Chapter 46: I feel bad, I’m stuck again! * …
*
Pushing aside those complicated memories, I saw a bird flying towards me.
Its wings are pure white, reminiscent of transparent crystal. It is simply a beautiful work of art.
As if guiding me, the little bird flew forward, directing me to follow.
I naturally accepted its invitation and walked forward behind it. The silence gradually faded from my ears, replaced by the rustling sound of the wind.
The wind blew past my ears softly, reminding me of the songs sung by the lake fairies.
It is said that lake fairies have the most beautiful singing voices in the world, comparable to mermaids. Whenever they see a human they like, they will rise from the lake and sing a moving ballad for them. This is called the fairy's praise.
And I have proved it with experience. I have heard the songs of the lake fairies countless times in the long time. They laughed and played in front of me, their transparent skirts swung in circles, and their songs were exquisite and beautiful.
I don't know when the bird disappeared. Even without its guidance, I continued to move forward out of curiosity until I saw the endless red.
The bright red color invaded the vision, as if someone had spilled paint, or like a silent and heavy curtain, piling up layer by layer, spreading out bright colors.
It was not until I got closer that I realized it was an endless sea of flowers. Each flower stretched out its soft double petals, and the bright red flowed in my vision.
And at the end, there stood a figure.
His long golden hair fell to his ankles, swaying gently in the wind. He was wearing a pure white robe, except for the dried blood on his sleeves, which almost blended in with the sea of flowers.
My eyes fell on the owner of this dream. He raised his head slightly and looked at me, his eyes calm and peaceful. The young Son of God had a calm expression, which was completely different from the ignorance in my memory and the immaturity when we met. His little face was full of indifference.
"We meet again, my God."
I lowered my eyes to look at him. The little believer was no longer as embarrassed as when we first met, and he had no reason to continue pretending.
I nodded to him and said in a good-tempered manner: "I'm sorry, I seem to have disturbed your sleep."
"Nothing. I knew you would come to me sooner or later. You wanted to ask about the Knight Commander, right?"
His attitude was strange, not pious towards God. Although he called me "my God", he did not show me the proper respect.
However, I don't care about this little problem.
After reading his memories, I realized that An's biggest problem was that he had no respect for the gods. The reason he chose to trust me was probably because I could fulfill his wishes.
There is no doubt that An is a smart child. Seeing that I didn't say anything, he smiled slightly, his blue eyes were like the ocean. But I know that his heart is far from being as gentle and pure as his appearance.
"As you can see, I deliberately cooperated with those dark believers. I only wanted to find an opportunity to commit suicide in order to escape from the Church of Light. Finding you was also part of my plan. I'm sorry, I didn't have the corresponding faith but used tricks to enter this sand dune, which offended your dignity."
Before I could say anything, he actively admitted his mistake without giving me a chance to speak.
Although I didn't mean to blame him, I still felt a little upset. Was I such a god in his eyes? I hadn't reached the point of embarrassing a child.
"Forget about that. You should know that I have already read your memory, so there is no need to say anything more."
"I know you've seen enough of my past. But there's still something you don't know, right?"
The cheap believer tilted his head and smiled mischievously, showing a rare lively air that suited his age.
"I know you want to ask me why I do this, and the answer is simple: I'm tired of it."
Even though he said such radical words, he still had a faint smile on his face. An's voice was very light, without any emotion. It was like a blank sheet of paper.
"My God, I have been thinking about one thing. Why do people live?"
"In this short life, I didn't find any meaning to live. In this case, death doesn't seem to be such a bad decision. I think I do feel guilty. The Knight Commander is a very good person. Without him, I wouldn't be here today. If I were to choose one person to live, the person I want to protect the most would be the Knight Commander."
"But you still took advantage of him."
I said this calmly and objectively. An smiled, and his expression surprisingly seemed a little innocent.
"Yes, I used him. If the Knight Commander hadn't helped me, I wouldn't have been able to leave the church so smoothly. His strength was enough to make others let down their guard. I deliberately created an illusion for them that as long as the Knight Commander was protecting me, I would be fine. Even such a powerful man couldn't read people's hearts. He probably didn't know that the person he was protecting was of such a character. Otherwise, he would definitely be very sad."
"The Knight Commander has been looking for you. He has suffered a lot for you."
"I am very grateful to him. If possible, I hope we will never meet, because if I am given another chance, I will make the same decision, but I may be a very bad person to him."
