Chapter 52 Kiss Me If You Want!
Li Pan genuinely forgot to take it.
He was preoccupied with something on his mind and absentmindedly entered the bathroom. It wasn't until he finished washing and was about to come out that he realized he only had one set of dirty clothes beside him.
If I went out wearing dirty clothes, wouldn't it be a waste of time to wash them? But going out naked seemed even worse. After much deliberation, I had no choice but to call Lou Xueying.
Lou Xueying had initially thought something important had happened, such as Li Pan being injured, but when she heard that he had simply forgotten something, she breathed a sigh of relief and said, "I'll go get it right away."
She stood at the door, holding a soft bath towel and a brand-new undergarment, and knocked: "My lord, I'm coming in."
"Come in."
Lou Xueying pushed open the door, and a wave of steam immediately rushed towards her.
To be honest, she had never come in while Li Pan was taking a shower before, and she glanced at him subconsciously.
The bathtub Li Pan used was a size bigger than hers. Out of curiosity, she once tried it out when the tub was empty. Even with both arms outstretched, it didn't reach half the circumference of the tub.
But now, with Li Pan sitting inside, his arms hanging loosely over the edge of the tub, the tub seemed rather narrow, as if he could easily pry the wooden planks off the tub with a flick of his wrist.
Water droplets clung to his muscular arms, threatening to fall but shimmering faintly. His honey-colored chest rose and fell gently with his breath.
Lou Xueying couldn't help but curl the corners of her lips slightly. She then looked away, hung the clothes in her arms on the rack, and walked out the door.
Li Pan watched her leave with suspicion.
What's so funny? He looked down at himself. What was so funny? It's not like she hadn't seen it before.
Li Pan came out of the water, walked to the rack, picked up a towel, dried himself off quickly, put on a clean undergarment, and came out.
Lou Xueying had already prepared some light casual clothes for him. As Li Pan took them and put them on, he asked, "What were you laughing about just now?"
Lou Xueying paused for a moment, then covered it up by saying, "It's nothing."
Li Pan: "Did you really get a lot darker from the sun?"
After much thought, he concluded that there could only be one reason.
"Actually... there aren't that many." Lou Xueying was a little embarrassed, touched her nose, and said softly, "It's just... a bit too distinct."
It wasn't so obvious when I was dressed, but once I took my clothes off, a clear dividing line appeared between my neck and the area below my neck. There was even a noticeable color difference between my hands and wrists.
Li Pan: "..."
Li Pan: "Is it ugly?"
Lou Xueying quickly waved her hand: "No, no..."
If this had happened before, Li Pan would have definitely retorted, "It's no use complaining about my looks. You were the one who wanted to marry me, so it's too late to complain now."
But now, he couldn't bring himself to say those words. He could only silently fasten his belt and say to her, "Let's go eat."
The two then went to Li's mother's courtyard for lunch. During the meal, in order to make Li's mother happy, Li Pan vividly described the appearance of the divine stone to her, which made Li's mother very happy.
Mother Li asked, "Since you have successfully escorted this divine stone, has His Majesty rewarded you?"
Li Pan: "I didn't discover this divine stone, and escorting it was my duty. Why would His Majesty reward me otherwise? In my opinion, it would be good enough if I could just return to the capital and not have to deal with those wars."
Li's mother said, "That's true."
While they were eating, Li's mother suddenly remembered something and said to Li Pan, "The clove-flavored sliced meat dish that you had the chef learn to make before, Su Su tasted it the day you left the capital, and Su Su said it was delicious! She also happened to go to the palace to see the Empress that day and had lunch there. When she came back, she praised our food as being even better than the imperial kitchen's!"
Li Pan glanced at Lou Xueying and asked, "Really?"
Lou Xueying buried her head in her food and softly hummed in agreement.
Li Pan: "The food at our house is just so-so. That dish of clove-flavored sliced meat was something I had the chef learn to make separately. In the future, if you want to eat something, just have the chef learn to make it. There's no need for you to adapt to the chef. You're a Marquis's wife now; it should be the chef adapting to you. As for the Imperial Kitchen, it's really impossible to make the palace chefs adapt to you, so it's fine if you don't eat there."
Lou Xueying: "...Okay."
After finishing the meal, Li's mother was satisfied and shooed the young couple away with a smile: "Alright, alright, you two should go back and rest. People say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, so I won't bother you any longer."
Lou Xueying blushed slightly and followed Li Pan quickly away.
Back in his room, Li Pan sat down on the edge of the bed and said, "I'm going to sleep for a while. Are you going to sleep too?"
Lou Xueying hesitated: "I..."
Li Pan paused in taking off his clothes, looked up at her, and asked, "Aren't you going to sleep? I remember you used to take a nap."
Lou Xueying: "My lord has traveled a long way and deserves a rest, but I can't sleep for long at noon, and I'm afraid I'll wake up and disturb you..."
Li Pan then asked, "Are you really afraid of disturbing me, or do you simply not want to share a bed with me?"
Lou Xueying was taken aback.
