Chapter 36 What will her future hold? ...
Lou Xueying leaned against Li Pan's chest, feeling dizzy and unable to stand steadily.
She felt as if she were drowning again, her body was ice-cold, she couldn't breathe, and she opened her mouth in vain, unable to utter a single word.
Li Pan was surprised by her strong reaction and asked in alarm, "What's wrong? Are you alright?"
Lou Xueying stared at him, her mind buzzing.
Why? Why is this happening?
She did want to return to the Northwest with Li Pan as soon as possible, but it would have to be Li Pan who petitioned the emperor to allow the whole family to return to the border, rather than the emperor ordering him to go on an expedition immediately.
In my previous life, there were no foreign tribes causing trouble at this time, and Li Pan was still in the capital. How could he suddenly be setting off to fight, and in such a hurry?
There is only one reason.
The emperor had indeed discovered that she was Su Jun. He was unwilling to marry her off to Li Pan, so he found an excuse to transfer Li Pan away. When she was left alone in the capital, he could do whatever he wanted with her.
But he clearly saw Li Pan's attitude towards him! Li Pan even held her hand in front of him. How dare he take away the wife of a high-ranking general like this? Wasn't he afraid that Li Pan would raise an army to retaliate if he found out?
Or perhaps... he felt that her marriage to Li Pan had been too short and their relationship too shallow, and that Li Pan wouldn't turn against the emperor for a woman?
But she married Li Pan so that he would protect her! She wanted to make the emperor wary of Li Pan and dare not harm her!
"My lord..." she finally mustered the strength to speak, grabbing Li Pan's collar and asking urgently, "Do you really have to go?"
Li Pan stared at her blankly: "Susu, this is an imperial edict. Besides, there's chaos on the border, how can I not return?"
"What if there's nothing going on at the border? If there really is something going on, surely we won't hear a single word?"
"Shh!" Li Pan lowered his voice and said solemnly, "How could His Majesty be wrong to receive a secret report? This concerns matters of national importance, and we must not speak recklessly!"
You mustn't talk nonsense... He's the one who loves to talk nonsense the most, he even dares to joke about the emperor, yet now he's telling her not to talk nonsense...
She swallowed hard, trying to remain calm, but her voice trembled clearly: "Then... could you take me with you?"
Li Pan was stunned.
"Please, take me with you..." she pleaded. "I won't be a burden to you. I can endure hardship. Once we get to the Northwest, I'll stay obediently in the General's Mansion and won't cause you any trouble..."
Li Pan took a deep breath, patted her head, and explained slowly, "His Majesty ordered me to hurry back to the border. However, one cannot bring family members on a forced march."
Newlyweds, he naturally didn't want to separate from her so soon, and he guessed she might not be able to accept it, but he never expected her to want to go to the Northwest with him. How could that be?
“There is no law that says you can’t bring your family on a forced march, my lord. You can’t just say you can’t because of some unwritten rules…” she stammered.
"Sigh." Li Pan sighed, "If we march hastily and bring our families along, what will the soldiers think of me? Even if I did bring you along, what about Mother? Am I supposed to bring only you and not Mother? But how can Mother withstand the speed of a forced march?"
Lou Xueying was stunned.
Li Pan held her and coaxed her softly, "I know you don't want me to leave, but I can't disobey the imperial decree, nor can I abandon the soldiers and civilians on the border. But I promise you, I will definitely come back as soon as possible. Of the tribes in the northwest, the Quanrong are the most difficult to deal with. If we can defeat the Quanrong, the others will be no problem at all. Moreover, the morale is high right now, and the weather is suitable. We will finish the battle soon."
Lou Xueying murmured, "How long is 'soon'?"
Li Pan paused for a moment: "In short, it won't be long."
Lou Xueying: "Are you going to leave me alone in the capital?"
Li Pan: "How could you be alone? There's your mother and so many other people in the manor. If you feel lonely, you can go back to your parents' house for a few days."
Lou Xueying closed her eyes, feeling a wave of despair.
