Chapter 81 Unending (Synopsis) "If what I desire now..."
Shi Wan's wrist was gripped painfully, and she looked at him in alarm, "You..." The blade pierced her skin, and she even heard some terrifying cutting sounds.
But she could only utter one word before she could no longer speak.
Unaware that the bloodstains near his heart were gushing out, Jiang Xu used the pulling force to bring the two of them infinitely closer.
An unsteady breath, mixed with an even stronger stench of blood, sprayed onto her face. "Speak up, don't you hate me? Is this all the strength you have?" After speaking, he glanced at her trembling hands and chuckled.
It seems that this aligns with his thinking.
Making soup for him was merely a temporary measure; the only thing truly imbued with genuine affection was probably this "amulet."
I was thinking of leaving myself a way out, but I never considered...
he.
Shi Wan was unaware of Jiang Xu's inner turmoil. She only felt that the man in front of her had a chilling gaze, and she was also worried about encountering the humiliation she had suffered in the past few days again. Her thoughts were in disarray, and she was on the verge of collapse.
A few days ago, Jiang Xu went too far, putting shackles on her feet and doing that kind of thing... What about today?
This time...
It's almost October, an autumn night.
The cold moonlight shines through the window lattice, the beaded curtain sways gently, and wisps of smoke curl from the desk.
On the bed, Jiang Xu's body temperature was even lower. The short blade was still inside his body, and it must have been coated with poison. At this moment, his vision was already a little dizzy, and his body was also a little weak.
He looked up and quietly gazed at Shi Wan.
The intense emotions surging in the man's eyes slowly subsided, transforming into a deep, almost suffocating gloom and hatred. After an unknown amount of time, he tugged at the corners of his lips, revealing a smile that was more painful than crying.
Her voice was so soft it sounded like a sigh, but upon closer listening, it carried an indescribable, twisted pain: "...Shi Wan."
"You're so heartless." After saying that, before Shi Wan could react, he pushed her away, quickly stood up, and all the emotions surging in his eyes—the gloom, the madness, and even the slightest bit of eerie pain—vanished completely in an instant.
When Shi Wan tried to help him up, she looked closely and saw only a chill in Jiang Xu's eyes. She was frozen in place by that look, reaching out unconsciously, but dared not continue to move forward recklessly.
Jiang Xu abruptly slapped away her outstretched hand, his movement carrying a hint of disgust for the first time. "Heh..." The violent swinging aggravated the wound, and instantly, the bright red blood gushed out from his chest, but Jiang Xu seemed oblivious.
He didn't look at her again, his face expressionless and his movements slightly slow. He propped himself up, moved off the bed, and exuded a cold and hard aura.
The inner garment clung stickily to his body. Jiang Xu casually picked up the outer robe draped over a screen and hastily put it on to cover up the shocking bloodstains.
Despite the seemingly ordinary action, Shi Wan suddenly had a premonition.
Jiang Xu is leaving.
It's not just about leaving this bedroom, it's about... leaving her.
For a moment, her mind went blank. A few awkward feelings and an urge to stop her welled up inside her. Her fingers clenched and trembled several times, but in the end, she remained silent.
She had her reasons for making this choice; she... could never stay by his side.
This is the right choice she should make.
But why...?
Why did it feel like an invisible hand had suddenly gripped her heart? She couldn't tell if it was hatred, fear, or something else entirely.
Shi Wan blinked slowly, burying her head in the sand, ignoring Jiang Xu's actions, and quietly touched her chest.
Why...? Didn't she hate Jiang Xu? Then why was her mind in such turmoil as she watched the dark red stains spreading across his robes?
She knew the dagger was poisoned, and Jiang Xu... must have known too, so why...?
Why did he...?
In an instant, all the hatred, scheming, fear, worry, and other emotions swirled in her mind, becoming somewhat blurred. Her body acted before reason, driving her to speak in a trembling voice, "You...your injury..."
Her beautiful voice, as melodious as a nightingale's song, was now hoarse, sounding extremely urgent and panicked.
Jiang Xu had already reached the door when he heard this. He paused slightly, but without turning around, he said, "You don't need to do this." He sounded as if he was being very kind and worried.
