Chapter 125: Anxiety During Pregnancy
Springtime in the capital was already warm and inviting, with willow catkins fluttering in the air. Inside the Duke's mansion, the servants had meticulously arranged for flowers to bloom in profusion, attempting to dispel the slight chill that lingered over the residence due to the master's distant expedition. However, Su Wanrou, sitting serenely by the window of the warm pavilion, felt no trace of this vibrant spring.
Since returning from the Daxiangguo Temple that day and forcefully quelling the rumors, she truly settled down to focus on her pregnancy. The storms outside seemed to have subsided temporarily; the Yongchang Marquis's mansion had fallen silent, and no one in the capital dared to openly discuss the Duke's mansion anymore. The affairs of the mansion were managed meticulously by Uncle Fu and Granny Zhou, and Mingxuan was also well-behaved and sensible. Every day after school, he would come to talk to her, telling her about the interesting things that happened at school, his little hands carefully stroking her swollen belly, full of anticipation.
Everything seemed calm and peaceful.
But Su Wanrou's heart felt as if it were tightly bound by an invisible thread, tightening more and more, causing her to panic inexplicably. Especially in recent days, that feeling of panic and restlessness had become increasingly intense. She would often wake up suddenly in the dead of night, her heart pounding, covered in cold sweat, and unable to fall back asleep.
Today was just like that. During her afternoon nap, she dreamt of the Northern Border again. It wasn't the triumphant scene of her husband's return that she usually dreamt of, but an endless desert, a gloomy sky, and... and a sky full of blood, and the image of Gu Yangui covered in blood, turning back to give her a deep look.
"Husband!" she exclaimed, suddenly sitting up on the bed, her chest heaving violently, her forehead covered in cold sweat.
"Madam! What's wrong?" Qingdai, who was guarding outside the screen, rushed in upon hearing the sound. Seeing that Madam's face was deathly pale, she was frightened and quickly stepped forward to support her. "Did you have another nightmare?"
Su Wanrou grasped Qingdai's hand, her fingertips icy cold, her voice trembling uncontrollably: "Qingdai, I'm so panicked... Yan Gui, what if something happened to him?"
Qingdai's heart tightened, but she forced herself to remain calm and comforted him, "Madam, you're just having these thoughts during the day and dreaming about them at night. The Duke is a lucky man, and with a large army protecting him, he will surely be safe and sound. Didn't we just receive a letter from him a few days ago? He said everything is fine and that you shouldn't worry."
Yes, she could practically recite that short letter home by heart. "Be well, don't worry, take care of yourself, wait for my return." His handwriting was steady, just like his usual style. But... but why was this unease in her heart so real, so heart-wrenching? It was as if something important was shattering, the thread connecting them stretched to its limit, ready to snap at any moment.
She stroked her high, swollen belly. The little one inside seemed to sense her unease, giving a gentle kick. This child was her and Yan Gui's flesh and blood, the strongest bond they had shared during their years of separation. She couldn't panic, she couldn't collapse; for her child's sake, she had to be strong.
"Perhaps...perhaps it's the baby causing trouble. It's getting bigger in the pregnancy, and it's always restless." Su Wanrou reluctantly came up with an excuse, as if she was trying to convince Qingdai, but more like she was comforting herself. "Help me up and walk around."
Qingdai helped her put on her outer robe and supported her as she slowly strolled around the warm pavilion. The spring sunshine outside the window was beautiful, and a few sparrows chirped on the branches, which only highlighted her inner anxiety and unease.
At this moment, Granny Zhou came in with medicine to help with the pregnancy. Seeing that Su Wanrou's complexion was not good, she said worriedly, "Madam, your complexion is not good... should we ask the imperial physician to come and take a look again?"
Su Wanrou shook her head: "There's no need to trouble the imperial physician. I know my own body well; I'm just feeling a little uneasy." She took the medicine bowl; the brown liquid emitted a bitter smell. She took a deep breath and forced herself to drink the medicine. No matter how uneasy she felt, she had to ensure the health of herself and her child; this was her promise to her husband.
"Granny," Su Wanrou put down the medicine bowl, pondered for a moment, and asked, "Have there been any news from the border recently? Have there been any new battle reports from the Ministry of War?"
Granny Zhou and Qingdai exchanged a glance, both somewhat troubled. The Ministry of War did indeed have battle reports, but they weren't reports of victory; rather, they were news of Yunzhou being besieged and the battle at a stalemate. Fu Bo had specifically instructed that this news must not reach the Madam's ears, lest it disturb the pregnancy.
