Chapter 473: Other Young Men 4
Hearing Ning Wanshuang mentioning that her true feelings were misplaced, Xiao Jingheng was at a loss for a moment.
He thought of his past self, who longed so much for love and to be loved, but in the end, what he asked for was not at all what others wanted.
He smiled sadly and sighed:
“People are always pursuing love and self-realization in their lives. If one of them is unattainable, they will be more persistent in wanting to grasp the other.
I have been seeking love since I was young but have not been able to get it, so I have long focused all my thoughts on how to become a crown prince and a wise ruler. I want everyone in the world to bow down before me, and I... don't want to be looked down upon anymore."
He looked out the window.
Looking at the new rain that dyed the high red walls blood red, he suddenly felt that they were like a pool of blood flooding in, ready to swallow him and drown him.
The women in the palace often said that once they entered the palace, it was like entering a deep ocean, and this square sky trapped them for the rest of their lives.
And being at the center of the vortex of power, isn't he also trapped in it?
After all, the imperial power he pursued throughout his life only trapped him from one cage into another.
And this cage is commonly known as desire.
Xiao Jingheng said quietly, "My biological mother was jealous and domineering. She killed concubines and heirs, and was despised by the late emperor and sentenced to death. The late emperor rejected my mother, and I was also disliked by the late emperor.
I always remember that when I was nine years old, I followed the late emperor to the hunting grounds in autumn. At that time, I fell off the horse and broke my right leg. The pain was excruciating. But the late emperor just glanced at me from his horse, said coldly, "Useless", and then took my fourth brother and others to hunt. "
When mentioning this forgotten past, Jamel Xiao was as fragile as a child, his voice gradually weakened, and he choked up a little.
"I will never forget the way he looked at me at that time. It was so cold and disgusting, as if he was hoping that I was not his son."
He closed his eyes tightly, forcing the moisture flowing into his eye sockets to stop.
When I opened my eyes again, they were filled with desolate gray.
"And the Queen Mother. She treated me very well, so much so that I always felt that she really treated me as her own flesh and blood. But one day, when the late emperor was chatting with the Queen Mother, I happened to hear her say to the late emperor, 'Jing Heng is too thoughtful. With his personality, he is really not fit to be the crown prince. Even Jing Lian and Jing Xuan are much better than him.'
It was only then that I realized that all her kindness to me was just superficial. She would let the fourth child practice martial arts on rainy days and let me stay in the palace to rest, saying that she was afraid that I would get sick from the rain.
When I was reading by candlelight at night, she would bring me milk with a soothing drink and let me drink it and go to sleep early, worried that I would be too tired and hurt myself. But she let the fourth child study until dawn, not allowing him to slack off for a moment...
I know that the fourth son is her biological son who has high hopes for her, and I am just a remnant of a "demon concubine". In her eyes, she has been very good to me by giving me food and clothes. In return, I must become a qualified decoration, a decoration that can only set off the fourth son's excellence.
I understood a truth at that time: after my mother died, no one in this world would love me anymore, and all those who loved me were plotting against me. "
His voice was getting weaker and weaker, so that even though Ning Wanshuang was very close to him, she had to distinguish some of his words carefully to hear them clearly.
"So... I don't want to give sincerity to others anymore, nor do I expect anyone to be sincere to me. What I want to do is to climb to the highest position step by step. I have always believed that as long as I become the Son of Heaven, no one in this world will disobey me or look down on me. Moreover, it is lonely at the top, and those in power are lonely. I don't need love at all. But there are also accidents."
Xiao Jingheng withdrew his gaze from the window and slowly fell on Ning Wanshuang's face.
Just like when they first met each other, their smiles were pure and without any impurities.
"Unexpectedly, I met you. It was you who made me realize that I was worthy of being loved wholeheartedly. Unfortunately, at that time, I had no way back. Your father and brother knew the secret of how I got the throne, so they had to die..."
"It's too late... It's all too late..." Xiao Jingheng shook his head in despair. Suddenly, he tightly grasped Ning Wanshuang's hand and asked in a tone that had never appeared in his mouth before, almost pleading:
"If there is an afterlife, I will be born into an ordinary family. Wan'er, can you fulfill your wish..."
He was too embarrassed to say the following words.
Ning Wanshuang just watched him quietly, watched him cough up blood, watched him go crazy, and watched him laugh.
"I know that I have hurt you too much, and you don't want to have anything to do with me anymore. I have caused you so much suffering in this life, but what I have been obsessed with is finally coming true..."
He lowered his head and fixed his gaze on the black jade ring on his right thumb.
This ring was the only gift given to him by the late emperor, and it was also an ornament he had never taken off in the past ten years.
At this moment, Xiao Jingheng gently stroked the ring.
His movements slowed down little by little, and his breathing slowed down little by little, as if he had fallen asleep normally.
Only when he was completely still did Ning Wanshuang lean over and lean on his chest.
The familiar and powerful heartbeat in the past is now strangely quiet.
She slowly lowered her eyes, tears flowing out uncontrollably, and she murmured something without a beginning or an end,
"Wan'er...I am willing."
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