Chapter 46.46 You can treat me as him.
The gray-white sky was like a thin veil, with a few clouds lazily floating by, their shadows falling on the vast princess's mansion.
In the cool air of early spring, the green-tiled roofs and high walls stand quietly. The withered old branches inside the mansion have been swept away, new lotus seeds have been sown in the lake, tender buds have sprouted from the cut-down wooden stumps, and new saplings have been planted nearby, brewing life in the slight chill of early spring.
The windows of the greenhouse were wide open, and the door was also open. The servants carried out flowers and plants and scattered them on the stone slabs in the courtyard. A faint smell of damp earth filled the air.
Yuezhi stood in front of a row of flower stands, looking with great interest at the new buds of a camellia.
Half a step away, the young man reached out to protect her from behind, his expression complex. When he saw her turn her head and look into his innocent eyes, his eyes were filled with guilt and unease.
"Su Jingyun always said that I was weak and that I couldn't rush having children. I never expected that I would get pregnant only four months after we got married."
She stroked the soft new bud with her hand, a shy yet happy smile appearing on her cheeks. She looked down at her lower abdomen. Although she couldn't see it and didn't feel anything, the doctor's words couldn't be false. A seed had already been planted there and was slowly growing silently.
A ray of sunlight peeked through the clouds, slanting across her shoulder. The young man stood beside her, sharing her joy, though he could not express it.
This is happiness he stole. The longer he enjoys it, the more pain she will suffer when she sees through the truth in the future.
Pei Heng pulled her into his arms, tightening the snow-white fur coat around her, his heart filled with reluctance.
He could no longer indulge in running away; a short, sharp pain was better than a long, drawn-out one. He had to make a choice.
Yuezhi nestled in his arms, listening to his rapid heartbeat, her cheeks burning hot, her eyes filled with boundless longing, "My lord, do you think our child will look like you or like me?"
Pei Heng's gaze fell directly on her still flat stomach, and his Adam's apple bobbed up and down.
“It doesn’t matter who he looks like.” His eyes were so tender they could melt water. “If he’s a boy, I’ll teach him to read and write, ride horses and shoot arrows. If he’s a girl, she’ll be as gentle and beautiful as you, and I’ll protect you both and make sure you have a worry-free life.”
Hearing his hopes for his children, Yuezhi was so happy she could hardly contain herself, and she softly hummed in agreement.
She had never enjoyed any love from her parents since childhood. The faces of the two adults in her vague memory were always dull and cold. But she hadn't remembered the hardships of her childhood for a long time. She had her husband, friends, and Pei Heng by her side. Even though she couldn't see, she was well taken care of.
When this child is born, she will love it dearly, not let it suffer any hardship, and let it grow up happily and become an outstanding person like the prince consort.
The young man's arms were around her, his movements careful, and he gently rested his chin on the top of her head. His breath carried the familiar scent of pine and ink, along with a light fragrance that she had personally blended.
Pei Heng placed his palm on her lower abdomen, which was still flat, yet he could almost feel a new, thriving life growing there.
"Do you feel unwell anywhere? Pregnancy is tough. The imperial physicians say that a woman's food cravings change drastically after becoming pregnant. Is there anything you're really craving right now?"
Yuezhi was amused by his nervous demeanor, and the slight unease in her heart completely dissipated, leaving only overflowing sweetness.
"I was diagnosed with pregnancy this morning. The baby is only one month old. Even if my tastes have changed, it shouldn't happen this quickly."
After saying that, he muttered in a low voice, "I know you're busy. You didn't go to work today and stayed at home with me because of the children. I don't expect you to stay at home every day in the future. It would be good if you could come home on time."
Pei Heng remained silent for a long time before finally responding.
Sunlight drifted in from behind the clouds, spilling through the window and gently enveloping their intertwined figures.
Under the sunlight, the flowers and plants in the garden became even brighter, and the damp chill in the air was blown away by the warm spring breeze. In just a few days, fresh flowers and plants were placed all over the mansion, and spring colors spread everywhere.
Yuezhi thought that the days to come would be like a gentle stream, and she could wait for the birth of their child with her husband.
