Chapter 57 I am jealous of him
In the early morning, a maid came in to help with washing and dressing, but was stopped in the outer room by a screen.
Yuezhi's face was pale, with dark circles under her eyes. Her lifeless eyes were swollen and red, and she looked as if her soul had been taken away, listless and dispirited.
"Don't come in yet, I want to be alone for a while." He shooed everyone out and leaned listlessly against the headboard.
The fear and suspicion of the night had drained all her anger. At this moment, she felt a tightness in her chest, neither sleepy nor hungry, only a foggy mind and a jumble of thoughts.
Less than half an hour later, familiar, steady footsteps came from outside, along with a maid's voice whispering, "The Emperor has arrived."
Yuezhi's heart sank suddenly, and she clenched her sleeves tightly.
Pei Heng strode in, bringing with him the slightly cool morning air. He frowned as he looked at her, his tone concerned: "What's wrong, Your Highness? The palace servants said you're not feeling well. Is there something wrong? Should we call the imperial physician to take a look?"
As he spoke, he reached out and touched her forehead with perfect ease.
The moment the fingertips touched, Yuezhi tensed up and turned her head away as if she had been electrocuted.
Pei Heng's hand hovered in mid-air.
A suffocating silence filled the room. Yuezhi could feel his gaze fixed on her, filled with inquiry and a hint of barely perceptible suspicion.
Her heart was pounding, but she forced herself to remain calm and lowered her eyes, her voice weak: "It's nothing serious, I just didn't sleep well and I'm a little dizzy... I just wanted to lie down and rest for a while. Which meddlesome servant dared to bother you with such a trivial matter?"
Pei Heng said calmly, "My elder sister is in the palace, so naturally I need to know how you are doing at all times. I ordered them to report your situation to me constantly, and they were just following orders."
After saying that, he gently sat down beside her, tentatively moving closer to her. Seeing that she did not resist this time, he felt a little more at ease.
"I was worried about you. You won't blame me for meddling, will you?"
Yuezhi shook her head.
Beneath her calm exterior lay a heart chilled with fear—in the palace, residing in Jinghezhai, the maids, eunuchs, and guards serving her were naturally chosen and appointed by him personally. But in the princess's residence, from the maids and servants to the imperial guards inside the residence and the imperial guards outside, who among them wasn't someone he had arranged?
No wonder Pei Heng would appear whenever she was slightly upset or uncomfortable, and he could freely enter and leave even the small kitchen that she didn't know about.
It turns out that among all those people who served her and lived in the princess's residence, the only one who was truly loyal to and feared was the emperor.
She was like a bird carefully kept in captivity, trapped in an invisible cage, unaware of how the people around her disappeared or when Pei Heng had invaded her life.
She recalled asking Huachun about the prince consort before, and Huachun stammered and couldn't give a complete answer, but when the topic turned to the emperor, she had endless advice to offer.
And He Zhiyan, she too...
It turns out that everyone around her was his accomplice.
Yuezhi was suffocating and unable to speak, her whole body was cold, and she frowned uncomfortably. "Aheng, I want to lie down by myself for a while. You, you go ahead and do your work. Don't worry about me."
Pei Heng saw that she looked unwell and refused to say what was wrong, so he assumed that she was being tormented by the baby in her womb and had no choice but to go along with her wishes.
"Then I'll go out first. If you miss me, send someone to call me. Don't stay up all night alone."
"Mmm," Yuezhi managed to squeeze out a response from her throat.
She could no longer face Pei Heng, nor could she rely on anyone around her.
After thinking for a long time, she realized that she couldn't believe any of those who served her closely, who advised her to give up her husband as soon as possible, and who said how good the emperor was... Aside from those, there might be one person she could talk to and who still had a trace of old feelings for her.
Once Pei Heng had walked away, she casually summoned a maid, "I am not feeling well, quickly go and fetch Physician Su."
She recalled that after their wedding, Su Jingyun hadn't shown up for a while because he was preparing for the medical officer promotion exam. When he returned, she was already pregnant.
Most importantly, he never spoke well of Pei Heng in front of her; perhaps he was different.
Su Jingyun arrived quickly, carrying a medicine box.
Through a gauze curtain, Yuezhi extended her wrist, and Su Jingyun placed his fingers on her pulse, holding his breath in concentration.
