Chapter 86 Why can't I?
After a long and tiring journey, the three women were exhausted. They ate something simple, washed up, and went to bed early.
Lou Xueying lay alone in bed, clutching the cloth tiger in her hand, her eyes wide open, staring at the curtains above her head, unable to fall asleep.
After a while, she sat up, put on her clothes, picked up a lantern, and walked towards Li's mother's courtyard.
She knocked on the door, and Cui Cui opened it, rubbing her eyes and yawning.
Li's mother is old and sometimes trips when she gets up at night, so Cui Cui sleeps in the same room with her.
Upon seeing that it was Lou Xueying, Cuicui swallowed back her yawn in surprise and widened her eyes: "Why is Madam here so late?"
Lou Xueying: "I have something urgent to discuss with my mother."
Cui Cui: "Then...then please come in, Madam. This servant will take her leave now."
She sensibly left the room and went to rest in the adjacent side room. Lou Xueying brushed the snow off her clothes and placed the lantern against the wall.
"Shushu?" Startled awake, Li's mother asked, confused, "Did you need something from me?"
"Mother," Lou Xueying sat down beside her bed and said softly, "There's something I'd like to tell you."
Li's mother: "What?"
Lou Xueying folded her hands and placed them on her knees, lowering her eyes as she said, "I want to leave here and go with the general."
Li's mother immediately regained her senses.
She sat bolt upright, shocked, and exclaimed, "What did you say?"
“Mother, I can’t rest easy here,” Lou Xueying said slowly. “Every day I think about how inexperienced they are, and whether they might make mistakes without realizing it. If I were there, would I be able to fill in the gaps? There’s really not much I can do while I’m in the General’s Mansion. He’s getting further and further away from me, and there are many things I can’t do to help him. I can only worry in vain.”
Li's mother: "What do you mean by 'truly limited'? You've already done so much, collecting winter clothes and shoes, isn't that good? Maintaining stability in the rear is also very important!"
Lou Xueying: "But compared to the front lines, compared to the cities we just captured, this place is too stable. The general has no shortage of people to fight for him, but he lacks people to help him consolidate his power. My two elder brothers have already stayed by his side, so what's wrong with having one more like me? I wrote the proclamation back then, Mother, I still have many things to do."
Li's mother stared blankly at her, and after a long while, she managed to stammer out, "But... the front lines are dangerous, and you're just a weak woman..."
“My brother isn’t much better,” Lou Xueying said. “They are both scholars. If we’re talking about fighting skills, any one of the general’s soldiers could probably take them down. If the front lines are dangerous, aren’t they in danger too? I’m not going to fight on the front lines. If anyone is in danger, it’s us all.”
Li's mother frowned: "But...you know how much Shi Tou cares about you. If something happens to you, he...he'll definitely go crazy! How will we fight the war then!"
Lou Xueying remained silent for a long time before saying, "An excellent general should prioritize the overall situation. Besides, if something happens to me, it will definitely be the emperor's doing. The emperor might kill the general, but he would never kill me. I am the one who will truly be safe. Everyone around me is in far greater danger than I am. The general is usually impulsive, but in critical moments, he can definitely distinguish between advantages and disadvantages. As a leader, he carries the lives and expectations of hundreds of thousands of people on his shoulders. How can he be easily swayed by personal emotions? If he can't even get past this hurdle, then even if he sits on that throne in the future, he may not be able to hold it for long."
Li's mother was stunned.
Lou Xueying grasped her hand, looked into her eyes, and said earnestly, "Mother, I want to go. I want to know everything that happens around him in time and to eliminate all hidden dangers for the army. If my brother can do these things, why can't I? They certainly have more experience as officials than I do, and they may be more meticulous and experienced in handling matters than I am, but I also have advantages that they don't have. Sometimes, just by standing there, I am even more useful than the general himself."
She chuckled softly, took out the cloth tiger from her sleeve, and said, "Mother, you heard what the messenger soldier said that day. The general only bought me a cloth tiger, and that merchant made a fortune using my name. In the eyes of those people, I am the most important person in the general's heart. For me, he dared to kill the crown prince and even rebel against the emperor. Although the general said he wouldn't harm civilians, many times the reason why people are afraid of war is not entirely because they are afraid of being killed by the enemy, but because they are afraid that in chaotic times, bandits will run rampant and the government will be powerless to govern, leaving them unable to protect themselves. If I stay in the city, it means that the general believes in the safety of this city, and the people will feel much more at ease."
Li's mother murmured, "If you leave... what will happen here? Winter clothes and shoes... will we not collect them?"
Lou Xueying said softly, "It's just collecting clothes, it doesn't require any great skills. If Mother has the capacity, Mother can take over. If Mother is worried that she can't manage it well, Mother and Sister-in-law can manage it together. With their help, how can Mother not feel at ease?"
Li's mother stammered, "Is...is it possible?"
