He always remembered the last look the god gave him… It was an extremely cold look. It was foreseeable that the one billion viewers behind the god would have abused him with the worst words. Even if they were in his position, most of them would have made the same choice as him, but after all, it was only him who was in the camera.
After being cut until blood was dripping, Xiao Ying still couldn't feel "redeemed". He stared at his bumpy arm and sighed.
"...What should I do?" He stroked the black bird sculpture in his arms: "Su Mingan, is there anything else I can do for you..."
He did something so ridiculous that even he felt he was sick.
...Before offering sacrifice to the god, he cut off a small piece of the god's white tentacles, crushed it into powder, and used it as the god's ashes. He opened a hole in the black bird sculpture and stored all the "ashes" in it. In this way, every time he cut himself open and let the black bird sculpture look at him, it seemed like a kind of atonement.
Otherwise, there would be nothing he could do to atone for his sins.
His brain continuously secreted dopamine to him, turning self-harm into a pleasurable experience. He used every scar on his body to remind himself... He once killed the White Tower in his heart because of a choice he could not make.
One day, he finally finished drinking and when he was a little sober, he went to find Dieying, using the communicator that Dieying had given him before.
…
【Baisha Xiaojing: Are you there? 】
【Strawberry Sago: (Automatic reply) If you have something to say, just say it. Don’t ask if I’m here. 】
[Baisha Xiaojing: You took Su Mingan to the starry sky. Is he still alive? Please don't hurt him. ]
[Strawberry Sago: … (read but not replied)]
[Strawberry Sago (replying half a year later): ...I know you well? He is dead.]
[Baisha Xiaojing: I knew it... I knew it... Your real purpose was just to devour him. A high-dimensional being like you doesn't have any emotions at all. It was me... who killed him.]
[Strawberry Sago: I'll give you three chances to say something. If you can't say something that interests me, I'll cut off your contact forever. I have new targets to find, and I don't have time to reminisce about the past with a low-dimensional human like you.]
[Baisha Xiaojing: You finally let me and my mother go. I thought you really had feelings for humans, but it turned out that I was no longer useful, so you... didn't want to talk to me anymore.]
【Strawberry Sago: You still have a chance to say two words.】
[Baisha Xiaojing: Where is his body? Please, tell me. ]
[Strawberry Sago: The body is gone, and I wouldn't give it to you even if it was. Who knows what you would do. You still have one last chance to say something.]
[Baisha Xiaojing: ...I want to make a deal with you. ]
【Strawberry Sago: Oh? This sentence finally makes sense. You've captured my interest... Tell me, what's the deal?】
[Baisha Xiaojing: I dedicate my soul, my reincarnation, and everything I have to you. I only ask you to tell me how I can compensate Su Mingan. Even though he is already...dead.]
[Strawberry Sago: Do you think your soul is as precious as Su Mingan's? I'll give you one last chance to propose the conditions that interest me.]
[Baisha Xiaojing: My condition is...some things about Noel Akinni.]
【Strawberry Sago Dessert: ……】
[Baisha Xiaojing: Of course, it’s just some harmless information, not any evidence, just enough to satisfy your curiosity.]
[Strawberry Sago: You really are...you will do anything to achieve your goal.]
[Baisha Xiaojing: I am not a good person, and I don’t need anyone to judge my goodness or evilness. I also have the opportunity to chat with the organizers, and I believe that the organizers are happy to tell me some background information. Although I don’t know what your relationship with Noel is, you must be very interested in Noel. ]
[Strawberry Sago: I do have some interest in him, but it's not a very deep interest. So, what do you want? Let me see your greed.]
【Baisha Xiaojing: Let me have the ability to reincarnate. 】
【Strawberry Sago: Just... that simple?】
[Baisha Xiaojing: Yes. If I can't reincarnate, my life span is only a hundred years. Even if I have to keep changing my body, I will... live. If Su Mingan is dead, I will become his tombstone. If he is still alive, I will do anything for him.]
[Strawberry Sago: Humph... You are kind, but you can easily sell other people's information. You are evil, but your evil is also for the sake of doing good. Interesting human, for Su Mingan, you can do evil without limit, and you can also do good without limit, which is really interesting. (Tongue sticking out soybean.jpg)]
【Baisha Xiaojing: Do it or not? 】
[Strawberry Sago: I admire your undisguised greed. Of course I can mercifully grant your desire, Xiao Lu.]
…
After gaining the ability to reincarnate, Xiao Ying is no longer afraid of death.
As if his nature had been liberated, he experienced all kinds of near-death experiences, such as suffocation, blood loss, and falling. Every time he was on the verge of death but managed to escape, he felt genuine joy. He was not a normal person, but the White Tower and his mother in his heart allowed him to barely maintain his humanity.
...But now, the person who could hold back his sanity has disappeared.
He confused happiness with pain, pleasure with death.
Holding peach blossom wine all day long, with disheveled hair, he stumbled on the road, and became a madman that passers-by kept a distance from.
"We were blind and robbed you! Please let us go! I kowtow to you!" The roadside robber was knocked to the ground by Xiao Ying with one hand. Realizing that he had kicked the steel plate, he quickly knelt down and begged for mercy.
Xiao Ying squatted down and poked the robber's head: "Here, take this."
A revolver was thrust into the robber's hands.
"Play games with me, and if you win... I will die. Okay... Send me to death, okay..." He shook the robber's shoulders like a little child.
The robber was so frightened that he pulled the trigger tremblingly.
"Bang!"
"Ah, you're not dead, it's my turn..." He narrowed his eyes, smiled and pointed the gun at himself:
"Eh? Still an empty gun... Hiccup, it's your turn..."
When all the robbers were killed by bullets, he had not yet been hit by the fatal bullet. This feeling of escaping death once again made him feel happy, but also deeply disappointed... Why didn't he die this time?
If he died, the feeling of guilt gnawing at my heart...maybe I would be a little relieved.
"Unlucky, I didn't die." Xiao Ying kicked the blood-stained revolver and hummed: "Next time..."
His threshold of excitement became higher and higher, and he began to try all kinds of things that excited him... skydiving, crossing the dangerous rainforest alone, dancing and laughing on active volcanoes, jumping off high mountains... Even if his bones were broken and his face was covered in blood, he could still laugh out loud with blood and internal organs flowing out of his stomach.
Even Dieying was amazed at Xiao Ying's liberation of nature. He couldn't help but sigh that Su Mingan was really a sinful person. He could drive a person crazy even though he did nothing wrong.
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