In the past year, the emperor's health has deteriorated significantly. He has been ill for more than a month. He coughs and feels dizzy during the day and suffers from palpitations and night sweats at night. He has difficulty falling asleep. When he finally falls asleep, he has many nightmares. Although he can't remember what happened in his dreams after waking up, the empty and melancholy feeling will linger in his heart for a long time.
His hair had turned a lot grayer, and his handsome face showed traces of time. Facing the children and concubines around him, for some reason, he felt a sense of impatience and even boredom. He liked to be alone more and more, and only the letters from the eldest prince, whom he raised with his own hands, could make him feel a little cheerful.
That person was also in Lin'an Prefecture, but in the letter, the eldest prince did not mention her at all. The emperor looked through the thick stack of letters again and again, searching word by word, but in the end he found nothing. He originally thought that the eldest prince would be able to come back by the end of the year and spend a good Spring Festival with him, but he did not expect that he would encounter an attack by Japanese pirates and almost die at the bottom of the sea.
When the emperor received the battle report, his mind went blank and he could not think of anything. When he came to his senses, all the civil and military officials in the court had knelt in greeting, and he had unknowingly written an imperial edict to go to Lin'an Prefecture in person. It was not until this moment that he slowly let out a breath, as if he was helpless, but also as if he was relieved from a heavy burden.
Half a month later, he came to the Taoist temple accompanied by the Du brothers and sisters, and quietly looked at the man standing on the edge of the cliff with his back to him.
"You're here." The person uttered three words in a lukewarm tone. The whistling wind blew up from the bottom of the cliff, blowing her words into pieces. She did not kneel down, nor did she go forward to greet him. She just stared at the layers of dark clouds in the distance, wondering what she was thinking.
"I'm here." The emperor opened his mouth and found that his voice was so dry, as if he had used all his strength to squeeze out these words. To this day, he still remembers the tearful eyes of this person when she left, and the bloody scars on her forehead. And their feelings are just like those scars, painful and deep, but can never be restored to the same state.
"It's going to rain soon." The emperor didn't know what to say to her, so he could only speak randomly.
"Yes, it's going to rain soon." Queen Du finally turned around and looked at the group of people.
Even though Du Rushong and Du Ruyan had long been accustomed to seeing their aunt reborn from the ashes, they could not help but be stunned, let alone the emperor and his confidants who were totally unprepared.
The guards stared at her in amazement, and then let out a series of gasps. The emperor took a step back, as if he couldn't bear it, then took a few steps forward and shouted hoarsely: "Fan, Fan Ge?"
A strong wind carrying water vapor blew up from the bottom of the cliff, fluttering the pure black hem of Queen Du's dress. The hem of her dress contrasted with the layers of dark clouds behind her, looking like waves or some ominous sign. Queen Du just glanced at the emperor indifferently, then turned her head and continued to look into the distance. A red spider lily blossomed between her eyebrows, so enchanting and so alluring, but her eyes were like bottomless pools, without a trace of emotion. She had lost a lot of weight, and her robe, which was too big for her, fluttered gently, as if blending into the rolling, endless darkness behind her.
She used to be passionate and flamboyantly beautiful, but now she is more beautiful than ever, but has lost her scorching warmth. Looking at her dark and cold eyes, the emperor was attacked by a sudden, indescribable pain in his heart.
"Fan Ge, is that you?" He confirmed again, his eyes almost unable to move away from her lonely figure.
"Come quickly, the cliff is dangerous." Seeing another gust of wind blowing Queen Du's clothes rustling, the emperor's heart almost stopped. In a trance, he thought with cold sweat: If Fan Ge takes one more step forward, will he disappear forever in this endless black cloud?
Queen Du seemed to have heard nothing of his words.
The emperor wanted to step forward, but was afraid of startling her, so he could only change the subject: "I came here this time to ask you why you did that. We have been together for more than 20 years, why can't you trust me?"
Empress Du finally turned around and said word by word: "I also want to ask you this question. Why can't you believe me?" She looked at the dim sky again, her voice erratic: "Do you know that twenty years ago, I injured my roots in order to rescue you from the cold pond, and I can no longer get pregnant. I was worried that you would feel guilty and blame yourself, so I ordered the imperial physician to keep this secret. The eldest prince lost his mother at an early age, and I raised him with my own hands. The fourth prince, the sixth prince, and any of your children who lost their mothers, which one was not raised by me? I knew I couldn't have children. If you really wanted to adopt a child of your own, why did you wait for twenty years to bring Li into the palace? For so many years, I have been in charge of the six palaces for you, raising your children, and even hovering on the brink of life and death for you several times. For you, I can even risk my life, but what in return? Do you know? If you had just said you believed me, I would have told you this secret. I banged my head against the pillar, I went on a hunger strike, I stood in front of the cold palace door waiting for you day and night, but I waited for an imperial edict to depose the queen, so I don’t want to say anything, forget it, just let it go..."
