My name is Zhao Si, and I’m ranked fourth.
My mother's name is Meng Ruolan, who was the queen of the time, and my maternal grandfather was the famous Duke of Ying.
I am a legitimate prince, and I have an older brother named Zhao Zhong.
According to the rules of our dynasty, princes can call their father "Daddy" or "Dad" like ordinary people. Among all the princes in the palace, my brother and I are the only ones who call our father "Daddy".
My father once said that he was first the Emperor of Song Dynasty and then our father.
My brother and I were not favored by our father, and he even regarded us as a disgrace.
How to say it?
My father was originally a poor prince. In order to win the support of the Duke of Yingguo, he married my mother and ascended to the supreme throne.
My mother is the daughter of the Duke of England, and my father married her purely to win over my grandfather.
After my father took the throne and relied on the power of the Duke of England to consolidate his throne, he regarded the fact that my mother had condescended to him and had repeatedly begged the Duke of England for help as a shame that he could never erase.
He didn't like my mother and even hated her to the core, so naturally he didn't like me and my brother either.
Because my brother and I have the blood of the British Duke, and they also regard it as a shame for us.
My mother couldn't stand my father's long-term neglect, and with the help of Concubine Xian's instigation and bullying, she suffered from severe depression and passed away in a cold winter.
That year, I was eight years old and my brother was twelve years old.
My father, the emperor, ordered a simple funeral for my mother and buried her with the standards of a second-rank concubine on the grounds that she was insane and immoral, bringing shame to the royal family.
My mother, the heiress of a great nation, died with less dignity than a mere concubine!
My brother and I looked at the eunuch who came to convey our father's will, our eyes filled with hatred, and we pinched our fingers so hard that they almost dug into our flesh.
This was the first time my brother and I truly resented our father.
The day before her mother's funeral, Concubine Xian came to Kunning Palace in plain clothes to pay homage to her mother, but she was frequently disrespectful to her mother's coffin. She had a beautiful face, but said the most vicious words.
"Meng Ruolan, who dared to commit suicide and bring shame to His Majesty and the royal family? Look at your funeral, it was so deserted it was even worse than that of ordinary people. You are the legitimate daughter of the Duke's Mansion, but you seduced His Majesty like a prostitute. Shameless! You have brought disgrace upon your Meng family! You were disgusting when you were alive, and you can't rest in peace even after death. You caused my Jun'er to catch a cold."
I hate Concubine Xian. She forced my mother to death and now she still comes to humiliate her!
I rushed forward, waving my little fists to hit the woman, but my brother grabbed me, dragged me aside, and asked two maids to watch me and not let me do anything.
When the virtuous concubine saw that I was about to hit her, she wanted to punish me.
In order to prevent me from being punished, my brother knelt before Concubine Xian, flattered her, and pleaded for me, hoping that Concubine Xian would not beat me.
My brother made Concubine Xian happy, and only then did she let me go and beat me.
The virtuous concubine pretended to cry all the way to burn incense for her mother. After humiliating her mother, she left Kunning Palace triumphantly.
I threw myself into my brother's arms and burst into tears, "Ah... Brother... I hate Consort Xian, I hate Father, Mother is dead, what should we do in the future? Ah..."
My brother comforted me and wiped away my tears. He said, "Xiao Si, remember, we are the legitimate sons of the Empress, the most honorable princes of the Song Dynasty. Even if our mother is dead, we cannot live like stray dogs."
"We can't cry. We have to laugh. We have to live with a smile and watch those who bully our mother and our brothers cry with a smile."
Since then, my brother has become a different person. Although he is only a boy of eleven or twelve years old, he acts more like an adult than an adult.
I never cried again. My brother was right. We should live with a smile and watch our enemies cry.
After my mother died, my brother and I faced an increasingly difficult situation. The palace servants who served us neglected us and often withheld our food and clothing. My brother and I often went hungry and cold.
People in the palace have always been flattering the powerful and looking down on the weak. Even though my brother and I are legitimate princes and live a less decent life than illegitimate princes, the little eunuchs still dare to look down on us.
In order to make life better for us brothers, my maternal grandfather, Duke Ying, led the entire clan to follow General Ye Gucheng and General Pingxi Ye Changting to fight against the barbarians in the western border. Unfortunately, we were ambushed by the barbarians and died for our country.
Several of my uncles also died on the battlefield in the west.
However, my father dismissed the Meng family from the title of Duke on the grounds that my grandfather was greedy for merit and reckless, resulting in the deaths of thousands of soldiers. The Meng family fell into decline from then on.
Without the protection of the Meng family, my brother and I had a much harder time and became targets of everyone's bullying.
My eldest brother Zhao Chu was a little bully in the palace. He often came to the bedrooms of my brother and me to cause trouble. Every time he came, the tables, chairs and benches in the bedroom would be destroyed by him. Some of them were missing limbs, while others were covered with bruises. Before leaving, he would mercifully leave some things behind, sometimes some food, sometimes some unwanted old clothes.
One time, my eldest brother whispered to me and my brother, "Concubine Xian is always making things difficult for my mother. I want to protect her. I won't be here anymore. You guys take care of yourselves. There's one more thing I want to tell you. Daddy plans to make Concubine Xian the empress and is already preparing for the ceremony. I don't like Concubine Xian. She's so annoying. She's nowhere near as gentle as Empress Meng."
After saying this, my brother left and rarely came to our place again.
In fact, my eldest brother's whip was hitting the tables, chairs, benches, walls and the ground. He said nasty words, but his whip never hit me and my brother.
My brother and I both understood that the eldest brother was deliberately showing off in front of us, and his real purpose was to provide us with food and clothing.
My brother and I both remember the kindness of our eldest brother. He was one of the few sources of warmth we had during those difficult years.
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