Chapter 91 Resentment "Have you ever felt even the slightest bit of regret...?"
Jiang Xu's calm expression suddenly became more vivid because of Shi Wan's glance, like raindrops falling into a lake, creating ripples that spread outwards. But upon closer inspection, it seemed as if some emotion had reached its peak and was on the verge of getting out of control.
Shi Wan was startled and subconsciously lowered the edge of the umbrella. Before she could react further, Jiang Xu whipped his horse and scooped her up with his long arm, lifting her onto the horse's back.
The air was filled with flying catkins, the chill penetrating to the bone. Yet, at this moment, Shi Wan was pressed tightly against the man's burning chest, completely shielding her from the cold. She was wrapped up tightly, and as the horse galloped, the force binding her waist grew stronger and stronger.
"You...!" Shi Wan felt a sharp pain in her waist from the man's merciless actions and scolded, "Let go!" As she spoke, she tried to pry his hands off.
A sense of panic, as if her freedom was about to be taken away, swirled in her heart. Shi Wan used all her strength this time, but Jiang Xu only increased his speed without saying a word.
More than two years later, upon hearing her voice again, he found it difficult to articulate his true feelings. A bittersweet mix of resentment and pain surged forth, carried by the cold wind, and crashed into their ears.
"You seem quite at ease."
His tone was ambiguous, making it difficult to discern his true feelings, but the deepest emotion in his words was clearly resentment.
Listen closely, and you can hear a hint of gritted teeth and hatred.
Jiang Xu suddenly spurred the horse's belly, and the horse, in pain, took off like lightning. Shi Wan was already terrified, and now, all she could see were the houses on both sides rushing past, blurring into a blur of afterimages.
Under the violent jolting, she simply shut her lips. Her stomach was churning, and she felt weak all over. She could only press herself against Jiang Xu.
After an unknown amount of time, they arrived at an inn.
Jiang Xu nimbly dismounted, picked the person up again, and strode into the inner room. Inside, the charcoal fire burned brightly, and the air was filled with the faint fragrance of winter plum blossoms.
Upon seeing this, the waiting guards immediately lit lamps, nodded, and withdrew.
The room fell silent for a moment.
Both of them were covered in the chill of the outside air. Shi Wan's eyelashes trembled slightly as she huddled motionless. After a while, she saw Jiang Xu casually throw away his cloak, as if he was about to head towards the bed. Only then did she panic and struggle to say, "Put me down!"
He slammed his elbows backward and kicked wildly with his legs, but all of this was in vain in the face of absolute power.
The next moment, Shi Wan was stripped of her outer garment and thrown onto the soft quilt.
She instinctively wrapped herself in the blanket and got up to look. What she saw was Jiang Xu with eyes almost popping out of their sockets. His dark eyes made her afraid to meet his gaze. The frost on his body had melted away in the warmth of the room, turning into water droplets that fell to the ground.
The man was tall and strong, and Shi Wan was completely enveloped by his dark figure, causing her to unconsciously shrink back a couple of times.
But for Jiang Xu, such behavior was undoubtedly adding fuel to the fire.
She was avoiding him.
Now that things have come to this, she's actually avoiding him?
Hasn't she hidden enough?
Coming to his senses, Jiang Xu suddenly stepped forward, ignoring Shi Wan's subtle lack of cooperation, and pulled her over, restraining her flailing body with one hand while tearing at her clothes with the other.
"what you do?!"
"Jiang Xu, let go!!"
With a tearing sound, accompanied by the cracking of Buang, the pale red birthmark on the woman's left shoulder became clearly visible.
More than two years ago, Shi Wan died in a fire. The only things that could identify her, besides her figure, the things she wore, and the shackles on her ankles, were the birthmark on her left shoulder.
A faint red mark, resembling a flower stamen, adorned the snow-white skin. Jiang Xu had seen this birthmark during a previous argument between the two, and after sleeping together several times since, he certainly wouldn't mistake it now.
Jiang Xu couldn't help but gently stroke this spot, and after a moment, he almost burst into tears.
It really was her.
Thank goodness it was her.
If it were anyone else... Thinking of the several private visits he had made over the past two years, Jiang Xu's throat tightened, and his voice became hoarse, "...Why?"
Why did you lie to me?
Substituting one thing for another, shedding one's skin like a cicada, and then so heartlessly leaving. For nearly a thousand days and nights, Jiang Xu felt as if his heart was being gnawed by ants whenever he thought of the scene of flames raging that night.
He had imagined many scenarios of the two of them meeting again. As if to verify this, his hand pressed tightly against Shi Wan's exposed skin, almost as if he were pinching her. Only when Jiang Xu himself felt the pain did he suddenly relax his strength a little.
But the force still felt like it was going to crush Shi Wan's bones to pieces.
The pain and suffocation of the past year surged up all at once, and her ankle seemed to be hurting again. Thinking of this, she said coldly, "Such a reckless act by a noble person late at night may disturb my family."
Family? She actually referred to those random women she occasionally encountered on the street as "family"?
"They are your family, then who are you?"