The day after she was diagnosed with pregnancy, the prince consort did not return home again. He was not seen for three consecutive days. She thought that the prince consort was staying at the Ministry of Personnel, so she sent someone to deliver food to him regularly.
On the morning of the fourth day, a stranger came to the mansion, claiming to be a low-ranking clerk working in the Ministry of Personnel.
He said, "The prince consort has disappeared."
Upon hearing this, Yuezhi's heart tightened, and she almost fainted, but Huachun supported her.
Hua Chun scolded the minor official, "Speak slowly and carefully. You frightened the princess with your sudden outburst. Can you bear the responsibility?"
Yuezhi anxiously pushed her aside and asked the official, "Where is the prince consort? What happened? Tell me quickly!"
The minor official couldn't give a clear explanation, only saying that the prince consort was originally on night duty at the Ministry of Personnel, and the gatekeepers hadn't seen him go in or out. The next morning, when the person on duty went in, he couldn't find him in the room, and they searched the entire Ministry of Personnel but couldn't find him.
As he spoke, he glanced furtively at Huachun, and upon receiving a signal, he immediately stopped talking.
"How could a living person suddenly disappear?" Yuezhi panicked. Unable to glean any more details from the minor official, she immediately dispatched everyone in the mansion to search for him.
She personally went to the Liang family, the Ministry of Personnel, and even the Shuntian Prefecture to report the case, but to no avail.
The prince consort seemed to have vanished into thin air; everyone knew he was missing, yet not a single person had ever seen him before his disappearance.
Overnight, Yuezhi's heart felt empty.
*
The early spring weather still carried a chill, and fine raindrops tapped on the eaves of the Qin Zheng Hall.
Pei Heng was reviewing memorials when he suddenly heard a commotion outside. The eunuchs serving outside the door had not had time to announce the arrival of the person, nor did they dare to stop them. A familiar figure stumbled in.
It is Yuezhi.
Her hair was slightly loose, and a few strands of her dark hair were dampened by the cool spring rain, sticking to her pale cheeks.
Her eyes, which should have been bright, were wide open, filled with tears of panic. Her plain pink and white dress was thinly soaked by the rain. One hand was on her personal maid's hand, while the other hand groped helplessly forward. Her embroidered shoes and the edges of her skirt were covered with mud and water stains.
"Aheng...Aheng, are you there? Please help me!" Her voice was hoarse and tearful, and she staggered with every step.
The emperor's heart clenched, and he immediately threw down his vermilion brush, rushed forward, and steadily supported her damp and cold arm.
"Your Majesty! I'm here. How did you end up like this? The servants are so careless. They didn't even bother to announce your arrival. They can't even hold an umbrella properly!"
The second half of her sentence, filled with thunderous rage, turned towards the palace gate, where four maids who had accompanied Yuezhi stood. Upon hearing this angry rebuke, they all knelt on the ground in fear.
Hua Chun, who was beside Yue Zhi, also knelt down to apologize and explained, "Please forgive me, Your Majesty. The princess is very anxious because of the prince consort's disappearance. I wanted to advise the princess to walk slowly and take care of her health, but the princess is worried about the prince consort and just wouldn't listen."
"Useless thing, get out of here!" Pei Heng dismissed her and ordered the eunuch, "Quickly tell the imperial kitchen to prepare some warming soup or tea to dispel the cold."
He supported Yuezhi with one hand, took the cloak that Jinbao handed him, and draped it over her shoulders.
Yuezhi's eyes were red from crying. She clutched his dragon robe sleeve as if it were the only piece of driftwood. "Aheng, the Prince Consort... the Prince Consort is gone!"
Tears streamed down her face, soaking her cheeks. "It's been two days... He would never do this. He knows I'm blind, and even if he can't come home at night, he'll send someone to deliver a message. He would never just disappear without a word... Ah Heng, something must have happened to him!"
"I've searched everywhere but can't find him. Could it be that criminal you mentioned before, the one roaming the capital? Could it be that she... gave the prince consort away..."
Yuezhi dared not continue speaking, sobbing uncontrollably, her body slumping down, almost kneeling, only supported by the emperor's strong arm.
Pei Heng looked at her pale and fragile face, and felt her body trembling violently; his heart felt like it was being torn in two.
