Delirium
When the barriers of rationality temporarily collapse due to drugs and trauma, those tightly wrapped, most primitive fears and loves will be exposed uncontrollably, with nowhere to hide.
In the fog of delirium, the brain's defense mechanism becomes fragile, and the deepest imprints and obsessions in the subconscious will surge up uncontrollably.
The most sensitive name pressed on the painful nerve endings will be out of the control of the will and be whispered repeatedly and unconsciously.
Sometimes, due to neurological disorders, the tear glands become uncontrolled, and tears flow, resonating with suppressed emotions deep in the heart, but not out of conscious sadness.
Language function degenerates, and complex love and hate are simplified to the repetition of monotonous syllables.
It's like a faulty record needle, stubbornly stuck in the same groove, over and over again.
Emotional gates may also fail, especially prefrontal cortex dysfunction, which can remove control over emotions.
The patient may hold one person's hand tightly while calling the name of another.
·
The single room was much quieter than the corridor, with only the occasional regular sound of instruments.
The sky outside the window was a gloomy grayish-white, with thick clouds that didn't allow much sunlight to penetrate.
Wen Lingyi sat quietly on a chair beside Zhou Jianxing's bed, leaning forward slightly, holding a sterile cotton swab in her hand. She carefully dipped it into the clean warm water in the cup next to her, and then applied it very gently on Zhou Jianxing's dry and chapped lips.
Ajie and Xiaomin were at the door of the ward, whispering goodbye to Zhou Jianxing's parents, their voices very low for fear of disturbing the patient.
"It's really okay. You guys are so busy at work, and you can still come and stay for so long. Auntie doesn't know how to thank you enough." Zhou Shufen grabbed Xiao Min's hand and patted it gently. Her eyes were still a little red, but her mood had stabilized a lot.
"Xingxing is lucky to have good friends like you. You have been a huge help."
"Aunt Zhou, please don't say that." Ajie looked back at Zhou Jianxing, who still had his eyes closed on the hospital bed, with a guilty look on his face. "I'm going to have to trouble you and uncle from now on. If there's anything I can do for you, please feel free to call us. Don't hesitate."
As a childhood friend and colleague, he felt very bad about leaving at this critical juncture.
It has been two days since Zhou Jianxing was transferred from the ICU to the general ward. The doctor said that her consciousness is gradually recovering and she is not far from being fully awake.
Xiao Min once told him privately that no matter how good their relationship was, as a man, he would inevitably feel embarrassed and inconvenienced when Zhou Jianxing woke up completely and faced the necessary medical tubes and care on his body.
At this moment, Zhou Jianxing's hand, which was a little swollen due to the infusion, suddenly raised up unconsciously, and his fingertips slowly drew meaningless arcs in the air, as if he was groping for something.
Zhou Jianjun immediately walked quickly to the bedside, leaned over, and said with a rare tenderness in his dull voice: "Xingxing? What's wrong? Are you feeling unwell? What do you want?"
Zhou Jianxing gently avoided the hand extended by his father, and still stubbornly waved it blankly in the air, his brows slightly furrowed, as if he was in some kind of anxiety.
Until that hand was gently held by another slightly cool and soft hand.
In an instant, all the restless ripples calmed down, as if a small boat in the storm finally took hold of the anchor.
Her fingers relaxed and curled up obediently in Wen Lingyi's palm, no longer moving.
Seeing this scene, Ajie and Xiaomin, who were standing at the door, looked at each other subconsciously, and saw a kind of understanding and tacit smile in each other's eyes.
In the adult world, many things do not need to be pointed out. A look or a gesture can often explain the problem better than thousands of words.
They seemed to know who Wen Lingyi was.
Zhou Jianxing really didn't lie to them. It turned out that he was as beautiful as a female celebrity.
·
In the brief moments when Zhou Jianxing occasionally woke up, his reactions were different when he saw any of them.
Sometimes I would try hard to pull the corners of my mouth to reveal a vague smile.
Sometimes he just stared blankly with no expression.
Only when she saw Wen Lingyi, sometimes, without any warning, tears would suddenly overflow from her red eyes and slide down quietly.
The doctor explained that it was not emotional crying, but more like a physiological subconscious reaction.
The neural pathways temporarily blocked by the anesthetic lit up an emergency exit signal only on the path leading to the tear glands and a certain person.
In a delirious state, Zhou Jianxing would occasionally utter some incomplete, monotonous and short fragments of words.
Like "roast duck", "screwdriver", "watering", "fool"...
"Ling Yi".
Zhou Jianxing's cracked lips moved stickily, like a stranded fish swallowing non-existent water.
It was like a diver blowing bubbles, with intermittent hisses coming out of his throat, and the broken syllables swam back and forth under the oxygen mask, finally condensing into two words.
"Ling...Yi..."
And those uncontrollable tears, those incoherent mumblings, those dependence and attachments that come from the deepest part of the subconscious...
After waking up, Zhou Jianxing will probably never remember it.
