61/Running Towards You
The unpleasant parting between Chen Mian and Lin Yuqing at the coffee shop was immediately known to others.
Her senior sent her a long message advising her not to worry too much, and also told her that Lin Yuqing was not a bad person, and that the part-time job tutoring Yaoyao was actually introduced by Lin Yuqing.
—He actually did a lot behind the scenes. He would stop others from making jokes about you guys that went too far. He probably didn't know about what happened on the confession wall.
Chen Mian didn't know how to reply. For a moment, she even had the urge to quit the club. She felt that everything was annoying. It was as if she had done what she thought was right and everyone was standing on the opposite side, holding up what they thought was the banner of justice and repeatedly persuading her that what she did was wrong, undignified, and violated the social rules of adults.
While her senior sister was still sending messages on the other end of the phone, Chen Mian immediately put her phone on silent mode and left the half-finished coffee beside her.
As Chen Mian packed her things and was about to find a bus stop to go back to school, Zhao Lili called. As she walked, she listened to Zhao Lili rambling on about the major developments in her relationship with Liu Junjie.
It wasn't until Zhao Lili said she was going out to eat and hung up the phone that they realized something was wrong.
I had been wandering aimlessly for a while, and now I had no idea where I was. Green ivy was creeping all over the wall, and the flowers planted on the balconies and windows of the residential buildings looked like planets scattered in the lush greenery.
Cars were driving by on a one-way street next to it, and the sound of their wheels rolling over the road was interspersed among them.
Countless voices made up this moment, yet Chen Mian stood there, suddenly unsure of where to go.
A kindergarten child, carrying a yellow backpack and wearing a yellow school uniform, held her mother's hand and saw Chen Mian standing there motionless. She asked, somewhat confused, "Is sister lost?"
The child's mother was on the phone handling business when she heard this and casually replied, "Your sister can find her way home by herself. Just go your own way."
The children, having received the answer, happily sang the song their teacher had taught them, passing by Chen Mian.
It's as if it has temporarily lost the ability to walk, or as if it is the only stillness in a dynamic scene.
In that instant, Chen Mian wondered where she should go.
There are many things I haven't finished. The debate I prepared for a long time has been temporarily put on hold because I couldn't communicate well with the other side. I also need to set aside time to study various legal provisions, legal papers, and browse social events.
Time seemed to be wound up, and she dared not stop for a moment. She used her free weekends to do part-time jobs, and the money slowly went into her bank account. However, the numbers did not bring her a sense of security. On the contrary, her desires were fed bigger and bigger. She went from just wanting to be independent to just wanting to save up enough money to buy a house.
Wanting to win the school's scholarship, she dared not be slower than those who were smarter and more capable than her. Every day, she was the first to arrive at the library and the last to leave. The only time she missed a class was last week when she had a fever and her roommate took her to the infirmary. Even when she had menstrual cramps, she would hold a cup full of hot water against her stomach and force herself to finish class. Her stubbornness was indescribable, as if she was proving to someone that she was indeed striving to be better.
However, just like right now, all the motivational platitudes that encourage one to strive to become a better person have been blown away by the wind, leaving only waves of nameless bewilderment.
It became: And then?
You buy your own house, receive a school scholarship, and even become an outstanding graduate—but then what?
The future seemed like a vague and untouchable void, and for a moment I remembered what Yao Yao had said: Is death really the end of life?
From birth to death, all the time in between seemed to be a pre-programmed sequence. Standing here, Chen Mian looked back on her past eighteen years of life. Grayness almost dominated the entire color scheme. The only splash of color was during the time when she moved into Shengshi Haoting in her senior year of high school. She could see lush green plants when she opened the window and birds perched on the treetops, chirping incessantly every day, full of vitality.
There's also Shen Yu, whom you can see as soon as you open the bedroom door. Sometimes he sits on the sofa playing games, sometimes he sits on the carpet watching the game. He looks at her as soon as he hears the door open and lazily calls out the name Chen Mian.
The phone I was clutching in my hand suddenly rang at that moment.
Just as Deng Momo called out Chen Mian's name on the other end of the phone, wanting to ask where she was, she heard Chen Mian ask her, "If... if I'm fickle, and I throw away things I think are unimportant, but at this moment, I suddenly feel... reluctant to let go, wouldn't that be too much? Shouldn't I... not do that?"