It wasn't that she doubted Madam Lou and her sister-in-law Lou Xueying's abilities, but rather that she had become accustomed to listening to her son at home and to her daughter-in-law when her son wasn't around. Suddenly losing two pillars of support made her panic.
“It can be done, it definitely can be done,” Lou Xueying said. “Besides, now that there’s a younger sister in the family, the house won’t be as lifeless as it is now. It will definitely be much more lively, and Mother will feel more at ease.”
"You...you've really thought this through?"
Lou Xueying nodded solemnly: "I've thought it through."
"Did your mother and the others agree?"
"I'll talk to my mother today, and then I'll talk to them tomorrow."
"What if...what if the stone disagrees?"
Lou Xueying pursed her lips: "The convoy transporting military supplies will depart the day after tomorrow, and I plan to go with them."
Li's mother's eyes widened: "Aren't you going to discuss it with him?"
Lou Xueying shook her head: "That would require finding someone to deliver the letter, which is too much trouble. If he doesn't agree, it would take a long time to argue. Even the soldier who delivered the letter last time had other tasks on the way. I don't have anything else to do, so why waste manpower? I've already gone, so he can't possibly send me back, can he? If he wants to send me back, he can send my two older brothers back too."
Li's mother: "..."
She sighed heavily: "Alas, since you have made up your mind, I cannot persuade you otherwise. You shall go. You will not be happy if I force you to stay here."
"Thank you for your understanding, Mother!" She smiled. "I didn't mean to bother you so late. I just have something on my mind and can't sleep. If you agree, I'll talk to Mother and the others tomorrow, and then I'll pack my bags and leave the day after tomorrow!"
Li's mother: "You must, you absolutely must be careful!"
Lou Xueying smiled and said, "Of course."
-
When Madam Lou and the others woke up, it was already broad daylight. They hurriedly washed up and rushed to Madam Li's courtyard.
"Sleeping so late is really impolite," Madam Lou said apologetically. "That child, Susu, is really something, not letting anyone wake her up early."
Mother Li smiled and said, "You've had a long journey, and it's rare for you to get a good night's rest. Why make you get up so early? Susu and I do the same at home. We sleep as late as we want. There's nothing else to do if we get up so early."
Madam Lou asked, "Where is Susu?"
Li's mother said, "She's in the kitchen. Seeing that you were still sleeping, she went to cook for you."
Mrs. Lou was taken aback: "Cook? She can cook?"
Mother Li: "Oh, my dear in-law, please don't misunderstand. She just learned a little from me in her spare time, and that's all she knows. If you're curious, why don't you go and see for yourself?"
Madam Lou was naturally curious, and quickly led her eldest daughter-in-law and Pengpeng to the kitchen.
Lou Xueying was rolling out dough when she looked up and saw them come in. She couldn't help but smile and say, "Mother, sister-in-law, Pengpeng, you're up?"
Pengpeng's eyes widened: "Sister, what are you doing?"
Lou Xueying: "I want to make you a bowl of noodles."
"Aren't noodles supposed to be long and thin? Why is this a big round pancake?" Pengpeng asked, puzzled.
My sister-in-law chuckled: "Noodles aren't born thin and long; they also come from dough like this."
Madam Lou: "The General's mansion has cooks, why are you cooking?"
Lou Xueying: "You've just arrived in the Northwest, and you didn't eat much yesterday. I was worried that you wouldn't be used to the local food, so I thought I'd make you a bowl of noodles first to help you get used to it."
Pengpeng asked expectantly, "Is your cooking really good, sister?"
"Quite the opposite," Lou Xueying corrected her. "Sister has only just learned how to cook, and her skills are quite average. Once you've eaten her food, you won't be picky about the chefs here."
Madam Lou pointed at her: "You."
Pengpeng watched her roll out the dough and found it very interesting, so she wanted to play too. Lou Xueying then told her to wash her hands. After washing her hands, Lou Xueying brought her a stool and had her stand on it. Lou Xueying stood behind her to protect her and taught her how to roll out the dough step by step.
Watching this scene, her sister-in-law said softly, "Susu is very comfortable here."
Madam Lou sighed.
After rolling out the dough, Lou Xueying cut it, threw it into the pot, and it was quickly cooked. A bowl was placed in front of each person.
The noodles were served in a clear broth, sprinkled with scallions, and topped with a few thin slices of beef that the cook had prepared beforehand. Madam Lou smelled the aroma and exclaimed, "I never thought I'd be able to eat noodles cooked so tenderly one day."
Lou Xueying: "This is the only thing I know how to make. You guys should try it."
My sister-in-law took a bite first and exclaimed in surprise, "It's quite chewy!"
"Really? What does Mother think?"
"Delicious, delicious." With her daughter kneading the dough and cooking for her, how could it not be delicious? Mrs. Lou nodded repeatedly, moved. "It really is delicious."
While eating, Pengpeng said, "Sister, I'll get up early tomorrow. Can you wait for me? I still want to play this game."
