"From the capital to Tongliao, it was my first time to stay in a guest room. I had always been making do in the woodshed before. The woodshed was cold, dirty, and smelly, so I could never sleep well. I would wake up at the slightest noise," she said, and it was easy to continue. However, Meiya lowered her voice as she spoke, "That night, I stayed in the guest room. The pillow was so soft, and the quilt was so fluffy, that I couldn't get up once I lay down on the bed. I didn't even have time to take off my clothes before I fell asleep..."
"Girl, this is not your fault," Zhong Mingwei listened to her talking about the past that she had never mentioned to him. His heart ached. He reached out and pulled Mei Ya into his arms, holding the back of her head and letting her lean against his chest. While gently rubbing her hair with his chin, Zhong Mingwei said softly, "Girl, this is not your fault. This is destined by God."
"No, no, you don't know." When she spoke again, Mei Ya's voice was filled with tears. "Zhong Mingwei, you don't know. That night, I vaguely heard some noise next door in my dream. I knew it came from Miss Duan's room, but I was too sleepy and didn't want to get up. I didn't have the energy to think about it. I just kept sleeping and sleeping. As a result, the next day..." Mei Ya cried a little breathlessly. She wrapped her arms around the man tightly, her lips twitching violently, as if as long as she opened her eyes, she could see Miss Duan hanging on the beam. "The next day, as soon as I opened Miss Duan's door, I saw the round stool that rolled to the side. That night, I clearly heard the noise. If I had gone to check next door, Miss Duan would not have died! But I, I was too lazy to even get out of bed..."
"But, in the end, I am guilty. Later, I learned that you were in poor health and that we would never have children in this life. I wondered if this was retribution from God? Was he punishing me for not saving your life?" Mei Ya cried, and every word she said was filled with regret. "If I, if I had saved Miss Duan that night, would... would your health have been fine..."
"Girl, this isn't your fault! This isn't your fault!" Zhong Mingwei suddenly hugged Mei Ya tighter, not caring if it would hurt her. He just held her tightly, as if he wanted to rub the girl in his arms into his body. "Girl, she didn't want to live anymore. Even if you saved her that time, she wouldn't be grateful to you. She would even hate you for stopping her. If you don't succeed this time, she will find other opportunities. Girl, you can't save someone who is determined to die, do you know that? God sees it clearly, so how could he punish you? Girl, Duan's death has never had anything to do with you."
Mei Ya was still crying, and Zhong Mingwei didn't say anything anymore. He just held her in his arms and let her cry loudly. He knew that this girl had been holding back for a long time, and she probably wanted to have a good cry like this for a long time...
How can I feel sorry for her?
Zhong Mingwei was breathing softly, his eyebrows and facial features were changed with heartache, his whole face was full of guilt and pity. If only he had noticed it earlier, if only he could care about Mei Ya a little more, then she would not have to suffer for so long. Zhong Mingwei remembered the Qingming Festival last year when Mei Ya knelt in the mud and said "Miss Duan, I'm sorry". He thought at the time that Mei Ya entered his house under the name of Duan Rulan out of guilt, but he didn't know that there was another layer of cause and effect here. Thinking about it now, Zhong Mingwei feels his heart is broken.
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