Half of it was a sharp pang of heartache, hating myself for making her so afraid and so heartbroken.
She couldn't see; the world was already dark to her. It was he who ousted Liang Zhang, and the fake prince consort became her light and support.
Now, he extinguished that light with his own hands, just to possess her completely. Watching her cry uncontrollably and hearing her call out for someone who never existed, he almost couldn't help but blurt out the truth.
The other half, however, is a dark, uncontrollable throbbing.
In the past, even the slightest probing from him would have aroused her resentment, but now she clung to him tightly, relying on him wholeheartedly.
She finally saw him as her "younger brother" and realized that he was a man she could rely on.
The troublesome "prince consort" has finally disappeared. He no longer needs to wear a false identity and can rightfully approach her and possess her and the child in her womb—his flesh and blood.
The thought burned in his blood, causing him to unconsciously tighten his arms around her.
Pei Heng took a deep breath, suppressing his turbulent emotions, and spoke in the gentlest tone, with a reassuring calmness: "Elder sister, don't worry, I'm here. Look at you, your clothes are all wet. What if the cold gets into your body and hurts you? For... for the sake of the child, you must take care of yourself."
He helped her up and led her to sit down on a chair nearby. He then knelt down and took out a handkerchief to wipe the rain and tears from her face.
Yuezhi sobbed, refusing to let go of his sleeve, as if letting go would extinguish her last hope.
"I will immediately issue an edict ordering the Shuntian Prefecture and the Jinwu Guard to search for the whereabouts of the Imperial Son-in-Law with all their might. Even if we have to search the entire capital, we will give you an explanation." He promised, but his words were like cold needles, every word a true lie.
Pei Heng always kept his promises to her, and now that he was the emperor, his word was law. With his word on her side, Yue Zhi felt a little more at ease.
She sobbed, looking up at his voice, tears streaming from her empty eyes.
"Ah Heng, thank goodness you're here. Without you, I really don't know what I would have done..."
The innocent face revealed complete trust, which, when seen by the young emperor, caused his heart to ache, and his base joy was overwhelmed by immense guilt.
He reached out, hesitated for a moment, and finally gently pulled her trembling body into his arms.
Despite being exhausted from crying, Yuezhi did not refuse the hug. The support that came to her when she was helpless brought her great comfort.
“Ah Heng, I’m so scared… I’m afraid something will happen to him, I’m afraid the baby in my womb will be fatherless before it’s even born. He’s such a good person, how could he suddenly disappear?”
Pei Heng listened quietly to her bitterness, feeling the slight chill beneath her thin spring dress and the still-undeveloped baby bump—his child.
His chin gently rested on the top of her head, inhaling the familiar scent of gardenias in her hair—the scent he was most infatuated with when they shared a bed and reached the pinnacle of bliss.
Now she's back in his arms.
"Don't be afraid, Your Majesty, I will stay with you."
Yuezhi paused slightly in his arms. Perhaps it was because the embrace was too tight, or perhaps it was because the familiar ambergris on his body was mixed with the light fragrance she had personally blended. When she got closer, she smelled the scent of his inner garment, which was surprisingly similar to the prince consort's scent.
The incense was naturally similar, because half of the incense she blended was burned in her own bedroom, and the other half was sent to the Taiji Hall.
They were the two most important men in her life.
She thought that after Pei Heng became emperor, he would marry and have children, and distance himself from her, while she would spend her life with the prince consort. Unexpectedly, after only a few months, the prince consort disappeared, and the one who stayed by her side and could support her was still Pei Heng.
At this moment, Yuezhi was flustered and vulnerable. She nestled in the emperor's arms and finally couldn't hold back her tears, as if she wanted to release all her fears.
Pei Heng held her tightly, gently patting her back, and whispered reassuringly, "Everything will be alright."
I don't know if I was comforting her or trying to convince myself.
The crying in his arms gradually subsided, turning into low sobs. Pei Heng's heart softened and ached, feeling a deep unease.
The imperial kitchen brought over some warm ginger tea. Pei Heng took it and personally fed it to her. After hesitating for a moment, he asked her with concern.
