Chapter 28 I really want to eat her
The disappointment lasted only a moment, and she quickly cheered up: Pei Heng must have finished dealing with the recent busy state affairs and had some free time to invite her to go hiking. She should accompany him for a good time.
He Zhiyan overheard a bit of this and exclaimed, "The Emperor is so kind to you."
"After all, I lived with him for so many years. Back then, he treated me like his own sister. Although it was just the two of us, we had a lively time..." Recalling the past, Yuezhi's eyes, which were full of joy, suddenly turned sad.
How wonderful the old days were.
A small courtyard with three rooms, three meals a day, warm sunshine, gentle breeze, and winter snow that turns everything white.
Although she wasn't extremely wealthy, she was never short of food or clothing. She lived a simple yet warm life. Occasionally, she would feel lonely when she was alone at home, but she wasn't afraid because she knew that no matter how far Pei Heng traveled, he would always come home.
At that time, her thoughts were very simple. Whether he married or pursued a career in literature or martial arts, as long as she could be close to him and see him often, that would be enough.
They now live very close by, only two streets from the princess's residence to the palace. Yet, a high palace wall separates the emperor, who holds real power, from her humble origins. So close, yet so far.
He has his own home, an unbreakable fortress, the strongest fortress in the world, and he will never return to her side.
Gradually, she stopped wanting to think about him.
Pei Heng was no ordinary man; the cozy little life she longed for couldn't hold him back in the end. Being able to occasionally look up at him, now soaring into the sky and transformed into a dragon, was enough for her…
He Zhiyan watched as the loneliness in her eyes deepened, and felt a pang of emotion.
She had seen Yuezhi rush to make clothes and shoes for days on end for a few taels of silver, and send them all the way to Yanjing. Although it was hard at that time, there was a light in Yuezhi's eyes. In order to support her younger brother, she bought him writing brushes, ink, paper, inkstones, quilts and charcoal. She worked extra hard and seemed to have an inexhaustible energy.
The Yuezhi before me is now a noble princess, but her clothes do not show any wealth. She is frail and weak. Because she is blind, she can no longer embroider or make clothes. She also no longer has younger siblings to protect. It's as if her bones have been removed, and all the strength in her heart has dissipated.
She should have been a withered yet resilient gardenia living in the fields, but she was plucked and carefully cultivated in a greenhouse. Beautiful as she was, she was ultimately broken.
He Zhiyan understood the sadness in her eyes and comforted her.
"The past is gone no matter how good it was. He is now the emperor and has made you a princess, allowing you to enjoy wealth and glory. It's a life that many people can only dream of."
Yuezhi nodded knowingly, "I know, Aheng is very good to me. He has given me all the best things in life. I know all that."
She forced a smile, trying to drive away the overwhelming sadness welling up inside her.
He Zhiyan took her arm from the side, her voice trembling with tears.
“I also married far away to this foreign land, and I know how sad it is to not be able to see your loved ones often… But don’t forget, you still have your husband. The emperor is busy with state affairs and cannot see you, but your husband will not. He will be with you from now on and will never let you be lonely and sad again. When husband and wife are of one mind, life will get better and better.”
Hearing this, Yuezhi cheered up a little and nodded to her, "You're right. No matter how sad we are, we can't go back to the past. Now that we're in the capital, we have to look forward and make the most of what we have now."
"That's right." He Zhiyan smiled with satisfaction.
The two chatted for a while longer, and as it approached dinner time in the evening, someone from the Liang family came to inquire. Only then did Yuezhi reluctantly see her off at the mansion.
That evening, Su Jingyun brought over the medicine he had personally prepared, stayed by her bedside watching her drink it, and then took her pulse.
Normally, taking a pulse takes only a quarter of an hour, but today the fingers on his wrist lingered for a long time, making Yuezhi feel a little guilty because of his unusual silence.
Only He Zhiyan and Huachun knew the truth about her secret meeting with Liang Zhang; she hadn't told anyone else.
