Chapter 6 (6)
Yu Jia felt it was unfair.
She had originally thought the matter was over. With three people in three different places, their home didn't feel like home anymore, but at least they could handle it calmly. But the day before, when they were talking on the phone about Sisi's studies, Yu Jia had mentioned a trip to Europe. Li Ren objected. Yu Jia deliberately called it "revenge spending." Since she wasn't getting any care from her husband, and she had to take care of everything, it was okay to spend more of his money. He should compensate her.
Women all do this. If they can't catch the person, they can catch the money, and the men are still helpless.
Didn't Li Ren threaten to kick her out? Yu Jia felt he was a bit contradictory on this point. Since he had said he was going to kick her out, and now he was holding onto her money so tightly, she could have just taken the money and gone out to play without asking for his opinion. She had given him a heads-up out of respect.
Yu Jia also faced a major problem. In the past, Liren's salary card was in Yu Jia's hands, and he wasn't too fussy about money. Of course, he had some private savings, but she didn't care about them; they were "side income." She had to be extremely careful with her regular income, managing everything from food and clothing to social interactions. She had to have money in her hands.
But this month, no money was deposited into the card. When she checked at the bank, they said it had been cancelled. Yu Jia couldn't help but call Li Ren to question him. Li Ren wasn't thrilled, saying that since he had changed employers, he also needed to change his salary card. Yu Jia asked, "Really? Didn't your old employer still pay you? Why change?"
Liren then said, "I am now officially transferred, not seconded."
Official transfer? How could they forget to mention such a big thing? Outrageous!
"how long?"
"Five years." He said calmly, "We'll take it one step at a time."
"Don't go too far."
"What's the meaning."
"What should I do? Don't you think about me? I spend all day..." Yu Jia couldn't continue. She herself found the words unpleasant.
"It's the same old story."
"I won't divorce! Give up on this idea!" Yu Jia grasped at the last straw.
"The only one who will suffer is yourself." Li Ren said bluntly.
"disagree."
"Think about it again."
"I said I don't agree! If we're going to die, we're going to die together!" Yu Jia burst into tears. She couldn't control her tears. Two rivers surged across her cheeks, rushed over the corners of her lips, and turned into a free fall.
"You're unwilling," Li Ren said, "but have you ever thought about what good it will do to yourself? You don't even know how terrible your possessiveness is."
Why? Scary? Is she a ghost? If she is, it’s also because of him!
"I'll go next week." She made up her mind. She was going to resign. Marry a chicken, follow the chicken; marry a dog, follow the dog. What's the big deal about going to the Northwest? Just go. Even if we have to live in a cowshed, we're still husband and wife. She couldn't just let him go like this.
"Jia Jia——" His tone seemed to soften a little.
"What? Are you scared?" She became stronger.
"I have just made some achievements. Your coming will only cause more trouble. You can't be unreasonable." He advised.
"You're the one being unreasonable!" Yu Jia roared, "A man wants to abandon his wife after becoming successful. How can that be justified?! Tell me the truth, do you have someone else, right?!"
"You're hallucinating! You should see a doctor!"
"Okay, I'll go find the organization and let them judge the matter. I can't control you, but there are people who can." Yu Jia insisted.
"The organization doesn't have a rule against divorce!" Li Ren regained his composure. "Alright, you've been exposed. Your true colors are revealed. Take a look at yourself in the mirror. How can I live with you if you're like this? You're a control freak! You're crazy!"
"Hello?! You appear to be righteous on the surface, but you are actually filthy and dirty behind the scenes! You don't even know who you are!"
Out of control, completely out of control.
Li Ren understood that she was referring to that "little stain" in his life, and then sneered, "Why? Don't you know why it's like that? It's because I have no interest in you at all! I'd rather touch a piece of pork than you!"
Yu Jia felt as if her heart was instantly pierced with thousands of holes. She screamed in pain, "Di Liren! I will never divorce you even if I die! Let's die together!"
perish together.
For the entire night after the war broke out, this word kept running through Yu Jia's mind. She wanted to grab a knife, rush to the northwest, stab him with her eyes closed, and then commit suicide. But then, her sense of responsibility took over. She had elderly parents and young children to take care of; she couldn't die.
Then resign! She'd go to the northwest to talk. She wanted to put down roots there, talk to the leaders, petition the authorities. No, no ...
Even eating becomes a problem.
Director Zhang passed by and saw Yu Jia clutching a letter. He casually asked, "Whose is it?" Yu Jia quickly put it away. "It's nothing." She hurried to the bathroom, found a stall, closed the door, tore it up, and let the flood wash it away. She couldn't resign.
Dejected, he returned to his seat when his phone rang. Yu Jia answered. It was a man's voice. After listening for a while, he realized it was the office director of Li Ren's former unit. He asked Yu Jia to go there when he had time and collect Li Ren's commendation certificate. With the transfer, these were just minor details that needed to be dealt with immediately.
The certificate lay on the coffee table, bright red and eye-catching, as if protesting to Yu Jia. Yu Jia collapsed on the sofa, her limbs limp, like a dried shrimp. She was so unrestrained when her husband and daughter were not around. On weekdays, she had high standards for herself in sitting, standing and walking. Orderliness. Yu Jia discovered that she liked orderliness, an orderly home environment, orderly relationships, and an orderly life. The actress she admired most was Yamaguchi Momoe. After becoming famous, she immediately returned to her family and never made a comeback. However, that required the cooperation of Yamaura Tomokazu, and Li Ren was not her Yamaura Tomokazu.
For years, she'd tried to subsume Liren and Sisi into her own system, but Sisi remained single-minded in her pursuit of success, while Liren remained relentless in his upward mobility. From student union president to a career in the big city, Liren remained true to his original aspirations. He lusted for power, but he was also willing to sacrifice himself to serve the people. He was a good person to everyone except her—to her, he wasn't afraid to be a bad guy.
What about herself? She used to be so elegant. She sang Kunqu opera, wrote prose, and painted watercolors. The character "嘉" in her name, first seen in bronze inscriptions from the Western Zhou Dynasty, originally meant beautiful, and extended to mean auspiciousness, happiness, and joy. Now, even she didn't like herself. Worse still, she realized she had changed, transformed by life, by Li Ren, and by Sisi.
There was a knock on the door. A package was delivered. Yu Jia picked it up and realized it was the dresses she'd bought for the carnival. Three more, she'd chosen one, then returned two. Disgust. A sick feeling welled up in her stomach. Why was she doing this? It was just a dress, wasn't it? Was it worth all the effort? Who was she saving the money for? Did Sisi care? Did Li Ren buy into her plans? Or was he just saving it in his own pocket? She was so determined to give, but no one was willing to accept her love!
Yu Jia took a deep breath. No, this couldn't happen. She had to hold on. She had to rediscover her true self, bit by bit.
Life is a struggle, a subtle process. Don't claim victory even if you win, and don't claim defeat even if you lose. Confront it, Di Liren! Yu Jia encouraged herself again: No divorce! Never!
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