Chapter 46 My Heart Belongs Only to One Person (Part 3) "You can't lie to me..."
"This morning...this morning he finally collapsed from exhaustion and fainted. He was just revived after being given ginseng soup. The Empress Dowager was heartbroken and tears streamed down her face, but she couldn't do anything about his stubbornness. He...he just kept murmuring that if he couldn't marry you in this life, he would rather...die out like a lamp burning out..."
The old woman didn't finish speaking, but Ye Yixiang already understood. Suddenly, it felt as if an invisible hand had gripped her chest tightly, the pain almost making her double over, and her vision blurred. What a fool! How could he be so careless with himself! The whip marks on his back hadn't even healed, and now…
“Her Highness the Imperial Concubine’s meaning,” the nanny continued, lowering her voice even further, almost as a whisper, “is that the Empress Dowager’s attitude is firm and shows no sign of softening. I’m afraid… it’s difficult to change.”
"Her Majesty asked this old servant to ask you... if you have any thoughts on this? Or perhaps... if you were to step forward and offer some advice, maybe the General... would listen to a word..."
Ye Yixiang immediately understood her purpose.
Unable to persuade her son, Consort Lan wanted her to "end it all," to have her personally say the words of giving up, hoping that only then could Chu Huaili give up and save his life and future. A tremendous sense of sorrow and despair instantly overwhelmed her.
Silence spread throughout the room, like a spreading poison, corroding her internal organs.
After a long while, so long that the old woman thought she wouldn't agree, she finally nodded very softly and slowly, her voice as fleeting as the twilight outside the window: "...Alright. Please allow me a moment to wash up, old woman."
"This old servant will wait for you outside, young lady." The old woman breathed a sigh of relief, bowed, and left, gently closing the door behind her.
The moment the door closed softly, isolating the inside from the outside, Ye Yixiang's forced composure crumbled instantly.
She leaned against the cold door, slowly sliding down to the floor. Tears streamed down her face like broken beads, falling silently and violently, quickly soaking the fabric of her clothes up to her knees. She bit her wrist tightly, trying not to make a sound, only her thin shoulders trembling violently.
She cried for an unknown amount of time before struggling to get up and walk to the dressing table.
The woman in the mirror was as pale as paper, with red and swollen eyes. Only her eyes, washed by tears, revealed a breathtaking blackness, like black jade immersed in a cold pool, broken yet carrying a resolute and tragic beauty.
She picked up the cold jade comb and began to comb her cascading black hair. Tears continued to fall uncontrollably, seeping into her dark hair and disappearing in an instant, leaving only a cold touch.
After a long while, she took a deep breath, applied a cold handkerchief to her eyes, and opened the door.
When the old woman saw her, a fleeting hint of amazement and pity flashed in her eyes. The woman before her had changed into a simple, moon-white dress, wore no makeup, and her long hair was loosely tied up with three simple white jade hairpins.
Her face was still pale, her lips very pale, but her eyes, after the tears had been washed away, revealed an unusually clear and calm gaze, though beneath that calm lay an unfathomable sorrow. She was like a crabapple blossom after the rain, exquisitely beautiful, yet also extremely fragile and easily broken, as if a gentle touch would cause it to wither and fall with the wind.
Seeing a small, barely noticeable dark water stain on the ground near the door, she suddenly realized that it had drizzled that morning.
Suddenly remembering the unhealed whip marks on Chu Huaili's back, and now that he was kneeling in the rain begging for food and water without eating or drinking... Ye Yixiang felt a sharp, stabbing pain in her heart, as if she were being pricked by needles.
She followed the old woman silently, her steps unsteady, toward the residence where Chu Huaili was under house arrest. The guards outside the courtyard saw the old woman and silently made way for her.
Pushing open the door, a sense of oppression rushed out. The room was dimly lit, with no lights on.
The once spirited young general now sat lifelessly on the couch. His hair was disheveled, and a stubble of bluish beard grew on his chin. He was still wearing the robes he wore during the hunt, stained with dust and now dark brown bloodstains, unchanged.
The clothes still showed traces of damp rain, and the whole person was shrouded in a heavy sense of desolation and despair.
Ye Yixiang suppressed the surging sorrow in her heart, took a bowl of warm porridge from the maid who was following her, and walked step by step to him.
Hearing footsteps, Chu Huaili turned his head somewhat belatedly to look at the person approaching. When he recognized Ye Yixiang, his previously empty and lifeless eyes instantly lit up as if infused with sparks. His chapped lips moved, uttering a hoarse, barely audible voice: "A'Rao... why are you here... your foot isn't healed yet..."
He struggled to get up, but due to weakness and excitement, he swayed.
Ye Yixiang quickly placed a soft pillow behind him, then took the bowl of warm porridge, sat down on the edge of the couch, scooped up a spoonful, and brought it to his lips, her voice as soft as a feather: "You're much better now, eat something first."