Yuezhi's heart was pounding. She knew that the maids outside and the palace servants outside the door were all Pei Heng's spies. If their conversation was even slightly loud, it would reach Pei Heng's ears. She had to be careful.
First, she used the excuse of being hungry to ask Huachun to go to the imperial kitchen to get some food, and then she said that the wind was making her head hurt, so she asked the palace servants outside to close the doors and windows.
Once only the two of them were left in the room, Yuezhi asked in a low voice, "I had a strange dream last night. I dreamt that... I dreamt that the Prince Consort wasn't missing, but was murdered... I wonder if his vengeful spirit is haunting me and came to me in my dream?"
Su Jingyun knelt before the bed, his voice heavy: "If the prince consort has a wronged spirit, knowing that the princess is pregnant, how could he bear to come and disturb you? The princess must be missing the prince consort and is heartbroken, which is why she is restless."
“Yes…” Yuezhi’s tone was unfocused, “but this dream was too real, it made me feel that the Emperor and the Prince Consort were somewhat similar in some ways…”
The fingers resting on her wrist trembled slightly.
Su Jingyun did not respond, and silence filled the room.
Yuezhi continued, her voice even softer, "It's strange, there was no warning before the prince consort disappeared. A man of high rank was gone, yet there was little discussion in the capital. In those days, I was so focused on grieving that I didn't notice anything unusual around me. Did you notice anything?"
Su Jingyun lowered his gaze to the bed sheet hanging from the curtains, his mind churning for a long time before he finally spoke, his voice trembling.
“Something is not quite right... But Princess, you are now carrying the dragon's offspring. You should take care of yourself and rest peacefully. You should look forward and not dwell on the past. You are already weak. Why bother with things that have no future? Your health is the most important thing. Let everything else go.”
What seemed like words of comfort were actually pleading.
Su Jingyun is different from others. Their friendship is based on mutual support from their hometown when they were both struggling, and it won't easily waver in their nature. Since he said so, it's clear that her guess was correct.
Without delving into the implied meanings, the words "dragon descendant" alone make everything clear.
Sure enough, as the emperor, how could he possibly accept a child who was not related to him by blood?
In those years when she felt sweet and happy, she couldn't tell which day she spent with her husband and which day Pei Heng took advantage of her vulnerability.
Yuezhi's heart sank. "Yes, what's the point of thinking about something that has no future? I was so foolish. I was blind and confused. I couldn't even understand things. Thank you for clearing my mind."
Su Jingyun didn't dare to look up at her disappointed eyes, and only whispered, "I can only treat people's illnesses. Physical illnesses are easy to cure, but mental illnesses are hard to heal. You... try to think more positively."
Yuezhi gave a muffled "hmm".
Su Jingyun hurriedly took his leave and went outside to have a eunuch fetch medicine from the Imperial Hospital. He then personally brewed the medicine in Jinghezhai.
When the medicine was half-cooked, someone from the Taiji Hall arrived. Without disturbing Yuezhi, they quietly invited Su Jingyun over and brought him before the emperor for questioning.
In the inner study, Pei Heng's expression was solemn.
"Princess, you looked quite well yesterday. How come you are so weak and frail overnight? Have you been diagnosed with the cause of your illness?"
Su Jingyun knelt on the ground trembling, his hands clenched tightly under his sleeves to make his voice sound calm and normal.
"Your Majesty, the princess is fine. It's just that the baby is moving frequently, and the princess didn't sleep well last night, which is why she looks tired. I have already prescribed a warm tonic, and I have prepared it for the princess to take. After a short nap, she should feel better."
Pei Heng slowed down the pace of his vermilion annotations, feeling slightly relieved but still uneasy, and pointed at him again.
"But a palace servant from Jinghezhai came to report that you and the princess were talking about something by the bedside, and the princess even had the doors and windows closed, as if she was afraid that someone would hear your conversation?"
Su Jingyun broke out in a cold sweat and knelt even lower, hurriedly explaining, "Your Majesty, I dare not. The princess only asked me privately about the changes in a pregnant woman's body. I was ashamed to let others hear it, so I closed the doors and windows."
When the young emperor was silent, he always carried a dangerous sense of oppression. The heavy air seemed to be filled with the glint of swords, and if one said the wrong thing, one's head would fall to the ground.