If the emperor were to separate her from Li Pan as he had done with the crown prince, she believed Li Pan would not tolerate it.
But now the emperor has transferred Li Pan away under the pretext of military affairs. If Li Pan were a normal person, he would definitely prioritize military affairs. What could she say? Anything she said would sound like she was being unreasonable.
Li Pan frowned as he looked at Lou Xueying in his arms, then looked up at his mother and said, "Mother, I'll take Susu back to the room first."
Li's mother had been standing there for a while, and when she heard this, she just nodded blankly: "Then...then you should go back and comfort Susu."
Li Pan then scooped Lou Xueying up in his arms and hurriedly left his mother's room.
Li's mother glanced at the scattered papers on the table, then at the rapidly receding figures outside the window. She belatedly realized what was happening, her face contorted with distress. She stamped her foot and cried out, "What is all this about! We've only been married a few days, and they're already off to war again!"
Cui Cui sighed and added, "Madam looks very sad."
"How can I not be heartbroken?" said Li's mother. "Who knows how long they'll keep pounding the stone? If I'm left alone in an empty room after only a few days of marriage, I'll be heartbroken too!"
...
Cai Ling was watering the newly planted flowers in the yard when she heard a noise and turned around. She saw Li Pan carrying Lou Xueying back. She had just given a slightly ambiguous smile when she suddenly noticed that Li Pan's face was gloomy and Lou Xueying's eyes were red and she looked absent-minded. She was taken aback.
She was about to ask what was going on when she saw Li Pan ignore her, stride into the house, and slam the door shut with his foot.
Cailing, locked out, turned around blankly and asked the servant who had followed Li Pan back, "What happened?"
The servant sighed and said, "They say there's been trouble at the border again, and His Majesty has sent the Marquis back to fight tomorrow!"
"What?!"
Inside the room, Li Pan gently placed Lou Xueying on the armchair, squatted down in front of her, held her hand, and whispered, "Susu, the emperor's decree is hard to disobey, you... try to think more positively."
Lou Xueying suddenly grasped his hand and asked in a trembling voice, "Then I won't march with you. I... I'll take a carriage and follow behind you, okay? It's fine if I'm a few days slower than you. Just find a few people to protect me and make sure I get to the General's Mansion safely..."
Li Pan looked at her, seemingly not understanding: "Why do you insist on coming with me?"
"Because I don't want to be separated from you!"
“But even if you come with me to the Northwest, we will still be separated,” Li Pan said. “I will be in the military camp most of the time and will not be able to come back to the General’s Mansion to see you often.”
"It's okay, at least we're in the same place, which is better than being thousands of miles apart!"
Li Pan pursed his lips, cupped her face in his rough fingertips, and said earnestly, "Susu, don't be willful. Going back to the Northwest is fraught with danger. Things like not being able to adapt to the new environment are minor. What I fear most is that tribes like the Quanrong might seek revenge and implicate you. Don't be fooled by my mother's seemingly respected status in the Northwest; she doesn't live a peaceful life, far less relaxed than she does in the capital. I don't want you to live that kind of life of fear."
"How do you know I won't be afraid while I'm in the capital!" Lou Xueying finally couldn't hold back anymore and tears streamed down her face. "I just want to be with you, is that so hard?"
"Can you tell me... why were you so afraid in the capital?" Li Pan looked into her eyes and asked slowly and carefully.
Lou Xueying suddenly choked up.
Why was she so afraid? Because she feared being forcibly taken by the emperor again.
He had many ways to get her. For example, he could summon her to the palace under some pretext while Li Pan was away, so she could come and go as she pleased; or, like his son, he could set up a scheme to make everyone believe that the Lady of Wu'an Marquis was dead, thus imprisoning her in the deep palace, and Li Pan would never know where she went; or, to be even more sinister, he could even have Li Pan die on the battlefield...
But how could she tell Li Pan all this?
Li Pan is neither her father nor her brother, and he will not tolerate her without limits.
He is her husband, and his tolerance of her is based on the premise that she is a wife who is completely loyal to him.
