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Xuan Tianyan came to Feng Fendai’s place more than once or twice, but Feng Fendai didn’t know about it. Most of the time, Xuan Tianyan came in the middle of the night and left before dawn, so he knew that Feng Fendai had been suffering from insomnia recently. She always couldn’t sleep in the middle of the night, and she was either walking around in the yard or sitting in the house with her knees hugged, sitting all night. He felt sorry for Feng Fendai and wanted to hug her several times, but he felt that the girl had nothing to do with him anymore, and it would be embarrassing for him to show up.
He came again tonight because he heard Qi Fang say that a few days ago, he took a concubine and someone scolded Feng Fendai here for two days and two nights. He thought, given Feng Fendai's temper, she might be furious! But when he came to see her, he saw Feng Fendai still sitting quietly in the room as usual, with a calm face and no sign of anger at all.
He thought again, maybe after a few days, she had calmed down? But that was not right. With Feng Fendai's temper, it was impossible for her to calm down so easily. Normally, she would scold him for a month. He came early on purpose, before going to bed, just to see how the girl was doing, and to hear how Feng Fendai would react after learning that he had taken in another concubine.
However, nothing could be seen. Feng Fendai seemed to have not experienced those things at all. She had no reaction and just lived her life quietly.
But Xuan Tianyan could still see something was wrong. He hadn't been here before the New Year, and when he came before, it was mostly late at night, so he couldn't see the life in the courtyard. Today he came a little early, and because it was New Year, people slept late. When he came, he saw Dongying feeding Xiaobao. It was half a bowl of steamed meat, which was obviously already eaten and heated up. Xiaobao ate it mouthful by mouthful, and from time to time he urged Fendai to eat a little. But Fendai didn't eat, and just sat there quietly watching.
Later, when Xiaobao finished his meal and went back to sleep, he heard Dongying say to Fendai, "Miss, you only ate half a bowl of noodles tonight. How about I make you something else? You can't finish this steamed meat. There is some leftover rice in the kitchen. I will heat it up for you. Can you have some more with the steamed meat?"
Fendai shook her head and said, "Forget it, I'm not hungry. If I can't finish the meat, I can keep it. It won't go bad in the winter. What if the child wants to eat it tomorrow? It's New Year's Day, we can't let the child eat vegetarian food like us. Tomorrow you can cook the remaining meat in a different way and put some dried vegetables in it. Xiaobao will like it."
Dong Ying was somewhat helpless. "It's a pity that we can't afford a cook. How can I cook anything? This bowl of steamed meat is just made with some salt. Maybe the young master doesn't like it. How about... how about we hire a cook? It doesn't have to be a very skilled one. Just an ordinary maid who can cook will do. At least the food will be more delicious than what I cook."
But Fendai waved her hand and said, "No, even if it's an ordinary maid, we have to give her half a tael of silver a month. We can buy a lot of things with that half a tael of silver. If we just eat, it's almost enough for a month!"
Dongying didn't say anything after hearing this. She took care of Fendai's affairs and went back to accompany Xiaobao. Xuan Tianyan felt very uncomfortable listening to the conversation between the master and servant. If he had known that this girl was living such a hard life now, he should have left her more silver when they separated.
Xuan Tianyan felt distressed, but now that the two of them had gotten into such a mess, even if he wanted to give it to Feng Fendai, she wouldn't take it. He had no choice but to hide in the corner of the yard, watching Fendai silently as usual, and leaving quietly before dawn.
It can be considered as accompanying her for a new year! Xuan Tianyan thought that on the night of the first day of the new year, he was with her anyway, so that the girl would not be alone. Now she is the only one in the Feng family who is still in the capital. This girl has a bad temper and is always unwilling to reconcile with Feng Yuheng and Feng Xiangrong. She is always unwilling to say something soft. If the two sisters are around, he can feel more at ease. Just like now, how can he feel at ease.
At dawn, Xuan Tianyan left. Feng Fendai stood up from the chair. Her feet were a little numb. It took a long time for her to take a few steps. When she walked out of the house, the person who secretly watched her was no longer in the yard. Even the breath was blown away by the cold winter wind. Feng Fendai didn't actually see Xuan Tianyan coming, but she just had a feeling that last night, in a corner of the yard, there was a person standing there quietly watching, watching all night. She wanted to come out to take a look, and her feet touched the ground, but she took them back. She knew it was Xuan Tianyan. In this capital, the only person who could still remember to secretly watch her was Xuan Tianyan. But what could she do? Now they each have their own lives. She lives quietly in this small courtyard, living in harmony with the world, and he also vigorously takes women into his mansion, continuing his absurd life as a prince. Everyone has their own choices, but there should be no intersection between them.
