Chapter 75 Yuwen Che's Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and Loyalty
Seeing the pain and self-loathing surging in Yuwen Che's eyes, Su Luoxue felt an overwhelming pang of heartache. She tightly wrapped her hands around his cold, stiff hands, trying to warm him with her own warmth.
“Ache…I know, I know you’re hurting…” Her voice was soft and comforting. “But…but Hao’er is innocent, isn’t he? He couldn’t choose his birth, nor could he change what happened.”
Yuwen Che clenched his teeth, veins bulging on his forehead, clearly struggling to hold back his emotions. He took a deep breath, forcing out the words through his clenched teeth:
"I know he is innocent! So I granted him the title of Prince, allowing him to take Consort De away from the capital to his fiefdom after he comes of age, where he can live a life of wealth and honor! I have not held a grudge against him; I have done everything I could to be benevolent!"
He abruptly turned his head to look at Su Luoxue, his eyes filled with undisguised struggle and an almost obsessive concern:
"But Xue'er... I can't help it! Every time I see his face, I can't help but recall that unbearable memory! The memory of me... of touching other women! Even if it was only once, even under those circumstances!"
His voice carried a deep sense of regret and an inability to accept his past:
"I just feel... I feel dirty! I feel sorry for you! Even though it happened long before I met you, I can't let it go! I wish I could completely erase that memory from my life!"
He avoided Su Luoxue's abdomen, hugged her tightly, buried his face in the crook of her neck, and spoke in a muffled voice, with a hint of grievance.
"Xue'er, do you understand? My body and soul should belong entirely to you, completely pure. But that past, that child, is like an indelible stain, constantly reminding me that I don't belong entirely to you alone... This makes me... makes me unable to bear it!"
Su Luoxue was moved by his concern for her, but also heartbroken by his lingering pain from the past. She gently patted his back, as if comforting a wounded child.
Listening to Yuwen Che's painful and self-reproachful confession, Su Luoxue's heart felt like it was being squeezed tightly, a mix of soreness and pain. She hugged him tightly, her voice choked with emotion yet crystal clear:
“A-Che… I know, I know everything… I’ve never blamed you, really… not at all…”
Yuwen Che raised his head, his eyes also slightly red. He gazed at Su Luoxue with a determined and earnest look, as if stating an undeniable truth:
"Xue'er, although I was born into an imperial family and have been accustomed to the intrigues of the harem and the so-called 'three palaces and six courtyards' since childhood, I have always believed in my heart that a person's heart and soul should only be given to the one they love."
His voice was deep and firm, carrying an almost pure ideal:
"Before meeting the one you love, you should keep yourself pure and chaste, guarding your heart and body. But after meeting her, you should be loyal to her alone, body and soul, until death do you part. Isn't this just a matter of course?"
He raised his hand and gently stroked Su Luoxue's cheek, his eyes filled with undisguised deep affection and obsession:
"I am the emperor, possessing supreme power, and can easily obtain countless women. But so what? None of them are what I want. What I have wanted from beginning to end is only you."
His tone carried a hint of annoyance and deep regret: "I only regret... regret that I didn't meet you sooner, that I couldn't give you my most complete and purest self, without any flaws. That past, that accident, is the only regret in my life, and it is also where I feel... I owe you something."
Su Luoxue finally couldn't hold back her tears. She understood the source of the heavy shackles in his heart. It wasn't that he didn't love the child, but that he had an almost obsessive emotional purity and demanding loyalty from himself. He loved her and regarded her as his only wife, so he couldn't tolerate any trace of impurity within himself.
"Ah Che, you owe me nothing..." She cupped his face in her hands, her eyes brimming with tears, yet her voice was firm. "In my heart, you've already given me your most complete and purest heart. That's enough, truly enough..."
Yuwen Che carefully avoided her protruding belly, pulling her even closer into his embrace, his arms tightening as if he wanted to meld her into his very bones. He buried his face in her neck, greedily inhaling her scent, his voice muffled, carrying a childlike stubbornness and unfathomable depths of emotion.
"Not enough... Xue'er, not enough... far from enough..."
Su Luoxue was a little breathless from his embrace, but she could clearly feel the intense emotion in his words that almost overwhelmed her. She gently patted his back and softly asked, "Then... what would be enough?"
Yuwen Che raised his head, his eyes filled with surging, unconcealed deep affection and a hint of restless anxiety:
"Keeping you by my side is not enough, making you empress is not enough, giving you all my favor is not enough... Even if I were to lay my whole heart out in front of you, I would still feel that it is not enough, not good enough."
His fingertips trembled as he traced her features, as if he were depicting a priceless treasure that had been lost and found again:
"I wish I could turn back time, to find you at the very beginning, at the very first moment when everything was just beginning, to protect you, and to make sure that my shadow is in every moment of your life, from beginning to end."
His voice was deep and hoarse, carrying a strong sense of possessiveness:
"I even greedily desire that in your next life, and the life after that... you can only meet me, and only love me, in every lifetime. Perhaps that... would be just enough."
Su Luoxue was so shocked by his undisguised, even somewhat breathtaking, confession that she was speechless. She had never imagined that one person's love for another could be so intense.
Looking into the burning ocean of passion in his eyes, a passion dedicated solely to her, the last vestige of emotion for Hao'er's birthday vanished. She leaned forward and kissed his slightly cool lips, tears streaming down her face, yet her smile remained serene.
"Okay... I'll give you everything. In this life, and the next... I want to meet you again, and love only you. Is that... enough?"
Yuwen Che gazed intently at her, and finally, a slow smile curved his lips, a smile as pure as melting snow, filled with contentment and endless longing.
"That's enough for now."
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