Chen Qingxuan felt puzzled and a little sad, and wanted to take off his long gown. But he didn't take it off, and just sat stiffly in front of the window, watching Mei Ya busying around in the yard.
…
The fourth day of the fifth month in the thirty-third year of Jiasheng
Chenjiatun.
I finally cleaned up the land at home yesterday. On this day, Chen Qingxuan and Grandma Chen slept in for a rare time. But Meiya got up early and went out of the yard carrying a bamboo basket.
Tomorrow is the Dragon Boat Festival, so we need to prepare reed leaves for making rice dumplings. Mei Ya walked along the river. The sky was still gray, and there was no one on the road. There was no sound except the chirping of insects.
Mei Ya had never come down the mountain so early. Especially when it was so gray. Mei Ya was not a brave person, so to boost her courage, she hummed a little song: "The peach leaves are pointed. The willow leaves cover the sky. Lord Ming, listen carefully to what I have to say. This happened at the Indigo Factory in the west of Beijing. There was a man named Song Lao San in the firearms camp of the Indigo Factory..."
But Meiya couldn't sing any more. She wiped her wet eyes with her hand, secretly cursing herself for being useless, and then she slowly squatted down by the river and started to cry.
She really missed Zhong Mingwei. During the past three days at Chen Qingxuan's house, she really couldn't eat or sleep well. It was the same in the past, but she only missed Zhong Mingwei before. She still misses him now, but she is more afraid. She is afraid that Zhong Mingwei will not want her anymore. She is afraid that Zhong Mingwei will finally realize that she has always been just an ugly girl with a disfigured face. Now that his former wife is by his side, it is natural that an ugly girl like her will never have the possibility of entering the family. She knows that she is definitely not as good as Xiao An, and she also knows that Xiao An and Zhong Mingwei have always been a perfect match. But, but she just misses Zhong Mingwei.
During these three days, she was looking forward to Zhong Mingwei coming to pick her up, but she was also afraid that Zhong Mingwei would come to pick her up. After such torment until now, Mei Ya was really about to collapse. Except for the time when she was sick, she had never been separated from Zhong Mingwei for so long. Moreover, although they were separated before, her heart was sweet and she had hope. But what about now? Day by day, she became more and more haggard. From the initial resentment and complaints to the cowardly expectation now, Mei Ya knew that she was becoming more and more pitiful and humble, even lowly, but what could she do? In her relationship with Zhong Mingwei, Zhong Mingwei had always been the dominant one. She was like the water grass in the river, flowing docilely with the river water...
Mei Ya stared blankly at the flowing river, and at her own reflection on the water becoming clearer and clearer, and gradually she stopped crying. She looked at herself on the water, her disheveled face, and then she was busy putting down the bamboo basket, and randomly pulling her hair towards the river surface, while removing the silk at the ends of her hair, and then trying to put the messy hair into a braid. She braided the braid quickly, but the faster she braided, the more mistakes she made. She angrily let her hair down and braided it again, but halfway through, she suddenly stopped, and then hugged her knees and cried again. Her hand trembled, and the goose yellow silk fell on the river, and slowly flowed away with the river water.
"Zhong Mingwei, do you think this hairband is pretty? In the past, all the maidens in the Yanxi Palace had hairbands with patterns like this. I was envious of it. I saw it at the market the other day and was so happy. Hehe, it's really pretty no matter how I look at it."
"You like this hairband too, right? Isn't it very pretty?"
"It looks good on you, girl. You are so pretty."
"You only need to say it once, don't keep talking nonsense... Zhong Mingwei, don't keep saying that. If you say it too much, I already think I'm really pretty..."
"I'm not talking nonsense, it's true. In my eyes, there is no girl prettier than you."
…
Mei Ya believed that Zhong Mingwei liked her and really thought she was pretty, at least at that time, at least before Xiao An came to Ningguta. But she also knew that there was someone else around Zhong Mingwei. She really knew it very early. So why should she keep caring about it and feeling resentful?
She had warned herself early on not to blame Zhong Mingwei today for what happened back then, but she really couldn't do it.
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