"The Knight Commander has been very good to me. He is the best person to me. I am very grateful to him, but I am tired of these things."
"My birth was a mistake. If I had a choice, I would rather not be some damned child of the church. They think I don't know how lucky I am, but no one has ever asked me what I think!"
"Since I was born, that man has been committed to making me a perfect sacrifice to God. In his eyes, I am the incarnation of God, the body of God walking on earth, but I am not his son!"
The blond child's expression became agitated, losing his previous calmness and composure. The hatred that burst out from his eyes pierced the bone marrow, making people dare not look directly at him.
Peel off the plain shell, revealing the painful flesh and blood inside. It is not good for people to just smile, the wound will rot in an invisible place until it becomes a poison that the owner cannot detect.
I stared into his eyes and saw confusion in them. Perhaps even the cheap believer himself didn't realize that he was asking for help.
To all those who might see his despair, to himself, to God, and to his lingering fate.
The pain in those eyes was not false. When people are too desperate, they can only rely on prayer. Pray for some extraordinary power to come and break the deadlock they are facing. Pray for the sacred things to satisfy their inner desires and realize their unfulfilled wishes.
So what is your wish?
God's eyes have the power to see through everything. Even if he doesn't say it, I have already seen through everything. I didn't continue to dwell on this topic, but asked calmly: "If you are given another chance, what kind of life would you choose?"
This question made An stunned. He blinked slightly and seemed to really start thinking. The golden hair swayed like a tail with his movements, attracting people's attention. After an unknown amount of time, the child finally gave an answer.
"...If I were given another chance, I wouldn't want to be born as a god incarnate. I want to live an ordinary life."
"I want to be born in an ordinary family with ordinary parents. I don't need glory, nor do I need everyone to love me. I just hope there is someone who chooses me from the beginning and will never let me go."
He was silent for a while, and then he looked up at me, his expression more serious than ever before.
"My Lord God, if even this is a luxury, then what is the meaning of the existence of this world? If I cannot be happy, then why was I born into this world?"
The wind passed between us, and bright red petals fluttered all over the hills, as if they were made of blood.
The gentle melody is still echoing. I finally remembered what song it is. It is the final song of the soul.
The melody played at the end of life will reflect what the other person has been pursuing all his life. Warriors will blow loud trumpets, and musicians will play beautiful divine music. But for the blond child in front of him, what he has been looking for in his short life is very simple.
——He wants a home.
The blond child looked up at me, his expression mixed with complex piety for the first time. He looked at me, but also seemed to be looking at somewhere in the void. His tone was tired, which was inconsistent with his appearance.
It’s like a traveler who finally reaches his destination in the desert after a long journey, only to find that the oasis never existed from the beginning.
"In the teachings of the Church of Light, we are all children of God. We came into this world to shoulder certain responsibilities and became the people of the Lord of Light. Some people are destined to spread the glory of God, and some are born to be excellent warriors. What about me?"
His voice sounded like a sigh, but it was far more painful than a sigh, and even more desperate than a lament.
He said: "I was not born into this world to experience pain."
*
Why are we born?
This is a very popular philosophical question. I guess everyone will think about it actively or passively when they reach a certain age. The only difference is the answer.
Of course I can tell him: "Your pain is meaningless. You are just an NPC born in the game world and exists for the players. Even if you die, the optical computer will choose a suitable replacement - such as me to take your place. Your story is only to increase the fun of the players' game. The optical computer can create countless you in seconds."
To players, we are just imaginary game NPCs.
But for us, pain is real.
Even though our memories were set by the light brain, I still couldn't pretend to answer with ease: "Rest in peace, everything about you will be ended by me. Under God's care, you will have eternal peace."
He knew it was a lie, and so did I.
So I could only remain silent for a long time, until the light in the child's eyes faded away little by little, leaving only sticky sadness and despair.
I sighed as well and reached out to touch his head. The soft golden hair slid through my fingers, bringing a slightly itchy touch. I softened my tone and gazed into his eyes tenderly.
"Human beings are born in pain. From the moment a baby is born, he lets out his first cry, as if venting his fear of the world. In the years to come, there will be many more moments when he can't help crying."
This passage was recorded in my teachings. My followers believe that life is a kind of suffering, and only death is salvation. They trudged through the wilderness of life, just to reach the oasis of death, holding up the fountain of rest while shedding tears, and gaining peace and comfort in this life.