Su Jingyun was unaware that she had met with another man; he only noticed her restlessness when he took her pulse.
"Did you see anyone?" he asked.
Yuezhi's heart tightened. "Why are you asking me this, you're a physician?"
Seeing her nervousness, Su Jingyun withdrew his hand and breathed softly, "This humble subject is not interrogating you. This concerns the princess's health, so please answer truthfully."
"I met an old friend, and another... rather special person." She didn't want to deceive Su Jingyun, nor did she want to go into too much detail, lest she cause trouble for the Second Young Master Liang.
Su Jingyun chuckled and took the empty medicine bowl.
“It seems that one of these two must be someone who warms the princess’s heart and brings her joy.” He lowered his voice. “Whoever that person is, the princess should see him more often; it will greatly benefit your mood.”
After he mentioned it, Yuezhi also felt excited, happy and nervous when she was in the same room with the second young master, and she forgot all her usual worries.
She lowered her eyes shyly and murmured, "If I have the chance, I will ask him out again."
Su Jingyun didn't ask any more questions. What he needed to do was treat her illness, recuperate her body, and make her healthy and happy. It was his responsibility.
As for other matters, they are not questions a lowly medical officer should be asking.
Just by mentioning that person, Yuezhi pursed her lips in delight, her eyes crinkled, and her face regained its color.
She must really like that person.
*
The appointed date arrived quickly. When leaving the manor, Yuezhi rode in a two-horse carriage, accompanied by only her personal maid and four servants.
Her entourage today was quite small. Passersby outside the gate thought it was a lady from a minor family visiting, and had no idea that the person sitting in the carriage was the noble and precious Princess Ning'an.
This suited Yuezhi perfectly. She didn't want to attract too much attention and felt that using so much manpower and resources for a trip was a waste, so she wanted to keep things simple.
At the foot of Heshan Mountain, Yuezhi arrived half an hour early as a sign of courtesy.
She stood outside the carriage waiting, looking up at the hazy sky above. The warm sunlight shone on her face, and the chirping of birds from the forest ahead eased the soreness in her eyes.
Knowing that the emperor would have many attendants when he traveled, she had to be careful when she met him. She couldn't make a mistake in greeting and bowing, and she couldn't lose her manners towards the emperor in front of others.
When Pei Heng arrived, all he saw was her leaning against the outside of the carriage, gazing blankly into the distance, looking very nervous.
I had intended to go out and chat with Yuezhi, but I didn't expect her to be so reserved, with no joy in her eyes.
He suddenly felt a pang of unease.
She couldn't help but wonder what her expression would be if it were the prince consort who came to meet her instead of herself.
He recalled that night of their secret rendezvous, her sweet smile as she turned back... A strange mix of bittersweetness welled up inside him.
"Your Majesty, the princess is waiting for you," the guard reminded him.
Pei Heng hesitated for a moment, then finally banished the unrealistic fantasy from his mind, straightened his clothes, and walked towards her.
The cool autumn breeze was warmed by the sun. A gust of wind brushed past her neck, and Yuezhi smelled the fresh scent of leaves in the air, bringing to mind the image of the courtyard piled with fallen leaves in autumn.
Layers of leaves, deep red, light yellow, dark green, and withered brown, are piled together. The morning dew disappears under the sun, leaving only a faint dampness in the air. Take a deep breath, and the fresh, cool air fills your lungs, making you feel incredibly comfortable.
After losing her sight, she could no longer witness the prosperity of the capital or the elegance of the princess's residence. Instead, the memory of the small courtyard in her mind became clearer and clearer.
Suddenly, she heard a steady footstep.
The sound approached step by step, its footsteps clattering on the gravel, quickening with each step, much like a young man who had been traveling for many days and was eager to return home.
Without the usual imperial music and ceremonies, and without any servants to announce the arrival, Yuezhi was somewhat unsure who the person was.
She just stood there, watching the blurry figure in her eyes approach from afar, and blinked helplessly in front of him.