"Now that things have come to this..." Jiang Xu's breathing became heavier as he spoke, but he swallowed it back after a few breaths. His hand still held the same force that wanted to crush her, and his eyes were filled with even more ruthlessness. He said, "Shi Wan, are you still unwilling to tell me the truth?"
He had probably been suppressing his emotions to the extreme, and every word poured out seemed to unleash the grievances and resentments of the past thousand days and nights: "That day, the house suddenly caught fire. When I arrived, the body was burned beyond recognition, and there were traces of kerosene everywhere inside. On the ankle of the woman's corpse was the necklace I had personally made for you..."
He stared at the remains all night, almost weeping blood.
He couldn't believe that Shi Wan was really dead.
Jiang Xu's tone was as if he were recalling something, but upon closer listening, it trembled slightly, "I didn't believe you were dead, so I sought out eminent monks and Taoist priests from all over the country, set up rituals, and chanted sutras day and night. I even..."
They even burned those ridiculous talismans, believed the excuses of those charlatans, and tried every means to hope that even a wisp of a soul could return.
But no.
There was nothing there.
The carved window lattice was covered with paper, casting a cool light from outside that contrasted with the candlelight filling the room. The shadows of the two people were stretched into long lines and gradually merged into one.
Jiang Xu couldn't help but lean down and press his face against hers, like a dog expressing its loyalty to its owner. But his tone was filled with undisguised hatred, like a roar, as he said, word by word, "I've tried everything."
Later on, he only dared to try, ask, and investigate in private.
He knew that Shi Wan had always held him in high regard in terms of both the people and politics. If he lost even this last bit of praise and attraction for her, then he would truly be left with nowhere to turn.
At that time, even if they met on the road to the underworld, Shi Wan would not look at him again.
Shi Wan looked at him, and what she could see was that Jiang Xu's eyes were covered with red veins, indicating that he hadn't slept for a long time. The hatred and resentment in his eyes were almost tangible.
She asked, "What exactly are you trying to say?"
Upon hearing this, Jiang Xu paused, his lips moving slightly.
He once hoped to govern the world well, so that if she were alive, she could live a peaceful life in a secluded corner of the world.
However, when this unrealistic idea actually came true, he felt extremely conflicted.
This means that back then, when he buried that woman's body with the rites due to a principal wife, all that commotion he caused with summoning the spirit and praying for blessings, and even all the digging and self-deceptive searches...
She could know more or less about all of these things if she wanted to.
Can......
Jiang Xu snapped out of his daze, his eyes fixed on her, his voice so soft it was almost imperceptible, as if he were timid. But at this moment, his expression was calmer as he asked, "In these past two years, have you... ever thought of me even once?"
Have you ever...?
"Is there even the slightest bit of regret?"
Shi Wan remained silent, her eyes half-lowered. After a long while, she said in a low voice, "No."
Not even once.
A few words, yet they cut like a knife.
Jiang Xu's heart skipped a beat, and his eyes stung with tears. "Shi Wan, look at me."
If you were looking at me, I wouldn't believe it...
Your eyes are empty.
In their hearts, they will be completely unaware!
"Look at me." Jiang Xu's tone was stubborn, his breathing heavy again, almost relentless. "Look at me!"
"Look at me as I answer!"
Four years of acquaintance, nearly a thousand days and nights, could it be... just his wishful thinking?
She clearly had feelings for him too!
She clearly...
He admitted it himself.
Why, why?!
Jiang Xu forcefully grabbed Shi Wan's chin, forcing her to tilt her head back. The man looked like a madman, and Shi Wan, seeing this, felt a sudden pang of discomfort.
After hesitating for a moment, she softly advised, "You...you don't have to do this."
"You now rule the world, and in less than three years, you have won the hearts of the people. The court will soon be stable and under your control. In the future... history will record your achievements, and you will surely... um."
Jiang Xu suddenly leaned down, grabbed Shi Wan by the back of her neck, preventing her from retreating at all. His tongue pried open her slightly parted teeth as she spoke, and went straight in.
With a force that is almost savage, it entangles and sucks.
The kiss was devoid of tenderness, filled only with frenzy. Yet, in a fleeting moment, it seemed as if this other way was being used to confirm her existence, to confirm that she was still alive.
The intimacy, bordering on abuse, was now a punishment for both of them.
The air was thick and scorching, completely cutting off Shi Wan's breath. She bit down hard, and soon the taste of blood filled her mouth.
A familiar, deliberately forgotten shiver ran down my spine and, in the next instant, spread throughout my body.
For Jiang Xu, the smell of rust was more like a catalyst, constantly tugging at the string of "reason" in his mind, so much so that for a moment, he actually wanted to peel open Shi Wan's heart to take a look.
Otherwise, why should he be the only one tossing and turning in bed, suffering unbearable pain?
By the end of the kiss, he was overcome with grief. After a long while, he pulled back a few feet, his voice a mixture of laughter and tears, "You really are..."
"What a cruel heart."
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Author's Note: Here it comes!! As usual, it's split into two chapters again. I really can't keep up during the weekdays [crying emoji]
I'm going out of town for training early tomorrow morning, so I'll be very busy. I'll probably be writing quite late when I get back. I'll try to update earlier on Friday, or you can check back on Saturday morning. *kissing* [poor face]
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