·
Zhou Shufen's eyelids twitched slightly. She tugged at her husband's arm and lowered her voice, "Honey, let's go see Xiaojie and the others off to the elevator. Xingxing is under Lingyi's watch, so nothing will go wrong."
Looking at his daughter's peaceful and calm sleeping face after Wen Lingyi held her hand, Zhou Jianjun nodded, said nothing more, turned around and followed his wife out of the ward.
·
In Zhou Jianxing's chaotic vision, the faint green light of the ECG monitor spread out into blurry spots on the ceiling, like moss spreading at the base of an old wall in the humid rainy season.
Every time the regular ticking sound was heard, it was as if half a piece of mottled wall was peeling off.
Wen Lingyi's image kept changing in her distorted perception.
Sometimes it is a clean and crisp white shirt, and sometimes it transforms into a huge and pale shroud.
Time became sticky and sluggish, and the second hand seemed to be stuck in a gap, struggling and unable to move forward.
One minute was stretched to an extremely long length, long enough for her to relive all the important losses in her life.
Wen Lingyi's name became a rusty thumbtack, nailed in her limited life.
In a daze, she saw Wen Lingyi sitting beside her bed, her posture as quiet as a frozen photo.
Has she gone to heaven or fallen into hell?
She saw Wen Lingyi's lips opening and closing, as if she was saying something, but there was only a buzzing noise in her ears and she could not hear anything clearly.
She wanted to answer, but she didn't know how to organize her words or how to make a sound.
She subconsciously curled her fingers, and then she slowly felt that her hand was sinking into something soft.
Wen Lingyi was wearing a white shirt with the top button fastened.
·
His eyes struggled to move in the air, trying to focus.
Every breath was filled with the strong, pungent smell of disinfectant, and my body ached as if it had been completely broken into pieces and then barely put back together.
Zhou Jianxing's eyes slowly turned around, and with a blurry vision he saw a figure standing up beside the bed.
It was Wen Lingyi, holding a transparent plastic bag filled with light yellow liquid. The shape of the bag was a bit like the soy milk packaging at breakfast stalls.
Is she still alive?
Zhou Jianxing's last memory was fixed on the hideous and distorted face of the man, and the blindingly white sky that pressed into her vision as she fell backwards.
"Wen...uh..." She spoke tentatively, her throat feeling as if it had been scraped by a rough blade, burning with pain and dry to the point of smoking.
"Lingyi?" The voice was so hoarse that it almost didn't sound like her own.
As she spoke, Wen Lingyi was looking at her, his pupils slightly dilated, and the bottom of his eyes were like a deep pool reflecting the moonlight, with tiny and bright spots of light floating in it.
"Wait a moment," Wen Lingyi said quickly, biting her lower lip lightly with her teeth, "I'll be right there."
She turned and walked quickly towards the private bathroom in the ward.
When she came back, Wen Lingyi sat down on the chair beside the bed again, picked up a new cotton swab, dipped it in water, leaned over, and wiped her chapped lips very gently.
The force was so light that it felt like a feather brushing past, or like a dragonfly kiss lightly touching the water.
When Wen Lingyi approached, her hands had a pleasant, clean scent of soapberries.
It smells like a certain brand of hand sanitizer, with a hint of moist water vapor.
Zhou Jianxing's nasal cavity was also uncomfortably dry, and this little bit of moisture seemed to slightly relieve the dry membrane inside her nasal cavity while she breathed.
It was nice to wake up and see Wen Lingyi. But it was also not nice.
Her eyelids suddenly began to itch slightly, her eyelashes trembled a few times, and her eyes wandered. She didn't know where to look, nor did she know what to say to Wen Lingyi.
Silence stretched between the two.
"I almost thought... I would never see you again." Wen Lingyi's voice was very low.
Originally, she wanted to ask Zhou Jianxing why he didn't know how to protect himself, and why he rushed to the front without caring about anything and was stabbed like this.
Those words filled with fear and blame circled around his lips, but were eventually swallowed back.
In the end, what she said was the first sentence that came to her mind when she saw Zhou Jianxing being pushed out outside the emergency room that day.
Zhou Jianxing's eyelids moved slightly again, and he turned his face to the side, avoiding Wen Lingyi's passionate eyes.
It's been a long time since we last saw each other. She is still as beautiful as ever, but now Zhou Jianxing has learned to look away.
The atmosphere in the ward suddenly became a little awkward.
When Zhou Jianxing's attention was no longer focused on Wen Lingyi, the pain in various parts of her body became more intense, causing her facial features to wrinkle in pain.
Wen Lingyi was standing beside her, watching her quietly.
Zhou Jianxing noticed her gaze and tried hard to hide his expression of pain.
"Zhou Jianxing," Wen Lingyi's hand gently covered hers, the touch was delicate and soft, "Promise me that you will be safe and sound from now on."
Yeah. She got it.
Zhou Jianxing's nails rubbed gently against Wen Lingyi's palm.
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