Chapter 111 As long as he is by my side, it's fine. "Please don't...
"Please don't joke about this... Please don't tease me with this kind of thing."
Remiel's voice sounded again, even hoarser than before. His palms were still pressed tightly on my shoulders, his knuckles were white, and the force seemed to crush bones. His beautiful eyes were full of fear, anxiety, and even a hint of imperceptible pleading.
His pale lips trembled, as if he was holding back something, even though his throat was no longer able to make a complete sound.
I know, it's not anger.
This is fear.
I lowered my eyes, avoiding looking at him. My voice was soft and weak: "Do you remember when we were lying on the floor together, resting around the stove? There was too little firewood, and it was not warm no matter how much we burned. When I couldn't sleep, you would tell me a good night story, telling me that I wouldn't be sleepy as long as I fell asleep..."
In that small house, our memories are stored.
In the spring, Remiel would bring flowers from outside to show me. He would pick up a piece of wood, chisel out a hole, and carefully insert the flowers. He would then place the wood filled with flowers on my desk, bringing the smell of spring to my seriously ill sister. He would also place a sachet filled with green grass next to my pillow, making my dreams refreshing and sweet.
The cottage was stuffy and hot in the summer. I had to fetch cool water constantly. There was an old well at the entrance of the alley, and two buckets were sold for one copper coin. Therefore, young Remiel would go to the moat to fetch water more often. He would apply a towel soaked in well water to his body to cool himself down in his sleep. Sometimes it was too hot, so he would put a basin of cool water at the foot of the bed and put his feet in it when he woke up from the heat. The only drawback was that it would wet the sheets, but fortunately the high temperature would dry them out quickly.
Autumn is our favorite season, when everything is harvested and the price of vegetables will drop a lot. This is a rare season for us to store food, and we can dry or pickle the excess food for the whole winter. When winter comes, Remiel will go out less frequently. A poor family will do their best to pay for the medicine of one person, and if he is also sick, they will not be able to support him at all. The two of them sat by the fire, listening to the interesting stories told by Remiel, and spent another sleepy winter day together.
Remiel's eyes trembled violently, like a bird with an arrow piercing its wings, flapping its wings in panic, but unable to find a place to land. His breathing was chaotic and rapid, and his chest rose and fell with his violent heartbeat. The force of his fingertips seemed to pull me out of reality, and his eyes wandered over my face, trying to find even the slightest flaw, the slightest trace of a lie.
I could only look at him in silence, as the long river of time passed between us. The boy had grown into a tall and handsome knight, but I was no longer the girl who snuggled in his arms, waiting for her brother to bring her today's surprise.
"Why……"
Remiel grasped his arms unconsciously, as if he was struggling with his own beliefs.
"If...if all this is fake, then what about the past years? Those sufferings, those hardships, those--"
"It's all true." I whispered.
Remiel's body froze.
The scabbed wounds were hidden under the armor, and there were too many things attached to this body. From the first time I came to the Holy City, I knew that Remiel had sacrificed a lot for his sister.
He was born in a humble family and suffered the ridicule and contempt of many noble knights. He relied on bravery and sacrifice to get to where he is today. His only wish was to heal his sister, and he went through hardships to achieve this.
His throat rolled, and his lips trembled slightly, as if he wanted to say something, but in the end he only uttered a barely audible sound. His hands slowly loosened, and finally fell weakly to his side.
The shaggy hair on his forehead covered his blue eyes, and the corners of his mouth trembled slightly, as if he was trying to hold on to something. He stood there like a drowning man who finally gave up struggling and let his body sink into the bottomless sea.
After a long time, he spoke slowly and with difficulty: "...You are her."
He did not use a question, but rather a way of confirming the fact. His voice was dry, like a branch frozen in the snow.
I nodded; "It's me."
The air seemed to freeze for a moment.
Remiel took a deep breath, and his fists slowly tightened, his nails almost digging into his palms. His eyes were slightly red, but he tried hard not to let the tears fall.
"Then...then why...didn't you tell me earlier?" He raised his head and looked straight into my eyes, as if trying to find the answer in my expression.
Tangled, complicated, full of depression and confusion, it is almost hard for me to speak, and every word is as heavy as a thousand pounds.
"Because... I'm scared."
Remiel's shoulders jerked, and he repeated in disbelief: "Scared?"
"I'm afraid you won't be able to accept it, afraid you'll collapse because of it... I'm even more afraid that I won't be able to be the one you protect anymore." I smiled bitterly, my voice so soft that it seemed to melt into the air. Deception is painful, but that's because taking a step back is the abyss. "I'm afraid if I tell you the truth, you'll hate me."
In that dark cage, I met Remiel for the first time. He was in a mess and covered in blood. I witnessed too much afterwards: his embarrassment, pride, desolation, gentleness, and kindness. In the player forum, the popularity of this knight commander has always been in the second tier. Players have different opinions about him, but there is a summary in the comment area that is always pinned to the top: At the moment when everyone is paying attention, Remiel is always willing to be the one sitting on the side of the road and applauding others.
He was silent because of his gentleness, and forgiving because of his consideration. It was so hard for me to imagine being hated by him, and I didn't want him to hate me.