"Don't worry, Madam, everything is stable at the border." Granny Zhou forced a smile. "The Duke is a brilliant strategist; those barbarian Rong and Di tribes are no match for him. I'm sure we'll hear good news soon."
Su Wanrou was incredibly intelligent; how could she not see the flicker in Zhou Mama's eyes and Qingdai's sudden tension? They were keeping it from her! Something must have happened at the border! And it was a major event directly related to Yan Gui!
Her heart sank, and a sense of unease seeped into her very bones like ice water. She could barely stand, so she grabbed the coffee table beside her, her fingertips turning white from gripping it so tightly.
She desperately wanted to ask more questions, desperately wanted to immediately send Mo Yu to investigate. But she knew she couldn't. Granny Zhou and Uncle Fu were keeping it from her out of protection. If she appeared overly anxious, or even went to great lengths to investigate, it would only make those around her more worried, and might even disrupt the peace of the household. Besides, even if she knew the exact details, what could she, thousands of miles away, do for Yan Gui? It would only increase their anxiety and do nothing to help.
She had to be patient, pretend she knew nothing, and maintain the peace of the family.
"Is that so...that's good." Su Wanrou lowered her eyes, concealing the turbulent emotions within them, and tried to keep her voice steady. "I was just asking casually. With Yan Gui here, the Northern Border will surely be safe."
She sat back down by the window, picked up a small garment she had only half-finished for her unborn child, and began sewing, trying to calm the turmoil in her heart with focused attention. But the needle pricked her fingertips several times, and bright red blood seeped out, staining the soft fabric, yet she remained oblivious.
Qingdai felt sorry for her and wanted to step forward to dissuade her, but was stopped by Zhou Mama's eyes. Zhou Mama sighed inwardly, thinking that the madam was forcibly suppressing all her worries and fears deep in her heart.
In the following days, Su Wanrou behaved unusually calmly. She ate her meals and took her medicine on time, strolled slowly in the garden, listened to Mingxuan recite his lessons, and even chatted with Princess Anyang, who came to visit, with a gentle and dignified smile on her face.
Only in the stillness of the night could Qingdai, who was keeping watch, hear the suppressed, very faint sighs from inside, and the sounds of someone tossing and turning, unable to fall asleep. Beside the lady's pillow always lay the only letter from the Duke, its edges worn and frayed from being rubbed.
That afternoon, Su Wanrou ordered an incense table to be set up in the small Buddhist shrine. She dismissed her attendants and knelt alone on the prayer mat. The shrine was quiet, with only the faint scent of sandalwood incense. Gazing up at the benevolent-looking golden statue of the Bodhisattva, all her strength and pretense crumbled at that moment.
Tears streamed down her face silently. She clasped her hands together and prayed devoutly in a voice only she could hear:
"I, Su Wanrou, kowtow to the Bodhisattva. I do not ask for wealth or fame, but only that the Bodhisattva bless my husband, Gu Yangui, so that he may be safe and sound, and escape all danger. I pray that the Bodhisattva will bless his soldiers so that they may suffer fewer casualties and defeat the enemy as soon as possible. I am willing to shorten my own lifespan and endure all illness and suffering, just to ensure his unharmed return..."
Her voice choked with sobs, and tears dripped onto the cold floor tiles. This was the only thing she could do: to pour out her deepest fears and prayers, which she could not express to anyone, to the gods.
After praying, she wiped away her tears, tidied her appearance, and walked out of the Buddhist hall with a calm expression. She saw Mingxuan in the courtyard, holding a small wooden sword and gesturing with it earnestly, chanting, "I am the Great General! Protect Mother and Brother! Drive away the bad guys!"
Sunlight shone on the child's tender yet earnest face, and Su Wanrou felt a sudden pang of sadness, followed by a surge of powerful strength.
She walked over and gently hugged Mingxuan.
"Mingxuan must grow up quickly and become a great hero like his father."
Mingxuan nodded vigorously: "Yes! Father is the best! When Father comes back, I want him to teach me real swordsmanship!"
"Okay." Su Wanrou smiled, her gaze passing over the courtyard wall and looking towards the distant northern horizon.
After you return home, whatever you're going through, please remember that the children and I are waiting for you at home. Please come back safely.
This deep-seated sorrow transformed into her unwavering conviction. She believed that she and her husband were of one heart, and that her prayers would surely be heard by her husband far away in the north. She had to protect their home and wait for his triumphant return.
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