“But before that, one must go through one difficulty after another, only then can one stand at the end of life and look back and say, ‘I have no regrets in my life.’”
In his life, there will be countless moments of pain to the point of wanting to die, and countless moments of happiness to the point of crying. This is something that death cannot bring.
Only when people are alive can they experience the joy of life and understand the majesty of death.
Only those who know how to cherish life will fear death. If the cheap believer were still alive, I wouldn't mind spending a lot of time talking about this, but he is dead.
So the story ends here, and whatever comes next is no longer important.
I looked at him and Ann looked at me.
The gentle singing passed through our ears, and I knew that every word I said next was important.
Even if he is just a virtual NPC, why can't he be happy?
For players, and even for highly intelligent NPCs, we all know that this is just a fake game.
Players get happiness through games, but we are set up like this, everyone just does a job, and if we don’t do it well, we will be scolded by the boss above us.
We read the gossip in the player forums, talk about interesting things that happened recently, and laugh at the embarrassing things that happened to our rivals. Our lives are so boring.
All the stories of fratricide, life-and-death love, and you kill me and I kill you will become boring after knowing that this is work. After all, few people will really invest their true feelings in their work, right?
But for ordinary NPCs who have no idea of the truth, they may have been thinking about such questions throughout their lives.
Why can't I be happy?
No one did anything wrong. The optical computer is to maintain the normal operation of this world, the players are there to enjoy entertainment, and we just don't want to become victims of the plot.
"If you really feel tired, just leave it all to me."
Hearing what I said, the blond child widened his eyes slightly, as if he had heard something incredible.
I said, "I can fulfill your destiny for you. Just give me everything you have, and then you don't have to worry about it anymore. You can sleep forever, give up this identity completely, or live as a new person and live the ordinary life you long for."
"From today on, An's fate has nothing to do with you. You can have a brand new life. At least you will be happy enough in this life."
"As for the rest, I'll do it for you."
The child looked at me in confusion, his expression wavering: "...Can I really do this? Am I qualified?"
"Of course, I am a god. Since you made a wish to me, then I will fulfill your wish."
Don't worry, Knight Commander. I will make it up to him.
Don't worry about your responsibilities, I will do it for you.
You just need to do what you want to do, you just need to be happy.
When people fall into extreme difficulties and feel powerless to deal with reality, they will seek the arrival of something extraordinary.
For example, accidents, for example, gods.
Listening to people's wishes and fulfilling their wishes is the duty of the gods. We collect the price and give the corresponding results.
At my words, An's eyes lit up, as if they were filled with twinkling stars. For the first time, he looked so alive in front of me.
"Thank you, thank you so much. I have heard about the God of Death. It is said that you hold the power of death and can eliminate everything in the world. My wish is simple. I used to hope to live an ordinary life, but now I don't care about that anymore."
"I know I have done a lot of excessive things. I don't deserve redemption or happiness. But even so, I have my own selfish desires... This is a wish that only you can fulfill."
Those blue eyes looked straight at me, pleading earnestly: "If those records are true, if you really have such incredible power. Please, please let me die forever and never come to this world again."
"Even if it would kill you completely?"
"I couldn't ask for more."
After a long silence, I put my right hand on his head.
The touch of the soul was like a piece of ice, seeping up through my fingertips. He looked at me pleadingly, his eyes full of desire.
Dead souls, wailing people.
Those who want to sleep here forever.
I lowered my eyes to look at him and asked softly, "Are you willing to give up everything?"
The child looked up at me, his eyes pure and innocent: "I have nothing, I am willing to give everything for eternal peace."
Scarlet threads rose from his soul, weaving gorgeous patterns. The cheap believer closed his eyes. What was he thinking at this moment?
A chaotic stream of memories flowed through his mind. His father's strict reprimand, his cold words at the last second. The Knight Commander smiled down at him, his golden hair gleaming in the sunlight.
He used to walk on the streets, giving aid to those in need. Those believers chanted the glorious name devoutly and thanked him sincerely for coming.
He once knelt before the sacred statue, letting the light shine on his cheeks. Perhaps for a moment, he really felt peace.
At the very end, I saw his last second of memory.
Those are the bright red flowers swaying beside the Kashgar River.
The black-robed Grim Reaper stood on the dilapidated wooden boat and glanced from afar.
He said, “Do you know where this is?”
This is the kingdom of the dead, the home of rest.
It is also his burial place.
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