54/With Roses
You Huai was shocked; he discovered that this was completely different from what Shen Yu had said.
—We didn't break up, we just had a fight.
That's what he said, but it seems like it was more than just an argument. He finally found Shen Yu at the end of the road. His car was parked on the side of the road, and he was still in the driver's seat. He had a cigarette in his hand, but he didn't light it. He was just playing with it, tapping it on the steering wheel. His gaze was nowhere in sight, and he looked quite lonely.
You Huai immediately softened. He opened the passenger door of Shen Yu's car and asked in a rather clichéd way, "A Yu, are you alright?"
—It's nothing, what could possibly happen? We didn't break up, we didn't argue, I know.
Shen Yu had said these words to countless people during this period. Almost everyone looked at Chen Mian with the eyes of someone who had just broken up after they learned that he had gone to Beijing alone. They were careful not to do anything wrong and upset him, as if they had become a glass person who would be shattered if they were not careful.
Not at all.
On the day of the teacher appreciation banquet, Shen Yu watched as Chen Mian was taken away by Zhao Lili's parents. He just stood there, unable to understand why he didn't just ignore what Chen Mian said and take her back as usual. What's the point of having feelings? Isn't it superfluous? Haven't he always thought that the question of liking or disliking someone, which people have been nauseating about, was utterly stupid?
So what if you like someone? So what if you don't? Can feelings be exchanged for a couple of meals or something?
In any case, there wasn't much of an emotional foundation when they first got close; it was just curiosity and interest.
But it's hard to explain. As long as people live in this mundane world, they can't help but become mundane. They might go from just wanting to have sex with her to wanting to kiss, hug, and hold hands with her. They might think that dating is the most annoying thing in the world, but they still want to date her.
If it were someone else, Shen Yu wouldn't have had such patience. Or rather, if he and Chen Mian had a different beginning, if it were a love-at-first-sight or love-over-time scenario, he wouldn't feel this way now.
This is the feeling of being deeply hurt by Chen Mian but unable to blame her.
During the two months he was out of contact, his father took him on a trip abroad. This trip was completely unnecessary, but his loss of control was discovered. He was having trouble sleeping at night and was sitting in the living room doing nothing but scrolling through his phone. His father came out and saw him, but didn't say anything. He just sat next to him and asked him after a long time if he was unhappy.
His parents were different from other parents. They didn't have much time to spend with him, but they wouldn't tell him cliché things like "study hard and don't date too early." Chi Sheng said this was easy to understand and easy to resolve because he felt that teenage love was insignificant and would eventually fade away for any reason over time without any human intervention.
Any reason, including family background, social circle, lifestyle, etc.
At 30,000 feet in the air, his father pointed out the window and said to Shen Yu, "Kids your age are so confused about love and relationships. They're not even as heavy as clouds. If they fall, you won't even hear a sound. The higher you stand, the more people you can see. With more choices, you'll find that being persistent is a very foolish thing."
However, on the plane back from Dubai, while his father was sleeping, he suddenly said, "I insist on doing it."
His dad asked him, "What?"
Shen Yu looked out the window, his face vaguely reflected in the glass. It wasn't the little boy in kindergarten who begged for a white peacock, but a resolute and persistent one, with a fearless courage that disregarded the consequences.
"I see no other options; I insist on having this one."
Eighteen years old, just turned 18, yet not treated as an adult by adults. They are considered immature, with all their thoughts and choices being childish and easily overturned, like a child who insists on eating only cotton candy one day and then wants strawberry gummies the next. No one takes their words seriously.
Except for himself.
He told Chen Mian that he would never have children in the future, which was true. Chen Mian didn't believe him, but he went straight to the hospital to get a tubal ligation after returning from abroad. The doctor asked him if he was sure, given his young age. Without thinking, he replied that if he couldn't be sure about this, what else could he be sure about?
After resting at home for more than half a month after the surgery, no one knew that his parents, who were traveling all over the country, had no idea that their son had done such a big thing. It wasn't until Chi Sheng had a fight with his parents and came directly to Chen Yu that they found out that his good brother had done such a big thing.
