Hiding behind
Xu Li waited until evening, even though they hadn't made any plans. Their departure times were surprisingly coincident. Xu Li stood at the door, tilting her head to look at Zhou Junchang: "Together?"
The two walked together along the riverbank, feeling the cold wind.
Xu Li's hair was loose, and the wind blew it around. She then gently hooked her little finger behind her ear.
It has a somewhat exotic feel.
Xu Li rubbed her hands, which were stuffed in her pocket, as her nose was red from the cold.
The two of them tacitly avoided mentioning what happened during the day, and of course, there was nothing to mention.
In the darkness of night, it's easier for people to calm their emotions.
Suddenly, Xu Li looked into the distance and asked, "Do you know if there is a poet in Tibet named Tsangyang Gyatso?"
Zhou Jun often shook his head.
"Living in the Potala Palace, I am the greatest king of the snowy land; wandering the streets of Lhasa, I am the most handsome lover in the world."
This poem was written by the Sixth Tibetan Dalai Lama, Tsangyang Gyatso. In just two short lines, it vividly portrays Tsangyang Gyatso's life full of contradictions and struggles.
On one side is supreme glory, and on the other is intense emotion of freedom.
Tsangyang Gyatso became the greatest king of the snowy land, receiving the worship of all people. However, this seemingly noble status was also a cage that imprisoned him. The cumbersome religious rituals and strict rules and regulations deprived him of his freedom. His every move was monitored, and his inner desires were deeply suppressed.
The streets of Lhasa, however, were a world of secular life and freedom. Tsangyang Gyatso shed his monk's robes, donned civilian clothes, adopted the pseudonym Dasang Wangpo, and immersed himself in the lives of ordinary people. Here, he could freely experience life, converse with common folk, encounter beautiful girls, and become the world's most handsome lover.
Therefore, in one of his poems, there is a line that reads: "That day, with my eyes closed in the incense-filled temple, I suddenly heard the true words you were chanting; that month, I shook all the prayer wheels, not for salvation, but only to touch your fingertips."
Torn between shackles and freedom, Tsangyang Gyatso wandered in deep suffering throughout his life, becoming a unique and romantic figure in the hearts of countless people.
Zhou Jun listened attentively to Xu Li's words, while also trying to figure out what Xu Li meant and why she would mention this poet in such a situation.
Xu Li, are you also hesitating about something? Are you also suffering from torment and pain?
"you……"
Zhou Jun looked into Xu Li's eyes and suddenly couldn't ask a question, nor did he know how to ask it. In the end, after thinking it over and over again, he only said, "...Do whatever you want."
Xu Li shook her head, a hint of helplessness in her smile.
Zhou Junchang always thought Xu Li was decisive, but after getting to know her better, he realized that she was only seemingly resolute on the surface. In fact, she also had moments of hesitation and uncertainty. After careful consideration, she would do things without regret or looking back.
Xu Li lowered her head and counted the lines of the floor tiles, while Zhou Junchang followed behind her, watching her.
Neither of them were paying attention to the road, and Xu Li nearly bumped into the person in front of them.
Zhou Junchang only saw it after he walked in, and hurriedly reached out to grab Xu Li and pull her to his side.
Xu Li's head slammed heavily against Zhou Junchang's chest, and the two of them groaned simultaneously.
Xu Li covered her head, frowning.
Although Zhou Junchang was also hit hard, she was, after all, just a girl, and she was the one who pulled her over. She also exercised regularly, and although she wasn't that exaggerated, she still had some muscles, so she could withstand the impact. It wasn't too heavy.
Zhou Jun kept his head down, only thinking about how Xu Li was doing.
Before the two could react, the person who bumped into them looked at Xu Li and asked, "Who are you?"
The man searched his memory carefully, seemingly unwilling to let go of anything, and finally suddenly found it in his memory: "Aren't you Fei Li's classmate?"
Hearing this name was like a bolt from the blue.
Xu Li felt a chill run down her spine, her emotions shifting from shock and fear to anger and resentment.
The mood changed quickly, and the man didn't sense anything was wrong. He even tried to grab Xu Li as if he was afraid she would run away.
Zhou Junchang noticed the brief shift in Xu Li's emotions and stood between the two, protecting Xu Li from behind.
This time, Xu Li truly hid behind Zhou Junchang, tightly gripping his sleeve. Zhou Junchang could even feel Xu Li trembling.
The person opposite Xu Li saw her and said in a slightly tearful voice, "You've all gone to college, but my son is just unlucky."
As she spoke, tears welled up in her eyes, and she quickly wiped them away with her sleeve.
To be honest, at first glance, Zhou Junchang thought this person was trying to scam him, but seeing Xu Li's reaction, he realized that things were probably not that simple.
Zhou Junchang couldn't guess her relationship with Xu Li, and asked in a cold tone, "Who are you?"
“I’m Fei Li’s mother. My son has mentioned you before.”
Upon hearing this name, Xu Li felt her blood freeze, countless images flashed through her mind, and her heart felt like it was being gnawed by ants.
"My son has a bad fate..."
If there weren't so few people around, it would definitely attract a crowd of onlookers.
Fei Li.
Zhou Jun often searched his mind for this person, but to no avail; he had never heard Xu Li mention him.
Zhou Junchang didn't ask any more questions. If there was anything wrong, Zhou Junchang would prefer Xu Li to say it herself.
