Chapter 29 Since it's already done, what's the harm in taking a look...?
As the music ended, Lou Xueying slowly exhaled and looked at the person opposite her.
Pengpeng rested her chin on her hand, her eyes sparkling, and exclaimed, "Sister is so amazing! You play so well, I don't feel like I've gotten rusty at all!"
Lou Xueying: "Really?"
Li Pan nodded: "Yes, it does sound nice."
Lou Xueying smiled faintly: "If the Marquis thinks it sounds good, then so be it."
In her own opinion, she has indeed regressed slightly, but not in terms of skill, but in terms of mindset.
This zither piece expresses the composer's detached and reclusive sentiments. When she was still unmarried, her life was simple and carefree, and she longed for that kind of leisurely existence, naturally enabling her to express the emotions inherent in the score. Now, having lived two lives—one ending in melancholy and the other in a life of constant striving—she has long since strayed from the meaning of this piece and can no longer express the state of mind she once had.
Unfortunately, no one could tell.
The scene from this morning resurfaced in her mind once again. The emotions she had been trying so hard to suppress for the sake of returning to her parents' home finally broke down completely after this song.
She found it laughable when she thought about how she had deliberately seduced Li Pan in the garden earlier.
She noticed that Emperor Jinghui's attitude was different today, and suspected that he already knew that she was Su Jun. She became more and more afraid, so afraid that even at home, she wanted to seize the time to be intimate with Li Pan and find a way to make him fall in love with her faster.
Her affected and pretentious manner was merely a result of her taking advantage of Li Pan's lack of experience with women, which allowed her to completely deceive him.
She didn't know if Li Pan was truly in love with her, nor did she care whether Li Pan loved her soul or her body. As long as Li Pan needed her, thought she was good, felt he couldn't give her away, and could keep her by his side for a long time, that was enough.
Unexpectedly, Pengpeng barged in.
At that moment, she felt exposed, not because she was ashamed of being caught in her intimacy with her husband by her sister, but because she felt she had let down Pengpeng's innocent eyes.
Pengpeng naively thought they were just a loving couple, never imagining that her respected and admired older sister was racking her brains, using flattery and ingratiation to lure the man into her trap.
How could she have become like this?
She clearly never did such a thing in her past life, but suddenly she learned it without any instruction in this life. Could it be that she was born this way?
Although she admitted to having no shame when she decided to marry Li Pan by any means necessary, if she truly had no shame, why would she need to hypnotize herself?
The more Li Pan took the bait, the more it proved her skillful methods and her innate talent in this area.
This is exactly the result she wanted. Li Pan is changing in the way she expected, so why can't she be happy?
The atmosphere suddenly froze. Cailing keenly sensed something was wrong and quickly picked up the zither from the table, saying, "Miss, shall we go back to our room? The kitchen has made apricot shortbread drink, which we can have right away!"
Lou Xueying nodded, her tone elusive: "Then let's go back."
Pengpeng's face immediately fell: "Are we going back already? Sister, can't we play a little longer?"
"Fourth Miss, that's enough," the maid whispered. "Even if you don't go back to practice the zither, you should go back to your studies."
Lou Xueying stood up, patted Pengpeng's head, and said softly, "Even if you don't want to read those serious books, you can look at picture books. Your sister and the Marquis have other things to do and can't always play with Pengpeng."
“…Okay.” Pengpeng pouted, but still let go of Lou Xueying. “Then I’ll go back to my room and come play with my sister later.”
Lou Xueying smiled and said, "Okay."
Pengpeng was taken away by the maid, Cailing went to play the zither, and Lou Xueying returned to her own courtyard with Li Pan.
"You can sit in my room for a while, but you can't stay here tonight. There's a guest room prepared for you," Lou Xueying said.
Li Pan: "I know, we sleep in separate rooms, there are rules."
Lou Xueying's courtyard wasn't very big, but it was decorated in a fresh and elegant style, with every brick, tile, plant, and tree carefully chosen.
On the day the emperor bestowed the marriage upon him, Li Pan came to her courtyard and spoke to her once, but the time was too short and he didn't have time to look closely. Now that he has stepped into this place, he finds that compared to her flower-filled boudoir, his main courtyard of the Marquis's mansion is truly simple and neat.
Drinks and pastries were already laid out in the room. Lou Xueying pushed them towards Li Pan and said, "Aren't you still hungry? Eat up. I'm the only one here, so I won't embarrass you."
Li Pan looked at her and said, "Why do I get the feeling that you're unhappy again?"
Lou Xueying was taken aback, then poured herself a drink and said, "I'm not upset, I was just too immersed in the music and haven't come out of it yet."
Anyway, he didn't know what she was playing, so he just made things up.
“No wonder, I was wondering why you seemed off after you finished playing,” Li Pan said. “I thought I was just being too perfunctory in my praise and you got angry again.”
