[Daily Fun Interview]
Interviewer: Anonymous Editor
Location: Living room of a holiday villa in New Zealand
1. Wen Lin (playing video games while lying on the sofa)
Q: Prosecutor Wen, what is your greatest pleasure every day?
A: (Without looking up) "It has to be Dou Yu who's throwing a tantrum! You see, he's usually so arrogant, but when it comes to Fan Ge, he's like a cat whose tail has been stepped on—ow!"
(Before he could finish speaking, he was hit precisely by a flying pillow, and the sound of Yu Yan sharpening a knife in the kitchen could be clearly heard.)
2. Li Weimian (sitting by the window, sipping red wine)
Q: Where is Dr. Li?
A: (Swirling his wine glass) "Observe. For example, right now—"
(Tap lightly with fingertip)
"The duration of Wen Lin's deliberately provocative micro-expressions was 0.3 seconds shorter than last week, indicating that his tolerance for Yu Yan's violent threats has increased."
“Situ Jin steals glances at Fan Jinci 1.7 times per minute, and her admiration level remains stable.”
"And Yu Yan..."
(Glancing towards the kitchen)
"On the surface, they are sharpening their knives, but in reality, they are listening intently to what Fan Jinci is doing—a typical case of excessive territoriality."
(The entire room fell silent, except for Jiang Zhaoyan who chuckled softly.)
3. Situ Jin (currently helping Fan Jinci organize materials)
Q: What makes Teacher Situ happiest every day?
A: (Adjusting her glasses, face slightly flushed) "I learn something new from Teacher Fan every day! This morning he even taught me how to determine the direction of water flow when drowning by looking at minor bone injuries..."
(Eyes glowing)
"Teacher Fan's knife skills in slicing salmon meet anatomical standards!"
(Yu Yan suddenly peeks out from the kitchen: "Those are the fish I bought!")
4. Jiang Zhaoyan (leaning against the bar, replying to emails)
Q: What are the pleasures of Deputy Team Leader Jiang?
A: (Lazily raising his eyes) "Look at some people making instant noodles with their hands that earn a million-dollar annual salary."
(Wen Lin explodes: "That's called sentiment!")
"And... use all his intelligence to have a primary school-level romance."
(His gaze swept over Fan Jinci, who was cutting a mango into a standard cube, and Yu Yan, who was staring at him blankly.)
5. Yu Yan (pushes a carefully arranged plate of mangoes in front of Fan Jinci)
Q: Team Leader Yu?
A: (With a confident air) "Is that even a question? Of course, it's to take care of my brother Fan!"
(Start counting on your fingers)
"Make sure he eats on time, prevent him from staying up all night studying academic papers, and help him ward off all sorts of unwanted suitors..."
(Fan Jinci suddenly interjected: "Only you.")
"...cough, and I also heard him tell me to 'shut up'."
(Raises an eyebrow smugly)
"I'm the only one in the whole world who gets to enjoy this treatment!"
6. Fan Jinci (eating a piece of mango with the precision of tweezers)
Q: What about you, Professor Fan?
A: (Sets down the silver fork, gray-blue pupils sweep across the entire room)
"To observe patterns of human stupidity and supplement the sample for the Atlas of Unnatural Deaths."
(Pauses for a second, then looks at Yu Yan, who is frozen in place beside him)
"...and, collecting data on the decibel level of a certain mad dog's barking."
Behind the scenes:
After the interview, I found a notebook tucked into the sofa cushions. The last page read:
"Sample X (pseudonym YX) barked 27 times per hour today, a new low for the week. This is presumably related to consuming a sufficient amount of mangoes. Further verification is needed. —F"
(End of interview)
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