Chapter 61 Chapter 61 I Just Want You to Control Me
Qin Run blushed instantly. "No... no, I'm not a young husband. I'm... I'm not a young husband anymore. I'm an old husband."
He is already eighteen years old. In this era when people have children at sixteen or seventeen, his age is indeed not considered young.
"It's not hard for me. I'm very happy to be able to work for you." Qin Run said in a low voice. When he asked Xu Yunfan to come back with him, he promised him that he would come back with him. Not only did he not keep his promise, but now it was Xu Yunfan who was making money to support the family. He was only happy to be able to do something for Xu Yunfan, and he would never feel tired.
Xu Yunfan held Qin Run's hand with one hand and pinched Qin Run's face with the other, saying disapprovingly, "Nonsense, how are you old? Look at your face, it's so tender, you can even pinch water out of it, how are you old? Don't talk nonsense next time. Dare to say a bad word about my husband, even if you say a bad word about yourself, I won't allow it."
Xu Yunfan's subsequent words were somewhat overbearing, but Qin Run was delighted to hear them. At this moment, he could only blush. What else could he say?
Xu Yunfan knew that most people at this time were reserved and introverted, so he stopped teasing Qin Run and let him take it easy.
The little wild kid followed Qin Run closely, and from time to time he would stick his little head out to secretly look at Xu Yunfan. Xu Yunfan was amused and tilted his head to look at him. When their eyes met, the little guy quickly retracted his head like a frightened rabbit. Xu Yunfan adjusted his head, and when he estimated that the little guy was about to stick his head out, he tilted his head again, scaring the little wild kid who was peeking. After several times, Xu Yunfan had enough and laughed happily, "This little guy is really funny, he is as timid as a rabbit. How dare he hide in the mountains alone at night?"
Xu Yunfan considered himself extremely brave, but once it got dark, he didn't even dare to go to the village entrance.
Qin Run smiled and put the things in the backpack away. "Don't tease him. What are you going to do with these things? Can you teach me?"
Xu Yunfan: "These packets are seasonings. I plan to make braised meat with those four pork legs, and then make tiger skin braised pork. I'll make sweet and sour pork ribs with those pounds of ribs. I've already bought the vinegar. Braised pork requires a lot of oil, so I bought a few pounds of fat. As for the seasonings, I bought some of what was on sale. As for the braised pig's trotters, the longer they are braised, the more flavorful they are. We have to get up early tomorrow morning. It will take about an hour and a half to braise them. I'll take them to the academy to sell when they're done."
"Okay, then I'll make the lard now, and hang the rest of the meat in the well." As soon as Qin Run turned around, the little wild boy immediately ran to Qin An and obediently handed firewood to Qin An with his uninjured hand.
Qin An knew that he was going to refine the oil, so he lit the fire on his own initiative. He did not forget to comfort the little wild boy beside him, and said with a smile: "Don't be afraid, Gefu is the best. He doesn't hit people, and he won't scold people."
Xu Yunfan found it amusing. He pulled a small stool over and sat outside the kitchen to rest in the cool air. He peeked into the kitchen and glanced at the little wild kid. He said with a half-smile, "Who said that? If anyone disobeys, I will still spank them when it's due. If they're well-behaved children, your brother-in-law won't spank them."
Qin An, foolishly, followed suit, "Yes, sensible children are good. Brother Fu never hits or scolds sensible children. Not only does he not scold them, he even gives them candy. Isn't that right, Brother Fu? Bad children who don't listen deserve to be beaten."
"That's right." When Qin An looked over happily, Xu Yunfan raised his chin towards the little wild boy, "Brother An, your little White Bone Demon seems to be very afraid of me. Does your brother-in-law look that scary? I don't even think he's scary, but he's afraid of me first. Or is it because he sees that I, your brother-in-law, am handsome and dignified that he doesn't dare to look me in the eye because he's shy?"
Hearing Xu Yunfan's words, Qin An laughed. His brother-in-law was so narcissistic. Who would praise themselves for being good-looking? Brother-in-law said that people who praise themselves for being very good-looking are mostly narcissistic. "Brother-in-law, you are so narcissistic. Didn't you say that being too narcissistic is not good?"