She knew perfectly well that Li Pan's apparent affection for her was merely because she was beautiful, gentle, and adorable, and because she was devoted to him and could perfectly fulfill all his needs for a wife.
If Li Pan, a man of such arrogance, knew that she had been having an affair with another man before their marriage, would he still be so tolerant of her? If he knew that she married him only to use him, wouldn't he feel angry and ashamed?
No, she couldn't tell Li Pan.
Tell Li Pan that all her previous efforts will have been in vain. In Li Pan's mind, she will become a promiscuous, flirtatious woman, a shameless and unscrupulous person.
She had known the Crown Prince for over half a year, and their feelings for each other were deep and intense. Even the Crown Prince, such a gentle person, could humiliate her to the extreme because she ultimately accepted the Emperor. She had only been married to Li Pan for a few days now, and they were not compatible in terms of interests or feelings. Their relationship was based on nothing more than the most superficial physical connection. If Li Pan found out about her ambiguous relationship with the Emperor and realized that their interactions in the past few days were nothing but her pretense, then she would be completely finished.
Even if one day Li Pan learns of her relationship with the emperor, it should be Li Pan who first discovers the emperor's intentions against her, is indignant that his wife is being coveted, and takes the initiative to solve the problem for her. It shouldn't be that she personally tells Li Pan about her past relationship with the emperor after their marriage, making Li Pan realize he's been taken advantage of, ultimately turning it into a conflict between them, which only benefits the emperor.
So she looked at Li Pan and whispered through her tears, "Because I will worry about you. How can I not worry about something as dangerous as war? The farther away I am from you, the less information I will know. I will go with you to the Northwest. Although I can't help you much, at least the news will travel faster and more completely. I will feel like I am with you."
Li Pan stared at her intently.
Lou Xueying pleaded again, "Let me go with you, my lord... I'll secretly follow you in a carriage, that way you won't be breaking the rules, and I'll be able to get what I want."
Li Pan: "Do your parents agree as well?"
Lou Xueying: "I'm already married to you, I'm yours, I don't need their consent, your consent is enough!"
Li Pan: "No, your parents won't agree, and neither will I."
Lou Xueying gripped his hand tightly and asked, "Why can't I go! Why should I!"
“Susu, if you can fight on the battlefield or strategize, I can take you there if you’re willing,” Li Pan said. “But you can neither fight nor understand military strategy. I can’t take you to the Northwest just because of this sentimental reason, risking all sorts of dangers. What will I say if something happens to you?”
Lou Xueying: "Is there really no room for negotiation at all?"
Li Pan stroked her face and slowly shook his head.
Lou Xueying slumped into her chair and said nothing more.
Li Pan found a handkerchief and tried to wipe her tears, but the more he wiped, the more tears she shed, and the handkerchief was soaked through in no time. He had no choice but to put the handkerchief down and said softly, "Please don't cry. How can I go on my journey with you crying like this?"
Lou Xueying's tears flowed even more profusely.
Li Pan had no choice but to get up and silently begin packing his luggage.
Lou Xueying watched his skillful figure as he got dressed, and a deep sense of powerlessness welled up in her heart.
It turns out she was wrong.
She couldn't blame Li Pan for placing the power of the nation and the emperor above her; she could only blame herself for harboring wishful thinking and hoping that a man would pull her out of the mire.
But if she didn't rely on a man, how could she save herself? She had no power, no martial arts skills, and couldn't even understand conspiracies and schemes. Apart from music, chess, calligraphy, and painting, she was useless.
Li Pan is gone. What will become of her in the future?
In her past life, she didn't dare to defy Emperor Jinghui. If she mustered the courage to defy him this time, would the outcome be different? But how could she defy him in a way that would protect her and prevent Emperor Jinghui from taking his anger out on others?
Can she do it?
She didn't know.
That night, Li Pan and Lou Xueying lay on the same bed, back to back, in silence.
In the pitch black, Li Pan suddenly turned over and asked, "Susu, are you asleep?"
