I see
Back at Lanyue Bay, the room was immediately filled with silence.
Wen Lingyi took off her coat and casually put it on the armrest of the sofa in the living room. She did not turn on the main lights, but only used the faint light from the sensor light at the entrance and walked straight to the wine cabinet in the corner of the dining room.
The various drinks in the wine cabinet have been replenished once, but upon closer inspection, some positions are still empty and have not been completely filled.
Her eyes swept across the familiar bottles, finally stopping at a bottle of Macallan 12-year-old whiskey. The amber liquid inside the glass bottle had an alluring luster.
She wanted a drink, very much.
I have quit drinking for some time, but now the addiction has come back.
That spicy and burning liquid was needed to numb the brain which had become overactive and out of control since meeting Zhou Jianxing.
His fingertips almost touched the cool and smooth bottle, but he pulled them back suddenly as if he had been scalded.
Zhou Jianxing doesn't deserve her like this.
What does sadness feel like?
It is not as violent and direct as sharp pain, but more like a slow and long-lasting heavy pressure that weighs silently on the heart.
It may be difficult to notice at first, but when you want to breathe normally or struggle, you will immediately feel the suffocation brought by the weight.
The harder you push, the greater the reaction force will be and the stronger the feeling of suffocation will be.
At times like this, alcohol seems to be the only tool that can pry open the floodgates of emotions and give people a moment of respite, even if they know it is drinking poison to quench thirst.
So, the retracted hand paused in the air for a moment, and finally stretched out again in despair and unscrewed the cap of the bottle of whiskey.
She didn't use an ice glass or look for ice cubes, but just took out a clean old-fashioned glass from the cupboard and poured half a glass of clear golden wine into it.
Then, almost as if punishing himself, he tilted his head back and took a big gulp without caring about anything.
The liquor slid down his throat, bringing a familiar burning sensation, and then the warmth quickly spread in his stomach and flowed to his cold hands and feet with the blood.
The heavy weight that was weighing on my heart seemed to have been moved away a little bit.
Wen Lingyi leaned against the cold wine cabinet, slowly exhaled, and felt her tense nerves relax a little.
The glass of wine was quickly finished.
The alcohol took effect, and her mind fell into a strange, brief period of clarity.
She drank like this just to vent. She didn't taste the flavor and layering of the wine at all. She only pursued the dizziness that quickly came over her.
When did I become so... tasteless? Wen Lingyi's mouth curled into a self-deprecating arc.
Walk to the double-door refrigerator, open the freezer, and take out the ice box.
A few crystal ice cubes were pushed into the empty wine glass, hitting the bottom of the glass with a crisp clang. The sound was particularly clear in the overly quiet room.
At the moment the ice fell, her eyes accidentally swept across the few remaining dumplings lying alone in the freezer drawer.
It felt like something hit her chest, making a muffled sound that only she could hear.
Holding the ice-filled glass, she poured some more whiskey, then walked to the empty dining table and sat down.
There was only one low-hanging chandelier on in the restaurant, and the dim light cast her long shadow on the polished table.
She looked at the golden wine and the slowly melting ice in the glass, her head feeling dizzy, as if there was a small boat swaying on the invisible water, her consciousness floating up and down under the influence of alcohol.
As a result, the face of Zhou Jianxing in her mind also began to become shaky and distorted, leaving only the pair of light amber eyes that were particularly clear, staring at her stubbornly, like distant stars in the night sky, twinkling in her chaotic thoughts.
Zhou Jianxing. It's that damn Zhou Jianxing again! She thought angrily.
It can only be said that City C is still too small. In such a bustling crowd, she could actually bump into the other person so easily.
Today's children are well-nourished and generally grow tall.
In the past few months, she was always unconsciously attracted by young girls on the street who looked like Zhou Jianxing from behind, or had some momentary expressions similar to her, but every time she looked carefully, it was not her.
This futile search and the subsequent loss reminded her again and again of the relationship that had ended.
Her fingers unconsciously swiped across the phone screen and unlocked it.
