"We have a chance to play together. You can continue to be an up master, and I will give you coins for every video."
"good."
"Then... the Youth Exploration Club should also continue. I see that you have always been interested in detective and mystery books."
"No, this one won't work."
"Ming An..."
"I'm not interested in decryption now."
"Well, actually, you have plenty of time to do whatever you want. College students have plenty of time. You can do whatever you are interested in and want to do. You are free, Ming'an."
Su Mingan's fingers paused slightly.
Yueyue held her chin and looked at him, the game console in her hand resting on her knees. The blood-red sunset kissed her face, and her eyes blinked.
At this moment, he suddenly realized that her eyes were not those of the ignorant 18-year-old girl, but of Yueyue, who had experienced many stages of life and was independent and autonomous. She could keenly perceive his emotional changes and speak words of comfort to him at the right time.
After the savior completed his mission and retired, the knight, always holding a sword, accompanied him on his final journey.
At this moment, there was a sharp voice in Su Mingan's heart constantly clamoring, saying that all this was fake, it was all short-lived warmth, your ending should not be like this, it was not worthy of you, and you were not worthy of it.
He suddenly began to dry heave, put down the game console, slowly bent over, and covered his chest, but couldn't spit out anything. The intense tension was like a huge rock piling up in his chest, squeezing his throat inch by inch. The pain was like a sharp needle piercing his brain.
...This warmth does not belong to you.
Go back, go back, go back!
He repeated this thought. He was afraid to even dream, and even the slightest touch of warmth would feel inappropriate.
"God... please let me leave here..."
“Gods…!”
Su Mingan tried to find the exit again, but no one answered.
He felt the world in front of him begin to spin like a whirlpool. Colorful splendor filled his field of vision. Chairs, tables, and windows danced wildly before his eyes until his consciousness went blank for a while.
When he opened his eyes again, he was lying on the bed and Yueyue was no longer in the room.
There was a very light discussion coming from outside the door, but Su Mingan could hear it clearly.
"...Is his mental state still the same?" Lu Shu's voice.
"Yes. He always thinks he is still in the world game, and psychologists think he is very ill. He just played games with me for a while and suddenly fainted." Yueyue's voice.
"Let's use hypnosis. Since medication adjustments haven't worked, we can only make him forget that memory." Yamada Machiichi's voice.
"I know. Lu has some connections. He knows some reliable hypnotists from abroad." Lu Shu's voice.
"Hahahaha... there are some ways, this sounds so funny..."
A few people laughed, as if trying to lighten the mood, but there was only bitterness in their laughter.
Su Mingan looked at the people at the door through the crack.
Lu Shu looked good, wearing a sports shirt, with rosy cheeks, and he was a few centimeters taller, which seemed to be due to adequate nutrition. His illness was also cured. A white Samoyed followed behind him, and the dog looked very cute when it smiled. He even started raising a pet.
Yamada Machiichi wore a Lolita dress with a bright look. He looked very sunny, and the gloomy look when we first met had completely faded away. He was no longer the high school student who jumped into the river because he was accused of wearing women's clothes. He held a drawing board in his hand, as if he was going to sketch.
Mo Yan and Lin Yin were standing next to him. They were also wearing thick clothes. They all had ruddy faces and were neatly dressed. Lin Yin had a guitar on his back, and it looked like he was going to a guitar lesson.
...They all found happiness.
Su Mingan stood at the door with a pale face. He looked at his skinny hands, the dense needle holes and protruding blue veins on the back of his hands, and then he smiled slightly.
……very nice.
God, the future you created cannot defeat me, but makes me happy.
Next, he tried to find a way to leave the dream while walking around. Lu Shu and the others stayed by his side the whole time.
Everyone tacitly avoided talking about the past, and no one mentioned the World Game in front of him. They laughed, and everyone pretended not to see the antidepressant in Su Mingan's pocket.
Whenever Su Ming'an picked up a sharp object, they would come over nervously and help him take it, as if they were afraid that he would hurt himself. Whenever Su Ming'an began to call on the gods, they would remain silent, waiting for him to finish calling in a silent and respectful manner, and then hand him medicine.
...This made Su Mingan feel like he was a pale puppet. Following the movement of some invisible thread,
Whenever he saw Lu Shu's hesitant eyes, the sadness buried deep in Yamada Machi's eyes, and Yueyue's calm and numb gaze, his heart would begin to ache involuntarily.
...Are you satisfied?
...Are you really satisfied?
He couldn't confirm that.
He couldn't give a definite answer.
He is also a human being, and he often asks himself whether he is worthy. But whenever he feels confused, he is always pulled by the kindness of others, even if this kindness is so small as to be imperceptible compared to the malice.
But he just couldn't let it go.
He couldn't make himself Edward, nor could he make himself Mizushima Kawano. He was Su Ming'an, just Su Ming'an.
He turned around and looked at them. He saw Lin Yin picking up the camera and taking a picture of him with a smile, Lu Shu touching the Samoyed's head, Yueyue holding a chocolate bar in her mouth and smiling with squinting eyes. The wind from the river blew through their hair, black and white entangled in the wind, and with a click, their smiles were frozen into flowers.
Su Mingan smiled slightly in the river breeze, as if he saw sunflowers all over the mountains.
...So he built a lighthouse, was on the verge of collapse countless times and moved forward again, and struggled countless times with fear, loneliness and pain.
So he couldn't escape.
…
When passing the cross-river bridge, Su Mingan saw a person.
The man sat alone on the railing of the bridge, looking at the fishing boats shuttling on the river. He was wearing a khaki windbreaker, his shirt still untucked, the wet wind from the river blowing his robe, his face showing a silent and old expression.
Su Mingan walked to his side, silently, and watched the endless flowing river with him.
The man glanced at Su Mingan, then quickly looked away, as if he had been scalded.
They watched here for a long time, until the sunset became its last tail.
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