"Your Majesty, you are carrying the weight of two people and are so restless. It is really not advisable for you to move around too much. Why don't you stay in the palace? I have ordered someone to prepare a side hall of the Taiji Hall so that it is closer to me and easier to take care of you. The imperial physicians and medicines in the palace are readily available, which is much better than outside."
The worry in his voice was genuine, but his selfish desires, like rampant vines, had already tightly bound her under his gaze.
He wanted her to stay, within his reach, so that he could personally soothe her sadness, let her get used to his presence, depend on him, and fall in love with him.
Yuezhi felt as if she had been pricked by a needle, and suddenly lifted her head from his embrace, a clear look of panic flashing in her eyes.
She struggled to sit up straight, shaking her head repeatedly: "No, no."
“I know you mean well, but if the Prince Consort comes back and doesn’t see me, he’ll be even more worried… My eyesight isn’t good, and I’m not familiar with the Taiji Hall. Plus, I’m thinking about him all the time, so I definitely won’t be able to sleep well. If I go home, I can know immediately if he returns… I can’t stay home and wait for him…”
Every sentence mentioned "him," piercing Pei Heng's heart like needles, causing his eyes to suddenly darken.
The young man's Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed the bitterness and helplessness surging in his chest.
He knew he couldn't be forceful at this moment, otherwise it would only arouse more of her suspicion. After a moment of silence, he could only sigh, his heart filled with heartache and compromise.
"Alright..." His voice was a little hoarse as he gently smoothed her slightly disheveled hair with the back of his fingers. "Since you want to go back to the palace to wait for him, I will grant your request. I will also send an additional squad of Imperial Guards to protect the princess's residence, and assign two experienced imperial physicians to reside there permanently to check your pulse and ensure a safe pregnancy every day, so that I can rest assured."
Yuezhi nodded slightly, a grateful smile appearing on her pale face: "Thank you for always thinking of me."
There's no need for thanks between us.
Seeing her like this, Pei Heng felt a mix of emotions. He summoned a palace maid, intending to help her to the East Warm Pavilion for a nap to warm her up and recharge before setting off again.
But Yuezhi shook her head repeatedly, unable to sit still, wanting only to return to the princess's residence as soon as possible to wait for her husband to return home. Pei Heng could not persuade her to stay, so he had to ask Cheng Yuan to personally escort her back to the residence, instructing him to take good care of her.
He stood in the hall, watching her frail figure, carefully supported by her maids, disappear into the chilly spring air, his eyes as deep as the night.
—There is no longer that "Prince Consort" in the world. He will make Yuezhi let go of him, he definitely will.
*
After a gentle spring rain, the east wind gradually warms.
On sunny days, Yuezhi would always find something to do in the yard, tending to the flowers and plants, thinning flowers and pollinating them in the orchard, and sometimes even finding a bird's egg or two on a tree branch.
It's early spring, the time when bamboo shoots are sprouting. After a rain, the bamboo forest is full of fresh, tender bamboo shoots emerging from the ground.
Last month, Yuezhi was happily looking forward to digging and peeling bamboo shoots, but now she's hiding in her bedroom with the doors and windows tightly closed, listless and dispirited.
She had already arranged the tasks for the maids and servants in the courtyard. She didn't need to show her face; they knew how to plant vegetables, water flowers, and clean the courtyard.
For two days in a row, three large baskets of bamboo shoots were dug up from the forest. Huachun noticed that Yuezhi had a poor appetite, so she specially asked the kitchen to cook pickled bamboo shoots and stir-fry cured pork and bamboo shoot slices, hoping to coax her to eat more. But Yuezhi just had no appetite.
"Princess, how can your body handle eating so little at a time? You're carrying a child."
Yuezhi sat by the window, wrapped in a thick snow coat, yet she still felt a chill seeping from her bones. Huachun tried to persuade her, but failed to get her attention.
She stared blankly out the window at the bright sunlight streaming into the spring scenery, her eyes filled with a blurry, luminous light and shadow. She recalled strolling on the lake with her husband, picking lotus flowers, transplanting and planting blossoms, and watching the snow fall on winter nights…
Even though it happened not long ago, my mind is completely blank, and I can't imagine the scene at all.
