A Song of Courage
The early morning air was refreshing, a characteristic of early summer. Wen Lingyi took a deep breath as she pushed open the carved iron door.
However, before the breath could be completely inhaled into the lungs, it got stuck in the throat.
She saw the lingering uninvited guest again.
Zhu Yang was standing not far from her front door, leaning against a lush camphor tree, as if he had been waiting for a long time.
"Do you like to be a masochist?" Wen Lingyi stopped and looked at Zhu Yang who was blocking her way, feeling quite helpless.
This woman got beaten up by her last time, how dare she come to her house again?
Her life has been going smoothly recently. She eats well and sleeps soundly. Zhou Jianxing takes care of her meticulously, and Wen Lingyi's mood remains at a pretty good level.
Even when he saw Zhu Yang, he only felt a slight disgust in his heart.
Zhu Yang didn't say anything, just stood there quietly, his eyes fixed on Wen Lingyi.
The wide-leg shirt in the color of withered rose ramie looks like an old love letter that has been crumpled and flattened on Wen Lingyi. The antique copper-buckled belt is fastened to a pair of gray, paper-like trousers, the trouser legs of which are piled up on a pair of brown loafers.
Wearing simple clothes can make people look more colorful, mature and beautiful.
Each curl of the iconic black wavy long hair is exquisitely groomed. It seems to fall casually, but in fact it perfectly modifies the lines of the jaw and shoulders.
Her face is like a full moon, her lips are full and red, and she looks radiant.
The mocking smile on the corner of his mouth was very faint, but it was very irritating to Zhu Yang.
"Lingyi," Zhu Yang finally moved, taking two steps towards Wen Lingyi, "Let's all calm down and have a good talk, okay?"
"I still can't let you go," she continued forward, her eyes locked on Wen Lingyi as she retreated. "You have no idea how much I love you and how much I miss you. In the past few years since we broke up, there hasn't been a single day that I haven't thought about you."
"Let's try again, okay?" Zhu Yang said, stretching out his hand and tentatively trying to touch Wen Lingyi's arm, but the other party dodged sideways with extreme disgust.
"Can you love me like before?" She raised her face, her eyes quickly covered with tears, and her tone was sad and earnest.
"Love?" Wen Lingyi hummed a short breath through her nose, as if she had heard some extremely ridiculous joke. "Zhu Yang, only the brave are worthy of talking about love and worthy of receiving love. Do you understand?"
Looking at Zhu Yang's face, which was still beautiful but made her feel extremely hypocritical, a cold, even slightly pitiful smile appeared on the corner of her mouth: "People like you don't understand what love is at all."
"People like you always only love yourselves and always prioritize your own feelings." Wen Lingyi's voice was calm. "All those reasons and excuses, to put it bluntly, are just because you don't love others enough. You just love yourself far more than you love the other person."
"Zhu Yang," Wen Lingyi's eyes suddenly softened, even like before, when they were still together, "Speaking of which, I still have to thank you."
"If it weren't for leaving you, I wouldn't have met my current girlfriend."
"If it weren't for leaving you, I wouldn't know what it feels like to be loved."
“Once you have chosen a path, there is no turning back. No one will be waiting for you there.”
"Because you don't deserve it."
After saying this, Wen Lingyi's smile faded, and her eyes became cold and distant again.
Zhu Yang just stood there, listening quietly, with no expression on his face.
It seemed that Wen Lingyi's sharp words did not touch her at all.
She even smiled a little too, and when she smiled she was still the same, even colder than when she didn't smile.
"Come to think of it," Zhu Yang tilted his head slightly, "it's all your fault, isn't it? You were the one who took the initiative to pursue me, and I didn't like women at all before."
"You turned my world upside down."
"Wen Lingyi, you have ruined my entire life, do you know that?" Even when saying this, Zhu Yang's voice remained steady.
Zhu Yang is a really weird person. He looks colder when he smiles than when he doesn't. The calmer he looks, the crazier he becomes. Wen Lingyi knew this before.
"My only mistake," Zhu Yang paused, his eyes becoming dark, "was realizing too late that I actually loved you."
Even though she was just playing around at the beginning, she later became really addicted and couldn't extricate herself.
"When we were apart, was there ever a night when I didn't video call you on time? No matter how busy or tired I was, I never missed it."
"Every time you came back from abroad, except for the last time, I immediately took leave and flew all the way from J City to C City to see you."
