Chapter 94 Obsession "The wind is strong and the snow is heavy, Your Majesty need not see me off."...
Almost as soon as Jiang Xu finished speaking, the room fell silent; you could hear a pin drop.
The ministers and attendants were speechless for a moment, especially the old imperial physician who had just given advice. He had a lump in his throat, but out of fear, he swallowed his words.
A moment later, a report came from outside the door. It was two of Jiang Xu's personal guards who had quietly gone out to bring the person over from the west wing.
Jiang Xu leaned against the couch, his face pale, but his gaze was fixed on Shi Wan the moment she entered. Most of the people around him were astute enough to know that if they tried to persuade her now, it would be like walking a tightrope, extremely dangerous. The few who were unwilling could only be pulled away by their colleagues.
All irrelevant people have been dismissed, and the room has returned to silence.
Only the two of them remained, gazing at each other from a distance that was neither too close nor too far. One's eyes were filled with complex emotions, while the other remained indifferent and unmoved. They looked at each other in silence.
The atmosphere froze for a moment, a faint smell of medicine filled the air, and only the faint sounds came from the charcoal brazier.
Shi Wan seemed somewhat tired and cut to the chase, saying, "Now that Your Majesty has awakened, may I return home?"
"Go back?" Jiang Xu lowered his eyes first, all his tenderness crushed by that cold look. "You really want to go back that much?"
“Back to… that simple courtyard?” He spoke quite politely, but Shi Wan sensed a hint of discomfort in his voice.
She sneered, "You used to be a man who endured hardship and lived a simple life during military campaigns, and you even ate wild herbs and vegetables. How did you become so neurotic now?"
Does one have to live in a tall, magnificent house with carved beams and painted pillars? She lives just as well in a two-courtyard house, very comfortably and contentedly. Every brick and tile in it was earned by her own hard work.
Jiang Xu's attitude softened slightly after being stung by her words. "That's not what I meant." Seeing that Shi Wan was listening, he continued, "I just think... you deserve better."
Better jewelry and clothing, better food and travel, better housing.
Everything better.
Instead of being stuck in this cramped little village like this.
Although the man hadn't finished speaking, Shi Wan knew him too well. With just one glance, she understood that Jiang Xu probably had never understood.
She shook her head and said, "You can't talk about ice with a summer insect."
After nearly a thousand sleepless nights, all he got in return was this one sentence. Jiang Xu felt a surge of resentment, but he was also careful not to show any dissatisfaction on his face. He simply said softly, "Tell me more, talk to me. How do you know I don't understand?"
He insisted, "I know I was wrong." Seemingly feeling that the words were too weak and would invite ridicule, he paused for two breaths and then began to try to make amends, attempting to recall the past to evoke those past "connections" between the two of them.
So that this invisible bond could tightly bind Shi Wan's wrist and bring her to his side.
"I... will treat you well."
Unfortunately, the effect...
But it backfired.
Upon hearing this, Shi Wan stared at him for an unprecedented amount of time, even managing a smile. "Being nice to me? Does it mean that because of my escape, you're playing cat and mouse, making fun of me and dragging others into it, and then threatening me with torture?"
"It means that they made sarcastic remarks about my voice being worth a fortune, and then insulted me with silver notes."
"Or does it mean... chaining my feet, forcing me into a daze, making me jump off the platform, and ultimately having no choice but to fake my death to escape?"
With each word Shi Wan spoke, Jiang Xu's already pale face grew even paler. His heart ached, and his lips parted slightly before he finally said, "You're turning the tables on me."
She knew perfectly well that... her death in the fire was a taboo subject for both of them, something that could not be mentioned.
Moreover...
He said dryly, "I apologized afterwards. Besides, I made many new clothes for you and bought many new jewelry pieces."
"If you want to read, I'll specially send someone to find books for you. We can go on a holiday trip together, boating on the lake. I'll take good care of you and help you relax. Don't these even count as 'treating you well'?"
Upon hearing this, Shi Wan suddenly recalled the hesitation and occasional attraction she had felt back then, and immediately, a surge of disgust welled up within her.
For Jiang Xu, and even more so for herself.
These messy things, if you really want to count them, are impossible to unravel. Thinking of this, she said coldly, "How dare you even mention these petty favors?"
"Compared to the dirty things you've done, which is more important?" After saying that, he felt it was pointless and said seriously, "Forget it, there's no use talking about it now."
"It's all in the past."
"Now, if you have truly repented and your words and deeds are consistent, then let me go."
"Your Majesty," she said slowly, mimicking Jiang Xu's tone from years ago, "Don't let me look down on you in this matter."
Jiang Xu immediately noticed Shi Wan's deliberately mocking attitude. Seeing that she still remembered the events of that year and had such a clear memory of the details, he felt a mixture of sorrow and joy.
Moreover, she said, in this matter...?
He was taken aback and subconsciously said, "So it seems you think highly of me?" The words left his mouth impulsively, but he hesitated afterward, asking again, "Is that right?"
"Where...is it?"
Shi Wan was speechless, having never expected to punch a cotton ball. However, she knew that this person was extremely stubborn and had asked for her help beforehand, so she simply said, "You are a good manager, and my opening of the soup shop is, to some extent, also thanks to your kindness."
Upon hearing this, Jiang Xu's heart was filled with mixed emotions of joy and worry. Shi Wan's nonchalant attitude was precisely what terrified him the most.
To her, is he now... someone she doesn't care about anymore?