Fendai sat down in the yard. The stone bench that had been cold all night made her shudder. She felt as if her whole body was chilled. But she did not get up. She let the coldness spread until her fingertips were cold. Until Dongying came, she said to Dongying who was persuading her to go back to the house, "It doesn't matter. It's better to be cool. A cool mind will clear my mind and help me distinguish who is right and who is wrong, and what kind of life I deserve."
She was very satisfied with her current situation, although she was a little poor, although she could see that the silver in the bottom of the box was about to run out, and although she would soon have to find a way to make a living to make ends meet. But Feng Fendai thought that even if she continued to be so poor, it would be much better than the days in the Feng Mansion before. She couldn't understand why she used to like fighting so much, and why she used to care so much about the position of a legitimate daughter of the Feng family. Looking back now, even if she became the legitimate daughter of the Feng family, what would it matter? Now that the Feng family is gone, even if she is a legitimate daughter, she is just a legitimate daughter of a ruined family, and she will never become another Feng Yuheng. In the final analysis, she does not have the ability of Feng Yuheng, nor the good temperament of Feng Xiangrong, and she is not far-sighted. She stood on the wrong side from the very beginning, so that she is now without relatives and friends.
But what can she do? She smiled and said, "There is still Xiaobao! No matter who the biological father of that child is, the mother is always Han, and he is her biological brother.
"It feels so good to have a family member around." She smiled at Dongying, but the smile was only for a moment, and soon dimmed again. She said to Dongying: "After this year, I will return the contract to you, and you can go! You don't have to serve me anymore, and find a good master to follow. At least you don't have to go without a bite of meat for ten days like now."
Dong Ying was stunned. Feng Fendai was willing to return her indenture contract to her? This was something she had dreamed of so much! This Fourth Miss Feng had a bad temper and was always beating and scolding her. She had wanted so much to get her indenture contract back and regain her freedom. She had thought that no matter what kind of master she followed, it would be better than Feng Fendai.
But now, when Feng Fendai really said that she would return her indenture contract to her, Dongying was actually a little at a loss. She forgot to be happy, but instead stood there in a daze, her nose sour. Suddenly, she felt that she didn't want to leave. She didn't really want to abandon Feng Fendai and start a new life. She was used to following Feng Fendai. Her life had been completely integrated with the Feng family and Feng Fendai. If she talked about leaving again, it would be like being kicked out of the house by her parents. She felt uncomfortable.
She shook her head and said to Feng Fendai, "I won't leave. If you want to save money, then you don't have to chase me away. I don't want money. I just want to accompany you and the young master. Life is hard now, but it doesn't matter. What kind of hardship can't a servant endure? You, a young lady, can live such a life, so why can't I? Besides, when life was good in the past, you didn't treat me badly. I have tasted good food, good drink, and good clothes. I have no regrets in this life. You don't have to worry about the future. I have thought about it. After the New Year, I will go out to do some needlework. I can't make much, but I can't make less. We have simple meals, but at least we can have enough to eat."
After she finished speaking, she turned around and went into the house without waiting for Feng Fendai to reply. When she came out again, she brought a cloak and put it on Fendai. Fendai was stunned, "This cloak is made of fox fur, it is worth a lot of silver. I remember asking you to take it out to pawn it, how come it is still here?"
Dong Ying sighed softly, "I am reluctant to pawn it. The things that the young lady brought out from Feng Mansion were not many. You have always liked this cloak. We are still alive now, so there is no need to sell it for silver."
Fen Dai was stunned for a moment, then reached out to touch the cloak. The snow-white fox fur was a birthday gift from Feng Jinyuan when the Feng family was prosperous. She was still young at that time, barely nine years old, and her stature was not as impressive as it is now. The cloak now looks very small when she puts it on. But she has always treasured it so much that she is reluctant to use it. The fur is still shiny and very beautiful.
This was the only time Feng Jinyuan gave her such a good thing, and Han had to coax and make a fuss to get it for her. In the eyes of that father, there was only the incomparably beautiful Feng Chenyu, and the other daughters were just stones to pave the way for Chenyu. Now, those who were once glorious are dead, but she survived. Thinking about it this way, Feng Yuheng was still good to her, at least she was the only one left alive among those who had been against him.
Feng Fendai smiled bitterly. If she had known that her mood would change like this today, she would not have done so many things against her will for a poor legitimate daughter. However, there is no regret medicine in the world. The principles she understands now are all exchanged for the mistakes she made in the past. Time cannot be reversed, and everything can never go back.
"I have lost all hope," she whispered softly, "Second sister, I can't let you lose hope. Come back soon! I always feel that this capital city is not as peaceful as it appears!"
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