The covered bowl in Yan Ning's hand fell to the ground with a thud.
He didn't believe her.
Yan Ning forced back her tears, stood up angrily, and walked to Fukang'an's side. Staring at Fukang'an's expressionless face, she said, "I wish you a long and happy life together!"
She strained with all her might to finish the sentence, word by word.
He could be angry with her, annoyed by her, but he couldn't distrust her. In this place where she shouldn't exist, he was her only support. And for his sake, she hid her guilt towards Xiao Yingzi, suffering the torment of her conscience in the dead of night.
Yan Ning walked to the door, her foot slipped, and she fell to the ground. Her loose hair bun fell to the ground with the soft strands of hair.
The beaded curtain, torn apart by Fukang'an, cast fragmented light on Yan Ning's face, making it impossible to find any tears.
Zhu Xiang and Ming Xin helped Yan Ning back to Jiangongzhai, but she didn't get a single glance from him. He just stood there with Wu Chun in his arms, looking like a newlywed couple.
She fell ill the day Yan Ning left Chun Ying Garden. Doctors came and went, but after four or five days, she still hadn't gotten better.
When Xiang'er, heavily pregnant, came to Jian Gong Zhai to see Yan Ning, Yan Ning was nestled in a brocade quilt, holding a bowl of medicine and staring blankly. Xiang'er pinched her haggard face and said in a teasing tone, "Now you understand the feelings of an abandoned woman!"
Yan Ning placed the medicine bowl back on the tray untouched and told Ming Xin to take it away. Ming Xin glanced at Xiang'er, unsure how to react. Xiang'er nodded, signaling her to leave.
Mingxin bowed and left, closing the door behind him. Only Xiang'er and Yan Ning remained inside.
Yan Ning gently touched Xiang'er's belly and said in a sorrowful tone, "Now you have something to look forward to, but I've reached the end!"
Xiang'er slapped Yan Ning's hand away, somewhat angrily, "One Wu Chun has made you like this, what about Wu Xia, Wu Qiu, and Wu Dong in the future? Let's see how you deal with them!"
The sentence was forceful, yet reasonable.
Yan Ning's current state of mind was one of seeing only the laughter of the new and hearing no cries of the old. She was angry that Fu Kang'an didn't believe her.
Upon returning from the palace, she could now recite those previously difficult-to-understand ancient sayings fluently and effortlessly. She also gained a new understanding of power and status; things that seemed insurmountable before could sometimes be resolved simply with a word from someone of noble birth.
Just as an emperor's single act of execution can claim the heads of hundreds, that is power.
Yan Ning didn't want to be like those other women, nor like General Fu Heng's concubine. But now, wasn't her situation no different from Xiang'er's?
Xiang'er gently pulled her into her arms. She didn't know when it had started, but she had come to regard Yan Ning as a very good sister. "Yan Ning, you are different from me. You are the general's beloved! I am just a spy he uses to control the Mingqi Sect." With a sigh, she showed no emotion. Xiang'er had long seen through all of this.
Bodhi has no tree, nor is the bright mirror a stand. Originally there is nothing, so where can dust alight?
The troubles of the world are not caused by the love affairs of three thousand strands of hair, so what's the use of cutting them off? Although three thousand strands of hair are on her neck, they are nothing to Xiang'er.
"Yan Ning, after I give birth to the child in my womb, whether it's a boy or a girl, would you be willing to raise him/her?"
Yan Ning looked at Xiang'er, who was looking very serious, but her mind was elsewhere. "Xiang'er, what do you mean by that?"
Xiang'er smiled faintly, a hint of color returning to her face. "It's better to be raised under the Madam's care than under a concubine's!"
Upon hearing this, Yan Ning felt relieved. "I will definitely treat him as my own child!"
Zhao Xing embellished Yan Ning's condition and reported it to Fukang'an. He could no longer sit still in Chunying Garden and went to Jiangongzhai at dawn.
The early autumn dew dampened Fukang'an's long robe. He walked very slowly, but his heart was pounding in his throat.
Zhu Xiang was guarding Yan Ning's bedside when she saw Fu Kang'an enter, and her eyes widened in surprise. She handed the handkerchief in her hand to Fu Kang'an, then curtsied and withdrew.
The candlelight mingled with the dawn's light, and he could see Yan Ning's feverish face clearly. Her murmured words were still his name, and she clutched the handkerchief with his writing on it tightly in her hand.
Fukang'an was moved; she was, after all, just his woman.
As Yan Ning murmured in her sleep, tears streamed down her face. She had finally embarked on the irreversible path of vying for the emperor's favor, and she had to feign illness just to win Fukang'an's attention.
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