Because she is blind, and her memory is so short, she unconsciously caresses a man's old clothes in her hand—the wedding dress that the prince consort wore on their wedding day.
There seemed to be a trace of his usual pine ink scent still lingering on it, which had become her only solace and torment these past few days.
"Why? How could a perfectly healthy person just vanish without a trace, neither alive nor dead, disappearing into thin air?"
"Why are the Liang family and Zhiyan all advising me to think more positively? We haven't seen the prince consort's body yet, do they all think he's dead? Am I the only one who believes he's still alive?"
She felt a sharp, dull pain in her head, as if it were being struck from the inside out.
Whenever she was heartbroken and pondered this, the dull pain in her head would cause her eyes to ache as well, making her cry more and more, and the more she cried, the more it hurt.
Hua Chun felt heartbroken seeing her constantly in tears. "Princess, Physician Su told you not to worry or be afraid, as your eyes will not be able to take it. If you get sick from being sad, the Emperor will also be saddened if he finds out."
Ah Heng… Yue Zhi’s heart was touched.
Everyone advised her to give up the prince consort and treat him so lightly, but only Pei Heng still cared about this matter for her. Not only were there guards in her mansion, but the Shuntian Prefecture and the Jinwu Guard also came to report to her every day about the search.
After searching for three days without any results, her hopes gradually faded.
Everyone in the manor knew of her sadness and disappointment, and no one dared to provoke her. However, Su Jingyun couldn't bear to watch and said a few words when he served her medicine.
"If you truly love him, you should take good care of your health and the baby in your womb, so that he can rest easy whether he lives or dies, instead of being depressed all day long and staying here crying. Do you think he would be happy to see you like this?"
Upon hearing this, Yuezhi's empty eyes gradually brightened, and she reached out to touch her lower abdomen.
She has been eating and sleeping less these past few days, and her once soft belly has quickly become thinner, as if you could easily feel the undeveloped baby inside through her skin.
She felt a wave of panic and hurriedly called for someone to set out the meal.
This child is the one she and her husband have been eagerly anticipating and waiting for to be born; she cannot let the child be harmed because of her.
Yuezhi started eating and drinking warm soup, wearing thick clothes, and went to sleep as soon as it got dark. When it was light, she would ask if there was any news about the prince consort.
After about half a month, she gradually came to terms with reality—whether he was dead or alive, it seemed that the prince consort would not be coming back.
*
In the darkness, a couple walks further and further away.
Yuezhi stood there, watching them leave, her heart breaking with tears. She wanted to chase after them and beg them to take her with them, but she was too weak from hunger to move.
She was ultimately abandoned.
Her childhood memories were filled with poverty and hunger. After entering the palace as an embroiderer and learning the craft, she only thought about saving money and having enough to eat and wear. With her godmother's guidance and care, she rarely thought about her childhood.
But she always seemed to be alone. Her godmother was gone, her sworn brother was gone, Hua Qing and Aunt Wang were thousands of miles away from her, Cui Xianglan got married, Pei Yao went out on business and disappeared, and Zhi Yan became pregnant at this critical moment, which gave the Liang family a lot of comfort.
Alone on the cold bed, she was plagued by nightmares and couldn't sleep.
All the unbearable memories of the past flooded back, her dreams filled with cold, hunger, abandonment, and deception... ensnaring her, terrifying yet unable to wake up.
Morning light streamed into the bed curtains, and a pair of hands tenderly stroked the top of her head; her clothes carried a familiar, light fragrance.
With just a fleeting touch, Yuezhi awoke from her dream.
Her blurry vision fell on the figure before her. She jerked herself up from the bed, stretched out her arms, and tightly embraced the man standing beside her, burying her tear-streaked face in his chest. "I knew... you wouldn't abandon me..."
The familiar temperature, the familiar scent, even the breath spraying on her neck was the same rapid and deep.
The voice ringing in her ears carried the unassailable majesty of an emperor: "Royal sister... is not a consort, but I am the emperor."
Is that really not the prince consort's voice?
Yuezhi stopped crying. She had just woken up from a dream and was still a little confused, but she realized that she shouldn't have overstepped her bounds by doing such a thing to her brother, who was the emperor.