"I really thought about getting a divorce and being with you regardless of everything."
"That's why I'm standing here now, in front of you."
"And you come and accuse me of not being brave enough?"
Zhu Yang was still smiling, but the way he looked at Wen Lingyi was as if he was looking at an enemy with whom he had a deep grudge, and the hatred seemed to be condensed into something substantial.
For so many years, Wen Lingyi hated Zhu Yang, and how could Zhu Yang not hate her?
"Since you say I'm not brave enough," Zhu Yang raised the fine lines at the corners of his eyes and looked at Wen Lingyi tenderly, "Then I want to see how brave you are."
"Standing here, condescendingly accusing others of not being worthy of love."
"What about you?" She sneered. "Do you deserve love? Do you deserve the kind of unconditional, selfless love you talk about?"
Every word Zhu Yang said fell on the early morning of June, carrying with it the chill of dew.
If you can't get it, you might as well destroy it.
·
Ever since Zhou Jianxing confessed his love to Su Qing in public at a family dinner, Wen Lingyi found that she could not contact Su Qing.
Messages are rarely replied, and phone calls are often hung up on.
She asked Su's parents indirectly, but the only reply she got was "Su Qing is very busy with work recently."
During lunch break, Wen Lingyi drove directly to Su Qing's company.
When she pushed open the door of Su Qing's independent office, Su Qing was slumped in the large office swivel chair, staring at the computer screen in a daze.
Hearing the noise, she raised her head and her eyes immediately fell on the ring on Wen Lingyi's right ring finger with a complicated look.
"Su Qing," Wen Lingyi closed the door and walked to the desk, "You have been avoiding me recently, what does that mean?"
Su Qing did not answer immediately. Her eyes were still fixed on the ring. After a long while, she seemed to come back to her senses and sighed softly.
"Why are you angry with me again?" Wen Lingyi pulled a guest chair beside the table and sat down opposite Su Qing, leaning forward slightly, trying to catch Su Qing's evasive gaze.
"Lingyi," Su Qing finally spoke, her voice a little hoarse.
She reached out, grabbed Wen Lingyi's right hand wearing the ring, placed it in her palm, and lowered her head to carefully look at the ring with unique design.
"Do you have to be so ostentatious about your happiness?" Her thumb unconsciously rolled over the cold, hard facet of the gemstone, her movements a little slow.
"Do you know how conflicted I am?" Su Qing raised her head and looked into Wen Lingyi's eyes. "You are happy. I am happier for you than anyone else in this world."
"But," she changed the subject and squeezed Wen Lingyi's hand tightly, "If your affair with Zhou Jianxing were to be exposed, everyone would know about it... Lingyi, you know how traditional and conservative our family is."
"What will my brother do then? What kind of situation will our family face?"
She was caught between her best friend and her blood brother.
The palms and backs of the hands are all flesh.
Wen Lingyi lowered her head, and her right hand, which was placed in Su Qing's palm, curled up slightly.
If Wen Lingyi and Zhou Jianxing stood at the two ends of the long river of love, there was once a distance of ten thousand steps between them.
Then Zhou Jianxing had already taken nine thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine steps towards her without hesitation, stumbling but with great determination.
The remaining step should be taken by her, both emotionally and logically.
The only thing that could threaten her from that madman Zhu Yang was the ugly things that happened in their past.
She actually doesn't care too much. It's exposed, so what?
I came to see Su Qing today because I wanted to confront her and show her my determination and attitude.
But at this moment, listening to Su Qing's words, Wen Lingyi found that he couldn't say a single word of what he had prepared.
She may not care about Su Zhe's life or death, but she cannot not care about Su Qing.
I can't help but care about the feelings of this close friend who I grew up with.
"I..." Wen Lingyi opened her mouth, but her throat seemed to be blocked by something, and her voice was hoarse, "Qingqing... I..."
"Don't make it public, Lingyi, I beg you." Su Qing's fingertips were icy. "At least pretend on the surface and maintain the status quo, right? This won't affect your private relationship, right?"
"I want to give her a sense of security." Wen Lingyi's eyes reddened uncontrollably, her voice choked with sobs. "I don't want her to always feel that our relationship is something that can only be carried out secretly."
"Qingqing, do you know how much security she gave me? She almost gave me her whole heart!"