Xu Yunfan's face didn't blush, and his heart didn't beat fast. He clasped his hands behind his head, leaned back against the kitchen door, crossed his legs, and looked relaxed and contented. "How am I narcissistic? Didn't your brother-in-law tell you that when good-looking people brag, it's just stating the facts, while when ugly people insist on saying they're good-looking, that's narcissism. How can someone like your brother-in-law, who has charmed so many boys and girls, still need to be narcissistic?"
Qin An, who was busy making a fire, laughed like a goose. He didn't know why, but he found it very funny to hear his brother-in-law say such things. It's not that his brother-in-law was bragging or that he was not good-looking. On the contrary, it was because his brother-in-law was too good-looking. He found it funny when such a good-looking person said such things.
"Brother, what is the White Bone Demon?" After laughing enough and lighting the fire, Qin An pulled the little wild kid with one hand and put him on Xu Yunfan's knees. He stared at Xu Yunfan with admiration in his big eyes.
The little wild boy stood aside stiffly. He found that Qin An's brother-in-law seemed to be a very nice person. When he spoke to Qin An, his voice was soft and gentle. Qin An would be very happy when he got a response.
Every time Qin An's brother-in-law looked at her, there was always a gentle, teasing smile in his eyes, as if there was something about him that kept attracting her and made her want to get close to him. Because of this, the little wild boy couldn't resist the temptation and slowly tried to get closer.
Xu Yunfan touched Qin An's tender face and said, "Brother I'll tell you a story later and you'll know what the White Bone Demon is. But first, I can tell you that the White Bone Demon is pretty much like your friend, hahahaha..."
When Qin Run finished hanging the meat, he came back to see this scene. Two children surrounded Xu Yunfan, and Xu Yunfan's crisp laughter could be heard from time to time. The family was full of joy, making the house lively.
He had to admit that he liked this joyful liveliness. In the past, there were only him and Qin An in this family. Qin An hardly spoke, so the house was inevitably too quiet, which gave people a lonely feeling. But now, the house was full of laughter and joy, which made him full of hope for life.
Xu Yunfan hadn't eaten lunch yet. Qin Run prepared the meal before refining the oil. Xu Yunfan saw this and asked, "You haven't eaten yet?"
He asked Qin An this question, and Qin An nodded, "Yes, big brother said he would wait for you to come back and eat together."
Xu Yunfan stuck his head into the kitchen and said, "Run'er, next time you don't have to wait for me. If I come back late, you can eat first. You don't have to wait for me. Be careful not to get hungry, okay?"
Qin Run took out the soaked sour beans from the jar and thought about the fact that he now had two children at home. "Okay."
Secretly, he actually wanted to eat with Xu Yunfan, but since Xu Yunfan said so, he could only agree. He didn't want to make Xu Yunfan unhappy because of such a small matter.
When Xu Yunfan saw the beans, he remembered that he had already thought of the meat dishes, but eating meat without vegetables wouldn't work. "Qin Run, does anyone at our Qin family have any extra vegetables to sell? What kind of vegetables do they have?"
As for buying vegetables, Xu Yunfan is not considering the people from the Li and Sun families for the time being. It is not that he is blindly accepting, but he is not familiar with the people from those two families and has not met many of them. Qin Run is closer to the people from the Qin family. He has lived in the village for so long and the people from the Qin family have left a good impression on him. When it comes to buying vegetables, his first choice is naturally to buy from the Qin family.
Qin Run thought for a while, "I don't know how many vegetables other families have. I've been too busy recently, but Jiu Yuehong's family should have some. As for other vegetables, Uncle Fang's family should have some. The last time we were there, the vegetables in their yard were growing well and ready to be picked."
July and August are the time when vegetables in the vegetable garden are in a state of transition from green to yellow. The pumpkin seedlings and other vegetables planted earlier have basically turned yellow, and the work in the fields has become busy. Naturally, if you are not a family that specializes in growing vegetables to sell, you basically just need to grow enough vegetables to eat. After all, if you plant too much, you can't eat it all, and you don't have time to sell it, so it would be a pity if the vegetables rot in the fields.
For example, the family of Hunter Fang has few fields, so the old couple does not need to work in the fields at all. The only thing they can do to reduce the burden on the family is to grow vegetables. If they grow a lot, Hunter Fang's husband can pick some to sell in town to add some income to the family.
"Then, An'er, can we go buy some from Uncle Fang's family tomorrow morning?" Xu Yunfan didn't know the price of the vegetables, so he could only ask Qin Run, "How much copper coins should I give? It's up to you, okay? I'm not familiar with this."