Lou Xueying took a sip of her drink and said, "In the Marquis's words, I get angry easily and would have died of anger long ago."
Li Pan smiled, took a piece of pastry, and stuffed it into his mouth.
Lou Xueying: "But, does Your Excellency really think it sounds good?"
"Do you want to hear the truth or a lie?" Li Pan mumbled, chewing on a pastry.
Lou Xueying frowned: "What do you mean by 'lie'?"
"It sounds so beautiful! Your sister is right. If I had heard your music sooner, I would definitely have loved listening to it!"
Lou Xueying frowned even more deeply: "Could it be that the truth is that I played it terribly?"
That can't be right. Her mood has just changed, but her playing the piano is definitely not that bad.
Unless Li Pan has a hearing problem.
Li Pan swallowed the pastry and said, "To be honest, it sounds nice, but if you compare it to the music of the musicians I've heard in restaurants, I really can't tell any obvious difference. Of course, it's also possible that the restaurants are too noisy and I can't hear the musicians' skill level clearly. Plus, I haven't heard this piece before, so I don't know how others play it. Maybe I'll know the difference after I hear it."
Lou Xueying gave a cold laugh.
This was the first time Li Pan had ever seen her with a cold smile, and he was quite surprised.
"It's like playing the lute to a cow." Lou Xueying slammed down her cup, her face showing displeasure.
Li Pan thought to himself, "Oh no, I've probably crossed her line."
Such a young lady, renowned for her musical skills, must be furious to be compared to a tavern musician by someone who knows nothing about music.
Sigh, I knew I shouldn't have been so honest. Can't I say something nice?
Li Pan was pondering how to remedy the situation when he heard Lou Xueying coldly say, "Everyone has their own expertise. I don't blame you if you don't understand, my lord. You don't need to force yourself, my lord. Anyway, I won't be playing the zither anymore."
Li Pan was stunned: "Huh? You're not going to play anymore?"
"I won't play it anymore," Lou Xueying said. "There's no zither in the manor anyway, so there's no need to buy another one."
Li Pan gasped for breath.
She seems genuinely angry. Just now she said that she truly loves playing the piano and was willing to endure hardship for it when she was young. How could someone who loves and excels at the piano just stop playing because of a single, albeit not derogatory, remark?
"Ancestor, why are you angry with me?" Li Pan quickly picked her up and held her on his lap, coaxing her repeatedly, "I don't even know anything about this, how can you take what I say seriously? So many experts say you play well, but you don't listen. I didn't say you played badly, I just said I couldn't tell the difference, and you listened?"
Lou Xueying turned her face away from him and forcefully pried his hand off: "Let go of me! You're so deaf, I have nothing to say to you!"
"Why are you speechless now? You insisted on marrying me back then, not because I know how to play the zither, but because you're so good at it! How can you be sulking about that now?" Li Pan seized the opportunity to grab her hand, his fingers squeezing between hers, holding hers tightly, and laughed, "On our wedding night, I specifically reminded you that I'm a vulgar person, like a cow chewing on a peony, probably not pleasing you. And what did you say? You said you admired me, that you put me first in everything, that those zither, chess, calligraphy, and painting were just pastimes for you when you were bored, and that with me, you wouldn't be bored. Is that still putting me first?"
A woman's words are deceitful. He knew this girlish affection couldn't be taken seriously; it was only because of the distance that there was room for fantasy. In reality, once she was with him, all her beautiful expectations would shatter.
Fortunately, he never took her promises seriously, otherwise he would have been furious with her long ago.
Lou Xueying pretended not to understand what he was saying, but still stubbornly said, "I'm not playing anymore."
"Alright, alright, if you don't want to play, then don't play. It's fine if you don't play." Li Pan changed his approach to coaxing. "I also think it's unnecessary to play anymore. It's too harmful to your health. Look at you, you were fine before, but you got so caught up in playing a piece that you started to feel melancholic. How can that be? Haven't you noticed that many so-called masters don't live long?"
Lou Xueying: "..."
"Still angry?" Li Pan glanced at her, lifted her hand, brought it to his mouth, and slapped it twice. "Hit me twice, is that okay?"
Lou Xueying frowned and flicked her fingers in disgust.
Seeing that she finally showed some reaction, Li Pan knew that he had been appeased, so he nodded with satisfaction and said, "That's right, why bother arguing with a rough man like me?"
Lou Xueying: "Put me down."
Li Pan obediently let go of her hand, and Lou Xueying got off his lap, walked to the window, and began to prune the flowers in the vase by the window.
While pruning the branches, she secretly observed Li Pan out of the corner of her eye.
Having just been given the cold shoulder by her, Li Pan didn't bother to approach her. Instead, he took a plate of pastries and wandered around the room, studying the furnishings of her boudoir.
