I'm trembling.
"Should I really kill him?" Every time I saw him, I kept thinking:
"Why... the person who pulls this trolley pole... is me again?"
“Why am I in a tragic and passive position from beginning to end?”
"Why do you have to kill Su Mingan?"
In fact, as long as I refuse the overlapping shadows, good people will be rewarded - Su Mingan's kindness in Baisha Paradise made him receive my "reward", which made me reluctant to kill him.
But if I refuse to overlap...
My mother got the help because of Edward's words. Su Mingan killed Edward in the Ninth World. When Edward died, everyone around him was liquidated, including my mother. Even if the superiors didn't want her life, she couldn't continue to receive treatment.
I tried to ask Su Ming'an for help. But Dieying told me that even Su Ming'an couldn't help. As long as I dared to betray, my mother would never be safe.
I finally realized the darkness of fate.
It swam around and around, from the beginning to the end, and from the end to the beginning - in order to save my mother, I broke the white tower in my heart and fell into this world. I wanted to repay Su Mingan and let "good people get good rewards", so I regarded him as the second white tower. But Su Mingan killed Edward, and in order to save my mother, I had to personally make "good people not get good rewards".
...Why.
...Why...Just because he is kind?
My eyes were like dry ditches - I wondered for a moment, why did I have to go through this? Why didn't I die completely that night in the white-sand paradise?
Why has everything - my life, my ideals, my measure of good and evil - ended up being a complete joke?
I drank a lot of peach wine, and looked at the starry sky in confusion. In a trance, I seemed to see the white tower. He walked towards me with his jet-black hair and eyes like eternal obsidian, wearing a doctor's white coat.
A halo of light shone on his palm, and he seemed to be holding a small and beautiful blue planet.
I tried to reach out my hand, but he avoided it. He still held the beautiful blue planet in his hand without even looking at me. Maybe in his eyes, I was just an inexplicable yandere NPC.
I have been eager to see him for more than 20 years. He may have forgotten the trembling coward in the white sand paradise that night - but I have never walked out of that night.
I kept describing his appearance, the way he reached out to me, and the pounding of his heartbeat inside his white coat... I was afraid that time would pass quickly, and in a few decades, I would forget the White Tower.
Now, I need to choose between the White Tower and my mother.
Now, I need to choose between idealism and realism.
Now, I need to choose between good and evil.
What would I be like at my best?
What would I be like at my most evil self?
I lost a lot of things.
I lost my childhood self.
——I became Zhu Wujie who threw a meteor hammer at the young hero Hongmao in front of the cliff.
…
I suddenly understood why Boss Rabbit had chosen me at that time. It turned out that it was for this moment, so that I could become his obstacle.
The white tower in my heart is willing to be dragged down with the lame mud and sand.
And I was just the ugly sand under his feet.
...How terrible.
——It turns out that from the very beginning... I was not Young Hero Rainbow Cat.
…
…
"——Dieying! Please take me away! Exchange my life for his, please——"
Xiao Ying trembled uncontrollably, and in the most humble manner, asked Dieying to let Su Mingan go.
He had already made every effort to fight against this cruel "choose one or the other". Originally, Dieying asked him to "kill Su Ming'an with his own hands", but he resisted for a long time and threatened to die, so Dieying reduced the task to "blow up the old shrine".
He has already done his best. As long as Su Mingan moves forward, there will be no obstacles.
Compassion, love, hate, ideals, kindness... all have been thrown away by him. He has become someone he doesn't recognize at the age of 18. For his mother and hometown, his hands are covered in blood, he is gloomy and taciturn, and he is no longer the boy who questioned the organizers righteously.
He didn't have a death rollback, so he couldn't have the best of both worlds. When it came to his mother's life, ordinary people simply couldn't make a choice. If it were someone of his age, they would probably make the same choice.
——Drop the explosives so that mom can survive.
——If you don’t throw the explosive, Mom will die.
There is no room for any wiggle.
His ears were buzzing with the sound of burning fire, collapsing ruins, and heat waves... He looked at Su Mingan in the sky, his heart aching so much that it was about to break.
"Su Mingan, I..." He wanted to express his pain.
…
[Xiao Ying took out a black bird sculpture, and he placed it against his forehead, smiled softly, and said something obscure:]
[“…Obviously, we are the same…Su Mingan.”]
…
[General Qin looked at Su Mingan with a look of resentment, just like Xiao Ying's - both were eyes that showed longing for someone.]
…
Missing you for a long time.
I have long missed you - your ideal white tower - you, the hero of my life.
When I see you, I feel like I see the embodiment of my most ardent ideals.
“Su Mingan, I really miss you…” He wanted to say how much pain he had suffered.
He wanted to say how many times he had recalled that night at White Sands Paradise.
He wanted to say how much he longed to see him.
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