Her fingertips seemed to have a will of their own, and they uncontrollably clicked into WeChat, then slid through the layers of conversation lists, finally stopping at the avatar that she hadn't dared to click on for several months.
His fingertips hovered above the screen, hesitated for a long time, and finally fell.
The chat history instantly loaded up. The screen was filled with messages from Zhou Jianxing, with "Sister Wen" being called over and over again.
Wen Lingyi looked at the three words, and the voice of Zhou Jianxing calling her like this seemed to ring in her ears again, with the tone always rising slightly, with a bit of dependence and intimacy.
It was like a bowl of warm osmanthus wine dumplings, the sweetness was as mellow as the wine, soft and sticky, wrapping around her, making her heart soft, sweet and entangled.
She slowly slid the screen upwards, reading each line one by one.
In their conversations, Zhou Jianxing always seemed to be more proactive, enthusiastically and tirelessly sharing everything in her world.
Her responses were often brief, sometimes even perfunctory.
During the four months when she resolutely left and was completely absent, what was Zhou Jianxing doing? What kind of life did he lead?
Her finger hovered over the spot on the WeChat interface that showed the entrance to Zhou Jianxing's circle of friends, and she struggled internally for a long time.
In the end, the lonely courage brought by alcohol prevailed.
Anyway, she is half drunk now, her mind is not clear, and she can't distinguish between virtual and reality.
No matter what she saw, she would just think of it as a dream. When she woke up tomorrow morning, the sun would rise as usual, and the dream would naturally disappear.
Just like the nightmares she had been having over and over again in the past few months - she always dreamed of Zhou Jianxing's wedding, and dreamed of Zhou Jianxing wearing a white wedding dress, or walking towards another man with an obvious pregnant belly and a shy and gentle smile on her face.
She woke up from such heart-wrenching dreams countless times, covered in cold sweat, and then realized belatedly that this was just the projection of her deepest fear during sleep.
She clicked on Zhou Jianxing’s circle of friends.
The next second, she held her breath and froze in her chair.
The pinned post is indeed about a wedding.
The groom was indeed the man in the photo she found in Zhou Jianxing's closet.
But the bride was not Zhou Jianxing.
The bride was a petite girl with an unfamiliar face. She was wearing a white wedding dress, with an unconcealable smile of happiness on her face. She nestled in the groom's arms like a little bird.
Zhou Jianxing appeared in the front of the camera, wearing a proper bridesmaid dress, with the background being the vast blue sky and green lawn.
She still smiled brightly at the camera, her eyes curved into crescents, her smile was as bright as the hottest sunlight at noon in midsummer, her eyes looked pure and clean, like an innocent little deer.
It seems like nothing has changed, yet it seems like everything has changed.
Looking closely, her cheeks had become thinner, and even the outline of her cheekbones began to become more prominent.
Wen Lingyi couldn't see clearly from the car window and the distance during the day. But now, with the clear image captured by her phone camera, she suddenly realized that Zhou Jianxing was not as heartless and unharmed as she had thought.
She is only in her twenties, which is the time when collagen is abundant.
The text of that circle of friends is:
My best friend is finally getting married! Throw out the flowers! Wishing this newlywed couple a long and happy marriage!
The comment section below is very lively and filled with various blessings.
"99!"
"Brother Jie is happy!"
"A talented man and a beautiful woman!"
"You must be happy!"
Zhou Jianxing responded to almost every blessing in a lively tone.
The only thing he didn't reply to was the half-joking follow-up question: "Xingxing, when can I expect your wedding?"
The light from the phone screen reflected on Wen Lingyi's face, and her expression froze.
It was deep winter outside, the sky was gray and gloomy, the camphor trees were covered with withered branches, and the air blowing through the cold wind was so dry that it made my skin flaky and my nasal cavity dry.
But without warning, a torrential downpour, typical of summer, began to fall within her heart, hammering fiercely at her heart, soaking every corner of it.
It turns out...it's not Zhou Jianxing who is getting married.
When people suddenly realize that something they have always believed in is so absurd, they can't help but laugh out loud.
