Xu Zhuohua took a deep breath, her voice trembling slightly: "Cheng Muyun, I still don't know what was wrong with me back then. It was like all my strength had been drained away. I didn't want to do anything, I didn't care about anything, I just acted like I was already dead, and I couldn't even be bothered to touch my medicine."
Cheng Muyun's heart clenched, and his eyes instantly filled with an overwhelming, unbearable heartache. He wanted to say something, but Xu Zhuohua's next words choked him up.
“I always thought that I traveled here to save your fate.” Her voice grew softer and softer, with a self-deprecating tone that was almost desperate. “But after all this time, I’ve realized that I’m the one who’s guilty. I’m the one who pushed you into this abyss. And no matter how much we struggle or try, it seems like we can’t grasp even a sliver of hope to change things.”
Sadness swept over her heart like a tidal wave, completely engulfing her.
Before she could finish speaking, tears welled up unexpectedly, rolling down her cheeks and landing on their clasped hands, leaving a hot stain.
Cheng Muyun's heart tightened, and almost instinctively he reached out and pulled her into his arms, his strength so great that it seemed he wanted to knead her into his very bones.
Xu Zhuohua buried her face in his chest, her voice muffled and thick with nasal tone: "Cheng Muyun, I love you. I so wanted you to live well, so wanted you to see the hopeful world I came from. But now... I can't forgive myself, I dragged you into this quagmire."
Cheng Muyun tightened his arms, holding the person in his arms even closer, as if only in this way could he transmit enough strength to her.
He lowered his head, resting his chin on the top of her head, his voice firm and unwavering: "Don't think like that, Zhuohua. I never became like this because of you."
“How could it not be?” Xu Zhuohua’s tears flowed even more freely, soaking the front of his shirt. “If it weren’t for me, you would still be that spirited young marshal of the Dongzhou Army. You would still know Xiao Wuxin. You would have a bright and promising future. You wouldn’t be like this now…”
Cheng Muyun's fingers almost dug into Xu Zhuohua's clothes, his knuckles turning white. His voice, still choked with emotion, was unusually firm: "No, Zhuohua. Without you, my brother's death would have completely destroyed me—I would have become a complete madman, I would have recklessly waged war against the French, I would have sacrificed the lives of everyone in the city, I would have become a villain with blood on my hands. It was you, it was your appearance that stopped me."
Just like in that letter to his wife, when he met her, "my heart was filled with sorrow."
At that moment, Cheng Muyun was like a fully drawn bow, about to explode into pieces with just one fuse.
Xu Zhuohua was like an unexpected ray of light that crashed into his gloomy world, gradually smoothing out his anger, teaching him restraint, compromise, and even gentleness.
He has indeed changed, turning around from the brink of depravity into a "good person" in the eyes of others.
But only he himself knew that in order to protect the people behind him, he was willing to put on a wolf's skin, to be a sheep with bared fangs, and to pave the way for her and everything they wanted to protect amidst the clash of swords.
Xu Zhuohua slowly raised her head, her eyelashes still glistening with tears, like butterfly wings covered in morning dew, trembling gently.
Those usually bright almond-shaped eyes were now misty with tears, making one's heart soften. "So, what's written in that 'Letter to My Wife'...is it all your true feelings?"
Without the slightest hesitation, Cheng Muyun nodded emphatically, his Adam's apple bobbing as he spoke each word with resounding force: "Every word comes from the bottom of my heart. My sincerity is undeniable, unique in heaven and earth."
Xu Zhuohua's fingertips curled slightly as the words engraved on the pages of the book reappeared before her eyes.
She sniffed and finally asked the question that had been buried deep in her heart for so long, a question that even she herself was afraid to hear the answer to: "What if... what if I really died? Cheng Muyun."
Cheng Muyun was silent for a moment, his eyes as deep as unyielding ink, yet with an almost devout certainty, before slowly saying, "Then, I will see you on the Bridge of Helplessness."
"No!" Xu Zhuohua clenched her fists tightly, her voice trembling with tears but filled with stubbornness. Her small fists weakly pounded his chest. "I don't want your Bridge of Helplessness!"
Hot tears fell onto Cheng Muyun's hand, like pebbles hitting water, creating ripples of bittersweet emotion.
He quickly raised his hand and gently wiped away the tears that kept flowing down her cheeks with his fingertips, his movements as tender as if he were protecting a fragile treasure: "So, you can't leave me alone anymore."
Looking into his eyes, Xu Zhuohua nodded vigorously, tears blurring her vision again: "Okay...we will never be apart from now on. We'll live together, and we'll die together."
Upon hearing this, a dark cloud descended upon Cheng Muyun's heart.
He was afraid that one day he would be killed by someone seeking revenge, and Xu Zhuohua would follow him.
However, he dares not say it now.
Xu Zhuohua buried her face in Cheng Muyun's shoulder and wrapped her arms tightly around his back, as if she wanted to embed herself into his life.
The promise burned on her tongue. This time, it wasn't a momentary impulse to comfort her, but a resolute decision—even if there were mountains of knives and seas of fire ahead, she would never let go again.
She used to regard the printed words in history textbooks as gospel.
Those neat narratives and cold timelines were like an invisible shackle, making her feel that everyone's fate was predetermined, allowing no room for transgression.
She revered those predetermined endings, and even felt cowardly in the face of the torrent of fate, not daring to believe that she could make even the slightest ripple.
But it wasn't until this moment, looking at the man she loved so deeply in her arms and feeling his vibrant heartbeat, that she suddenly woke up.
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