Lou Xueying remained silent.
Li Pan said, "I know you're not asleep."
He reached out and touched her face.
Lou Xueying froze for a moment, then slowly sat up and began to undress.
Hearing her rustling noises, Li Pan frowned and asked, "What are you doing?"
Lou Xueying said softly, "I don't know when you will return, my lord. The army is harsh and lonely. Tonight, I will let you have some fun. I hope you will not forget that there is someone in the capital waiting for you to return home."
She leaned down and kissed Li Pan's lips.
Li Pan grabbed her bare arm and said in a deep voice, "Susu."
Lou Xueying paused for a moment.
"Did you cry again?" he asked, emphasizing each word.
He touched her face just now; although her face was dry, her eyelashes were wet. When she spoke, her voice had a slight nasal tone.
Lou Xueying remained silent, only continuing to lower her head and kiss him.
"Lou Xueying!" He seemed angry, calling her by her full name, "I'm asking you something serious, what are you crying about!"
“I…” she hesitated for a moment, “I can’t sleep because I’m so sad about parting from the Marquis.”
Li Pan: "Is it just because of this?"
"...I also fear that the battlefield is unpredictable and might injure the Marquis."
That's all?
"……Um."
Li Pan let out a heavy sigh: "Put your clothes on."
Lou Xueying stammered, "My lord... is that alright?"
"Do you think I'm the kind of person who's always thinking about these things?" Li Pan asked.
Lou Xueying silently put her clothes back on.
Li Pan: "Okay, stop crying, go to sleep."
Lou Xueying gave a soft "hmm".
After an unknown amount of time, Li Pan suddenly felt someone hug him tightly from behind.
She rested her forehead against his shoulder, trying to keep her voice steady: "If there is no trouble on the frontier, could you return soon, Lord Marquis?"
Li Pan said in a low voice, "His Majesty said that we must nip it in the bud."
“Even if we want to eliminate the root of the problem, we can’t fight every day, can we? There must be a period of truce, right?” Lou Xueying said. “Could the Marquis… perhaps come back to the capital to visit me more often?”
Li Pan: "You want me to return to the capital without an imperial edict?"
Lou Xueying then slowly released him.
Li Pan heard her slowly moving away, his eyes wide open, but he didn't say anything more.
After daybreak, Li Pan led his team to set off.
The soldiers who had returned to the capital with him had already returned to the frontier after receiving their rewards. The squad he was now leading consisted of fifteen men, all of whom were his elite confidants who had followed him through many life-and-death situations and had now been incorporated into his household register.
Li Pan mounted his horse and said to Lou Xueying and his mother, who were standing at the door, "I'm leaving."
Li's mother: "Please be careful! Don't think you're invincible and try to be a hero!"
Li Pan: "Understood."
He then looked at Lou Xueying: "Don't you have anything to say to me?"
Lou Xueying paused for a moment, then said, "Be extra careful on the road."
Li Pan: "Okay."
He paused, then said, "Then I'm leaving."
Li's mother sighed: "Let's go."
As dawn broke and there weren't many pedestrians on the street, a long neighing of a horse was heard. Li Pan, clad in black armor, spurred his horse on, raised his general's token, and led his troops away in a cloud of dust on the main road of the capital, where riding was prohibited.
Lou Xueying suddenly remembered that on her wedding night, Cailing had told her that the Marquis of Wu'an was dressed in fine clothes and rode a magnificent horse when he came to fetch his bride, but unfortunately she had never seen it with her own eyes. At that time, she thought, "If I didn't see it, I didn't see it. There will be plenty of opportunities to see it in the future."
It turns out that life doesn't offer that many opportunities.
She shed so many tears yesterday, hoping to soften his heart, but the result disappointed her.
Now she's all alone.
What should she do?
Li Pan's figure disappeared at the end of the road in the blink of an eye. Lou Xueying silently helped Li's mother and turned back.
And so, in the gradually brightening sunlight, the gates of the Marquis of Wu'an's residence slowly closed.
