Chapter 117: The Will to Fight
The heavy palace gates slowly closed behind him, isolating the clamor and disputes within the Xuanzheng Hall. Gu Yangui descended the white marble steps one by one. The bleak winter sunlight shone on his purple ducal robes, but could not dispel the heavy chill that had settled between his brows.
"Lord Duke." Gu Feng, the chief bodyguard, was already waiting outside the palace gate with his horse. Seeing that his master's expression was not right, he immediately stepped forward and whispered, "Has something happened in the court?"
Gu Yangui didn't answer immediately. He mounted his horse, tightened the reins, and glanced at the bustling scene before the capital. The faces of the people buying New Year's goods were filled with pre-festival joy, and children chased each other, playing with sugar figurines. This ordinary, everyday scene stood in stark contrast to the heavy responsibility he had just taken on. In the north, at this moment, war must be raging, and blood must be flowing like rivers.
"Back to the manor." He uttered two words in a low, hoarse voice, spurred his horse, and the steed began to trot. Gu Feng and the others quickly followed.
The horse's hooves clattered on the cobblestones, producing a crisp, monotonous sound, much like Gu Yangui's chaotic yet forcibly suppressed emotions. He didn't choose to walk along the bustling main street, but instead turned into a relatively quiet alley, slowing down and giving himself a moment to catch his breath, to process and confront this difficult decision.
The cold wind, carrying the remaining snow, lashed against his face, its chill biting, but it couldn't compare to the coldness in his heart.
He agreed. Almost the instant the emperor asked, under the watchful eyes of everyone, he gave the expected answer. As a military general, protecting his country was an instinct ingrained in his bones; faced with foreign invasion, he could not retreat, nor did he have any other choice.
But... Wanrou.
That name was like the softest thorn, piercing precisely into the most tender part of his heart. The way she woke up from the nightmare, pale-faced; the way she nestled in his arms seeking comfort; the tender light in her eyes, filled with both expectation and unease, as she gently stroked her lower abdomen… it was all still vivid in his mind.
He had promised to protect her, especially when she needed him most. But now he was going to break that promise himself, sending her to a perilous battlefield when her pregnancy was still unstable and her mind was preoccupied.
"Cough...cough cough..." A gust of cold wind choked his throat, triggering a suppressed cough. The worries and exhaustion of the past few days, coupled with the immense psychological pressure at this moment, revealed a hint of vulnerability in this iron-willed man.
"Sir, are you alright?" Gu Feng asked worriedly.
"It's alright." Gu Yangui waved his hand and straightened his back. Vulnerability could only be momentary; he had to arm himself immediately, not only physically but also mentally. He couldn't let Wanrou see his worry and struggle; that would only intensify her fear.
But how should I bring it up with her?
Should she just say, "I'm going to war, take care"? He could almost picture her face, forcing composure only to drain of color instantly, and her eyes, inevitably brimming with tears yet desperately trying to hold them back. How could someone as intelligent as her not know the dangers of the war in the North? And how many terrible rumors about battlefield casualties must her maids and servants be gossiping about behind her back?
An unprecedented sense of guilt and powerlessness gripped him. He prided himself on being able to command thousands of troops and take the enemy general's head amidst a vast army, but at this moment he felt that the farewell words he was about to say to his wife required more courage than facing thousands of troops.
For a fleeting, absurd thought crossed his mind: if he hadn't rescued her at the hunting grounds back then, and hadn't been so determined to marry her at first sight, she might have married an ordinary official's son and was now peacefully preparing for the New Year, enjoying her husband's company, instead of facing pregnancy and unknown risks alone like she is now.
But this thought only flashed through his mind before being replaced by deeper emotions. No, he had never regretted marrying her. She was a ray of light shining into his cold life, the mother Mingxuan longed for, and his only wife in this life. It was precisely because he possessed this precious quality that this parting felt so heart-wrenching.
Loyalty versus personal feelings, family versus country versus wife and children—this age-old dilemma now weighed heavily on his shoulders. He thought of his father, the former Duke, who was often away on campaigns, leaving his mother to support the family alone. She passed away before she could see her father one last time. Was this the fate of men who cared for their families?
No, he absolutely wouldn't allow it! A ruthless glint flashed in Gu Yangui's eyes. He not only had to win this battle, but he also had to return alive, back to his Wanrou and their child. The Northern Rong must pay the price for their betrayal, and he also had to lay out contingency plans before leaving the capital to ensure the safety of those lurking villains in the capital who might harm Wanrou!
As his thoughts raced, the familiar vermilion gates of the Duke of Zhenguo's mansion came into view. The gatekeeper, seeing him return, quickly opened the main gate wide.
Gu Yangui reined in his horse, took a deep breath, and suppressed all his struggles, guilt, and worries deep in his heart, his face regaining its usual calm and cold expression. He couldn't bring the storms of the outside world into this home, especially not into her.
He dismounted, tossed the riding whip to Gu Feng, and ordered in a deep voice, "Go to the study. Also, have Gu Lei come to see me immediately." He needed to obtain more detailed intelligence on the northern border and arrange security before leaving the capital.
However, as soon as he stepped into the mansion and went around the screen wall, he saw Su Wanrou standing under the corridor, wearing a thick fox fur coat and supported by Qingdai, seemingly waiting for him. The sunlight shone on her face, making it appear somewhat translucent, but her eyes were unusually quiet, so quiet that Gu Yangui felt a strange tightness in his heart.
Does she... already know?
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