Lou Xueying thought to herself, "He really has a big heart. He was given such a cold shoulder by her, but he wasn't angry at all. He even took the initiative to lower himself to coax her to calm down."
Her anger just now was a mix of genuine and feigned. Half of it was because she was genuinely annoyed that he had no taste and wasted her zither playing and skills; the other half was to shift the blame onto Li Pan, attributing her decision to never play the zither again entirely to him, since he didn't like listening to her anyway, and he probably wouldn't care much if she stopped playing.
She took a deep breath, but her mood still didn't lighten.
How long could she continue to use her beauty to please men, playing the game of feigned retreat and indifference? Especially now that the emperor most likely knows she is Su Jun, how much longer could she live a peaceful life? Could Li Pan take her away from the capital ahead of time? She simply couldn't stand it any longer.
"You..." Lou Xueying was about to ask him if he had discussed any important matters with his father and brothers today when Li Pan also spoke at the same time.
"How come you still have this here?" Li Pan asked in shock.
Lou Xueying turned around and saw Li Pan standing by her bed, flipping through a familiar dark blue booklet. Instantly, a surge of blood rushed to her head, and she rushed forward, grabbing it with her hand: "Don't look!"
Li Pan quickly raised his arm, ignoring her still jumping and trying to reach it, and just tilted his head back to flip through the book, exclaiming in surprise, "Miss Lou, so this is the book you read about music, chess, calligraphy, and painting!"
Lou Xueying, enraged and embarrassed, roared, "Li Pan!"
When she called him by his full name, Li Pan lowered his head and smiled as he replied, "What's wrong?"
"Give it back to me!" she shouted angrily, jumping up and down, but she couldn't grab the book from his hand no matter what she did.
Li Pan: "I'll give it back to you, but you're probably going to tear it up. No, I think this book is beautifully bound, with vivid illustrations, clear handwriting, and smooth paper. It must be very valuable, so I have to keep it carefully."
Lou Xueying: "Li Pan, you shameless!"
Li Pan shamelessly said, "Since it's already done, what's wrong with taking a look?"
Lou Xueying was filled with regret. If she had known that Li Pan would find out, she should have burned it directly in the first place, so that Li Pan would not laugh at her!
Li Pan: "Honestly, what are you doing keeping such a good thing in your boudoir? We should be looking at it together on our wedding day. You're studying it secretly by yourself without telling me."
Lou Xueying's face turned bright red: "I didn't secretly study it! This kind of thing is unseemly, it's... it's something the bride is supposed to see on the eve of her wedding, but I only glanced at it a few times before stuffing it under the bed! Why did you even search under my bed!"
"I didn't search under your bed. I just wanted to see what kind of wood your bed was made of and how it differed from the ones in our mansion, so I squatted down to take a look. Who knew that when I squatted down I would see a corner of a book sticking out in front of me?" Li Pan shrugged innocently. "How was I supposed to know that you had these kinds of books stuffed under your bed?"
Lou Xueying couldn't take the book away, so she snatched the plate of pastries from his other hand and said angrily, "You're not allowed to eat anymore!"
"Sigh, never mind, here you go." Li Pan knew when to stop, closed the booklet, and handed it to her. "It's your stuff, you can deal with it yourself."
Lou Xueying: "I don't want it, it's yours."
"Are you really not going to accept this? Are you going to turn against me if I take it?" Li Pan asked warily.
"No." Lou Xueying gritted her teeth. "There are naked women all over here. If you like looking, look all you want."
Li Pan: "...I don't like watching it, I'm not watching it anymore."
He silently slipped the booklet back under her bed.
Lou Xueying felt she really didn't have time to continue fooling around with Li Pan, so she turned around and asked him with a serious expression, "What did you talk about with my father and brothers today? Did you talk about your future plans?"
Seeing that she asked seriously, Li Pan also composed himself and said solemnly, "We talked."
"How so?"
“His Majesty intends to appoint me to a concurrent post in the capital, but there are currently no vacancies in military positions in the capital, so I have not yet been given a real post,” Li Pan said. “However, if I were to officially take up a post and reside in the capital for an extended period, I would inevitably have to relinquish my military power in the Northwest.”
Lou Xueying: "You don't want to pay?"
Great, let's hurry back to the Northwest!
Li Pan: "I really don't want to make an appointment, but it's not because I'm greedy for power. It's just that none of my generals are as capable as I am, and there are more than just the Quanrong tribe on the border. I'm afraid I can't control them. But since His Majesty has arranged for me to marry into your Lou family, he's probably afraid that I'll become too powerful in the Northwest and hold onto military power. I can't be ungrateful. Besides, I've already married you, and I can't just abandon you to go to the Northwest. You wouldn't want to go to that harsh and cold place with me either. So your father asked me if I had any official positions in mind. He'll try to find a way to work things out for me. If all else fails, it's not entirely impossible for him to create a position just for me out of thin air."
Lou Xueying's vision went black.
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