When it comes to money, Xu Yunfan considers himself a good man. Many men will let their wives manage the accounts after they get married. Although Qin Run is not his wife, he is his husband and is no different from his wife.
Xu Yunfan touched the dozens of coins in his purse. This purse was made for him by Qin Run himself. No wonder he could make money so easily. "Brother Run, I sold all my bread today and earned two hundred coins. After that, I bought some things in my backpack and ordered an item from the blacksmith shop. I paid a deposit. Now I only have a few dozen coins left. I'll give it to you."
Qin Run paused while cooking, "You want me to take it?" He knew that for the married boys and girls in the village, if they had not yet separated from the family, the money was managed by their mother-in-law or stepfather. There were no elders in their family, but there was no doubt that Xu Yunfan was the head of the family. He gave the money to him because he treated him as his husband.
Realizing this, Qin Run was overjoyed, with a smile on his face, but he didn't reach out to take it. "Take the silver. You'll need silver a lot when you do business outside. It'll be easier to get things done if you have some silver on you."
Xu Yunfan was not one to refuse, and what Qin Run said was right, so he put the silver back into his purse and hung it on his waist. "Well, I won't give you any small change. I'll give it to you tomorrow when I make more money. Anyway, I'm only responsible for making money to support this family. As for how to manage this family and how to spend the money, it's up to you. You don't have to worry about not having enough money. I've said that I have plenty of ways to make money. So, in life, no matter in which aspect, you don't have to wrong yourselves, otherwise what's the point of me making money?"
"I'm not saying that you take care of the inside and I take care of the outside. I'm not a male chauvinist, it's just..."
Xu Yunfan was obviously a little embarrassed and scratched his head. "It's just that many men will give their money to their spouses to manage after they get married. I also want you to manage me."
"Yeah." Qin Run's voice was very low, with a barely perceptible sob. He was originally facing Xu Yunfan to listen to him, but somehow he suddenly turned his back, pretending to be very busy, and just didn't look at Xu Yunfan.
Qin Run wondered how Xu Yunfan could be so good, so good that his love for him was increasing unlimitedly every day.
Xu Yunfan saw that all the dishes in the pot had been put on the plate. Qin Run had his back to him and was staring at the pot, almost staring a hole in the bottom of the pot. "What's wrong with you?"
Xu Yunfan realized it belatedly and asked Qin An and the others to take the dishes to the living room first. After the two little guys left, Xu Yunfan turned to Qin Run's side.
Sure enough, Qin Run cried again.
Xu Yunfan was very distressed about this. He had never been in love, let alone pursued anyone, so he had no idea why Qin Run was crying for no reason. Seeing Qin Run crying, Xu Yunfan found that his chest was very blocked and he felt uncomfortable as well.
Unable to figure it out, he simply asked directly, "Qin Run, why are you crying? Did I say something wrong to offend you? You're like this, I'm anxious."
Qin Run shook his head, "No, you are very good, Yunfan, you are very good." It was because he was so good that he was deeply moved. Over the years, Xu Yunfan was the best person to him besides his family and Aunt Qin and others.
He didn't want to cry, but he couldn't control his emotions. Some emotions, the more you suppress them, the more they rebound.
Ever since Xu Yunfan said those words that night, these days have been so good to Qin Run that it was like a dream, giving him an illusion of unreality.
Qin Run did not doubt what Xu Yunfan said, but the reality was right in front of him. Facing Xu Yunfan, he wanted to please Xu Yunfan, but he was too stupid and could not say nice words. He wanted to give Xu Yunfan the best of everything, but in the end he found that the best material life he could give was completely insignificant to Xu Yunfan.
Materially, he cannot give Xu Yunfan the best. Emotionally, Xu Yunfan is not in a state where he cannot live without him. In life, Xu Yunfan is not a child. He can take good care of himself. Even without him, Xu Yunfan can still live well. Or it can be said that without the burden of the Xiao Qin family, Xu Yunfan may live more freely.
Qin Run found that he could not give Xu Yunfan anything. In front of Xu Yunfan, he felt even more inferior. He didn't understand what Xu Yunfan liked about him when he was so ugly.
Because of this, he lived in fear and trepidation these days, treading on thin ice, for fear that Xu Yunfan would go back on his word and regret it.
But Xu Yunfan's words just now made Qin Run excited, but also more afraid.