She loosened her arms and felt the slight chill of the spring morning, only then realizing that her nightgown was too thin. She hurriedly pulled the brocade quilt over herself and sat on the bed, facing Pei Heng, whom she had unexpectedly offended, not knowing how to speak.
The young man spoke first, his voice clear and bright: "Your Highness is dressed so thinly at night, no wonder it's cold even under the covers."
He skillfully sat on the edge of the bed and tucked the blanket around her.
His gaze fell on the small section of her fair and delicate neck and her exquisite collarbone that peeked out from under her collar. Her dark hair was disheveled and she exuded an aura of helplessness and allure.
The warm, soft body suddenly entered his arms, then abruptly pulled away. Pei Heng's heart pounded like a drum, and he longed to hold her back in his arms once more.
He softened his voice, "Even though Your Majesty has never met the Imperial Son-in-Law in person, do you see him in your dreams? Or do you feel that I and the Imperial Son-in-Law have some similarities?"
A look of embarrassment and disappointment flashed across Yuezhi's face. She hurriedly tightened her clothes, her cheeks flushing red with embarrassment at his casual words.
"Ah Heng, I... I was so sleepy, I didn't mean to, I mistook you for someone else... I'm so sorry..."
She lowered her head, not daring to look at him, and tears welled up in her eyes again.
Could it be that she's so obsessed with the prince consort that she's lost her mind? How could she mistake Pei Heng for the prince consort when the two are completely different?
One was a calm and gentle gentleman, the other an imposing and unapproachable emperor. Apart from the faint fragrance she had blended on them and their slightly similar voices, what else did they have in common?
Pei Heng knew all the unresolved sorrow she had been experiencing lately, so he suppressed the turmoil in his chest and tried his best to make his voice sound calm and gentle.
"It's alright, Your Highness," he said softly, his eyes filled with undisguised heartache.
Yuezhi secretly breathed a sigh of relief, only to find a hand resting on her shoulder, and the young man's soft, coquettish voice was still in front of her.
He said, "It's alright. If it makes you feel better, you can... treat me as him."
The young man's words were soft, yet they struck Yuezhi like a stone. She was stunned, momentarily forgetting to cry, and simply stared blankly at the emperor she had always regarded as her younger brother.
She lowered her head in a panic, discomfort and rejection spreading like leaves unfurling upon contact with water, quickly filling her entire heart.
She barely managed to keep her voice calm. "Aheng, what nonsense are you talking about... You and the Prince Consort are equally important to me, but you are different in my heart and cannot be compared... Don't say such things again."
"Why not?" Pei Heng looked at her red, tear-filled eyes. "If I were completely different from him in your heart, why did you mistake me for him just now?"
Yuezhi raised her head, tears still clinging to her eyelashes, the sadness in her eyes replaced by an incredulous surprise and humiliation.
"Aheng, please stop talking."
She herself didn't understand, thinking that she was too vulnerable after losing her husband, so much so that she mistook a man with a similar build for him and hugged him.
Ultimately, it was her fault that Pei Heng misunderstood.
Pei Heng persisted, gently grasping her shoulder through her nightgown. "Royal sister, he's gone forever, but I will take good care of you. Let me take care of you in his place, okay?"
What should have been a younger brother's care and love for his older sister, spoken in this inappropriate setting, carried a somewhat ambiguous atmosphere.
Yuezhi trembled, and following the sound, a crisp slap landed on the emperor's cheek without warning.
The air fell silent. Her right hand, which had been thrown out, was still suspended in mid-air, her fingertips numb.
"Do you know what you're saying? Is this something you should be saying?" Her voice trembled with anger.
Red finger marks appeared on Pei Heng's cheek, burning with pain, but he didn't move, and his eyes remained expressionless as he stared intently at her.
Her gaze was calm as still water, but filled with heartache. "If this makes you feel any better... Royal sister, you can do it again."
Yuezhi froze, her suspended hand slowly falling to her sides.
Her shoulders twitched slightly, and she turned her head away from him. Embarrassment, heartache, and panic mingled in her chest, leaving only a blank, palpitating feeling and confusion.
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