Today she wore a warm yellow ruqun (a type of traditional Chinese dress) with a tea-white cloak over it, like a cub hiding under the snow. After a moment of stunned silence, she opened her clear, innocent eyes and looked at him with a bewildered expression. Pei Heng saw this and felt a pang of heartache.
"I only meant to tease my elder sister, but it seems I've frightened you."
Only after the voice came out did Yuezhi come to her senses. She smelled the strong sandalwood scent on the newcomer and confirmed his identity.
"This humble woman greets Your Majesty..." She curtsied, but Pei Heng stopped her halfway through her sentence, preventing her from completing the greeting.
"I don't discuss these things with my elder sister," Pei Heng said calmly, his tone revealing neither joy nor anger.
He really couldn't be happy.
That night, they seemed to have endless things to say to each other, and they even exchanged poems expressing their feelings. He didn't expect Yuezhi to treat him like a "prince consort," he just wanted to talk to Yuezhi like before... but even that seemed like a luxury.
Yuezhi asked hesitantly, "You are the emperor, and we are outside. Is it alright for us not to observe proper etiquette?"
"If I say it's okay, then it's okay." He subconsciously reached out to take her hand, but his hand froze in mid-air.
As the emperor, he could disregard the gazes of the servants attending to him, but he could not ignore the voice in his heart: she was Yuezhi, the imperial sister he wanted to cherish, how could he mock her and treat her lightly as he had that night?
He swallowed hard, placed his hand on her cloak, carefully adjusted the hood hanging down her back, and smiled, saying, "Let me help you, my elder sister, as we ascend the mountain."
Yuezhi hesitated and looked to her side. Not hearing Huachun's refusal, she could only extend her hand to him and say, "Mm."
Pei Heng supported her hand with his elbow, and the two strolled onto the gentle mountain path.
With a strong arm around her, Yuezhi followed his movements and could only confirm that he was the only one around her. She could no longer hear the footsteps of the maids, servants, guards, and eunuchs who were supposed to accompany the emperor.
At first, she was a little flustered. Had the attendants retreated too far? There were only the two of them on the road. If something unexpected happened, she was blind and would only be a burden to Pei Heng.
The sound of his footsteps filled my ears, along with the light, graceful flapping of wings of birds flying over the mountains and forests in the distance, and the rustling of the wind through the dense woods—all sounds were quiet and distant.
As her tense nerves gradually relaxed, she habitually inquired about his daily life, "I haven't seen you come to the Princess's residence these past few days. Have you been busy with state affairs?"
Upon hearing her question, Pei Heng poured out everything that had been weighing on his mind.
"Summer has just ended, and several prefectures have submitted memorials requesting the repair of dikes, all waiting for the court to allocate funds. In the southwest, due to the emperor's overly hasty reduction of military power, some troops have been disbanded, leading to banditry. In autumn, the northern barbarians will occasionally raid the border. These are not major problems on their own, but one thing after another is really a headache."
The ministers were arguing in his ear.
Some people said that the funds allocated for dike repair should be prioritized based on urgency and should not be applied equally to all. Others said that banditry is a serious problem that must be dealt with immediately with swift and decisive measures. Still others exaggerated the small-scale incursions of barbarians into a war between two countries, which gave him a headache.
"Actually, I have already arranged all these things, but those old ministers are still nagging. It's just that they see me as young and have some doubts about the past matter of reinstating the deposed crown prince, so they are trying to find ways to nag me."
After Pei Heng finished speaking, his agitation lessened considerably.
Then Yuezhi said, "Didn't you fill many civil service vacancies with the people selected in this imperial examination? Perhaps there are people among them who can share your burdens? Although they are old and experienced, the old ministers are, after all, the late emperor's subjects. The late emperor had a bad temper and was able to control them. You... you are wise and powerful, and you must also have a way to make them submit. But with each new emperor comes a new set of ministers, and you don't have to listen to all their complaints."
