nor did I want to leave any feelings behind in another world."
"If I fail my mission, I will truly die, so I thought since I was going to die anyway, I might as well end their cycle of reincarnation and let them be themselves. But the villains used their own lives to give me a second chance at life. I lived another life, and then somehow ended up back in my own world."
"But it feels so fake, did I really survive?"
Tang Wan's mouth dropped open as she listened. Meng Yuan looked at her, and Tang Wan pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to her: "It sounds unreal, but your tears tell me it's real."
She cried?
When she actually brought it up, she realized that she had never forgotten those days.
The barbecue owner served the barbecue, and Tang Wan picked it up and said, "Actually, being loved like this once in a lifetime is enough."
Meng Yuan took a bite of the barbecue, but found it tasteless. Things she used to find delicious no matter how she ate them, she couldn't taste the same flavor now.
How many years will it take her to forget this period?
Will she ever fall in love with someone else for the rest of her life?
...
The wind was biting; another winter had arrived. She rubbed her arms; where Meng Yuan lived, it never snowed. Only the biting wind seeped in relentlessly, chilling her neck, so she wrapped her scarf tighter around herself.
Ten years have passed since that year. She can't remember many things anymore, and her heart has become increasingly calm. She met a man and naturally accepted his pursuit. She must continue living her life as before.
"Why aren't you wearing more clothes in this cold weather?" A male voice rang out, pulling Meng Yuan back to reality. She looked at the boy in front of her, who was wearing the same clothes as her. She smiled and took his hand: "Waiting for you."
Xu Rong squeezed her hand and rubbed it: "It's so cold, you don't need to wait for me. Go back and rest early." There were no conflicts or arguments between them; they got along peacefully.
Xu Rong handed her the milk tea: "Meng Yuan, can I tell you something?"
Meng Yuan looked at the milk tea and said, "You tell me."
Xu Rong took her hand and put the milk tea in: "My family is pressuring me to get married. We've been together for so long, do you have any feelings for me?"
Every relationship ends with this same question: she doesn't want to get married.
Meng Yuan took the milk tea, and as she opened her mouth, steam rose from it: "Xu Rong, you know I don't want to get married."
Xu Rong, being polite, didn't ask any further questions, but simply smiled and said, "Then I won't take you home today, Meng Yuan. Let's call it a day."
Meng Yuan calmly accepted this fact; she couldn't make do with him.
...
Spring passes and autumn comes.
Autumn's coolness and summer's heat—countless seasons had passed, and Meng Yuan finally celebrated her fortieth birthday. She returned to her room, turned on the lights, and found it empty. She had bought herself a cake; Tang Wan had gone out of town and asked if she wanted to come along, but she declined.
She wanted to spend her birthday quietly by herself this year.
She lit a candle, the flame casting its glow on her face, and for a moment she felt a pang of dazedness. For some reason, she thought of the time in the cave, when the light shone on his face, and his expression.
Perhaps he had already prepared for the end.
Meng Yuan lit the fire, then felt a sudden pang of heartache. She frowned and stumbled towards the bedroom. There was medicine in the bedroom; the successful mission had only prolonged her life, not cured the illness.
With trembling hands, she opened the bedside table, and the medicine fell into her palm. But Meng Yuan hesitated to put it in her mouth, and slid down the bed.
I've long been used to the pain of the illness.
She no longer knew the meaning of her life.
She grew lighter and lighter, losing control of her body and feeling only endless darkness engulfing her. But she was not afraid.
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