Li Pan's tone was calm, revealing no other meaning, as if he were simply seeking her opinion: "Susu, I don't mean to blame you. Let's stick to the facts. I know why you married me, and I can understand. If you don't like someone like me and don't want much contact with me, I won't force you. We can sleep separately—it doesn't matter to me where I sleep anyway. You really don't need to use yourself as a bargaining chip to please me. Just like I told you before I left, helping me manage the Marquis's mansion and taking care of Mother is enough."
Lou Xueying clenched her sleeves, unsure how to respond.
She didn't answer, so Li Pan took it as a tacit agreement. He sighed and said, "When I was in the Northwest, I thought every day if I had acted too frivolously, which is why you thought I was a shallow person, not worth getting close to. But I still want to say this: 'Trust those you employ, and don't employ those you doubt.' If you doubt me, then don't entrust things to me. If you do entrust things to me, then you should tell me clearly as soon as possible so that I can plan for you. You corresponded with His Majesty before your marriage. Since you didn't overstep any boundaries, why didn't you dare tell me directly? Do you think I would think you're an immoral woman because of a few letters?"
Lou Xueying lowered her head like a student being lectured, and said in a hoarse voice, "Yes."
"If you think so much about me, why did you choose to marry me in the first place?"
Perhaps it was his intense gaze and earnest tone that made her hesitate for a long time before finally stammering, "I... I was thinking that if the Marquis knew about my affair with His Majesty before he understood me and had no feelings for me, he might despise me from then on. So I thought that if I tried to please the Marquis more, would he like me sooner? And when he does, would he be more forgiving of the mistakes I made in the past..."
It takes a lot of courage to say these words.
But she still spoke up.
Li Pan: "Now that I know, do you think I'm disgusted with you?"
Lou Xueying slowly shook her head.
Li Pan: "So do you think I'm being tolerant of you now because I've actually fallen for you, or because I'm someone who doesn't mind this kind of thing?"
Lou Xueying hesitated.
To be honest, she didn't know.
“If you don’t know, then I’ll tell you.” Li Pan said, enunciating each word clearly. “First, I don’t care who you had with before marriage, as long as you’re willing to tell me. Second, I wouldn’t dare say I’m a magnanimous person who treats everyone equally. If it weren’t you, and another woman did the same thing, I’m not sure if I would still be willing to help her solve the problem. So you should actually be happy that your efforts weren’t in vain. I do have some feelings for you—Lou Xueying.”
Lou Xueying stared at him blankly.
Li Pan remained expressionless and continued, "I don't know how you measure it, but in my opinion, I don't dislike you, I'm willing to be with you, and I try to make you happy. Even if you get angry at me, I won't be annoyed. That already counts as liking you. But if you ask me how much I like you, I wouldn't dare to boast. I can only say that since you've chosen to marry me, I will try my best not to disappoint you."
Lou Xueying: "..."
Li Pan took a deep breath: "Alright, I've finished speaking. Do you have anything else to say?"
Lou Xueying's eyelashes trembled: "I...I didn't expect the Marquis to say these things to me."
That was so frank, without a trace of embellishment or euphemism.
Sometimes, relationships between people are maintained by a little ambiguity and vagueness, leaving room for endless imagination. Once everything is clearly stated, it immediately becomes boring.
But Li Pan clearly hadn't thought that far ahead; he simply said whatever came to mind.
Li Pan: "I'm telling you all this because I feel that if I don't make things clear, you'll start to overthink things. Rather than letting you keep it from me and cause some trouble, I'd rather just be clear so you have some peace of mind."
Lou Xueying pursed her lips.
Li Pan got out of bed and said, "Alright, you sleep here, I'll sleep on the couch outside."
With that, he walked out.
However, he had only taken two steps when someone tugged at the hem of his clothes.
He turned around in surprise and met Xueying's bright, sparkling eyes.
“My lord…” she said nervously, “I am very grateful that you are willing to tell me these things, but… but I also want to say something…”
Li Pan stared at her intently.
She gritted her teeth, steeled her resolve, and said bluntly, "I don't dislike the Marquis, nor do I refuse to share a bed with him!"
Li Pan was taken aback.
“I did want to please the Marquis, but that doesn’t mean I necessarily disliked him. If I truly hated him, I wouldn’t be able to keep up the act… Just like, just like in front of His Majesty, I simply couldn’t keep up the act anymore…” At this point, she choked up slightly again. “That night, the Marquis climbed through the window to find me. I told him the truth. I said I hadn’t suffered any grievances marrying him, and that I genuinely missed him during the days he was away… But, did the Marquis also take this as me deliberately trying to please you, and therefore not believe me at all?”
Li Pan opened his mouth, but was speechless.
She was right; he really didn't believe her.
How could he believe it? That night, one moment she was kneeling before him, tears streaming down her face, nuzzling his hand and begging for his forgiveness for her past affair with the emperor; the next she was embracing him, saying how much she missed him. In his eyes, both of these behaviors were merely a woman's way of showing weakness.
He could understand, but he was truly helpless.