The person in front of him also realized this wasn't right. He composed himself, his voice weak, and sniffed as he said, "Anyway, the case has already been filed. Now I'm just praying to the police every day for an explanation..."
Zhou Junchang nodded for Xu Li, then watched the person walk away.
Zhou Junchang didn't turn around until he heard sobbing behind him.
Xu Li cried.
Xu Liyuan didn't cry as decisively as that person. He didn't dare to cry loudly and recklessly, so he held it all in his throat, only letting out a few muffled groans.
But in comparison, Zhou Jun could often sense that Xu Li was also in pain, even more so than that other person.
Pain cannot be compared; as long as it is pain that you truly feel, then it is real pain.
Zhou Junchang didn't know how to comfort her, nor did he know why Xu Li was upset. Judging from her reaction, it must be related to that person from earlier.
Without any paper, Zhou Jun awkwardly reached out his fingers to wipe away Xu Li's tears.
Xu Li's face was already a little sore from the wind, and Zhou Junchang's phone had some calluses on it, so when she wiped her tears, it scratched her face painfully.
My fingers couldn't wipe away the tears, and the tear-stained areas on my face turned from streaks into patches. The wind blew by, making me shrink my neck.
It was both cold and painful.
Xu Li didn't care about anything else; compared to the pain, she was actually more afraid of the aftermath.
That person stirred up many unpleasant memories for Xu Li: the dark scene, the greasy face, and the lingering stench of rust and mildew in her nostrils, like rotting moss in a sewer that just wouldn't go away.
Whenever these scenes overlap even slightly, that stench surges up from the depths of her memory, carrying a chilling malice, dragging Xu Li back to that moment when even breathing hurt.
Xu Li feared this was the last time she would see Zhou Junchang, and that she might leave a bad impression on him.
With tears blurring her vision, Xu Li mumbled Zhou Junchang's name.
I don't know why, but it seemed like they were confirming that Zhou Junchang was still alive.
"That's not true, it really isn't true..."
Zhou Junchang's emotions grew colder and colder. His knuckles were taut, and the veins on the back of his hands throbbed. The words he was suppressing were stuck in his throat, turning into a dark tide surging in his eyes. He responded while wiping away his tears.
His gaze fell on the reddened corners of Xu Li's eyes, the redness like a red-hot iron, making Zhou Jun's heart tighten.
Zhou Jun gritted his teeth, his fingertips still resting on Xu Li's cheek, stroking it tenderly as if trying to wipe away the tear stains and her grievances: "Don't cry, don't cry..."
Zhou Junchang didn't understand the whole story and wasn't good at comforting people, but at this moment he desperately wanted the person in front of him to stop crying, so he kept repeating the same sentence.
The tears that flowed down were like needles, piercing Zhou Junchang again and again.
It turns out that one day, Zhou Junchang was also afraid of someone's tears.
After some time, Xu Li's emotions stabilized, and she stopped crying.
Zhou Jun often held Xu Li's face in his hands, shielding her from the cold wind. At this moment, his own hands were stiff with cold.
As Zhou Jun wiped away Xu Li's last tear, he withdrew his hand. Although his own hands were stiff with cold, he still took off his own clothes and draped them over Xu Li.
Before Zhou Junchang could retract his hand, he felt a small body fall into his arms.
Zhou Junchang was stunned for a moment, then awkwardly pulled Xu Li into his arms.
Xu Li lowered her head, looking at the crumpled hem of her clothes. She smelled the familiar, faintly fragrant scent wafting from beside her, and felt a little more at ease.
The spot where Zhou Junchang had wiped away her tears still retained a slightly warm touch, like a faint spark.
Her arm was initially stiff at her side. Xu Li hesitated for half a second before slowly raising it. Her fingers gripped her clothes with a light touch, as if she were holding onto a piece of driftwood.
Xu Li wanted to say something, but because she had just cried, all she could manage was a barely audible sob as she buried her face in Zhou Junchang's arms.
Xu Li didn't look up or see Zhou Junchang's expression. She just buried her face in Zhou Junchang's chest, as if to confirm whether this embrace could really catch all her disheveled state.
Zhou Jun often felt a surge of heat rushing to his head, and his body instantly became hot, so hot that he even wanted to take off his clothes.
The two didn't hug for long before Xu Li let go first, feeling a little embarrassed, and prepared to go home.
Ah Feng opened the door again in the middle of the night and was no longer surprised to see Zhou Junchang.
As soon as he opened the door, Ah Feng could feel a chilly aura.
Zhou Junchang looked somewhat sluggish, and Ah Feng, not understanding why, wisely kept quiet.
The weather wasn't as cold as before, but you still needed to wear more clothes at night. Zhou Jun was wearing a black cotton sweater, his shoulders making him look like a walking clothes rack.
Ah Feng went into the room, leaving only Zhou Junchang in the living room, who remained silent, as if he had melted into the darkness.
Zhou Junchang held a cigarette in his hand and rubbed it between his fingers.
Why was Xu Li acting so strangely today? In Zhou Junchang's eyes, Xu Li was someone who never cried; she was resilient, brave, and disdainful of many things.
Zhou Jun often thought that this was somewhat similar to himself.
Then she recalled how, in the cold wind, Xu Li's voice trembled violently, yet she still called out Zhou Junchang's name over and over again.
With each cry, Zhou Junchang's heart clenched painfully. It was an unbearable feeling, and he could only watch helplessly as tears streamed down his face.
One night, Zhou Junchang finished a whole pack of cigarettes.
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