Yan Xun talked a lot tonight, seemingly more than he had in the past month. He asked about Mu Lang's army's food, how many people were in his family, whether his parents were alive and well, how many children he had, whether he had ever been to school, how many wives he had, and even asked him with a smile whether the prostitutes in the military brothel were pretty.
Mu Lang was shocked. He had never had the chance to meet Yan Xun before, and all he knew was hearsay. Now that he saw how approachable he was, he felt more and more that his original choice was the right one. As for the woman who dared to betray His Majesty and join Bian Tang, she was even more ungrateful.
We chatted like this until late at night. The drum sounded three times. Yan Xun seemed to be a little drunk. He half leaned on the couch, chatted lazily, and gradually fell silent. Mu Lang thought he had fallen asleep, so he picked up the quilt beside him and covered him with it, then carefully left the tent.
The big tent became quiet again. It was so quiet that one could hear the soldiers humming the long tune of Yanbei in the distance. It echoed melodiously in the night sky, carrying a chilly feeling, circling around. The man opened his eyes in the darkness. His dark pupils were as clear as water, without even a trace of drunkenness.
I am the only one left again.
It was empty and cold all around, with no one around. The wind outside was blowing, and it was obviously warm, but when it blew into the tent, for some reason, it felt a little chilly. He was lying alone on a wide soft couch, with a brocade quilt, a gorgeous fur coat, a jade pillow and a pearl curtain. The incense in the incense burner was swirling upwards, and the light and pleasant fragrance filled the tent and was inhaled into the nose, having a calming effect.
However, in this gorgeous high bed and this quiet warm spring night, he was the only one there. Just like that night many years ago, she was taken away and boarded a huge boat, heading south. He stood on the city wall of Beishuo Pass, gazing at the white ribbon, the vast plains covered with snow, the mountains and rivers like iron, but she finally escaped from his grasp and drifted away from him.
In fact, he had already anticipated the future situation when he was still very young.
She has always been just and kind. No matter how dangerous or difficult the situation is, even if she is covered in pain, she will never give up her expectations and hopes for the future. At the beginning, he was the one who kept encouraging her, but gradually, she started to support him. She described their future to him, she told him her ideals and ambitions, she told him her political views and hopes. No matter how dangerous the situation was, she could always find a solution and teach him sword and archery skills, as well as military law and political strategies. Wu Daoya was nominally his teacher, but he learned much more from her than from anywhere else.
She was his mentor and friend, his family support, and the only woman he had ever loved in his life.
However, the more this happened, the more uneasy he felt, and the more worried and afraid he became. He didn't know when it started, but he suddenly realized that maybe one day they would go their separate ways, and one day she would leave him.
When did it start?
Maybe it was when she sympathized with the slaves, maybe it was when her relationship with Zhao Song became increasingly close, maybe it was when she explained to him the stability and prosperity of the future society, or maybe it was even earlier, he couldn't remember clearly. He just vaguely knew that one day in the future, he would eventually disappoint her, hurt her, and shatter that precious trust and dependence.
Therefore, he tried every means to exclude her, to get her away from the military and politics, not wanting her to see his bloody hands, not wanting her to see his hideousness and cruelty in using any means to achieve his goals.
He is not a hunter who breaks the wings of a white eagle, but a night owl destined to fly in the dark night. When the long night passed and the world began to be distinguished between black and white, he began to be afraid.
A deep laugh sounded in the darkness. His eyes were slightly intoxicated. He suddenly remembered when he was a child, the insecure teenager asked over and over again: "Will you stay with me forever?"
The girl smiled brightly, looked up and asked him, "Will you bully me?"
Will you bully me? Will you bully me? Would you...
He closed his eyes, and the crisp sound was like rolling waves, surging in from all directions.
I want the best for you.
But I think the best things are not what you want.
A crisp sound suddenly came from the darkness. Yan Xun undid the buckle on his right arm, and the silver black iron arm guard fell off and dropped to the ground. The faint pearl light shone on it, with a luster like colored glass.
It was a gift from Zhao Song to her. There was a pair of them, and she gave one to him. He wore it for more than ten years.
"When I decided to set off, I knew that you were destined not to belong to me in this life. You were born for the light, but I have too many bloody ideals, so I want you to submit to me, obey me, and follow me all your life. Unfortunately, I still failed in the end." He laughed silently in the darkness.
To achieve any goal, one must pay a price, and he has already paid it.
“No one wants to live a mediocre life. The question is, when an opportunity is presented to you, do you really dare to take it?”
In the darkness, the man's voice was low and hoarse, like an old man who had experienced several reincarnations. He lay on the golden fur couch, with mellow wine spilled on the table, giving off an intoxicating aroma. He was dressed in a brocade robe, and his mouth silently grinned in the darkness, his smile like that of an innocent child.
“Zhuge Yue, do you dare to accept it?”