He wanted to know who the person who truly hated and humiliated her was, but she refused to say a word. He didn't want to press her too hard and frighten her, so he racked his brains to prove his reliability and try to make her believe him. Unexpectedly, she turned the tables and asked him if he didn't believe her either.
Li Pan: "...You, talk this out, don't cry!"
"I didn't cry!" Lou Xueying stamped her foot anxiously. "I'm just worried. I'm afraid that if I lied to the Marquis once, he will really think I'm a liar and will never believe me again!"
Li Pan was skeptical: "It's fine if you say you're not wronged, but do you really want me to believe it? Is it because you're afraid to be alone, that you think His Majesty won't dare to do anything to you if I'm around?"
"No! I got home safely that day, and His Majesty has already let me go! I didn't miss the Marquis because I was scared! I was, I was..." Her face flushed, and she stammered, "I was thinking that all the times I lost my temper with the Marquis before, it wasn't because the Marquis had done anything wrong. It was because I had something on my mind, so I took it out on the Marquis and made him suffer an unjust accusation... I was also thinking, it's so late, where should the Marquis rest? If we have to travel all night, can his body handle it..."
She paused, then forced herself to explain, "The Marquis just asked me if I thought you were a frivolous and superficial person, which is why I didn't want to get to know you better... No, it was I who presumptuously assumed the Marquis was someone I could fool. Although I wanted to please the Marquis, I didn't actually bother to learn about his habits. I didn't even know what he would bring when he went on a military campaign... I chose the most superficial way to get along with the Marquis, it wasn't his fault..."
Li Pan stared at her intently.
“I’ve never told you, Lord Marquis, that I actually… am a little sensitive to the cold, but you’re always so warm, I… I…” Her voice trailed off as she spoke, “And… although you often talk nonsense, I feel really happy being with you… I haven’t been this happy in a long time… I’m not acting…”
As she said this, she secretly glanced at Li Pan and saw that his eyebrows were slightly raised, but his lips were tightly pursed. Suddenly annoyed, she shouted, "Wait! Are you pretending to be stupid just to hear me say nice things?"
Before he could finish speaking, Li Pan suddenly laughed.
Her angry glare just now swept away her previous timidity and sullenness, and also revealed to him a hint of the spoiled and willful nature she had during her honeymoon.
It seems it wasn't all an act; the person he liked before wasn't a fake.
He secretly breathed a sigh of relief and said, "I wasn't pretending to be stupid; I just couldn't believe it."
Lou Xueying said angrily, "You believed that I admired you so much that I jumped into the water to force you to marry me, so why don't you believe it now!"
"I believe you, I believe you, I really believe you this time." Li Pan gently grasped her hand that was holding his clothes, slowly kneading it, and whispered, "Does this mean that you actually like me a little too?"
Lou Xueying turned her face away and remained silent.
Li Pan smiled again and said, "Then let's agree that no matter what happens in the future, we'll still lay everything out in the open and explain things clearly, just like today. Let's not assume the other person's thoughts or reactions, but rather listen to and observe their actual actions. We're husband and wife, and since we don't intend to divorce, we should trust each other, share responsibilities, and solve problems together."
Lou Xueying's heart trembled violently.
Why does he keep emphasizing that she should trust him? Why does he keep emphasizing that he can handle it and solve the problem? She has already told him about her affair with the emperor, so what else does he want to know? Did she mistake him for the new emperor on the day she had a fever, and say something else that aroused his suspicion?
She hesitated and turned her face away, just about to test him again, when she saw him pick her up and put her on the table. He pressed his forehead against hers and said, "If something really happens, it's fine if you can handle it yourself. But if you can't, don't hide it from me. Tell me as soon as possible."
Lou Xueying: "...Hmm."
Li Pan: "Can I kiss you?"
Lou Xueying's ears burned again: "...Mmm."
Li Pan: "You don't think that just because I finished talking about serious business and then asked you if I could kiss you, it was all a feint to lower your guard and get you to agree to let me kiss you, do you?"
Lou Xueying: "..."
Li Pan said seriously, "No, I was being very serious when I was talking to you earlier..."
"No need for such a clear explanation!" Lou Xueying gritted her teeth. "Just kiss me already!"
Li Pan then kissed him.
Lou Xueying was prepared to continue entangled with the man she had been estranged from for over a month, but who knew that when he said "kiss me," he really only said "kiss me," touching her lips briefly before letting go of her.
Lou Xueying was stunned.
Li Pan patted her head: "I'm going to sleep outside."
Lou Xueying was taken aback: "Why are you sleeping outside?"
Li Pan honestly said, "I can't sleep next to you, but I'm really sleepy and want to catch up on some sleep."
Lou Xueying: "..."
She watched him walk out without saying a word.
After a while, she smiled slightly, pursed her lips, and got off the table.
Li Pan started saying inappropriate things to her again, which was good. It meant he had truly accepted her as a person, and wasn't just limited to the responsibilities of a husband. Otherwise, the serious atmosphere he created always made her worry that he was trying to distance himself from her.
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