He sat behind his desk, his cold gaze scrutinizing the kneeling imperial physician, not entirely believing his story.
"Your Majesty, I am aware that although I have known the princess for a long time, I have spent very little time with her over the past ten years, less than one percent of the time she has spent with Your Majesty. I am merely fulfilling my duty as a royal physician, following Your Majesty's orders to care for the princess and her child. I have absolutely no selfish motives."
Su Jingyun's voice trembled, clearly terrified of him.
What he said made some sense, and Pei Heng realized he had made a mountain out of a molehill.
His child with Yuezhi is five months old. During this time, Su Jingyun has kept his mouth shut and has not gone near Yuezhi unless necessary. He hasn't heard anything from Jinghezhai yet, so he must be overthinking it.
"Alright, go back and brew the medicine for the princess."
"Your humble servant obeys the decree." Su Jingyun stood up, holding his breath, and only dared to breathe freely after leaving the Taiji Hall.
He was so frightened that his legs went weak and he almost knelt down on the road.
Living in constant fear in the palace, not knowing when he would be beheaded, he sometimes regretted that he shouldn't have gone to the emperor that day to say those treasonous and disrespectful words, but he also felt that Yuezhi was really innocent and always felt sorry for her.
She will always give birth to children, and her eyesight will always get better. How could she be deceived for a lifetime?
The few words revealed today should have been enough for her to understand and be somewhat prepared, so that she can be less heartbroken when she truly faces the situation in the future.
The wisps of medicinal fragrance wafted from the small kitchen, mingling with the rising sunlight as it entered Yuezhi's bedroom.
She drank the sedative and quickly fell asleep.
When I woke up again, it was already evening.
Yuezhi was in much better spirits and did not refuse Pei Heng's invitation to dine at Jinghezhai. She was as usual and even chatted with great interest about the Guanyin statue that was placed in the princess's bedroom.
"The Goddess Guanyin is truly efficacious. Thanks to her blessing, I was able to conceive successfully despite my frail health. It's a pity I'm not in the palace and can't add incense for her all the time."
"That's easy. Just send a message back to the princess's residence and tell the servants to remember to add incense."
"I personally offered incense to the Guanyin statue. Guanyin Goddess protects me and my child, so it's only sincere to offer incense to her personally."
Pei Heng gave a meaningful smile. "Your Highness, you've only been in the palace for a short time, and you're already homesick?"
Yuezhi's heart skipped a beat, and she gave a shy smile. "I do miss home a little, but having you here with me and someone to keep me warm at night is much better than that cold, empty bed."
The sweet banter immediately eased the tension the young man had just been holding back, and he laughed easily.
"So it turns out that my elder sister doesn't like me, she likes my warm body."
Yuezhi blushed even more from his teasing, deliberately ignored him, and turned her face away to eat.
As night fell, she made an excuse that she hadn't slept well the night before and was very sleepy. Ignoring his enthusiasm, she turned over and went to bed, quickly falling asleep.
Pei Heng, mindful of her health, dared not do anything inappropriate and could only inhale the fragrance of her hair as he took care of himself.
He insisted on sharing a blanket with her, pressing his warm, damp chest against her back, gently kneading her soft body until it felt soft. He carefully placed his hands on her pregnant belly, his beautiful phoenix eyes slightly narrowed, and he drifted off to sleep happily.
When I woke up in the early morning, Pei Heng had already gone to court.
Yuezhi seized the moment, summoned Huachun, and after a quick wash, rushed to the Taiji Hall.
Judging from Su Jingyun's words and Pei Heng's attitude towards the Guanyin Bodhisattva who grants children, it can be confirmed that the child in her womb is Pei Heng's.
But she still wanted to know where the prince consort had gone. She didn't expect Pei Heng to tell her the truth, so she had to find the evidence herself.
Even the inner study, which ordinary people are not allowed to enter in the Taiji Hall, she can enter without any problem.
But she didn't enter the inner study; she went straight to the emperor's bedchamber. None of the palace servants or guards stopped her. In everyone's eyes, the emperor was eager for Princess Ning'an to be close to him, and Princess Ning'an's presence here was as natural as returning to her own residence.
Yuezhi pushed open the door and was helped into the bedroom by Huachun. A gentle fragrance wafted towards them. The incense burner was burning a light fragrance that she had recently blended, with a hint of plum blossom.
