72/Make a Dream
Chen Mian didn't know how to answer Shen Yu's question. Fortunately, Shen Yu didn't force her to give a response. He just said it and that was it. He even turned on some music and seemed to be in a good mood, humming along to the song for a few lines. However, when the car stopped in front of her school, he took the birth control pills out of her pocket and threw them on the center console.
Then he raised his chin, indicating that she could leave.
He still had that carefree young master demeanor, no different from usual.
After returning, the two did not contact each other for a while. At first, Deng Momo and Su Wangqiu would ask a few questions about the current situation between you and that hot guy, but as the exam week approached, they were too busy with their studies to care about Chen Mian's love life.
During this time, Yaoyao's mother contacted Chen Mian a few times, asking when she would be free and saying that Yaoyao missed her. Chen Mian was doing her review questions at the time and didn't stop writing. She told her that she would be free after the exam. After a moment of silence, she sighed and said okay, wishing her good luck on the exam. She didn't call again after that.
During the days when she worked late into the night, Chen Mian did think about Shen Yu. But whenever she thought of him, she would recall their abruptly ended conversation in the car, and the pen in her hand would turn into that thin pill and then fall heavily to the ground. In any case, Shen Yu's decision to get a vasectomy had a significant impact on Chen Mian.
She was even a little unsure how to face it and subconsciously chose to escape. Shen Yu probably understood, so he neither pressed for answers nor chose another way to circumvent the topic, letting the matter pass by seemingly lightly between the two of them.
How can we get through this? It's impossible.
The reason she went to buy birth control pills was because of Shen Yu's number 61 jersey. During the time they lost contact, he told everyone that he had a girlfriend and rejected other possibilities, shining brightly on the court wearing her birthday number.
If it were an individual girl, she might express all her emotions with a hug or a kiss, and then say some heartfelt words to finally turn the relationship from friends into boyfriend and girlfriend.
But Chen Mian is not.
Often, the better Shen Yu treated her, the more lost she felt, unsure how to respond or how to accept it calmly.
No one taught her what to do. When she wanted a toy as a child, Ruan Yanmei told her that she had to exchange it for excellent grades. At that time, the idea that she had to give something before she could get it was vaguely formed.
Later, when Ruan Yanmei chose to leave her and told her that her mother had no other choice, Chen Mian tried to take out the high-scoring test papers that had been praised by the teacher from her schoolbag: "Mom, don't go. Look at me. I got a lot of perfect scores. I don't want toys anymore. I want you to stay by my side."
But it was no use. Ruan Yanmei's departure taught Chen Mian that she had to offer something to the other party to get what she wanted, just like how she gave Chen Song money in exchange for the peace of Chen Song not going home. Only this kind of relationship could last.
Relying solely on feelings is like building a crumbling structure, ready to collapse at any moment, leaving you with no choice but to abandon her.
Therefore, Chen Mian subconsciously felt that she had to give Shen Yu something so that he would stay by her side.
She carefully maintained the balance between the two of them, and then suddenly realized that the scales had never existed in the first place.
She didn't know what to do.
These words, spoken to no one, are so unlike Chen Mian's usual style.
Her pen moved intermittently, writing and pausing. She turned the page of the book, and the pen tip stopped on the paper again. Just as she was about to continue writing, she realized that Shen Yu's name was written all over the paper. She tore it off, crumpled it into a ball, and was about to throw it in the trash when she unfolded it again, carefully folded it, locked it in the drawer, and then slowly lay down on the table.
Under Chen Mian's identity, she had no way to express all her thoughts, which piled up in her heart until she could hardly breathe.
He closed his eyes and opened them again, finally picking up his phone and opening Chen Yu's WeChat Moments.
This was the first time Chen Mian had seen it.
She had always saved Shen Yu's contact as his name, and it was only at this moment that she clicked into his information and discovered that his WeChat name was insomnia.
Insomnia.
The profile picture and the background image of my WeChat Moments are both black, like a nightmare from which I can't wake up.
The only post on WeChat Moments was in early September.
It can be summed up in just three words: create a dream.
The only mutual friend she and Shen Yu had was a male classmate from high school with whom she had a good relationship. He commented: "Finally learned how to post on WeChat Moments, Brother Shen?"
Shen Yu did not reply to him.
Chen Mian left his WeChat Moments, remaining in their chat window. She deleted and edited the messages, but ultimately posted nothing.
Deng Momo, who was memorizing conceptual terms, glanced at her with a suspicious look in her eyes, like a charlatan, and said in a drawn-out voice, "If all else fails, make a phone call."
Chen Mian shook her head. "Never mind."
She still hadn't figured out how to tell Shen Yu.
On the day the final exams were over, Song Ai called her. The person who told her not to come back when she got married was now telling her to go back and visit when she had time. Chen Mian was walking back to her dormitory with her books in her arms, stepping on one fallen leaf after another that she hadn't had time to sweep, and asked Song Ai what was worth going back for.