Pei Heng listened quietly, then couldn't help but turn his head to look at her. Her delicate, pink face was as tender as a newly opened lotus flower, but what she said made a lot of sense.
He assumed she wouldn't understand the power struggles, but he forgot the survival wisdom she had accumulated from being sold as a child, struggling to survive, and living in the palace for many years.
Yes, in the past, when he was troubled by big and small matters, it was Yuezhi who comforted him and helped him resolve his inner conflicts.
Yuezhi couldn't see the loving and admiring look in his eyes; she only knew that Pei Heng fell silent after she finished speaking, and she wondered if she had said something wrong...
Thinking of something, he quickly explained, "I don't want you to neglect all the old ministers, nor do I want to promote the Jinshi (successful candidates in the highest imperial examinations), and I'm certainly not speaking up for Young Master Liang... Please don't misunderstand."
“I have no misunderstanding.” Pei Heng’s voice deepened a bit. “I feel that my elder sister is my confidante. Every word she says touches my heart, especially that phrase, ‘wise, intelligent, divine, and martial.’”
He deliberately ignored the mention of Young Master Liang in her words and brought the conversation back to the two of them.
Yuezhi felt a little relieved. Hearing the playful and amusing way he said the last sentence, she couldn't help but smile and coax him in the same way.
"You are both a scholar and a warrior, with the talent to govern the country and the ambition to fight on the battlefield. You are good in every way. You are the right person to sit on the throne and relieve the worries of the people."
Even though it was just a joke meant to amuse a child, Pei Heng still found it very enjoyable.
He turned to the side and rubbed his cheek against the top of her head, his tone languid, "If you praise me a little more, I won't feel tired."
The long hair hanging down from the side tickled her cheek. Yuezhi raised her hand to block it, and pushed her palm against his face. She felt that he was more like a big dog that had taken a liking to her, and he was a little clingy.
He chuckled softly, "I've already praised you to the fullest extent of your abilities. If I were to praise you any further, I could only say that you are a handsome and talented young man who is capable at a young age and always keeps his word. You are so good that no one can find a single fault with you."
Pei Heng smiled: "So, in my elder sister's heart, I am such a fine young man."
He seemed to be teasing her on purpose, leaning his arm against her shoulder and gradually increasing his weight. Even though Yuezhi could only walk with his support, he made it seem as if she was supporting his weight to move forward.
Ever since he set his sights on the throne, Yuezhi had never seen him act so childishly again. On one hand, she felt that their improper manners were beneath the dignity of an emperor, but on the other hand, she felt that it was rare to see them so happy, so she couldn't help but join in their playful antics.
"Of course, you are the best man in my heart. All the men in the world combined cannot compare to you by even a fraction."
What was originally a playful remark stirred up a great wave in the hearts of young people.
Since Yuezhi considered him the best man, and he didn't want to be separated from Yuezhi... he blurted it out in a moment of impulse.
"Then... why doesn't Your Majesty come to the palace to keep me company?"
Yuezhi couldn't see his slightly flushed cheeks, his slightly flustered yet expectant eyes, and assumed it was just his usual coquettishness. She pinched his elbow and asked, "What are you talking about?"
The gentle pressure on his elbow brought Pei Heng back to his senses, and he didn't even dare to think about what he really wanted to say in that impulsive moment.
Just looking at her gentle expression, the sudden surge of heat within him lost some of his fiery passion.
"It's nothing, I was just talking nonsense..."
Upon hearing this, Yuezhi tightened her grip on her sleeve slightly. "If you find the palace boring, I can often come to keep you company. I'm just afraid you're too busy with state affairs to see me."
Pei Heng's eyes lit up, and he raised his voice again, "As long as you come, I will have time."
Yuezhi chuckled: "Since you've said that, don't forget it."
“I remember every word I have said to you.”
He gazed deeply at her, taking advantage of her blindness to make no attempt to conceal the tenderness that welled in his eyes. A sense of companionship had long since taken hold of the restless desires of youth, which he hadn't even realized he was harboring, and was no longer entirely innocent.