-
Under the bright sun, a group of people rode their horses at full speed through the mountains and fields.
"Whoa—" Li Pan suddenly pulled on the reins, stopping his warhorse.
The guards following behind also stopped.
"Lord Marquis?" The leading guard looked at Li Pan with a puzzled expression.
This man, named Wu Zhao, was promoted by Li Pan and was extremely loyal to him. He was also the leader of the fifteen-man guard.
Li Pan said, "Come with me."
He dismounted and walked into the woods with his hands behind his back. Wu Zhao also quickly dismounted and followed closely behind.
Li Pan stopped in the shade of a tree and asked Wu Zhao in a low voice, "Have you received any news from Hasule recently?"
Wu Zhao also whispered, "No."
Li Pan: "His Majesty said he received a secret report that other tribes seem to be making unusual moves. What do you think?"
Wu Zhao paused for a moment, then said, "After the Quanrong were pacified, the Wusun became the largest tribe in the northwest. If any other tribes made any moves, the Wusun should be the first to notice. I dare to say that if there were any unusual movements that we were completely unaware of, then it would mean that Hasule has betrayed us."
Li Pan sneered: "Treason? I can make him rise from an unknown seventeenth prince to the King of Wusu, or I can twist his head off and use it as a football. I don't ask much of him, just to manage Wusun well and keep an eye on the movements of other tribes, that's all. If he dares to betray me, I'll make all the Wusun people feed the vultures under the sun god."
Wu Zhao: "But logically speaking, Hasule has no reason to suddenly rebel. Besides, even if other tribes are making moves, they should wait until autumn and winter when they are short of food before taking action. Spring and summer are the best time for farming and animal husbandry, so they shouldn't be making a move now."
Li Pan looked at the sky and said, "Since it's unlikely that Hasule will suddenly rebel, and it doesn't seem like the time for other tribes to start a war, then there's only one possibility."
Wu Zhao frowned: "Could it be that the secret report His Majesty mentioned... is actually completely fabricated?"
"He told me to nip it in the bud." Li Pan smirked. "Tell me, how much does it cost to nip it in the bud?"
Wu Zhao: "It should start at least at tens of millions of taels of silver."
"With such a huge expenditure and such a long battlefront, why didn't he consult the Ministry of Revenue or the Ministry of War, and just directly put me in charge?" Li Pan said. "There must be something wrong with this."
Wu Zhao speculated: "Could it be that His Majesty doesn't want the Marquis to participate in politics in the capital, and simply sends him back to the Northwest to fight?"
Li Pan: "But just a few days ago he clearly wanted to take back my military power! What does he mean now? Has he lost his mind?"
Wu Zhao wiped his sweat, inwardly sweating for his superior—thankfully he was loyal; if he were disloyal and prone to informing, the Marquis would probably have lost his head long ago.
Wu Zhao: "So, what does Your Excellency intend to do now?"
Li Pan began to remove his armor: "Ahead is Yutian County. You take the brothers and find Lou Boyu, the county magistrate of Yutian County. Reveal your identities and ask him to find you a place to rest. Remember to keep your whereabouts secret and only let Lou Boyu know."
He removed his black armor, revealing his civilian clothes underneath, and tossed the armor along with his general's token to Wu Zhao.
Wu Zhao caught it and asked, "What about the Marquis?"
Li Pan: "I'll disguise myself and go back to the capital to have a secret messenger send a message to Hasule to find out the truth. If there really is something wrong, then I will definitely have to make this trip."
Wu Zhao: "What if nothing happens?"
Li Pan: "If there's nothing else, then I need to figure out why this is happening! You guys wait for me in Yutian County."
Wu Zhao: "Yes."
He and Wu Zhao walked out of the woods, then he mounted Wu Zhao's horse and turned to head towards the capital.
Looking at the exceptionally strong, muscular warhorse left behind by Li Pan, which clearly belonged to whom, Wu Zhao sighed in the face of the brothers' questioning gazes and said, "The Marquis has other important matters to attend to. We will go ahead and await further instructions."
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