After he finished speaking, he paused deliberately for a moment. The scene in front of him became even more blurry. Jiang Xu took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down.
The room was deathly silent. After a long while, Jiang Xu spoke very slowly and in an extremely cold voice, devoid of any emotion. If you listened closely, he was even more indifferent than when the two first met, "Weren't you the one who started all of this?"
Shi Wan was speechless, her face turning even paler.
As she looked away, the man slowly turned most of his face to the side. He seemed unwilling to turn his head to look at her again. The few remaining candles in the room outlined his sinister features, and his eyes were like poison, piercing straight at her.
Why pretend to be innocent?
Jiang Xu scoffed, his expression one of utter weariness and disdain. "You're walking on thin ice, but how am I comfortable either?"
"You're tired of acting, and I'm tired of it too."
A moment later, Jiang Xu called her again, but "Shi Wan" no longer had any of the complex emotions she had before; only a chilling coldness and aloofness remained in her voice.
"You'd better watch yourself."
After speaking, she didn't linger, abruptly pushing open the door and striding out. The October night wind rushed in, making Shi Wan feel a chill.
She stared intently at the doorway. As soon as Jiang Xu stepped out of the room, he quickly disappeared into the long, dark passageway without looking back.
......
*
Time flies by in the blink of an eye. Under the eaves, golden osmanthus leaves fall softly all over the stone steps, and a gust of wind blows them away in an instant.
After their falling out, Jiang Xu never came to see her again, but the number of guards outside her bedroom increased.
Shi Wan stayed quietly for several days, during which time she tried to inquire about Jiang Xu's injuries, but unfortunately, the people guarding her were all Jiang Xu's personal guards, and they all kept their mouths shut and did not reveal a single word.
Life went on as usual, and the only certainty was that Jiang Xu was still "okay" for the time being. Although she didn't know what method he had used, Shi Wan still subconsciously breathed a sigh of relief.
On October 22nd, she finally found an opportunity to speak with Jia Yun again. Jia Yun had obviously also heard about Jiang Xu's poisoning, and when she came, her eyes were filled with barely suppressed joy. "Miss, this servant congratulates you on avenging your great enemy!"
Although he failed to defeat the enemy in one strike, Jia Yun was not surprised. The Prince of Jingbei had many talented people under his command, and it was quite possible that he would encounter a few with superb medical skills. What surprised her more was his treatment of Shi Wan.
The assassination attempt was real, yet he managed to escape unscathed and be kept in custody with good food and drink. This is extremely rare, or perhaps... it's the only one of its kind.
This also means that their empress might still have other opportunities.
Thinking of this, Jia Yun's smile became even more genuine. Noticing Shi Wan's rather haggard appearance, she asked with concern, "Are you... alright?"
"Thank you for your concern." Shi Wan glanced at Jia Yun, her eyes flickering slightly, and gave a bitter smile. "I know you're worried about me and want to know how I survived... right?"
Seeing that she brought up the important matter so quickly, Jia Yun's smile froze, and she immediately nodded, "The Imperial Concubine specifically ordered me to find out the situation as soon as possible, but the guards have been very strict these past few days, and I haven't been able to find an opportunity. Please don't be offended."
"This servant thought that Prince Jingbei... wasn't such a magnanimous person, how could..." Jia Yun said worriedly, "This servant has already informed the Noble Consort, and is just waiting to switch the prince with a cat to rescue you, thank goodness."
Upon hearing this, Shi Wan was suddenly taken aback.
A raccoon dog... replacing the crown prince? Her thoughts cleared instantly, her eyelashes fluttered, and after a few breaths she found her voice, slightly choked as she said, "After all, you are Mother's person, so I won't hide it from you."
"I was able to escape unscathed this time entirely because of something I got from Jiang Xu earlier."
Seeing her composed demeanor and even addressing the Prince of Jingbei by his given name, Jia Yun paused, then a surge of joy welled up within her. She glanced at him, forcing a smile, and asked, "What... what is it?"
However, Shi Wan avoided answering and instead brought up another topic, "This matter is not urgent. I have something I am curious about and I was hoping you could answer it for me."
She continued, "Shouldn't Mother have given you this order to get rid of me?" She smiled gently, as if joking, and asked doubtfully, "How... would it be to save me?"
