Chapter 137 I Can't Let You Go
"Xihe, please keep this hairpin for me and give it to me when we return to Beijing." Zhao Jinyuan handed the wrapped hairpin to Xihe and motioned her to put it away.
Xihe asked in return: "This is for my virtuous mother, why am I keeping it?"
"The border has been unstable recently, with Beili and Beimo causing a lot of disturbances. I have to deal with them occasionally, and it's easy to lose it if I carry it with me."
Beili and Beimo were quiet for a few days before they started to make moves again, mostly harassing each other but not launching large-scale attacks. I don't know why.
Xihe nodded and put the hairpin away. "Okay, then second brother, remember to ask me for it when the time comes. I'm afraid I'll forget."
Half a minute later, his men came to report that Beimo had disturbed the border again. Zhao Jinyuan's face changed and he hurried to deal with it. Only Xihe was left wandering around the street bored.
"master."
A soft call came from behind, Xihe turned around and said with a smile: "Qingyuan, what's the matter?"
This time, the journey was long and arduous, so Xihe brought Qingyuan with him to do the work.
Qing Yuan looked around and quietly slipped a note to Xihe, "Master, here's the news from the front."
Xihe was stunned for a moment, unfolded the note in his hand, and after reading it for a long while, he suddenly laughed, "Greed is insatiable, like a snake swallowing an elephant. Those idiots in Beimo didn't even realize they were being used as a raft, and they're still rushing to get themselves killed."
"What should we do now? Should we send someone down..."
"No rush." Xihe looked towards the restaurant next to him and said, "You haven't eaten yet, right?"
Qing Yuan was confused, "Not yet."
"Let's go and have dinner~" A flame appeared on Xihe's fingertips hidden in his sleeves, and the note disappeared instantly without a trace.
The two ordered a few dishes, but Xihe didn't pick up his chopsticks.
"Master, don't you want to eat?" Qing Yuan has been staying with Xihe for many years. He has long been accustomed to his master's unreasonable behavior, but he couldn't help asking.
"No hurry, wait for someone." Xihe was as leisurely as if he was strolling in the garden. He leaned against the window, poured a cup of tea, and sipped it.
Qingyuan was confused until she saw Xiao Mingxuan pushing the door open.
She wanted to chase him out, but unexpectedly Xihe beside her smiled faintly, "You really haven't come out."
Xiao Mingxuan walked in, staring at Xihe intently, as if he couldn't get enough of her. "Did you know this restaurant was mine?"
Xihe waved her hand and let Qingyuan leave. "Not too early, about a quarter of an hour ago."
"Oh? What did the store reveal?" Xiao Mingxuan became interested and leaned against the windowsill, sitting face to face with the little girl.
"It's not the store that exposed something, it's this store that exposed something." Xihe looked down at the tea in the cup and suddenly felt no interest in drinking it. She poured it into the flowerpot beside her, "Begonia."
She suddenly looked up at Xiao Mingxuan and said, "Not many people know that I like crabapple flowers, and you are one of them."
This store has the shadow of Haitang everywhere. If it hadn't been intentional, it wouldn't be like this.
Xiao Mingxuan did not refute, but smiled and said nothing, which was considered as his agreement.
"When... did you start doing this?" There was also a crabapple pattern engraved on the window sill. Xihe gently stroked the petals with her fingertips and asked.
"It's quite early." Recalling the past, Xiao Mingxuan felt a little sentimental. "I used to think that since the princess was here, you would come to see her sooner or later. If you saw this restaurant, you might not be so angry anymore."
Crabapple trees can be seen everywhere, blooming on the border covered with yellow sand.
That was the apology and love that Xiao Mingxuan had hidden for many years.
Xihe chuckled softly, "Is this a request for peace?"
The two of them are so close yet so far away that it's hard to explain.
"Yes, it's a request for peace." Xiao Mingxuan suddenly said seriously, "You walked into this restaurant and ordered this table of dishes. Does that count as agreeing to my request?"
Xihe's heart, which had been calm for many years, began to surge again, her chest felt a little more sour, and a terrible idea suddenly came to her mind.
She wanted to indulge herself and sink into the beautiful dream she had been thinking about for thousands of days and nights.
Even if it's only for a moment, it's enough to savor for the rest of your life.
"You didn't say this two days ago. Why are you saying this today?" Xihe raised her head, trying not to let the tears fall.
That day under the pavilion, the two of them had a tacit understanding.
But after a few days, the situation returned to a tangled mess.
"Because I can't bear to." When the army was approaching and Beili brought the news, Xiao Mingxuan thought about giving up Xihe and letting go of his obsession for many years, but the thought only appeared for a moment before he rejected it.
Whenever he thought about having to spend the rest of his life alone, and whenever he thought about his little girl getting married and having children in Tianshuo, his heart felt as if it was being cooked by fire and he felt restless.
"Xihe, I can't let go. Can you really let go as you said that day?"
Xihe stared at the flower, transfixed, unable to look away for a long moment. She considered scraping the patterns off the petals, but ultimately gave up with a sigh. "I can't let you go. These past few nights, I often dream of our days in the palace. When we were in Jiangnan, I've asked myself countless times, if I could do it all over again, would I have killed you from the very beginning to eliminate any future trouble?"
"So what answer did you get?" Xiao Mingxuan asked, holding the cup with his head down. If you looked closely, you would notice that his fingers holding the cup were trembling slightly.
"I can't do it." Xihe was deflated and took a deep breath, as if she had unloaded a huge burden and faced her suppressed heart. "You didn't do anything back then. Why should I hurt you when you were still so young?"
Then he continued, "Sometimes I feel that the word 'love' is the most confusing thing in the world. There are too many unsolvable knots between you and me. Your mother and clansmen, my parents and brothers and sisters. They are all things that cannot be crossed and cannot be ignored. But..."
Xihe suddenly smiled at Xiao Mingxuan, with a hint of affection in her eyes, "But... we can't really cut off our feelings. We are like the wild grass that grows all over the sky. When the wind blows, it grows all over again, and it continues to grow."
Xiao Mingxuan didn't say anything. He looked up and saw the peach blossom wine that had been prepared on the table. He opened the lid, tilted his head back and took a big gulp. It tasted so fresh and spicy that it made his eyes red.
"Then what do you want me to do?" Xiao Mingxuan felt like the heavens were playing a huge joke on him. A restaurant gave him a little more hope for a turnaround, but revealing it would send him back into hell. "I can't let you go, and you can't let me go. We can't go back to the past we long for, and we can't let go of the present."
Xiao Mingxuan often missed their days in Tianshuo. Although life in Mingyue Palace was miserable, with the little girl's company every day, he always felt that there was hope for the future.
Now he holds great power and the Beili royal family is under his control, but he only feels that the years are long and every day is so hard to endure. He can't see the end of an alley even if he walks into the dark.
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