Chi Sheng said, "If you don't tell Chen Mian about this, I'll think you're being pretentious. Doing good deeds anonymously, are you some kind of selfless saint?"
Shen Yu had no intention of being a Good Samaritan; he simply asked Chi Sheng what this matter had to do with Chen Mian.
What does this have to do with Chen Mian?
He went to the hospital by himself, brought his own ID card, and handled all the admission procedures himself. Throughout the entire process, Chen Mian did not interfere with him, made any demands on him, or even expressed any expectations for the future. She never even said, "Shen Yu, I want to live with you in the future." Shen Yu couldn't bring himself to say such seemingly touching words that were actually a way of demanding repayment and even carrying a bit of moral blackmail. He disdained them.
If one day Chen Mian walks towards him.
It couldn't be that she was moved or felt guilty after discovering what he had done, which is why she went to him.
She simply wanted to walk towards him, regardless of thunder and rain, or even hail.
That's how it should be.
That rainy night, he followed behind Chen Mian, watching her slowly walk into the supermarket with an umbrella. He couldn't explain it, but in that simple scene that was so straightforward that even liberal arts students would have difficulty reading comprehension, Shen Yu managed to see a certain determination in her.
It was at that time that Shen Yu understood more than ever why Chen Mian didn't want him.
There are always some girls who will not be subservient to anyone; they are simply themselves.
—The liberal arts girl who was very close to Shen Yu.
—The one walking with Shen Yu.
—That pretty girl in the liberal arts class is Shen Yu's girlfriend.
Chen Mian doesn't want any of these prefixes or suffixes.
She had finally and so hard escaped the shadow of her family, and she didn't want to be anyone's appendage. She just wanted to be herself, to be Chen Mian who had excellent grades in the liberal arts class, or simply to be Chen Mian, not Chen Mian from Shenyu.
Everyone was saying they weren't a good match, and Shen Yu could easily tell Chen Mian not to listen to what they were saying, that it didn't matter, and that she should be cool and not live in other people's eyes.
But he wasn't involved. Those words didn't fall on him. No one told him that he was Chen Mian's relative, that he only became the target of public criticism and gained a name because of Chen Mian's fame. He wasn't the one being discussed, so he couldn't be the one being talked about.
Shen Yu's annoyance stemmed from the fact that he understood everything, so he realized that he understood Chen Mian's decision to abandon him.
Even though she said such harsh things to him at the train station, he could understand it all.
Therefore, I can understand all the unspoken meanings in her words.
She said, "Shenyu, you are just a dog I raised."
What I'm really saying is, "Sorry, Shenyu, I can't get close to you, I don't have the courage to have you."
You Huai was still asking, "Are you really alright, A-Yu?"
Shen Yu snapped out of his thoughts, recalling Chen Mian whom he had just seen by the roadside, and then chuckled softly, saying to You Huai, "What could possibly be wrong?"
You Huai breathed a sigh of relief. "I thought you were sad."
"What's there to be sad about?" Shen Yu's tone remained light and casual.
You Huai was puzzled. "What's going on between you and Chen Mian? Didn't you say there was nothing serious between you two? You've told everyone around you that you have a girlfriend, you're dating, your girlfriend is very busy. You're not—" They're all lying, and you're having a relationship with yourself.
Before he could finish speaking, Shen Yu interrupted him.
You don't understand.
You Huai didn't understand, Chi Sheng didn't understand, and many others didn't understand.
He understood, comprehended, and knew with absolute certainty.
The more Chen Mian retreated, the more she liked him.
It's like planting a rose.
It has the ability to protect itself, so don't be presumptuous and try to protect it before it grows thorns.
Roses are not needed.
It is not just a delicate flower that needs to be cared for; it possesses a charm and beauty that does not need to cling to anyone.
Even so.
Shen Yu still felt that it had been so long since they had met.
He misses Chen Mian very much.
That's all.
/
This chapter can be considered Shen Yu's inner monologue.
Sorry for the long wait, thank you everyone for your love and support of Zhuzhu!
The next chapter will proceed as normal, and dialogue will be introduced soon.
Happy Labor Day everyone!
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