Chapter 12 Regret
After seeing off the villagers and county leaders, it was getting dark. Cheng Ying, Cheng Xue, and Wan Shuhui put all the newly assigned pots, pans, and other utensils into the west room of the second house.
Wan Shuhui was incredibly excited as she watched Cheng Ying carry a sack of sweet potatoes and Cheng Xue bring in a basket of corn kernels.
Her eldest daughter was truly capable. No wonder she had been strong-willed since childhood and had served in the military. The way her eldest daughter dealt with the Cheng family today was both satisfying and astonishing. With her eldest daughter at home, she would no longer have to suffer the torment and bullying from the Cheng family as before, and she could stand tall and proud.
The mother and her two daughters tidied up their assigned belongings in an orderly manner. Cheng Ying put the pigs, chickens, and ducks they had been given into the woodshed outside the west room, and then turned to Wan Shuhui and said, "Mom, tomorrow I'll go to the back mountain to fetch some clay and build a wall outside our house to separate it from the Cheng family's yard. From now on, we can live our own lives behind closed doors and avoid seeing the Cheng family and causing us trouble."
Huang Cuizhi and her husband had always ignored Cheng Jiantong's existence. The two rooms that were originally allocated to Cheng Jiantong were the smallest and most remote in the Cheng family.
The roof not only leaked when it rained, but it was also next to the woodshed and livestock shed. In the hot summer, you could smell the stench of manure from the livestock shed from a great distance.
In her previous life, Cheng Ying had mentioned to Wan Shuhui and Cheng Jiantong many times that they should stop living here. She offered to pay for them to buy a larger house in the commune or county, but the two of them refused.
Cheng Jiantong is blindly filial and unwilling to leave the place where he grew up. Wan Shuhui, on the other hand, has outdated ideas and believes that she should follow her husband wherever he lives, and does not want to leave.
Since Cheng Ying has been reborn, it's inevitable that she will buy a new house to live in, but she will not force Wan Shuhui and her husband to live with her in the new house.
The older generation is very nostalgic. No matter how successful their descendants are or how good other places are, if they are not used to living there, they simply will not. They would rather stay in their hometown, their old home, and live a simple life than leave the place they are familiar with.
Since that's the case, Cheng Ying will just go with them.
Wan Shuhui hesitated: "If you build a wall to separate the yard outside our house, your grandma and the others will have to walk around the wall when they need to come to the woodshed to get firewood or raise livestock. They will definitely be angry and scold us. That's not a good idea."
"Mom, things have come to this point. We've already broken ties with Grandpa, Grandma, Uncle, and Third Uncle. Why are you still worried about whether they'll be angry or scold us? Why do you care about them? From today onwards, we're enemies. We don't need to pay any attention to them!" Cheng Ying said helplessly.
Cheng Xue was cooking sweet potato porridge in the makeshift kitchen that they had built near the bamboo grove in the west wing. She chimed in, "Mom, don't think so much. Don't worry about what the Cheng family thinks, and don't be afraid of offending them. We've offended everyone we need to today. Whether the Cheng family lives or dies is none of our business. We don't need to care what they say or do. Sister is back. She's the backbone of our family. Whatever she says, we'll do. It's sure to be right."
Although her temperament is very similar to Wan Shuhui's—she is kind-hearted and soft-hearted—she is, after all, an educated person who has completed high school and has witnessed many wicked things. As she has grown older, her temperament has become stronger and more sensible.
Cheng Xueshen knew that she and Wan Shuhui were not independent and were easily fooled and led by the nose. Since they lacked independent personalities, she might as well follow her older sister, who had her own opinions and ideas, and she was sure she wouldn't suffer any losses.
Wan Shuhui thought about it and sighed, "Xiaoxue, you're right. I've suffered so much over the years because I'm too soft-hearted and can't be ruthless. I always thought I'd be patient with them for your father's sake. But the more I tolerated them, the more they went too far towards our family, causing you two sisters to suffer a lot as well. Now that we've completely broken ties with the Cheng family, we'll live our own lives behind closed doors from now on. Xiaoying, if you want to build the wall, go ahead and build it. Tomorrow morning, Mom and Xiaoxue will go with you to haul soil."
Cheng Ying hummed in agreement, said nothing, and helped Cheng Xue prepare the meal. The family then sat down to eat in the dimly lit room where Wan Shuhui and her husband lived.
During the meal, Wan Shuhui instinctively reached for a spoon to feed Cheng Jiantong, but Cheng Ying strictly forbade her, saying, "Mom, although Dad is paralyzed on one side, he can still move his right hand. Please let him eat by himself."
Wan Shuhui paused, looking at Cheng Ying as if she wanted to say something but hesitated.
Cheng Ying pretended not to see her gaze and kept eating the sweet potato chunks in her bowl.
Cheng Jiantong knew what Cheng Ying meant; she was punishing him for his years of inaction and deliberately embarrassing him.
He stubbornly leaned against the wall with pillows on it. The dining table was placed next to the bed. He sat on the bed, his hand trembling as he scooped up the porridge with a spoon. It took him a long time to finish the porridge in the bowl.
After dinner, Cheng Ying and Cheng Xue washed the dishes and tidied the table. Cheng Ying then went back into Cheng Jiantong's room, sat on the edge of the bed, and asked him, "Dad, do you regret it?"