The same incense is burned in Jinghezhai. Standing here feels like standing in your own bedroom.
Yuezhi remained vigilant and instructed Huachun, "You stay at the door, I'll go in by myself."
Hua Chun was puzzled by her series of actions and hesitated before saying, "Princess, be careful not to fall."
Yuezhi's tone was slightly serious, "You stay here and are not allowed to leave. If I find out what you've said to outsiders, I'll kick you out immediately."
Hua Chun dared not say anything more and stood by the screen.
She began to carefully explore, her fingertips tracing the cold rosewood table, the smooth jade ornaments, the soft mattress... all imbued with the strong aura of youth, omnipresent.
In the darkness, her heart pounded faster and faster, and she almost began to doubt whether her decision was wise. Could she really find anything here?
He reached from the table to the bed, then to the wardrobe, took a deep breath, and pushed open the heavy wardrobe door.
Inside were neatly folded imperial robes and court robes. Everywhere she touched, there was cool, silky fabric and intricate embroidery. She touched each piece one by one, and just as she was about to give up, her hand touched a familiar belt.
Her heart clenched, and she pulled out the belt, stroking the pearls embroidered on it and the inlaid jade.
Before the wedding, she specially ordered a belt made from the pearls bestowed upon him by the emperor. There were only two in the world. One was kept at the bottom of the wardrobe in the princess's bedroom, and the other was sent to the Liang family before the wedding. The prince consort often carried it with him.
She had already packed away the old item in the bedroom wardrobe along with the prince consort's old belongings into a box; the one she had now could only be the one the prince consort usually carried with him.
This was a token of love between the prince consort and her. The belt still retained a trace of the prince consort's pine and ink scent, but it had long since been tainted with the colder ambergris, the scent of its new owner.
Yuezhi's hands began to tremble.
She suppressed her surging emotions, tucked the belt into her sleeve, and called to Huachun, "Help me look, there must be something else here."
Hua Chun was confused and flustered. "What is the princess looking for?"
Yuezhi glared at her angrily, "You have eyes and can see, you should understand better than me that there must still be things here that belong to the prince consort. Find them all for me. Or you would prefer to obey the emperor's orders. If you have such thoughts, then become his servant and you don't need to stay by my side anymore."
Seeing her pale face, Huachun vaguely guessed that she had become suspicious. Trying to fool her now would only make the princess angrier, so she had no choice but to obey.
"Princess, please don't be angry. I'll go find it."
Before long, her handkerchief, old clothes, wooden box filled with red paper, and jade ring with a tassel were all taken out and placed beside her.
That's all, nothing else.
Yuezhi could no longer hear the sounds around her. Her fingertips brushed over the old objects one by one, glancing over the old clothes and handkerchiefs she had given to Pei Heng, and gently stroking the knots she had made herself, before landing on the box full of red paper.
Those were love poems she exchanged with her husband before she got married, written on red paper specially supplied by the princess's residence. They expressed her tender and passionate feelings and her hazy yearning for love.
How did I get here?!
With a "thud," the thin letter slipped from her trembling hand and fell back into the wooden box.
At the same time, the sound of hurried footsteps came from outside the door, heading straight for the half-open bedroom door.
The person appeared at the door, and Huachun hurriedly knelt down, "This servant greets Your Majesty," while Yuezhi sat motionless at the round table, her fingertips unconsciously stroking the red paper.
Upon seeing the items laid out on the table, Pei Heng's brows furrowed immediately. He glared at Hua Chun silently, telling her to get out.
The bedroom door closed, leaving only the two of them.
"Why is this here with you?" Yuezhi asked in a deep voice, her back to him, her straight back so thin.
Pei Heng's gaze fell on the red paper, his pupils contracted slightly, and the hall fell into a deathly silence, where even the sound of the wind blowing through the corridor outside the window could be clearly heard.
After a moment, he chuckled softly, his tone relaxed and gentle: "The palace servants said that my elder sister came to the Taiji Hall. I thought she had rested and wanted to see me, but it turns out she came to look for something."
He walked slowly to her side, removed her hand from the wooden box, and gently held it in his palm: "These are just some of my beloved items. Is there anything wrong with me keeping them?"
