moth to a flame
Sealing the Heart and Locking the Love: "What if the one you love only likes to be the 1st one?"
Wen Lingyi felt it necessary to completely extinguish Zhou Jianxing's desire to be No. 1.
She can solve it by herself and doesn't need Zhou Jianxing's "service".
Xingxing: "If she doesn't like it, forget it..."
Xingxing: "As long as I can be with her, anything is fine."
As long as Wen Lingyi is willing to let her get close and accept her existence, he will let her do anything.
If Wen Lingyi doesn't like being touched by her or doesn't like her to take the initiative, then she will be willing and obedient to be the one being asked for.
As long as I can stay with Wen Lingyi, the form doesn't matter.
·
Wen Lingyi, who was on the other end of the phone, felt as if her heart was suddenly stabbed when she heard the words "Anything is fine".
A faint, stinging feeling of self-blame and guilt surged up again.
From beginning to end, it was a carefully planned hunting game.
It was she who tried every possible means to create ambiguity, it was she who guided and hinted step by step under the disguise of "sealing the heart and locking the love", it was she who took advantage of Zhou Jianxing's innocence and desire, and finally coaxed her into her bed.
She was like a patient hunter, setting a gentle trap and watching the ignorant little beasts step into it step by step.
There has never been fairness between her and Zhou Jianxing. There was only her deliberate planning and Zhou Jianxing's unreserved delivery.
Wen Lingyi even... hoped that Zhou Jianxing would not be so obedient and submissive.
The more Zhou Jianxing acted like he was obsessed with her, the more he was willing to lower himself and sacrifice himself for her, the more clear and sharp the indescribable...heartache in her heart became.
If one day, when Zhou Jianxing knew that behind all this tenderness, consideration and affection, it was all just her game, her toying with her, and she had never been sincere at all... how sad would that fool who came in so foolishly with a sincere heart be?
When they break up...can she really bear it?
This thought made Wen Lingyi feel flustered and irritated, to the point that she could no longer continue to play the role of "sealing her heart and locking her love" to face Zhou Jianxing's feelings that were so pure that they made her feel guilty.
Feng Xin Suo Ai: "Well, go to bed early and don't think too much."
She ended the conversation almost hastily, as if fleeing a crime scene.
·
After closing the blue winking software, Zhou Jianxing put his phone next to his pillow and prepared to go to sleep.
However, night is always the time when thoughts are most active.
The wave of ecstasy that almost overflowed during the day was gradually receding, revealing the wet sand underneath, and confusion and uneasiness began to grow quietly.
Worrying about gains and losses is often because once we have truly gained something, we are more afraid of losing it.
When she was unsure of Wen Lingyi's feelings before, she was just suffering from unrequited love.
Now that Wen Lingyi seems to like her and is willing to be with her, she has fallen into deeper anxiety - how long can this love last?
Zhou Jianxing began to recall every detail of last night and this morning over and over again in the darkness, like ruminating.
Wen Lingyi’s gentleness and thoughtfulness... everything is so beautiful.
But a cold fact suddenly emerged clearly.
From beginning to end, even during the tender moments of physical contact when both of them could not contain their emotions, Wen Lingyi never said "I like" her.
Not even once.
So, did Wen Lingyi really like her? Was that tenderness, that response, because he liked her? Or was it just physical attraction?
Or is "liking" just her own wishful thinking and over-interpretation illusion?
What is their current relationship like?
·
More realistic and serious problems also surfaced and could not be avoided.
Wen Lingyi is married. Although she says her marriage is in name only, as long as the marriage lasts, their relationship will never be exposed.
What should she do? Advise Wen Lingyi to divorce? Then be with him openly? What if Wen Lingyi disagrees?
Wen Lingyi must have her reasons for choosing to maintain this marriage.
Maybe it was due to conflicts of interest, family pressure, or maybe she herself wasn't ready to completely cut it off...
Zhou Jianxing didn't dare to ask, and was afraid to know the answer.
When you like someone, you naturally want to have her all to yourself. She really wants Wen Lingyi to be hers alone.
But how should she bring this up to Wen Lingyi?
So, should he continue like this? Should he maintain this secretive, immoral, and taboo relationship with Wen Lingyi?