What do you regret? Do you regret being blindly filial to your parents all these years, not treating your wife and daughters well, and ending up in this situation?
Cheng Jiantong lowered his head, not daring to look Cheng Ying in the eye. He recalled the hurtful words his parents, his elder brother and sister-in-law, and his younger brother and sister-in-law had said to him in the courtyard today, and his heart ached as if cut by a knife.
No one knows how much hardship and exhaustion he endured working as a postman year after year, climbing mountains and wading through rivers to support his parents, help his siblings, and raise his wife and daughter. His legs even developed arthritis from wading through icy water for many winters, making every step he took extremely painful.
He gave half of the money he worked so hard to earn to his parents. When his siblings encountered difficulties and asked him for money, he would lend them money whenever he could. Even when his old canvas shoes were worn out and the soles were falling off, he couldn't bear to buy a new pair.
During each three-day mail delivery trip, he would bring his own dry food, but he couldn't bear to spend more money to bring some delicious white flour steamed buns or pancakes. He would only bring a few dark flour steamed buns, which he couldn't bear to throw away even when they went bad in the summer, and he would just eat them whole.
He often caught colds and fevers while delivering mail in the rain, but instead of seeing a doctor or taking medicine, he would just find some herbs to eat along the way and tough it out...
All these things have resulted in his parents mistreating and abusing his wife and daughters, his siblings taking it for granted to exploit him financially and bully his children. How could he not regret it? How could he not feel heartbroken?
He looked up at Cheng Ying's incredibly calm eyes, then at Wan Shuhui standing behind her, whose hair was streaked with gray and whose eyes were lined with fine lines. She was no longer the young and pretty woman she once was, but had aged considerably. He looked at Cheng Xue standing next to Wan Shuhui, now grown up and no longer the sweet, chubby girl who used to call him "Dad" every time he returned from delivering mail. The pain in his heart, like being cut by a knife, grew even stronger.
Over the years, how many things has he missed in order to do his job as a mail carrier?
He missed his wife's youthful beauty and her kindness to him, and he missed his two daughters growing up. Instead of protecting them as they grew up, he caused them endless harm. What has he been doing all these years?
He stretched out his still-movable right hand, covered his head, and whispered with tears in his eyes, "I'm sorry, Shuhui, I'm not a good husband. I'm sorry for letting you suffer so much from my parents, my older brother, and my younger brother all these years. I'm sorry, Xiaoying, Xiaoxue, I'm not a good father. I didn't protect you and let you suffer so much."
Wan Shuhui burst into tears. She walked to the bedside, sat down beside him, and wiped away her tears, saying, "I don't blame you. You had no choice. If you didn't work as a postman, you wouldn't have the money to support the three of us. Your parents, your eldest brother, and your third brother are all good at putting on a show. They have completely different faces when you're home and when you're not. It's understandable that you don't believe they treat us badly. It's just that I feel sorry for my Xiaoying and Xiaoxue. They've suffered so much over the years."
Cheng Xue also wiped away her tears. She vividly remembered how her grandparents had withheld food from her and her sister when they were little, how they were bullied by their cousins, and how they were often beaten and scolded by their uncles. Even though she didn't hate her father Cheng Jiantong, she found it hard to say that she forgave him.
Cheng Ying naturally shared this view. Cheng Jiantong's past inaction was a dereliction of duty as a father. Even if he regretted it now and realized his mistake, it was too late. The damage he had caused could never be made up for, and she could never forgive him.
However, she still had his blood flowing in her veins. In fact, from Cheng Jiantong's perspective, he hadn't done anything seriously wrong. Due to the special nature of his job as a rural postman, Cheng Jiantong had to make two mail runs a week, each lasting three days. He could only take leave to go home on weekends. He lived and ate in a rented house near the commune, which was the town's post office. He worked like this all year round and rarely went home.
Every time he went home, the Cheng family always seemed to be a loving and harmonious family, never bullying or abusing his wife and daughters in front of him. How could he believe that his parents and brothers would bully his wife and daughters?
In the countryside, especially in villages with backward thinking in the 1960s and 70s, having a son was an obsession for almost every household and the men in charge.
In their eyes, a son is the root of the family. Only with a son can the family line continue, can they take charge of the family, and ensure that their family members are not bullied by other people in the village.
Daughters will eventually marry out and become someone else's daughter-in-law, so having a son is an obsession for almost all men.
Many families, in their quest to have a son, have given birth to six or seven daughters in a row, and then continue to demand that their wives continue to have children until a son is born.
Although Cheng Jiantong was brainwashed by his parents and held the concept of valuing sons over daughters, believing that he should have a son to inherit the family business, he was not a fool. He was not completely assimilated by Huang Cuizhi and her husband. After Wan Shuhui gave birth to two daughters, her health was not good and she did not want to have any more children. He did not force Wan Shuhui to have any more children, nor did he think about divorcing her and marrying someone else to have a son.
In the past, whenever he took a vacation, Cheng Jiantong would buy his wife and daughters a lot of good food and drinks, and take the two sisters, Cheng Ying and Cheng Ying, to the town market and the county for fun, fulfilling his basic responsibilities as a father.
Therefore, even though Cheng Ying was bullied and abused by the Cheng family when she was young, she couldn't bring herself to hate her father, Cheng Jiantong. After all, apart from his preference for sons over daughters, he was a good father in her eyes.
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