Seeing him dazed, with a mix of emotions flashing in his eyes, and remaining silent for a long time, Shi Wan felt a surge of courage to speak her mind. "You have a choice. If you choose to give up now, everything can be wiped clean."
"I had no choice."
"From the very beginning, when you captured me and made me your maid, to later, without any explanation, I ended up sleeping in the same bed with you. Shouldn't I be considered a concubine?"
Jiang Xu realized the relief in her words, but also felt a hint of anxiety. He immediately asked, "How could that be?"
“My men have always called you ‘Madam,’ how could you be a concubine?” Concubines have always been a derogatory term, and in his eyes, how could she be compared to them?
"Madam?" Seeing his hasty denial, Shi Wan suddenly found it somewhat laughable. "Then you must be Madam."
"They're all just birds kept in captivity, summoned at will and dismissed at will, with no regard for superiors or subordinates." She, however, simply wanted to be a "human being."
It is not a bird, not a flower, not any object, whether living or dead.
Instead, they can live a life of dignity and freedom.
Jiang Xu stared quietly at Shi Wan's expression. Seeing that she really didn't care, he felt a turmoil in his heart. The pain in his chest belatedly spread, making it almost difficult for him to even breathe.
He whispered, "If I let you go, then...?" Can you give me a chance to start over?
He stopped abruptly before he could finish speaking.
Shi Wan looked at him with a calm and indifferent gaze, with a hint of gentleness in her eyes. She looked at him as if she were looking at an ignorant child.
Jiang Xu disliked this feeling, as it made him feel that the invisible "veil" between the two of them had become much thicker. Since the conflict was irreconcilable, the only option was to cut off the tail like a gecko to survive.
If you hold on tighter, it will probably push the person even further away.
"You may leave." Jiang Xu's voice was slightly hoarse. After being hit one after another, the man showed some weakness for the first time. Even the mask he usually wore on his face cracked a little, making him look pitiful and lamentable.
The woman's familiar voice, faint and elusive, like a breeze, drifted past my ears and quickly faded away.
Cold and indifferent, he said, "The wind is strong and the snow is heavy; Your Majesty need not see me off."
......
The palace doors closed, and Shi Wan walked unimpeded. She inhaled the cold air, and after a moment, the many emotions in her heart gradually subsided.
Leaving the inn, a light snow was falling. It was early morning, and the streets were nearly deserted. Shi Wan walked alone, casually finding a rental shop and renting a carriage to return home. Not far away, a few others, hanging at a distance, could only reluctantly return, following the Emperor's orders and watching helplessly as the others departed.
Inside the car, Shi Wan closed her eyes to rest. She hadn't slept well last night, and the sudden encounter with Jiang Xu had left her utterly exhausted.
Last night, she was prepared to perish together with him, and had considered a hundred ways to escape. But now, she was trapped. After much thought, she realized she had reached a dead end. Unexpectedly, he actually... was willing to let go.
Until just now, she had almost stopped looking at him.
He is somewhat outwardly fierce but inwardly weak.
Jiang Xu's face was pale, and he looked like he was about to die. This expression had appeared on Shi Wan's own face many times before. She was very familiar with it. While she felt that he was hateful, she would also feel sorry for him when she saw the pain, struggle, and sobbing in his eyes.
But ultimately, they are not on the same path.
Jiang Xu, now the supreme ruler, has long been accustomed to control and possession. But she no longer wants to be in a cage. She only wants to be in charge, no longer a vassal, no longer dependent on others, and no longer vying for the emperor's favor.
This survival act was a humiliation that disgusted her even more than shackles.
But these...
She no longer needed to say anything to Jiang Xu.
After a brief period of interaction, they eventually went their separate ways.
I just hope... he can really be consistent in his words and deeds and be more sensible.
*
When Shi Wan returned to the familiar courtyard, the gate was ajar. As soon as she pushed the gate open, there was a sudden commotion at the entrance. Then, Cai Yue rushed out and saw that Shi Wan had returned unharmed. She grabbed Shi Wan's hand.
Her voice was choked with sobs, "How are you...?" As someone who knew about what happened back then, she noticed that Shi Wan hadn't returned for a long time last night. After making a few inquiries, she quickly understood the whole story.
Seeing Shi Wan gently shake her head, Cai Yue couldn't help but rub her hand, trying to transfer warmth to her. After a moment, she lowered her voice and said, "When I saw you being taken away, I sensed that things weren't going well, so I immediately sent Tang Yun and Zu Yi away overnight, just as we had discussed before."
“Tang Yun is still young, we can’t involve her. As for Qiao Zuyi… she was involved in that incident back then, it’s not safe for her to stay here.”
Upon hearing this, Shi Wan felt a surge of warmth in her heart. The exhaustion she had endured for so long suddenly found a place to lean on. However, at the same time, staying behind to wait would also carry great risks. Cai Yue was... entrusting her life and fortune to her.
The two walked into the house side by side. The embers in the charcoal brazier were emitting a little warmth. The courtyard was not large, and their living quarters, in particular, contained only some basic items. Shi Wan looked around and her mood became somewhat heavy again.
Since Jiang Xu found this place so quickly, after one night, he must have thoroughly investigated the shop's background, and even every transaction over the past two years.
A similar sense of powerlessness, a suffocating feeling that was hard to shake off no matter where I ran, washed over me again a few years ago.
Shi Wan subconsciously regulated her breathing.
The past is the past.
At least this time...
She has the right to say "no".
And, openly and honestly.
She used her own life as a bargaining chip.
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