"Your cherished possessions?" Yuezhi looked up at him, her voice trembling. "These are the poems I wrote for the Prince Consort! The tassel I personally gave to him, how could they become your possessions? And this jade belt, it clearly belongs to the Prince Consort, how could it have your scent on it?!"
"Tell me, why are these things in your bedchamber? Wasn't the prince consort missing? How did his things end up here? Tell me! Why?!"
Her hands were grabbed, and a barrage of questions rained down on her as she trembled with agitation.
Pei Heng looked at her silently, noticing the suspicion and anger that flickered in her eyes. His smile faded, leaving only a deep, unfathomable emotion.
He did not argue, but slowly bent down.
The intense pressure made Yuezhi instinctively back away, her back hitting the cold chair back.
He stopped in front of her, his forehead almost touching hers. A fragile grievance welled up in his cold and obsessive eyes, and his words were pitiful and unsettling.
"Because I am jealous of him."
"I'm so jealous I'm going crazy."
Pei Heng repeated, his tone becoming agitated.
"Originally, you only had me in your heart, and there should have only been the two of us. How can I bear to let you love someone else wholeheartedly? I've done so much to give you a good life, but I can only be your younger brother. He can be loved by you just by being himself. This is not fair!"
He gripped her hand tightly, as if afraid she would run away, so tightly that she winced in pain.
"I love you! I've loved you for a very, very long time! I used to think that loving you meant making sure you had a good life and the best of everything, but seeing you marry someone else, do you know how much my heart aches?"
Her words, tinged with tears, sounded like a child's aggrieved lament, but the force with which he gripped her hand was scalding hot and domineering, brooking no refusal, leaving her no choice but to turn away.
“I know you can’t love your own brother, and I can’t force you to love me, so I took all of this from Liang Zhang. Your poems, your feelings, everything about you can only be mine! I just love you, is that wrong?!”
His forceful and possessive arguments left Yuezhi feeling helpless, and she tried to break free from his grasp.
"You're talking nonsense! That's just your excuse!"
Does it matter if it's an excuse or not?
Pei Heng abruptly interrupted her, forcefully wrapping one arm around her waist and lifting her up from the chair, holding her tightly in his arms. No matter how much she struggled and hit him, he wouldn't let go.
"He's gone now, but I'm the one holding you! I'm the one who got you pregnant! And the one who will stay by your side and take care of you and your child for the rest of your lives can only be me!"
His lips pressed against her earlobe, and he kissed her earlobe wildly. The tears streaming down the young man's face and the sticky sensation on his ear seeped into her heart.
"He's already gone, why are you still thinking about him? Why are you questioning me over such trivial things? Do you really think I'm that bad?"
"Don't you love me anymore?"
Her voice gradually weakened, and only the sound of crying remained in my ears.
Yuezhi's fist landed weakly on his solid chest, her eyes red and moist, her heart aching.
In her heart, Pei Heng was the most benevolent crown prince, the most diligent and benevolent emperor, the most considerate younger brother, and the most perfect lover...
Yes, he could have simply taken what he wanted, so why did he have to kill the prince consort?
No one is perfect. While being stubborn is wrong, she cannot pin the blame for the prince consort's disappearance on him based solely on a dream. How can some old things be used as evidence?
This thought, like a cold tide, extinguished most of her anger and doubt, leaving only weakness.
Yuezhi's struggles lessened, and her body trembled slightly in his strong embrace, like a helpless fallen flower.
Sensing her softening, Pei Heng loosened his embrace slightly, letting out two soft sobs as he gently coaxed her.
"Yuezhi, I was wrong about this. You can hit me, scold me, but please don't abandon me. I can't live without you... Can you please stop thinking about the past? I will be good to you and the child, better than anyone else in the world..."
The emperor's tenderness is the sweetest poison. While Yue Zhi hesitated, his head was lowered and he kissed her cold lips.
A forceful and intense kiss, filled with undeniable possessiveness and domineering power, disrupted her thoughts and instantly swallowed all her unfinished questions and struggling sobs.
Yuezhi closed her eyes helplessly, tears streaming down her face.
She wasn't stupid; she couldn't forget what had happened in the past. So she remembered the man on that moonlit night who was also wearing the same pearl and jade belt.
That stranger, whose voice she didn't recognize and whose face she didn't know, was her true husband.
Pei Heng had been lying to her from the very beginning.
He's still lying to her now.
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