You walk in this world that is gradually losing its vitality, and your fluttering black hair meets the scorching warm wind.
This month, you waged a large-scale war against local tyrants.
"This is your first time experiencing this kind of battle. Can you adapt to it?" You glanced at the young soldier.
"Adapt... adapt!" The little soldier's face flushed with excitement. He swore to you solemnly: "I will continue to fight and fight for you until the last moment! God!"
When you heard the title of "God", you sighed silently in your heart, but did not deny it.
"The sky is clear and everything is reviving. Spring is such a joyful place. But it's still a little chilly and we still need to hold on for a while." You looked at the withered spring flowers around you, the corners of your mouth curved up, then quickly drooped down.
"Yes! Lord God!" The little soldier did not notice your sadness and continued to swear allegiance to you.
You nodded, not paying any attention.
Six days later, the soldier fulfilled his promise. While rescuing a mother and daughter from the ruins, he was shot in the chest by an enemy bullet.
Before he died, he looked at you as if he was looking at an entire spring.
"God...Master..."
"You must... take them... on..."
You looked at his eyes that had lost their luster and silently swallowed the pain in your throat.
This isn't the first "little soldier" you've seen.
Millions of "little soldiers" have died before your eyes. Their deaths are like an invisible burden pressing on your head and spine, making your shoulders even heavier.
44th day of the war.
There is fatigue in the corners of your eyes, your words become more and more silent, and you have learned to hide yourself with a mask.
Sometimes you'll be retching in the dark. The pressure is so great that you feel dizzy.
"Ugh... cough cough cough..."
The cold water dispersed your reflection.
…
"It's a shame you still can't drink."
After burying the soldiers, your companion, Yue patted your shoulder, and her silver hair brushed across your face like running water, itchy, like pure white tail feathers.
You heard her voice:
"It's okay. I'll wait until you can drink. Then no one is allowed to escape."
Your eyelashes are trembling.
You looked at her face, which was reddened by the aroma of wine, and wanted to say something. Your companions have suffered too much during this time, whether it was malicious speculation or injuries in the war... They have been following you all the time, and that is why they have to endure so much pain.
You always feel that these mistakes are also yours.
If it weren't for you, these eight people would be so strong that they wouldn't have to go through this.
You want to say something.
For example, I shouldn't have brought you along if I had known earlier. For example, I don't want to learn how to drink. For example, you guys should just get away from me as soon as possible and stop burdening me with all this.
But you can't speak.
Yue’s hand rested on your shoulder, her expression was a little tipsy but her eyes were firm.
Just like... the lonely moon floating above the tree branches tonight, cold and resolute.
She squeezes your hand back really hard, passing on her courage to you.
It was like she was silently swearing with this powerful movement that she would always be with you.
“…”
At last your lips tremble:
"good."
"No one is allowed to escape."
You know it's over.
It's all over.
Your eight companions have already voluntarily refused to escape this barrier and voluntarily shouldered all this pain. You can no longer push them away.
It's not easy to be a savior. You have deeply experienced the pain. But they are already like moths to a flame, just wanting to stay with you. You can't pull them out of the deep water.
She just knocked her head gently on your shoulder and chuckled:
"Then you have to help me find a partner as soon as possible. I like pretty and cute ones, and she can be weaker than me."
You hear your own trembling voice:
"...God is not responsible for helping you matchmaking."
"…If you want it, then stay alive and find it yourself."
…
——Can you hear the distant plea?
Sitting at a desk with flickering candlelight, you write in your diary.
[I often wonder, if there are people crying, despairing, and dying in such a cruel world. Can I hold them with my hands when they are on the verge of death?]
[If I rest for one more minute, how many people will die because I was too late to rescue them? Will a disaster happen because of my negligence?]
[The clock has become a mark engraved in my skull. Every second I stop, I feel guilty for the burden on my shoulders. I can't catch my breath for a moment.]
[I cannot grieve endlessly, my head cannot look back, my eyes can only look forward.]
【What makes humans human is their precious empathy and dedication. I am proud of having these, so,】
The tip of your pen trembled, and a windbreaker was draped over you, dispelling the chill in the room.
The white-haired young man sat quietly on the small stool behind you, looking at you in silence.
This companion is always silent and resolute in his company. At the same time, he is very stubborn. Even if you drive him away, he will run back eagerly and stay by your side.
You often see him in the shadows. He is like a black knight holding a sword, hiding in the shadows, rarely disturbing your life, but always watching you.
"Lin Guang." You called him in a low voice.
He leaned forward, and with this quiet gesture, he showed you that he was listening carefully.
"If I die one day, you must not die with me." You said: "You must live until your life ends."
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