"What...what are you saying!" Jia Yun was caught off guard by the question, and a few traces of panic flashed in her eyes. "The Imperial Concubine is your birth mother, how could she possibly harm you?"
You're overthinking it!
Shi Wan stared intently at the person in front of her, then suddenly blurted out, "Whether it's overthinking or just wild imagination, we all know the truth. There's no need to pretend." After saying that, she paused subtly for a couple of breaths.
Fortunately, Jia Yun was taken aback by her sudden change in attitude and was so focused on explaining that she didn't notice that Jia Yun was distracted.
"Young lady, you..."
"I have a deal to make. Want to do it?" Before she could continue, Shi Wan gently stroked the black ribbon hanging around her neck and interrupted, "After it's done, this is yours."
Jia Yun was taken aback, her gaze instinctively following the ribbon as it led inwards to a plaque-like object. A sudden realization struck her: "It's... a token?"
Seeing that Shi Wan remained noncommittal, he instantly dropped his feigned composure, his expression becoming calmer. "This..."
Seeing that Shi Wan was full of confidence and not only did she not urge him, but she was also calm and composed, Jia Yun thought of her master's instructions and then pretended to be reluctant and said, "Okay, what kind of deal is it?"
"A switcheroo." Shi Wan looked up at her and asked in return, "With your power, you should be able to create an accident to help me escape, right?" Her tone was extremely certain.
After a moment, seeing the other party nod in agreement, she loosened her unconsciously clenched fingers under the hem of her wide coat and smiled.
"Well... it's a pleasure to work with you."
*
That night, having put her mind at ease, Shi Wan felt sleepy before midnight. However, she developed a high fever in the latter half of the night, after many days.
When the maid on night watch found her, she was already delirious, curled up on the bed, her face flushed red.
After consulting with the guards outside the secret passage, the army doctor was soon summoned. Shi Wan had her face and body carefully wiped by several maids and was feeling a little better. Her gaze lingered on the two army doctors who had arrived for a moment before turning back to what was behind them.
A moment later, the gate was shut tight, and no one else came.
Shi Wan calmly withdrew her gaze and listened quietly to the two people's diagnosis.
Across from him, a military doctor said, "Your illness is caused by a sudden onset of anger. You've been suppressing it for a long time, and now that you've relaxed your guard, your illness has struck like a landslide."
Upon hearing this, the other person nodded in agreement, saying, "Yes, you are in poor health. It took you more than half a year to recover. You are feeling much better now. You must not worry too much, otherwise... if this continues, it may affect your lifespan!"
"Your fever is caused by emotional distress and an old ailment."
The two talked back and forth, and Shi Wan listened quietly before saying, "Thank you for troubling you two gentlemen to prepare a dose of medicine for me."
Seeing the two men hurriedly waving their hands and saying they dared not, she paused for a moment before casually asking, "Your Majesty... what have you been busy with lately? Do you two know?"
To everyone's surprise, the question caused everyone around to lower their heads and remain silent. The two military doctors stood frozen in place, looking at each other in bewilderment.
Seeing this, Shi Wan understood immediately, and tears welled up in her eyes as she made to cry. At this moment, one of them immediately said, "Don't be sad! Your health is the most important thing!"
“Your Majesty…” The man glanced at his colleague, and after a long while, he made up his mind and said, “Your Majesty will soon travel to Luoyang to personally lead the army on the battlefield.”
Upon hearing this, Shi Wan's pretentious demeanor faltered for a moment, and she almost doubted whether she had misheard.
Jiang Xu is leaving? To Luoyang? After... she almost killed him?
A tremendous and inexplicable panic swept over her again, even more intensely than the high fever on her forehead. The dull pain in her chest was even more severe. Shi Wan didn't even have time to think about the source of this panic.
Is it fear of losing this "support", or worry about "Jiang Xu", or... seeing that the "enemy" might be injured again on the battlefield and die a fatal death?
Feeling weak and sore all over, Shi Wan tried her best to control her facial expression and asked, "How...how is the King's injury?"
After waiting for two breaths, no one answered this time.