A radiant smile immediately spread across Chu Huaili's face, filled with childlike satisfaction and immense joy. Without hesitation, he opened his mouth and practically wolfed down the porridge she fed him, as if it were some unparalleled delicacy. Because he ate so quickly, he choked and coughed violently, his pale face instantly turning red.
Ye Yixiang quickly put down her bowl, leaned over, and gently patted his back, her voice choked with barely suppressed sobs and heartache: "Slow down, slow down, don't rush..."
Once he caught his breath, Chu Huaili grabbed her hand, his eyes filled with an almost humble arrogance and a gleaming light, and asked urgently, "A'Rao, is it... is it that the Empress Dowager agreed? She withdrew her order, right?"
Seeing the rekindled flame in his eyes, Ye Yixiang felt as if her heart was being slowly tortured. She avoided his burning gaze, slowly withdrew her hand, took the empty bowl and placed it aside. Then, lowering her eyes, her long eyelashes cast fragile shadows on her pale face. With all her might, she managed to make her voice sound steady and clear:
"There's something... I've never told you before." She paused, her fingertips digging deep into her palms, using the stinging pain to maintain her last bit of consciousness. "Actually, before I met you, I... I always had feelings for Young Master Xiao, but back then my father was strict, and I never dared to express my feelings... Now that the Empress Dowager has granted us this marriage, it can be considered... fulfilling a long-held wish I dared not speak of in my youth."
Chu Huaili was stunned for a moment, then suddenly grabbed her wrist. His eyes were filled with overwhelming heartache: "You're lying to me. Someone else told you to say that, didn't they?"
"Was it the Empress Dowager, or the Imperial Concubine? Did they force you?"
Ye Yixiang dared not meet his eyes, afraid that if she looked at him for even a second, the dam she had painstakingly built would completely collapse. She forced herself to turn her head away, staring at the blurry light and shadow on the ground, her voice carrying a deliberately feigned calmness and aloofness: "No, it wasn't someone else... it was me... it was me who didn't want to lie to you anymore."
"Lying." He interrupted her decisively, his voice hoarse and broken, filled with undeniable pain. The next moment, he pulled her into his arms.
He buried his face deep in her slender neck, his hot breath spraying onto her sensitive skin, his hoarse voice like the wail of a wounded beast: "You can't lie to me... A'Rao."
His aura, the crisp scent of ebony and sandalwood, enveloped her instantly like the gentlest net.
Ye Yixiang gently closed her eyes, and tears welled up uncontrollably again. She quickly wiped the damp heat from the fabric on his shoulder.
Sometimes, she even resented his keenness and intelligence, wondering why he could always see through her clumsy pretense so easily, making it impossible for her to even deceive herself.
This embrace is so warm, so captivating, as if it can shield you from all the storms of the outside world.
But……
No, we absolutely cannot let ourselves sink into this state.
His future and the lives of her people were a thousand times more important than her insignificant affection.
She took a deep breath. Then, with all her might, she raised her hand and, little by little, firmly pushed him away.
Finally, she looked up to meet his gaze, forcing herself to lower her voice, each word like a knife chilled to the bone: "I didn't lie to you. Young Master Xiao... a handsome and refined gentleman, with exceptional bearing and noble character, like the bright moon reflected in a mountain stream. I have admired him since childhood... As for you..."
She paused, her nails digging deep into her palms, leaving crescent-shaped blood marks. "It was only because the city was destroyed and the land shattered at that time that I thought I would never see him again. When you appeared, I was moved and... that's why I had this illusion."
"Enough... Stop talking..." The light in his eyes, like a candle flame extinguished by a storm, shattered little by little, eventually returning to a deathly silence.
Her heart was breaking, but she could only force herself to turn around and walk step by step toward the door.
Just as her hand touched the cold door frame, she couldn't help but turn around and glance at him.
Unexpectedly, she met his raised gaze.
He said in a hoarse voice, "Arao, if you're willing, I'll take you away right now! Let's go back to how things were before, okay..."
Ye Yixiang's heart skipped a beat, and she almost blurted out "good".
But she bit her lower lip tightly until she tasted blood, then with her last bit of strength, she maintained her composure and aloofness, clearly and distinctly severing all his thoughts: "General, you misunderstand. What I desired in my heart has now... been fulfilled."
Having said that, she dared not linger any longer. She turned resolutely and stepped into the deep twilight outside the door, completely shutting out the despair and heartbreak that filled the room.
After the spring hunt, Ye Yixiang was arranged by the Empress Dowager to live in a secluded palace garden.
In the days that followed, she lived in a daze, like a walking corpse. No matter how vibrant the spring scenery outside the window was, it was nothing but gray and white to her.
Until that morning, the door was gently pushed open, and a familiar figure ran in with a joyful smile.
"elder sister!"
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