When this question was clearly presented in front of him, Zhou Jianxing gave the answer in his mind without any hesitation.
She will continue.
No matter how abnormal this relationship is, or how unacceptable it is to the world, as long as Wen Lingyi doesn't say "I don't want her", as long as Wen Lingyi is still willing to let her stay by his side, she will never leave on her own initiative.
She didn't know how long Wen Lingyi's "willingness" would last. Maybe tomorrow, maybe next month, maybe... But at least at this moment, Wen Lingyi was "willing".
But for Zhou Jianxing, this is enough.
Anyway, the most inappropriate thing has already been done, and the bottom line has long been broken.
What will the future hold? She didn't want to think about it, nor did she dare to think deeply about it. She only vaguely held a trace of almost tragic thought: no matter what, she would face it with Wen Lingyi.
However, deep in Zhou Jianxing's heart, he still had a humble request.
She hoped Wen Lingyi liked her.
It didn't have to be as deep and painful as her love for Wen Lingyi. Just...a little bit of love for Zhou Jianxing would be enough.
Just a little bit is fine.
·
Zhou Jianxing left in such a hurry this morning and was so immersed in the tenderness given by Wen Lingyi that he didn't have time, or rather, he didn't dare to confirm the most important question.
What did everything that happened between them last night mean to Wen Lingyi?
She was afraid to hear the cold answer, such as - "one-night stand".
Luckily, Wen Lingyi liked her Moments post and even shared a selfie with the star-shaped hairpin. This must be some kind of special response, right? Wen Lingyi must...like her, too, right?
The more Zhou Jianxing thought about it, the more awake he became, and he had no desire to sleep at all.
She couldn't help but pick up her phone again, opened WeChat, and entered Wen Lingyi's circle of friends.
The selfie with the star hairpin is still lying there quietly, with no comments below it.
Previously, there were many replies from Wen Lingyi in a business tone under her circle of friends.
Does this mean that this photo was really only sent to her?
Otherwise, why would Wen Lingyi wear that star hairpin? She had never seen Wen Lingyi wear any headdress before.
·
Zhou Jianxing exited the circle of friends, and with a mixed feeling of nervousness and anticipation, she clicked into the chat box with Wen Lingyi.
My fingertips hovered above the input box, but I couldn't type a single word for a long time.
How should she call Wen Lingyi?
"Mrs. Wen"? This name made her throat tight and she couldn't say it out loud.
"Lingyi"? Wen Lingyi had explicitly forbidden her to call her that.
"Sister"? That sounded even stranger, with a hint of something taboo.
"Baby"? It was too corny, even she couldn't stand it.
Calling her "Wen Lingyi" directly? It feels too rude and too blunt.
"Boss Wen"? She remembered that Boss Chen called him that.
Did Wen Lingyi and I have a working relationship? It seemed... okay to call it that?
But would it seem too distant, too businesslike?
"Dear"? It seems better than "baby", but still a bit corny.
"Dear"? This title makes her look like a customer service representative.
She struggled for a long time and felt like all her brain cells were dying.
In the end, it seems that only the distant title "Premier Wen" can be used. Although it is distant, at least it can't be wrong.
But... she could secretly change Wen Lingyi's WeChat note to "girlfriend".
Thinking of this, Zhou Jianxing couldn't help but curl the corners of his mouth again.
Xingxing: "Mr. Wen, have you rested?"
I clicked send. My heart started to lift again.
·
Wen Lingyi was also experiencing a bit of insomnia. She was leaning restlessly against the headboard, about to check the time on her phone when a message from Zhou Jianxing popped up. Seeing the address "President Wen," she frowned, but clicked on it anyway.
Girlfriend: "No. Why aren't you resting yet so late?"
When Zhou Jianxing saw the message from his "girlfriend" on the screen, he stared at the phone screen and laughed foolishly for a long time.
Xingxing: "I just want to ask you..."
Xingxing: "What is our relationship now?"
She mustered up her courage and finally asked the question that had been lingering in her mind and keeping her tossing and turning.
Wen Lingyi on the other side of the screen frowned immediately when she saw this question.
What’s the relationship?