There was a sound of exhalation over there. Song Ai was smoking, and then she said to her, "Just come back for a day or two, take a walk around Suibei, maybe you'll find something worthwhile."
Timing can be quite magical sometimes.
If Song Ai had said this to her before, she would never have gone back; she would have simply replied that it wouldn't happen.
But at that moment, for some inexplicable reason, I had the idea of going back to take a look. Without even having time to investigate further, I bought a train ticket for three days later, going on the same day and returning the next day.
Before returning to Suibei, Chen Mian went to Yaoyao's house. Before going, she called Yaoyao's mother, who answered quickly and told her to just go directly, as she was at home.
Later, Chen Mian realized why Yao Yao's mother kept asking her when she could come to see Yao Yao.
Yao Yao's condition is not good. She is slow to react, immersed in her own world, and her gaze towards others is dull. You have to call her name or shake her arm to get her attention.
Yao Yao's mother showed Chen Mian the drawings Yao Yao had made. One by one, from back to front, the drawings went from black threads with almost no white to the shadows of two people.
"You suggested that I take Yaoyao to see a doctor. At first, the doctor did tests on Yaoyao and said that she had some symptoms of autism. I didn't believe it. I thought she was just trying to be clever in front of the doctor, just like before, hoping that I would spend more time with her. She has always been like this. She has always known how to make me feel sorry for her since she was a child. It was because she was too smart that I didn't take it to heart at all. I just spent a little more time with her than before. It wasn't until I found that Yaoyao stopped talking that I realized something was wrong."
The woman, who always had impeccable makeup, sat on the sofa, her black hair streaked with white, like snowflakes falling into burning coals, slowly extinguishing the flames.
“She went from wanting me to spend more time with her to not wanting to talk to me at all. I always thought that working hard to provide her with the best material conditions so that she could have enough to eat and wear and do what she wanted was the best way to treat her. But I realized I was wrong. Yaoyao doesn’t want those things. She just wants me to spend time with her. She just wants her mother.”
Chen Mian sat next to her and saw Yao Yao sitting not far away, stubbornly picking at a small, incongruous patch of color on a low stool. Her movements were obstinate, and her fingernails made one harsh sound after another.
Seemingly aware of Chen Mian's gaze, Yao Yao raised his head and looked at her.
His eyes were blank, even empty, as he stared at the spot next to her.
It was at this moment that Yao Yao's mother started crying.
She broke down in tears, her whole body trembling, as if an earthquake had suddenly struck and crushed the luxurious villa on her back, leaving her unable to straighten up.
On the high-speed train from Beijing to Suibei, Chen Mian's mind was filled with Yao Yao's gaze.
The senior who introduced her to the school also heard about Yaoyao's situation and sent her a WeChat message.
They had rarely been in contact since the incident at Lin Yuqing's confession wall, so Chen Mian was somewhat surprised to suddenly receive a WeChat message from her.
But then she saw someone on the other side speaking to her.
—I heard about Yao Yao's situation. Do you remember when I told you before that I felt you and her were very similar? I couldn't describe that feeling before, but now I can describe it a little. That similarity is probably because you always give me the feeling that if your life trajectory deviated even slightly, you would become another Yao Yao.
—What I mean is, Chen Mian, you also give me the feeling that you are prone to extremes.
I'm very sorry about what happened to Yao Yao, so I hope that if possible, you should also receive psychological treatment. I don't mean anything by it, it's just my opinion as a friend. If you don't want to consider it, then pretend I didn't say anything. I'm just a little worried about you.
Chen Mian didn't reply with a thank you until the train arrived at the station, and then deleted the chat box as if the entire conversation had never happened.
Six months later, nothing has changed in Suibei.
Chen Mian was still staying at the same hotel she had stayed at before leaving Suibei. After checking in and putting her things down, Song Ai called her and asked her to come out for a meal. The location was near where she had stayed before. Song Ai hung up the phone without waiting for Chen Mian's reply.
Winter has arrived, and people in northern Beijing have already donned down jackets, while the weather in northern Suiyuan remains neither too hot nor too cold, much like springtime.
Song Ai, dressed in a red sweater dress, sat there playing Dou Dizhu (a popular Chinese card game) on her phone with the sound effects blasting loudly, completely oblivious to the other people sitting around her. The mechanical voice shouted "Call the landlord!" and "Grab the landlord!" A couple sat next to her, occasionally frowning and glaring at her, but she pretended not to notice, acting incredibly nonchalant.
Chen Mian sat down opposite her, and only then did she put away her phone, glance at Chen Mian from head to toe, and then let out a soft "oh".
"You've become much prettier, Chen Mian."