Wen Lingyi's heart wept in the rainstorm, but a twisted smile appeared on her face. As she smiled, tears rolled down without warning, dripping onto the cold screen of her phone.
Was fate playing a trick on her? How could it be so ridiculous?
She wiped away the tears on the screen with her fingers and continued to scroll down, browsing Zhou Jianxing's circle of friends over the past few months.
She wanted to see what she had missed during the time she had been shutting herself away, drowning in anger and sadness.
Zhou Jianxing’s circle of friends is still the same as before, and he is keen on sharing his trivial and ordinary daily life.
Most of the content is still her flowers and plants, but unlike in the past, every photo is no longer carefully adjusted with lighting and the best angle.
Today's photos are taken more casually, even a little blurry, and the accompanying text is just a simple record, as bland as a diary.
Occasionally, there are a few work photos interspersed.
It is usually the complex structure inside an electrical appliance, or a repaired machine.
The accompanying text is usually: Master Xiao Zhou is also working hard today! Thank you to all the bosses for your trust and support!
Followed by three emojis of fists or handshakes.
When her finger slid to a certain photo, Wen Lingyi stopped suddenly.
It was a close-up photo of a hand.
The background is a messy workbench, with various scattered repair tools and scattered traces of black oil.
Zhou Jianxing stretched out his five fingers. His fingers and the backs of his hands were covered with fine metal debris and dried black engine oil. There were several small, scabbed wounds on his skin.
But what was even more shocking than these wounds was that the pair of hands, which once had distinct joints but were still plump, had now become extremely thin. The purple blood vessels and tendons on the back of the hands were abnormally prominent, winding and coiling, like ugly worms attached to the back of the hands.
The caption is simple: The hands of working people.
Followed by three grinning emojis.
Wen Lingyi had carefully looked at and stroked these hands countless times.
They are not particularly soft, and the knuckles are a bit bony, but the palms are of normal thickness and feel warm and solid in the hands.
But now, the hands in the photo are so thin that they are almost shapeless.
If the hands had not lost weight to a certain extent, how could they have become like this?
Zhou Jianxing must have had a rough time these past few months. Very rough.
Wen Lingyi subconsciously raised her hand and held it under the light.
Her hands were still delicate, white and soft. On the back of her hands, a few light blue blood vessels lurked quietly beneath the skin, rising and falling gently with her pulse.
She couldn't bear to read any further, her chest felt stuffy, but she forced herself to suppress her surging emotions and continued to scroll.
There were no suspicious men or ambiguous women.
In Zhou Jianxing's circle of friends, there are only traces of her daily life of following the rules and working hard.
There was no sad literature, no sentimental breakup speeches. It was only about a week after his breakup with Wen Lingyi that Zhou Jianxing gradually resumed his regular updates on his WeChat Moments.
Wen Lingyi returned to the top of her circle of friends and looked at the face with a bright smile but obviously thinner. She suddenly realized clearly that she seemed to have really missed Zhou Jianxing.
The rainstorm in her heart was getting heavier and heavier, and the big raindrops hit her heart heavily, making her feel cold and painful.
The tears kept rolling down my face and couldn't stop.
This was the first time in the past few months since her breakup that she cried not because she felt wronged and sad for herself, but for Zhou Jianxing.
The truth behind the matter was more cruel and painful than the "truth" she thought and believed in.
So, there was no man she had imagined, and no betrayal she firmly believed in.
What about the two missing condoms?
She noticed some contradictions. If Zhou Jianxing really betrayed her, why did he carefully put that ring with extraordinary meaning on her finger on the rooftop shortly before they broke up?
What about Zhou Jianxing? Has Zhou Jianxing gotten over that pain? Is he ready to start a new story with that cheongsam-wearing woman who was behaving so intimately in front of the flower shop?
Thinking of that scene, Wen Lingyi's heart felt like it was pierced by thousands of fine needles at the same time, and the pain was so severe that she could hardly breathe.
In this world, there is probably nothing that makes people feel more regretful and powerless than missing out due to misunderstanding and stubbornness.
I could have written a very long story, but I stopped writing halfway.
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