Is it necessary to define this thing so clearly?
She instinctively resisted and did not want to establish any clear, committed relationship with Zhou Jianxing.
Friends with benefits relationship?
This answer is closest to Wen Lingyi's inner definition.
But she knew that once she said this answer, the little fool would probably collapse on the spot.
She rubbed her brows irritably and threw the question back.
Girlfriend: "What kind of relationship do you want us to have?"
Zhou Jianxing looked at the question thrown back at him and fell into a brief state of speechlessness.
Her idea is actually very simple and pure. She wants to fall in love with Wen Lingyi, so they should be in a romantic relationship.
But for some reason, she just couldn't calmly type the words "romantic relationship" in the message input box.
Although she was learning to deceive herself, she still felt guilty.
Girlfriend: "Don't think too much, just be with me."
Wen Lingyi also felt guilty. Seeing that there was no reply from the other party for a long time, she quickly sent a comforting message.
Why does Zhou Jianxing think so much? Thinking too much will only bring pain.
·
Zhou Jianxing stared at the message sent by Wen Lingyi on the screen and fell into deep thought.
Don't think too much? It seems so. What kind of legitimate relationship could she have with a married woman?
Even if Wen Lingyi personally confirmed that they were in a relationship, it would be fake.
At most, it can only be considered a lover relationship.
Xingxing: "So are we together now?"
Even if the relationship cannot be confirmed, the status can always be confirmed, right?
Wen Lingyi looked at this question and was silent for a few seconds.
Girlfriend: "Of course."
Since Zhou Jianxing wants to be with her so much, then let them be together.
Anyway, at this moment, she was indeed enjoying Zhou Jianxing's complete infatuation, enjoying the ambiguity and pulling in the erotic game, and enjoying the pleasure brought by this new stimulation...
When Zhou Jianxing saw the word "of course", his heart felt like it was soaked in warm honey.
But it was not enough. She had not yet gotten the answer she wanted to know most.
She held her breath, her fingertips trembling slightly as she asked the crucial question.
Xingxing: "Do you like me too?"
The moment the message was sent successfully, she suddenly locked the phone screen as if she was burned, and her eyes were instantly plunged into darkness.
She didn't dare look at the screen, afraid of seeing any negative, perfunctory, or other heartbreaking answers.
Time seemed to freeze. A few seconds later, the phone's breathing light flickered—a new message.
Zhou Jianxing struggled for a moment, but still clicked on it.
In the chat box, there were only two short and clear words.
Girlfriend: "I like it."
Well, as long as he has this answer, Zhou Jianxing will not leave Wen Lingyi no matter what.
She is willing to continue on this path until the day Wen Lingyi tells her to stop.
She got the response she wanted and could go to sleep peacefully.
Star: "(▽`) Good night"
Xingxing: "Wish my Premier Wen a sweet dream"
·
Wait, Mr. Wen? What the hell is that? It felt incredibly strange, as if Zhou Jianxing were a subordinate being exploited by her, a sense of some unethical workplace transaction.
But she also didn't want Zhou Jianxing to call her "Lingyi", that would be too intimate.
She didn't want to become so close to Zhou Jianxing. On the contrary, she wanted Zhou Jianxing to always remember that she was a married woman and not sink completely.
There is no future for the two of them.
Maybe she was just thinking too much. When the novelty and passion faded, Zhou Jianxing might get bored faster than she did. Zhou Jianxing's love came so fiercely and so quickly, and it would only fade away faster.
She did not reply to Zhou Jianxing's good night.
Her finger remained on the screen, but her eyes were staring into space without focus.
Does she like Zhou Jianxing too? Her reply is “yes”.
What about her heart? Besides liking Zhou Jianxing's beautiful young body, liking the freshness and excitement she brought, and liking the control she brought from her complete dependence and infatuation...
Does she like Zhou Jianxing?
Do you like her silly earnestness? Her humble obedience? Her reckless devotion, like a moth to a flame?
Wen Lingyi lit a cigarette, and in the smoke, her eyes were complicated and confused.
Even she herself couldn't find a clear answer to this question at the moment.
Her blurry silhouette was reflected on the window glass, like a lonely face wandering on the edge of the abyss.
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