Xu Yunfan held his temper, "If that's the case, why are you crying? Can you tell me what's going on?"
After a short silence, Qin Run said in a soft voice, "Yun Fan, I'm ugly. I'm afraid you'll regret it one day. I'm afraid I'm not worthy of you, and because of me, you'll be laughed at."
Xu Yunfan will do business at Qingfeng Academy in the future, where he will meet more outstanding people. His "blindness" will probably be cured soon.
I heard that there are several guys in Qingfeng Academy, each one is better than the other.
Now that he has met someone better, will Xu Yunfan feel regretful?
Xu Yunfan suddenly understood Qin Run's inferiority and worries.
He ignored it.
In Qin Run's opinion, apart from farming, he only knew how to work hard. He was no match for the seemingly omnipotent Xu Yunfan.
One was born with a silver spoon in his mouth, while the other worked hard all day just to make ends meet. In this era where people pay attention to matching social status, the gap between them is too big.
In the process of getting along with Xu Yunfan, Qin Run was cautious. Unlike Qin Run, Xu Yunfan was always generous and graceful. Qin Run was immersed in the worry that Xu Yunfan would regret it one day. When he suddenly received such warm words from Xu Yunfan, it was inevitable that he lost control of his emotions.
Xu Yunfan, who had figured it out, suddenly lowered his head and laughed deeply. She was obviously very sad, but he was so heartless, with a smile on his face like a scoundrel teasing a decent husband. He stroked Qin Run's cheek with his index finger, and there was a hint of heartache in his amusement. "You were so imaginative before because you were worried that I would leave. Now you are like this because you are worried that I will change my heart. Will you become a laughing stock for others in the future? Qin Run, am I not able to give you a sense of security?"
When saying these words, Xu Yunfan was not angry. He believed that he could easily deal with a few men with his bare hands. Did Qin Run feel insecure about him?
That's impossible.
But now, Xu Yunfan finally understood that while this face attracted Qin Run to be infatuated with him, it also brought him a sense of crisis.
Xu Yunfan has had a smooth life since he was a child. He has never felt inferior to others because of his appearance or other aspects. In his eyes, everyone is equal, so he has never thought about Qin Run from his perspective.
The place where Qin Run lives is different from his place. In Dali Village, Qin Run has heard a lot of rumors. Even if some of them are not true, after hearing them so many times, you will think that what they say is true.
It's like a person who is obviously good in every aspect, but the people around him never praise him and always say that he is not good at this or that. Even if he is very good, he will be denied so many times that he will doubt himself and deny himself, feeling that he is inferior to others in every way.
Qin Run was not being pretentious, nor did he not believe Xu Yunfan, nor was he idle and imagining things, nor was he looking for trouble. Rather, the environment, past experiences, and the villagers' comments made him mistakenly believe that he might have been a very bad person.
Alain de Botton once said: The more you dislike a person, the more confident you will be and the easier it will be to attract him.
If you are attracted to someone, you will develop an inferiority complex because we always want to give the most perfect qualities to the person we love.
If a simple love makes you feel inferior, it may not be because the person you like is perfect and flawless, but because you just like this person too much.
Because you like the other person too much, you have invisibly given him a halo and filter. You have limited understanding of his various aspects, but you are too clear about your own shortcomings.
The taller and more majestic the other person's image is in your mind, the more useless you will appear.
Xu Yunfan's former roommates were like this. When they got girlfriends, they would always express their sorrow in the dormitory: "My girlfriend likes men over 1.8 meters tall. If only I could be taller..."
They talk all the time as if they are complaining, but in fact they are just trapped in the negative emotions of self-denial and inferiority.
These emotions arise simply because you like someone too much and are truly in love with them.
Xu Yunfan did not have this inferiority complex, it was simply because he was overly confident in himself.
There's no way. If people like him still need to feel inferior, then what's the point of other people living?
Even so, he could understand Qin Run's inferiority complex. It was a normal emotional reaction. Xu Yunfan didn't think Qin Run was complaining without reason, nor did he think Qin Run was troublesome.
He just needs affirmation and guidance.
Whether as a boyfriend or as Qin Run’s husband, if he doesn’t even have the patience to enlighten her, then is he still a good man?
Moreover, Xu Yunfan actually felt a little bit beautiful about it, which was a bit psychopathic.
Hey, it's all his fault.