Shi Wan's tone was bitter. "Your injuries haven't healed yet, have they?" Her voice gradually became hoarse, whether from illness or intense emotional turmoil, it was hard to tell. She suddenly propped herself up on the bed and stood up. "Where are the clothes that the King sent earlier? There's a peach-colored one. Find it for me quickly!"
Seeing that the maid wanted to step forward to help her up and stop her, Shi Wan's expression turned cold, and she said, "Give it to me."
"Don't make me repeat myself."
The crowd exchanged bewildered glances, puzzled. A few of the more astute among them guessed the reason and dared not show their faces. The King had been ignoring this woman for nearly ten days, but those with a modicum of sense knew that, despite this, they could not be negligent. They had no choice but to follow Shi Wan's orders and hurriedly fetch the peach-colored dress.
The peach-pink ruqun (a type of traditional Chinese dress) was embroidered with intricate intertwined floral patterns in gold thread, and the hem was adorned with jade beads that shone like pearls, trailing gracefully on the ground, exuding extreme luxury.
Shi Wan had her maids help her change into the clothes, and then quickly combed her hair into a regular bun. The medicine was still being decocted, and because of all the commotion, her vision became even more blurry. The high temperature triggered a series of chain reactions, and her tender skin seemed to be uncomfortable from being bound by the clothes. The shackles on her ankles, which had been worn for several days, were now hidden under the hem of her skirt, and every step she took was accompanied by a slight creak and a sharp pain.
One of the military doctors, along with the guards outside the door, went to report. After Shi Wan finished dressing and hastily drank the medicine that had been brought to her, she went straight to Jiang Xu under the guidance of another military doctor.
After a long while, a brightly lit place finally came into view.
It was already late afternoon, and the sky was dark. The guards at the door recognized her and quickly retreated to the sides to open the door.
Suddenly, a crack opened towards Shi Wan, and the warm, bright light inside the room shone onto her skirt. She went inside, where Jiang Xu had been waiting for a long time.
He got up, walked over step by step, and then stopped some distance away from her.
Dressed in a black casual suit, his face was pale, and there were still faint traces of bandages visible on his chest. Seeing Shi Wan's flushed face and listless state, Jiang Xu's gaze was icy, without the slightest emotion. "What are you up to now?"
He glanced up and down, and when Shi Wan met Jiang Xu's gaze, she felt even more pain in her chest. She couldn't explain why, but she instinctively raised her head and tried to focus her vision. She was dizzy and in so much pain that she almost curled up.
She couldn't quite tell the difference.
Subconsciously, she knew she had to do it, whether to express a few feelings or to put the other person at ease so she could extricate herself smoothly in the future.
She was almost lost in thought. After a moment, she bent down, her burning forehead touching the ground. A bone-chilling coldness came over her, bringing Shi Wan back to her senses. She spoke as obediently as possible, clearly saying, "Everything in the past... was my fault."
It was as if they were meeting for the first time, carrying many memories of the past. His voice was a little hoarse due to the fever, and in a daze, it even carried a kind of resolute determination to gamble everything.
"This servant is foolish and ignorant, unrepentant, disobedient... and has deceived Your Majesty." Shi Wan paused slightly, took a deep breath, as if she wanted to pour out all the hatred and resentment between the two of them in the past.
Similarly, it also crushed her own pride, "From this day forward, Your Majesty's wish..."
"That is what I wish for."
After speaking, he was almost exhausted and collapsed to the ground, his body trembling slightly. He felt the gaze from above, just as it had been many times before, containing the meaning of judgment and scrutiny.
All around was deathly silent. Shi Wan could only hear the violent pounding of her heart, which seemed to dispel some of the dull pain in her chest.
After a long silence, the person at the head of the table finally spoke, his voice calm and even, yet the sarcasm within was like a sharp blade, biting and hurtful: "Is that so?"
Shi Wan's heart skipped a beat, and she unconsciously looked up to see Jiang Xu's expression.
The man looked down at me, his lips curved in a cold smile, his dark eyes filled with nothing but desolation and chill.
"If what I desire now..." Jiang Xu approached her step by step, the distance between them shortening again. His words, each one clear and cruel, fell into her ears.
Shattering the lingering, daydreaming hope in her heart, "Is it to tell you to die?"
-----------------------
Author's Note: The promised long, satisfying chapter is here! [shy]
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