When telling all this, Queen Du's tone was very calm, as if she was telling someone else's story. She laughed softly twice and said indifferently: "It's raining. Your Majesty should go back."
It’s boring, really boring... She shook her head, her smile silent, as if she had already buried the past, leaving only a remnant.
When the emperor heard about this for the first time, his heart felt as if it was cut by a sharp knife and the pain was unbearable. He said in disbelief: "Twenty years ago, did you know that I was infertile? I, I didn't even know." Twenty years ago, he was assassinated and forced to jump into a cold pool to escape, but he couldn't swim to shore because of cramps in his hands and feet. Queen Du led her guards and hurried to rescue him. When everyone else had given up on him, they jumped into the freezing water and pulled him out from the bottom of the pool. Since then, Empress Du became extremely afraid of the cold. Every winter she would stay by the stove and refuse to move. Every time she had her period, she would suffer excruciating pain.
He only thought that she suffered for him, but he didn't expect that she would lose the most precious thing for a woman. Looking at this beautiful yet cold face, the emperor was somewhat panic-stricken.
The raindrops fell softly, wetting everyone's clothes and Queen Du's face. The fiery red Lycoris radiata made her as radiant as the sun, but it only made the coldness in her eyes stand out. She took one last look at the emperor and walked away through the mud. The emperor stood there in a daze, his face covered with water, whether it was rain or tears.
Du Rushong and Du Ruyan bowed silently, then walked into the rain and disappeared.
After a long time, the emperor suddenly came to his senses and staggered towards the Taoist temple. He knocked hard on the door of the quiet room, but got no response. He called out Queen Du's name over and over again, but all he could hear was the whistling of the cold wind.
Winter has clearly passed, but the weather is still so cold, freezing cold.
…………
After returning to his temporary residence, the emperor called the imperial physician who had served him for more than 20 years and asked, "The queen is infertile?"
The imperial physician knelt down tremblingly, "Yes, in order to save Your Majesty, the Empress injured her foundation and will never be able to conceive again. Your Majesty was suffering from a cold that entered his body and was in critical condition. He could not withstand any stimulation, so the Empress ordered me to conceal it. I know my crime and I beg Your Majesty to forgive me."
"Why didn't you say it earlier? Why didn't you say it earlier?!" The emperor knocked down the incense burner on the table and roared at the top of his lungs. No wonder the queen treated each of his children as her own and taught them patiently, but it turned out that she had known long ago that she would never have the chance to be a mother in this life. She raised several princes personally and they had a deep relationship. Why would she want to murder Li? It’s not even known whether the baby in Li’s belly is a prince or a princess, so what’s the point of killing Li? It has been twenty years. If she wanted to adopt a child, why did she wait until now?
The biggest charge against the queen for being demoted was plotting to murder the royal heir. The emperor once believed it firmly and became disillusioned with Empress Du, but now, his heart seemed to be wrapped in a ball of fire, burning, painful and unbearable.
That night, the emperor fell ill, but the next day he forced himself to go to the Taoist temple, wanting to see Empress Du. Queen Du stayed indoors and refused to leave.
On the third day, he still went to the Taoist temple, but failed to see his old friend; on the fourth day, the fifth day... After seven consecutive days, he was so sick that he couldn't even get out of bed. His cheeks, which had already become much thinner, became sunken at a speed visible to the naked eye, and his hair, which was mixed with many silver threads, gradually showed signs of turning white.
On the ninth day, he had a high fever and fell into a coma.
The eldest prince knelt outside Queen Du's quiet room for a long time. At midnight, the door that had been closed for a long time was finally opened. Queen Du, who was extremely beautiful but had a cold expression, lowered her eyes and looked at him with an indescribably deep gaze.
…………
The emperor had another nightmare. He found himself immersed in a cold pond, surrounded by swaying water plants and bottomless darkness. The biting cold made his hands and feet stiff and he couldn't escape. He soon couldn't breathe, but in despair he saw a familiar figure swimming towards him quickly. The person pushed aside the water plants, revealing an incomparably beautiful face, then opened his mouth, breathing the fresh air into his mouth. He held her tightly, as if holding a ray of light in the darkness, or as if holding a ball of fire in the endless cold.
Despair and anxiety left him in an instant...
"Fan Ge!" He suddenly opened his eyes, only to find that the person he had been dreaming of was actually lying beside his bed, holding his hand tightly with one hand. Just like every time he was sick, she took care of him personally, guarding him all the time, and never left for a moment.
"Fan Ge!" At this moment, the tearful emperor had to admit that he had no way of letting this person go, and he could not watch her drift away until they became strangers.
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