Qin Run feels inferior because he likes himself too much!
Considering that Qin Run liked him so much, Xu Yunfan thought that he had to use his eloquence to "educate" Qin Run and make him feel completely at ease.
Xu Yunfan studied Qin Run, leaning closer, and spoke softly, as if coaxing Qin An, "I won't judge your definition of beauty and ugliness here. That's just how it is. It's the public's aesthetic, a concept passed down through the ages. One person's power is too small to change the public, but I can guarantee that I won't go with the flow. Qin Run, I'm not from your place. The education I received and the ideas I have are completely different from yours."
"Those ideas have long been ingrained in me. It's hard to change them. Even if I could, I wouldn't want to. I don't want to change the fact that I like you."
Looking at Qin Run, who seemed to be stunned, with a mixture of surprise and disbelief, Xu Yunfan, who had already reached adulthood, continued, "Qin Run, I am an adult, not a child. I have my own sense of right and wrong. I know what is right and wrong. I have my own vision, and I also have my own bottom line principles. For me, if I like someone, I like him, and if I don't like him, I don't like him. I won't say I like him or do anything intimate with him because of sympathy or certain things."
"They all say you're ugly, taller than a man, and stronger than other guys. Because of this difference, you're ugly. The so-called 'beauty and ugliness' are originally formulated by the so-called 'majority'. There is no clear standard for division. The beauty recognized by the majority is 'beauty', and the beauty that most people are unwilling to accept is 'ugly'. I don't think this is right. Qin Run, where I live, there is no law that explicitly stipulates that women should be graceful and elegant, or men should be tall and mighty. But I don't deny that there are a few people who still have this stereotype. Even if this stereotype still exists, I am not one of them, and I don't like you just because you are handsome..."
Uh... Xu Yunfan felt embarrassed after saying this.
"Ahem," Xu Yunfan coughed tactically. "Okay, I admit that I did think you were handsome at first, so I had some feelings for you. But you can't think that I'm a person who values beauty and is lustful. This only shows that I have good taste and am a normal man with a pair of eyes that are good at discovering beautiful things. You have to believe me. If you are just handsome, I will admire you at most. I will want to kiss you and be with you, just because I like you, pure love. Even if you got a cut on your face today, I still have to have you. You can think about it, but don't worry. I like you very much, and this will never change. You can confirm this with me again and again, and you don't have to be afraid that I will listen to others saying that you are not worthy of me. I don't listen to what they say, I only listen to you."
Xu Yunfan had to admit that at the beginning, he didn't like Qin Run in that way, but sometimes, just when you set a flag, you will be slapped in the face unexpectedly.
Seeing Qin Run's stunned look, Xu Yunfan said so much all at once that his throat was almost dry and the food was probably getting cold. He didn't know if he had made himself clear. He could only ask shamelessly, "Qin Run, let me ask you, if one day I become ugly and no longer look like this, will you dislike me and treat me badly?"
As soon as he finished speaking, Qin Run frowned in deep thought.
No way, such a simple question requires so much thinking?
At this time, shouldn't Qin Run answer him firmly, confidently and sincerely, "No, no matter what you become, I will still like you as before"?
Qin Run actually needs to think? ?
And you've been thinking about it for so long?
What does this mean?
Afraid of hearing something he didn't want to hear, Xu Yunfan said very seriously: "Qin Run, I hope you can think about this question before answering me." Otherwise, I will get angry and run away from home in a fit of rage, and ten cows may not be able to pull me back.
Xu Yunfan said these words very seriously, and didn't even call him Run Ge'er.
"No." After a long while, Qin Run finally spoke, "Xu Yunfan, I like you. I'm not lying to you. When I first saw you, I did think you were very beautiful, a rare kind of beauty. But I like your eyes more when you look at me. When you look at me, your eyes are very pure."
The way Xu Yunfan looked at him was different from the way others looked at him. It was filled with naked, undisguised contempt, and not with the heartache that Aunt Qin and the others had.
The man in the pawnshop looked at him with disdain at first, but after knowing his purpose, his cloudy eyes were filled with calculation.
Those who knew him and learned that he was a boy looked at him with pity and disbelief after shock, followed by regret and pity. Although that feeling was not a look of disgust, it made Qin Run feel that his life was miserable and pitiful.
No one lives to be considered as someone who deserves pity, and Qin Run is no exception.
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