Lou Xueying sat opposite them, propping her chin up with her hand, and said softly, "I'm afraid that won't work. If you want to play, ask the cook to accompany you."
Pengpeng pouted: "But I want my sister to come with me."
My sister-in-law said, "Your sister isn't a real cook, she can't make noodles for us every day. If you still want to play, I'll play with you. I don't know how either, so we can all learn together."
Madam Lou: "That's right, you've been bothering your sister as soon as you got back. Your sister has other things to do, doesn't she, Susu?"
Lou Xueying smiled and said, "Yes, I'm leaving tomorrow."
Mrs. Lou was taken aback.
Lou Xueying: "I already told Madam Li yesterday, and I'm telling you all today that I don't plan to stay at the General's Mansion. The grain and supply convoy will depart tomorrow, and I'll be going with them."
Madam Lou's chopsticks slipped into the bowl, splashing a few drops of oil. Her sister-in-law also looked up in confusion.
"No, no..." Madam Lou said helplessly, "What do you mean? We just arrived, and you're leaving already? What are you going to do? Find the general? But the general is fighting a war, it's so dangerous..."
“Mother,” Lou Xueying interrupted her, “I did go to see the general, but not entirely because of him. I didn’t go to see him because I missed him, nor because I married him. I have important business to attend to.”
Lou Xueying repeated what she had said to Li's mother the night before to her mother-in-law and sister-in-law.
Silence fell in the room.
Even Pengpeng stopped eating her noodles and just stared blankly at Lou Xueying.
Lou Xueying gently patted her little face and said, "Pengpeng, eat quickly. You can't let it affect your meal, right?"
Pengpeng pouted: "Does my sister not want to be with us?"
Lou Xueying: "No, my sister wanted to leave before you arrived."
"But there's a war going on up ahead, it's dirty and chaotic..." On their way here, they passed many battlefield ruins, which left a deep impression on Pengpeng. "Sister, please don't go..."
Lou Xueying: "When your two elder brothers stayed by the general's side, did Pengpeng try to persuade them to stay?"
Pengpeng shook her head.
Lou Xueying: "Then why won't Pengpeng let me go?"
"I...I..." Pengpeng muttered, "I like my older sister..."
Lou Xueying chuckled: "Pengpeng doesn't like her older brother?"
"No!" Pengpeng said angrily, starting to act spoiled. "If my sister wants to go, I want to go too!"
“Then you really can’t go.” Lou Xueying patted her head. “You’re too young and can’t help much. Your body can’t handle it either. But I can go and help. I’ll stay behind the army. It won’t be too hard.”
Pengpeng bit her lip.
Madam Lou lowered her eyes, looking at the noodles in the bowl, and said, "So these noodles were meant to bribe me."
"Mother." Lou Xueying moved to sit next to her, hugged her arm, and gently rubbed against her like she did when she was a child. "The noodles are a sincere gift from me, but the request is also a sincere request from me."
“I see that you are not asking, you are informing.”
Lou Xueying: "Mother..."
Madam Lou's eyes reddened slightly as she said, "Actually, I really want to say, Susu, don't be willful. You have no idea how cruel war is. It will be inconvenient for a weak woman like you to go. But you said your brother can go, so why can't you? And I thought, yes, why can't you go? You wrote the proclamation, you collected those winter clothes and shoes, and even your husband was someone you forced yourself into marriage with. You've always been a very decisive and courageous person, but your mother has always treated you like a child..."
Lou Xueying muttered, "What do you mean by 'forcing oneself on someone'? Mother's words are really awful..."
"Shushu." Madam Lou put her arm around her shoulder and said, "Since you're not happy here, then go ahead. You kept so many things from me before, but now that you're finally willing to tell me what's on your mind, how can I refuse?"
Lou Xueying was overjoyed: "Did Mother really agree?"
With tears in her eyes, Madam Lou smiled and said, "I've never seen such a grand event before, and I can't offer you any advice. Since it's the path you're determined to take, then go and try it yourself."
Lou Xueying hugged Madam Lou tightly, her voice choked with emotion, "Thank you, Mother."
Suddenly, her sister-in-law, who had been silent all along, spoke up: "Susu, you're really brave."
Lou Xueying raised her head and looked at her.
"You're amazing," his sister-in-law said sincerely. "Even if you asked me to stay on the front lines with your older brother, I wouldn't dare."
Lou Xueying: "It's alright if I don't dare. It's good for my sister-in-law and mother to stay here. This way, the old lady can have more company. Otherwise, I would feel bad if I left her alone in the general's mansion."
Madam Lou asked, "You're leaving tomorrow, have you packed your luggage?"
Lou Xueying: Not yet.
"You're so slow," Madam Lou scolded. "Are you waiting for me to clean up after you? If the army took this long to break camp, they would have lost long ago."
Lou Xueying smiled and said, "I'm too lazy to move. Mother, please have some compassion and help me."
Madam Lou shook her head and sighed, "Fine, since you got up early to cook for me, I'll clean up for you again."
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