How can winter take back its glory for someone alone?
Remiel was stunned. He looked at me for a long time, as if he was seeing me clearly for the first time.
"Honestly, I have never thought about this question. My life has always revolved around my sister. Since my parents died when I was a child, I have been raising my sister alone. Until she fell asleep due to illness... Countless nights, I held the hilt of the sword tightly, telling myself that as long as I persevere, I will wait for a miracle one day..."
The miracle came as promised, but not in the way he expected. Instead, it came in a weirder and more bizarre way.
Remiel's fingertips trembled slightly, and his body shook slightly, as if he was torn apart at the junction of reality and virtuality. Before I could think, I had already grabbed his hands. His hands were as cold as ice. The mixed emotions made it difficult to distinguish whether I should be angry or sad, and even the qualifications to question seemed weak. I held his hands, and regret and remorse rushed out. However, the blond knight finally just closed his eyes and exhaled deeply.
When he opened his eyes again, the pain and struggle in those eyes had disappeared, replaced by a deep sense of relief.
"……I see."
His voice was low, but unusually calm.
"Aren't you... angry?"
I was stunned for a moment. I didn't expect him to accept it so quickly. Remiel smiled slightly, a smile that was a little self-deprecating, but also revealed an indescribable tenderness.
"Why should I be angry?" he said. "If all this is not my 'life', then I don't need to be obsessed with what is real and what is illusory. You know? Before this, I also used to be resentful. I wondered why I had to carry bags alone at the port, endure the ostracism and insults all day, and the money I got could only buy two pieces of black bread. This fucking world only targets the poor, and my sister is so young but suffers from illness."
It was the first time I heard a curse word from Remiel, and for a moment I thought I had misheard. But he just sighed softly, with a hint of relief in his voice: "At least, you didn't lie to me on purpose. And you're finally willing to tell me the truth."
The young knight looked down at his palms. The thick calluses from holding the sword, the scars from the battles, the marks carved in the search for a way to heal his sister... His eyes softened, as if he saw through those memories, the irreplaceable days of the past. The arc of his eyelashes was as familiar as the past. Then, he raised his head and looked at me gently: "Since you are her, then... can you promise me one thing?"
I held my breath and nodded vigorously. Let alone one thing, even if he asked me to do a thousand things now and wanted to hold the world in my hands, I would agree without hesitation.
Remiel looked at me seriously and said, "Please heal her in this world."
My heart suddenly tightened, and then it was ironed and melted, becoming limp beyond recognition.
He didn’t say “heal my sister”, he said “heal her”.
He already understood that [she] was no longer the girl lying on the hospital bed, no longer the target he desperately protected. But he still hoped that I could give [sister] a true ending in this world.
He felt no blame, no hatred, and not even despair.
He just—accepted it.
My heart was filled with an indescribable emotion, and my nose was slightly sour. If he was angry, questioning, or hysterical, any of them would be better than the gentleness he was now. I thought of the rabbit again at an inappropriate time. Soft fur, warm body temperature. It always looks fluffy and soft. But it was obviously me who did something wrong, so he could be more wanton and angry. But he only gave me gentleness.
"……good."
I nodded solemnly, afraid of disturbing something. Those memories swirled between us, silent but deafening. On that shabby street covered with snow, he carried me slowly through the deserted alley. Now we are face to face again, and finally tell the truth of that day. The sunlight shines through the gaps between the leaves, casting butterfly-like shadows. Fragmented flashes across our faces. The voice slowly flows out, gathers into a cyclone, and flows out from between the lips and teeth.
Remiel smiled, as if he had finally taken off all the burdens on his shoulders. At this time, he looked a little younger, no longer so mature, but touched my head like a brother.
"Let's go back. Sean and the others are still waiting for us. They must be getting impatient. You've been out for so long, and you must be tired. I'll get you something to eat. What do you want? Elves prefer vegetable salads, but you prefer sweet and sour food, right? The weather is very hot, how about a cold dish?"
The knight took my hand and led me to the other side of the road. Our warm fingers intertwined, and the armor rubbed slightly with the movement. He talked about the other people's affairs while I was away, and was concerned about my situation outside. The nagging voice flooded into my ears, and the mastermind Remiel whispered: "Now, are you still afraid?"
...Of course not.
I answered him silently in my heart. I suddenly realized that the Knight Commander was no longer just an NPC in the game, nor was he just an AI that existed for me. Apart from the identities he was given, he had already gained more here.
Breathing, life, the meaning, rights and purpose of existence.
The seeds planted at the beginning quietly grew into towering trees. The boy in the slums will grow up, and the optical brain will gradually learn human emotions. Maybe at the beginning, he really appeared for me. But after going through so much, that fair and reliable knight who is trusted by others; that supporter who always silently gives to everyone; that brother who fought all his life to save his sister.
I quietly held his hand. The blond knight tilted his head slightly and smiled at me with his eyes curved. The sunlight was incredibly clear and gentle, so I thought, forget it, it doesn't matter if it's an NPC, an artificial intelligence, or anything else.
As long as he is by my side.
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