“I can’t do it.” Zhuge Yue looked at the man in front of him with a firm gaze and a calm tone.
Zhuge Muqing's hair was completely gray and his skin was wrinkled. Just a few short years had consumed all the energy of this old man. He was like a pool of dead water, without any sign of life. He just stared at his son with bloodshot eyes with his final madness.
"Zhao Che has been defeated, and Zhao Yang can't hold on for much longer. Now in the entire Great Xia, you are the only one who can turn the situation around. As long as my Zhuge family abandons Zhao Yang now, he will surely be defeated and collapse. When the time comes, you will raise your arms and call for people from all over the world to respond. Then you will be the number one in Great Xia. Ten years later, my Zhuge family will be able to defeat Yanbei and ascend to the throne of the Nine Cauldrons!"
Zhuge Muqing’s eyes were red, like a mad beast, staring straight at his son, grabbing Zhuge Yue’s shoulders with both hands, and shouting: “Yuer, the future and destiny of Daxia, the future of our Zhuge family, all depends on your thoughts!”
Zhuge Yue looked at his father quietly, not saying anything for a long time.
My father has grown old and is no longer the far-sighted and aggressive leader of the family. He has become vain, stupid and crazy.
In his entire life, he seemed to have never been close to his father. He lost his mother when he was very young. During his childhood, he walked alone in the huge Zhuge mansion, as quiet as the shadow of a tree. It was not until he grew up and gradually stood out among his peers through his own efforts that his father, who had too many women and too many sons, took a second look at him.
But later, he fell, got injured, and survived a near-death experience, but his family ruthlessly abandoned him.
Until he came to power again and brought glory to the family, they still chose his brother and wanted to kill him. This is his family, his relatives.
However, he still couldn't completely hate them.
Just as Wei Shuye said, no matter how much disgust and rejection they had, they were, after all, children of aristocratic families, and had enjoyed all the glory brought by their families since childhood. Likewise, they also need to bear the responsibility of the family.
After all, he is his father, the father who gave birth to him, taught him, was happy for his achievements, and glad for his progress. Even though he was once ruthless and cruel, he still gave him a peaceful and prosperous childhood. When he was too young to protect himself, he stood in front of him, protecting him and the entire family.
“Father, I can’t do this.” Zhuge Yue took a step back, bowed his head to his father, and bowed deeply. “Human hands are only this big, they can’t hold everything.”
The candle flame crackled, and the light shone on his face with a pale golden glow. He looked at his father calmly and said quietly: "I am grateful for my father's upbringing, but I can't do this. Daxia still has other generals without me. Father still has other sons without me. And if Xing'er loses me, there will be no hope."
He bent down again, facing the father who gave birth to him, raised him, abandoned him and killed him, with a calm look and a peaceful expression, "Father, take care."
Zhuge Yue turned and walked away. The candlelight shone on his back, making him look so tall and strong. Zhuge Muqing stared at his son blankly, his eyes were ashen, his lips were half open, and his hands were still grasping his shoulders.
At this moment he suddenly realized that perhaps from today on, he would lose his son forever.
He lost this son who was favored by him and whom he had high hopes for, but who repeatedly let him down, who was whipped by him, abandoned by him, driven out of the house by him, and even assassinated by him.
The years passed between this father and son. The wind blew in from outside the tent, lifting his gray hair and blowing across his hunched back. He suddenly grew old and could only stretch out his hands in vain, unable to pull back the time that had passed so mercilessly.
Zhuge Yue walked very slowly, step by step. From a long, long time ago, he knew that there might come a day when he would tell others in this way what he truly cared about.
It’s not about ambitions to be king, it’s not about leaving a name in history, it’s not about climbing to the top of the mountain and looking down on the world alone.
All he wanted was for her to be alive and well, where he could see her.
Because there are things he wants to protect, he keeps telling himself to become stronger. But if the things he wants to protect are no longer there, then what is the meaning of everything he does?
In his life, he would never do anything that he would regret.
The curtain of the big tent was drawn aside, and he stepped into the military camp shrouded in moonlight. The cold wind blew on his face, making him suddenly more sober than ever before.
The world can be lost and taken again, an army can be disbanded and reorganized, but the dead cannot be resurrected.
Zhao Che's words before leaving echoed in his ears again: "Recognize what you really want and live for yourself."
His friend, after being betrayed by his brother, was attacked from all sides and suffered a complete defeat, but he still came all the way to see him in such a situation, just to say such a sentence that was irrelevant to the overall situation.
The troops outside the camp have assembled and everyone is ready to go. Zhuge Yue took a deep breath, strode forward, turned over and jumped onto the horse's back, "Let's go!"
The grass was fluttering, the horses' hooves were clattering, and they were galloping quickly towards the distant ancient Bian Tang.
The vast territory and the majestic imperial power, everything is before your eyes.
It's not that he doesn't dare, but that he doesn't want to.