"Please, Lingyi." Su Qing's eyes were red, a rare sight, and her voice trembled. "You've done so much for her, can't you do a little for me too?"
"Obviously, I'm the one...who grew up with you."
Finally, Wen Lingyi looked at Su Qing's red eyes, and all the unspoken words turned into silent sighs.
She could only compromise, gently pulled back her hand, lowered her head, and said in a hoarse voice: "...I understand."
·
That night, only a bedside lamp with soft light was on in the bedroom.
Wen Lingyi snuggled in Zhou Jianxing's warm embrace, their skin touching, both covered with a thin layer of sweat, and they were slowly calming down their somewhat rapid breathing and heartbeats.
"Do you feel any pain today?" Zhou Jianxing's heartbeat gradually returned to a steady rhythm. She hesitated for a moment and spoke cautiously.
"It doesn't hurt." Wen Lingyi closed her eyes, grabbed Zhou Jianxing's fingers that were circling her lower abdomen, pulled them to her lips and kissed them gently, "Well done, my dear child."
Zhou Jianxing always treated her gently, almost lukewarmly, making every intimate moment particularly long and tiring.
He would repeatedly confirm her feelings at every step, even if she had told him countless times that it didn't hurt. Afterwards, Zhou Jianxing would still keep pestering her and asking her about it out of concern.
Is it really painless or is it fake?
Although Zhou Jianxing was also an inexperienced person, he was able to minimize her discomfort and made her almost ignore the insignificant pain in the process.
This also made Wen Lingyi suddenly realize that she seemed to have missed too many wonderful feelings that she should have experienced in her life in the past few years.
A flower that was quietly withering bloomed again under Zhou Jianxing's hands.
It turns out that being 0 is so comfortable.
Wen Lingyi became the pillow princess with peace of mind. She had been doing this for so long, so she decided to collect the interest first.
Besides, she wanted Zhou Jianxing to recover a little more.
"Zhou Jianxing," Wen Lingyi moved gently in Zhou Jianxing's arms, finding a more comfortable position, and called her in a soft voice, "Do you feel safe with me?"
She tilted her head slightly and her eyes fell on the left side of Zhou Jianxing's chest.
There, her name was rising and falling gently with Zhou Jianxing's steady breathing, as if it had come to life and was silently opening its mouth to talk to her.
"No lying," she added, lightly touching the tattoo with her fingertips.
After a long while, Zhou Jianxing tightened his arms around her waist, with such force that he seemed to want to fit her perfectly into every bone joint, and his hot breath sprayed on her forehead.
"Sometimes," Zhou Jianxing's voice was low, not as sweet anymore, "I'm still afraid... afraid that one day you'll suddenly not want me anymore, afraid that one day you'll get tired of me, afraid that you'll find out I'm not that good and stop liking me."
Although she wanted to give Wen Lingyi complete sense of security, she herself did not have much sense of security.
"But," Zhou Jianxing paused, his voice muffled as if trapped in a jar, "I don't want you to feel that liking me or disliking me is something that will make you feel hard and stressed. So... just follow your heart."
"Whatever the outcome, I can accept it."
Wen Lingyi felt a surge of bitter sadness in her heart.
It felt like an unripe green plum was forcibly picked, pickled in a sealed glass jar, and soaked in water as salty as tears, with no way out.
"The last time Zhu Yang hit you," Wen Lingyi's fingers were still on Zhou Jianxing's chest. When she saw Zhu Yang this morning, the anger came out again, "Why didn't you fight back?"
With Zhou Jianxing's physique and strength, it should not be a problem for him to subdue Zhu Yang.
"I didn't dare fight back," Zhou Jianxing's voice became unstable, "because I was afraid... afraid that you still cared about her, and that if I hit her, you would be angry with me."
After all, that person was once the one Wen Lingyi loved.
Moreover, she had never fought with anyone since she was a child, and she was not good at dealing with such intense physical conflicts.
The bitter sadness in Wen Lingyi's heart became even more severe.
She said nothing, but just snuggled deeper into Zhou Jianxing's arms, her nose rubbing against her skin, which was faintly scented with shower gel.
Zhou Jianxing's breath and warmth always make her feel at ease.
"From now on... don't care so much about my feelings." Wen Lingyi's voice was as soft as a sigh, melting into the dim light. "Your feelings and your thoughts are also very important to me."
So, in fact, it has always been Zhou Jianxing who loves her more.
Does she deserve such love?
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