Chen Mian was beautiful in high school. Even in a simple school uniform, she stood out from the crowd. With an oval face and almond eyes, she had the most standard innocent and harmless appearance. However, after half a year, Chen Mian, who had entered university, changed out of her school uniform and wore a black hoodie and trousers. Her temperament was clean and aloof, and her eyebrows and eyes had lost their immaturity and gained a more refined look.
Song Ai smiled, resting her chin on her hand, "University life is pretty good, isn't it?"
While she was observing Chen Mian, Chen Mian was also looking at her. Song Ai was plump, her face was full, she had painted her nails with bright nail polish, wore large gold hoop earrings, but her lipstick was light, just a thin layer of red, as if she had just applied it.
"good."
They didn't have much to talk about as usual. They both knew that eating was just a formality when they met, only to get through the awkwardness after a 'long-awaited reunion'.
After ordering a few dishes, Song Ai took out her phone and asked Chen Mian if she had gone back to her old place to check.
Chen Mian was taken aback. "What's so interesting about something that's already been sold?"
Song Ai smiled enigmatically, "Since we've already gone back, it won't take long to go and see them."
This sounds like something an NPC in a movie would say, giving directions.
Every line of dialogue is meant to guide the female lead toward the male lead.
By this time, Chen Mian already had a pretty good idea of what was going on. The house had sold so easily that even Aunt Zhang, who accompanied her to sign the contract, remarked on her luck, saying that although the buyer hadn't shown up, he was a really good person.
At that time, Chen Mian had a vague feeling and asked the lawyer who came to entrust her with the purchase if she could call the buyer. However, when she called, a middle-aged man answered.
And now, that feeling has returned.
After leaving the restaurant, we walked through several alleys and arrived at the entrance of the residential area, which we knew all too well, amidst a scene of dirt and disorder.
Chen Mian walked in, walked around a row of bicycles lying haphazardly, and finally stopped in front of the stairwell.
It was afternoon, and the warm sunlight shone down, letting some light into the dark stairwell. The faded number one was written on the wall above the steps.
Everything was exactly as I remembered.
She stood under the tree where Shen Yu always waited for her, looked up, and saw the window she had complained about countless times.
Facing the trash can, countless times when she opened the window, all she could smell was the stench, which, along with Chen Song's nauseating aura in the room, formed all her dark and unbearable memories.
But now, the place is full of flowers.
Countless flowers were crowded together in one pot, and some even climbed up the iron fence.
The old man who came down from the stairwell was a little surprised to see Chen Mian. He came over to chat with her, asking how her university life was and when she had returned.
Chen Mian didn't answer, but pointed to the window full of flowers and asked who lived there.
The old man squinted at the spot and thought for a while before slapping his forehead and saying to Chen Mian, "No one lives here. We all know you sold the house and someone bought it, but we haven't seen anyone come to live here. I think it was at the end of August or September? A housekeeping company came to clean, and they kept bringing in flowers, filling the whole house. We were wondering about that. A few days later, we saw a young man come over, and I even asked him if he lived here."
Chen Mian's eyes stung, and her voice trembled involuntarily, "What did he say?"
"He said no, but I can't remember what he said after that. I'm getting senile, I can't remember. I just remember that the young man was quite handsome, and looked to be about your age..."
Chen Mian stopped listening to what was said after that.
She bit her lower lip, staring at the window, at a loss for words.
At this moment, it was crystal clear who bought the house. It could only be Shen Yu, no one else but him. He bought the house but didn't live in it. He cleaned it up and planted countless flowers inside.
She took out her phone to call him, but her finger suddenly stopped and switched from the call button to WeChat.
I inexplicably opened Chen Yu's WeChat Moments again.
Early September.
—Let's create a dream.
It was a long time ago, on an afternoon.
In the living room of the Grand Mansion, she opened the window and saw a light drizzle outside. Shen Yu stopped playing his game, walked over to her, and asked her what she was looking at.
She casually said to Shen Yu, "Watching the rain."
Shen Yu was somewhat puzzled. "What's so interesting about rain?"
She said in a nonchalant tone, "It's prettier than my house. I can't open the windows on rainy days because they face the trash can."
The boy was silent for a few seconds before gently tugging at her hair.
"Chen Mian—"
He spoke to her in a lazy voice, with a hint of amusement, almost in a joking tone.
"Don't be discouraged. At worst, I'll make sure your windowsill is full of flowers in the future."
At that time, Chen Mian didn't pay attention. The word "later" was too vague, and the matter itself became an insignificant, ordinary afternoon that was not taken seriously at all.
Even now, the past and present are intertwined and overlapped in the boy's only post on his WeChat Moments.
—Let's create a dream.
The trash cans are still there.
But he made her windowsill full of flowers.
/
If you're interested in this window, you can check it out on my Weibo; there are videos that give you a brief overview (Weibo: 白日飞鸦).
I've been waiting so long, we'll be together soon, this time it'll really be soon.
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