Yuezhi had no idea about the complicated thoughts in the young man's heart. She was only happy that the two of them had chatted for so long. Hearing that he hadn't forgotten her and still kept her words in his heart warmed her heart.
"Now that you have just ascended the throne, there are many places where money is needed, so don't give me so much salary and rewards. My household doesn't have many people, and a few dozen taels a month is enough for expenses."
"If you ask me, I don't need to live in such a big princess mansion. A two-courtyard house would be fine. Right now, most of the princess mansion is empty. It's fine if we don't live there, but we still have to spare manpower to clean it. It's such a waste of manpower."
"You too, you should have discussed it with me before the investiture. Were you afraid that if I found out your identity, you wouldn't be able to enjoy such great wealth and would run back to Yanjing?"
Once Yuezhi starts nagging, she never stops, and when she gets a little upset, she'll pinch him.
The emperor listened with great interest to these trivial matters, and before he knew it, they had reached the mountainside. He helped the person to a small pavilion built on the flat ground ahead.
"I was afraid." He gently helped her sit down. "Back then, you were unwilling to come to the capital with me even when I only said that I was a general. If you had known that I was going to sit on the throne, you would have been even less willing to come."
"Whether I agree or not doesn't matter, you've already brought me here anyway." Yuezhi was still a little unhappy when she thought about being forced to go to the capital.
"Sister, let's not talk about this anymore, okay?" He was really afraid that if she kept bringing this up, one day she might actually run away back to Yanjing.
Pei Heng pleaded pitifully, and Yue Zhi sighed helplessly, her hand moving up his arm and rubbing the top of his head.
“I have no great desires. Now that you are the emperor and a wise and virtuous ruler, I will stay in the capital with you… In the end, I just want to live a peaceful and stable life, and it doesn’t matter where I am.”
With her promise, Pei Heng felt reassured.
He sat beside her, shielding her between himself and the pavilion pillar, supporting her lower back with one arm to prevent her from accidentally falling.
The attendants waited at a distance on the mountain road, wisely refraining from disturbing their peace, allowing him to enjoy Yuezhi's gentle warmth in this moment.
Only when I sat closer could I smell the jasmine fragrance on her.
"Why isn't my royal sister using gardenia hair oil anymore?"
"A few days ago, Su Jingyun gave me several large bags of dried jasmine to make hair oil and sachets to scent my clothes." Yuezhi happily unfolded her sleeve and presented the package to him. "Does it smell good?"
Hearing that it was the physician's doing, Pei Heng's smile vanished. He murmured, "This jasmine scent is a bit too strong. It will make you feel bitter if you smell it for too long. Gardenia is sweeter and suits you better."
As he spoke, he grasped her wrist as she leaned forward and inhaled the scent of her clothes.
A faint breath sprayed onto her wrist, making Yuezhi feel an itch on her skin, and she pulled her arm back.
"Then I'll use gardenias next time."
Pei Heng squinted his eyes: Actually, it smells very good, but he has recently tasted several kinds of jasmine tea, and when he smells this aroma, he no longer feels thirsty.
—I want to eat her up, swallow her whole.
As the thought crossed his mind, a stone was suddenly thrown from somewhere, landing with a thud on the open ground. Pei Heng instinctively pulled the person into his arms with one hand, while placing the other hand on the sword at his waist.
The surroundings were quiet. The guards rushed over, and Pei Heng waved his hand, signaling them to go and check the surroundings.
Yuezhi nestled in his arms, carefully clutching the front of his clothes. "Are there assassins?"
Pei Heng smiled and pulled the person closer to him.
"The guards are checking, Your Highness, please don't move yet."
The emperor's words carried an intimidating force that was impossible to refuse. Yuezhi obediently stayed still, unable to see anything, and could only hear his heartbeat.
His chest was so broad, and his arms were so much thicker; it was a bit heavy to put my arm around his back...
When did that little prince, who used to cry in her arms, grow into such a reliable man?
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