Deng Momo was taken aback by the question, then laughed, "No way."
"People can make mistakes. They can have test papers with wrong answers, take wrong turns on the road, and have many mornings when they don't want to get out of bed. Why do you have to be the perfect person in other people's eyes and do perfect things? You can be capricious and selfish. These are all allowed."
"It's not excessive or wrong, it's just a matter of what you want to do and what you don't want to do."
There were no particularly significant moments or events.
The male protagonist was not seriously injured. The female protagonist suddenly realized that she could not lose him. Moreover, the touching deeds that the male protagonist had done in secret were all known to the female protagonist at this moment. All of that was non-existent. It was just an ordinary afternoon, even the sunlight carried the chill of early winter.
But on this ordinary afternoon, Chen Mian took the wrong turn and inexplicably stopped here. Inexplicably, she thought of many things, and inexplicably, she remembered the Shenyu that she had been avoiding thinking about.
Then all the ordinary things became meaningful; the wind was no longer the wind, the flowers were no longer the flowers, and the ivy became Cinderella's magic.
Then someone else chimed in, telling her that being fickle is acceptable, that people can make mistakes, and that she doesn't need to always be perfect and become what others call a perfect persona.
It was as if countless fluorescent lights had accumulated together, becoming fireworks that burned across the sky by the sea on a spring evening.
Chen Mian hung up the phone, turned around, walked quickly to the roadside, hailed a taxi, and opened the door to tell the driver about Tsinghua University when she suddenly heard someone call her name from behind.
—"Chen Mian".
And she turned around.
She could still hear the driver asking her if she wanted to go.
But in her eyes, there was only Shen Yu standing not far away, looking at her.
Thus, all the ordinary events became the final scene in TV dramas and comics.
Like the first light of dawn, all darkness is dispelled, the timid protagonist finally regains his courage and defeats the dragon, the knight who has gone through countless hardships finally takes the princess's hand, and Snow White and Prince Charming dance happily at the ball.
At that moment, countless starlight slanted towards her, turning the roadside overgrown with weeds into a section of the Milky Way.
It wasn't until Shen Yu walked up to her, helped her close the back door, and then apologized to the driver that she wasn't leaving.
He grabbed her wrist and led her back onto the sidewalk.
In his usual nonchalant tone, he asked her if she had gone mad.
All the light seemed to come from him.
Chen Mian reached out and slowly, gently, tugged at the hem of his clothes.
Shen Yu lowered his eyes to look at her fingers.
Then he heard Chen Mian say to him, "I was originally planning to come find you."
Shen Yu's Adam's apple bobbed as he looked at her lowered eyes, her eyelashes appearing golden in the sunlight.
She gave a very soft "hmm".
"I have turned down many people."
"I know."
“I study hard and read books every day. I have a list of things to do and exams to take. I have thought about what kind of person I want to become and I keep pushing myself to work towards that goal.”
She tugged at his sleeve, head bowed, and watched as raindrops pelted down.
Her voice seemed to be interrupted by raindrops as she spoke to him intermittently, "But, but, there's no way, Chenyu, it's so hard to work hard. I'm not the top student in my major, and life hasn't been smooth sailing. I thought, I thought going to university meant freedom, that every choice had a price, and that moving towards the future meant she had to shed all her shackles."
"But...but in the Sinking Realm...I also feel that the road to the future is really tiring..."
Before she could finish speaking, someone reached out and pulled her into their arms.
All the wind was blocked behind him.
All the starlight and fireworks vanished.
At the end of the light lies the warm embrace of the deep realm.
He didn't know, and didn't quite understand, what kind of thought process she went through to cause this emotional breakdown.
She also failed to say the right words to calm her down, like Zhao Lili or Deng Momo did.
He just stood there, letting her hug him and vent all her negative emotions.
Then he chuckled softly, as if there was nothing he could do and even a hint of helplessness.
Finally, he reached out his hand, as if to soothe a tantrum-throwing child, and ruffled her hair.
"Don't cry, Chen Mian, I'm here now."
He doesn't understand anything.
But he walked towards her.
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